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7.06.2005

Where did all my friends go?

Aside from all the pain and frustration I have, I think I mostly just miss my husband. Being apart like this is so hard on both of us, and I want to go home so bad sometimes. I’m at a point in my life where I really need him, his love, his support, and his hugs. I am getting too stressed out over a lot of insurance things and searching for a plastic surgeon – and he is what keeps me centered. He is my rock, and it is so difficult to go through this without him by my side, especially when there are a lot of things that I am upset and frustrated about – insurance, doctors, and the lack of what seems to be most of my friends and their concern and support. It’s bad enough my husband can’t be here with me, but to have people who are my friends, not send emails, not reply to emails, or call to see how I am doing really not only hurts me sometimes, but down right pisses me off! I feel so alone and very frustrated and so stressed and pissed off and it seems like I do not have any friends who want to spend time with me to help me get my mind off things. Trust me, no one understands more than I that life is hectic, but we’re talking about cancer, and while I may not be dying (at least not now, or at any time soon I hope), this is my life from here on out – a major life threatening, life altering illness. It could have happened to any one of my friends, the odds are just the same. According to an article in US Weekly (6/6/05 -pg. 71) a woman in her 30’s has a 1 IN 229 CHANCE OF DEVELOPING THE DISEASE. It just so happens that I was the unfortunate soul left alone with only my family to help and provide support, and thankfully I have them (with the exception of my worthless brother Bobby and his family), but every once in a while, it would be nice to have a girlfriend to talk to, to shop with, or to do something I used to enjoy doing with. I’ve always said that this whole experience has really put things into perspective for me, and it has – not just to not take things for granted, but now I know who my real friends are – those who stood beside me. Trust me, when I look back in my scrapbook, these are not the memories I want to have. I always thought I would be surrounded by friends trying to help, holding my hand, giving me strength. I know no-one wants to deal with cancer, but it’s not contagious. It’s not going to get you. You should embrace it, because as women, we all need to support our boobs, because no-one else will.

2 comments:

Lisa said...

I also wanted to add that it really made me think about things when you mentioned your freinds and people really havent been there for you. I feel bad. No excuses, but we get caught up in the daily day and forget how precious this life is and precious freindship is too. I know what it feels like when noone shows up to your party and when it feels that you are there for everyone but noone seems to be there for you when you need them. Its unfortunate that I've been unable to take the time to see you while you ve been in Vegas during your treatments and to celebrate with you when you were done. Give me another chance if you could, I'd love to see you before you go back to Elko, even if its for a short visit or just a hug :)

Kip said...

My friend Polly, whom I teach with, went through all this 2 years ago and had a lot of the same feelings you have expressed. I remember one day when the other teachers were complaining that Polly wasn't coming to their classes like her schedule said (she's a Math Specialist that works in all the classrooms)and they were pissed off. Polly wrote them an email and basically said, Shit guys- I have cancer and I'm going through chemo and you're complaining because I missed your 30 minute class once????? She was beside herself and I totally agreed. People just don't get it when it doesn't happen to them.