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Why is it that things never go as planned?

Here's another day coming and going that I won't scrap. The dog groomer is here and I'm waiting for Lexie to be done - then I'm hoping to head into town to hit the mall or Target, if I have time. Yesterday my day consisted of bills and reconciliation. I may not be an accountant anymore, but old habits die hard - it's month end and still the same ol' routine nonetheless. Tonight I'm supposed to go to Sam's Club with the neighbor to buy things for our Halloween block part.....yeah, I'm giving up an evening of Grey's Anatomy for Sam's. Sick I know? Tomorrow my day is shot cause Natalie's school is hosting their Octoberfest, which is more like a Halloween festival. Then I have to prepare the meatballs I plan to make for the party, set up or help with the whole thing, then trick or treating. Yay! Doing it in our neighborhood is definitely going to be different for us. Usually we go to the other side of town where like a whole sub-division holds a block party. We'll see how this pans out. It's hard to get everyone involved, especially since we don't know those who live outside our particular area. So needless to say there won't be hundreds here like we're used to!

Earlier I checked in with my oncologist to find out if he had gotten my samples and or test results yet cause I was supposed to see him on the 3rd - but he doesn't have everything, so my appointment got pushed back to the 10th. Great, another week trying not to wonder and worry. least for the sake of my own sanity! Then on the 12th I will finally get to see my plastic surgeon. It's been like 3 months I think - and despite my best efforts, I have been unable to "push" my expanders into place. Not sure if he'll be happy with that - all I know is my left one is really bothering me. I'm tired of it pushing on my rib! But I am hoping to have details to tell regarding my treatment, though I think that my surgery or injections will still get pushed off for another month or two. I say that cause though the redness from my radiation burn is gone, I am still pretty dark brown - like a nice summer base coat tan. I also think it will get pushed back cause I wore a bra a while ago, in hopes of "pushing" my expanders away from my ribs. Well the under wire left me with some kinds of mark. Not quite a bruise, but it was reddish, then brown and took well over a week for it to fade. So we'll see.

Also, over the last 2 weeks I have manage to completely give up my hardcore soda addiction. I switched it for tea. I figure sweetened tea has less calories than consuming 3 sodas a day. Well I can surely tell that the tea has more caffeine in it. Three glasses a day and I can feel my heart thumping in my chest. So I think I may need to cut back on when I have my last glass, though not much really affects my sleeping these days. But it must be working cause Natalie told me that she can tell I have lost some weight - and I have, a bit...though I'm sure that my drinking 6 Coors Light with the neighbors didn't help matters any!


Scrappin' is Good Therapy for the Soul

Having a clean(er) room is having it's benefits. Rather than stress while I wait to see my doctor; wonder or worry about my test results; scratch or pick at my face from anxiety; or let the things that people say or the way in which they say them bother me....which is all sometimes easier said than done - I am instead taking full advantage of my workspace and supplies in an attempt to use what I've got and keep myself preoccupied. Now granted I am only putting a minuscule dent in things, but it's the whole process that counts. Being creative and crafty is a good form of therapy! Now, the bigger dents will come once I locate and purge all my duplicated supplies, which I have tons of - but that is a job that will have to wait till a later date. Right now I'm just tickled to have created a page every day since Sunday....and while a page a day is awesome, I'll just be happy if I continue to do at least one a month - though I think I may skip working on a page today to pay bills (blah!) and write up a "Personal Promise" story for Fight Pink. I think it will do wonders and hopefully keep me from that brink of depression. As it is, I totally overlooked that yesterday would have been my mom's 19th wedding anniversary....hopefully I won't overlook the fact that tomorrow is my sister's birthday!

Anywho, here's another completed page. Yes, I'm trying to go back to the beginning and scrap some of the pages from Natalie's baby years. Oh, I also posted pix of my cleaned up studio on Flickr. Enjoy!


Fight Pink

I was contacted by Fight Pink, who asked about featuring my story on their site. You can check it out here.


Putting my supplies to use

Since I have all this clean, open space - I just couldn't resist!

When my neighbor gets home from school, he's coming over so I can make him a card for a baby shower for his aunt. It's the least I can do since he helped me clean- - right?


If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were.
When they were growing up; what with walking
Twenty-five miles to school every morning. Uphill... barefoot...

BOTH ways

Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,
There was no way in hell I was going to lay

A bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it

And how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of
Thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my
Childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you
Don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something,
We had to go to the damn library and
Look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write
Somebody a letter, with a pen!

Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox
and it would take like a week to get there!
There were no MP3' s or Napsters! You wanted to
Steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the
DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you
Were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school,
Your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you
Just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video
Games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games
Like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You
Actually had to use your Imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or
Screens, it was just one screen

And you could never win. The game just kept getting
Harder and harder and
Faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a Little book called a TV Guide to find out what was
On! You were screwed when it Came to channel surfing! You had to get off
Your ass and walk over to the TV to change the Channel and there was no
Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons
On Saturday Morning. Do you Hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK
For cartoons!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat
Something up we had to use the stove ... Imagine that!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids
Today have got it too easy.
You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted
Five minutes back in 1980!

The over 30 Crowd


How I Spent My Day....

In between loads of laundry, I decided to put me clean studio to use. Now I need to finish up writing my cancer story so I can email it to a breast cancer site that wants to feature it. I'll be sure to post a link once it's up!


My desk is clean

Plus you can see the surfaces of my work tops as well as the floors.
Simply amazing. I think between laundry I may just scrap a page or two.

Finally Clean

Today my neighbor helped me clean up my studio. Things aren't as
organized as they could be, but at least it's clean. It was a real eye
opener. I realized that I have way too much stuff. No more buying
supplies for me. Not for a long while! Next time we'll work on
sorting out the drawers of stickers, dies, emblies and the two big
totes of stamps so I can find all the dupes I have and work on
reducing all the excess I have - which believe me is a lot!


Awards at school

Natalie has been really improving at school lately. Last week she was
awarded "star student" for her class and today she got a medal for
perfect attendance! I'm so proud!

Things On My Mind

Friday after my horrid day, I spent the night relaxing - enjoying my pizza and beers. I truly think it helped me de-stress a bit. Out of boredom I stumbled upon the premiere of Crusoe. OMFG, I think it's my favorite new shows of the season. It was awesome. The man was truly a genius! If you haven't heard about this new series, I highly recommend checking it out!

Saturday I just lounged around most of the day, sick in bed while Ruben cut the grass and stuff. We went out to dinner afterwards, as it's been a while since we had a nice dinner "out." I had a lobster and for the first time that I can remember, I didn't like it - what a waste of a dinner. I'm not quite sure if I just didn't like the way it had been prepared or if I just lost my taste for it. One of my mom's favorite foods was lobster, so maybe I was sad....though I do think I've had it since her death.

Sunday morning I woke up with the thought that I royally screwed up. Thursday Natalie and I went and got our flu shots and not even thinking, I allowed the nurse to stick my right arm which is a BIG no-no. Since I have no lymph nodes in my right armpit I'm not allowed needle pokes or blood pressure to be done on that arm cause it could lead to serious infection. I'm going to have to call the doctor and ask if I need to follow up with any antibiotics. I can't believe I blanked on it. I guess cause the lady told me that it's better to get the shot in your right arm if your right handed. Damn it's been 3+ years and this is the first time I have made a mistake or forgotten. Hopefully it won't turn into anything serious!

This morning I dropped Ruben off at a rental car place by the airport. He'll be out of town till Thursday, which means he'll be missing tomorrow's Hornets pre-season basketball game. He was supposed to go with the neighbor across the street - he got free tickets from a co-worker, but instead the neighbor will now be going with someone else since it is a school night and not something Natalie and I could do.
I've also started thinking today that I might just go ahead and call my doctor's office and tell them regardless of my test results, that my doctor should just go ahead and get things ready so I can do chemo. I still would rather not do it, but I just don't see that happening - and rather than delay more time, I should just do it and get it over with. Of course we need to take our Christmas photos first....not sure when or where we'll do them at this year, but since I don't want to be bald in them, then I need to figure it out!


Some OLD ass pictures

This post is for Lora, who recently posted a cheerleading picture of her daughter and a super old picture of her dressed up for Halloween.

I don't have many pictures from my childhood anymore - not since my mom got rid of everything she owned to move to Mexico before dying. I knew somewhere I had a cheerleading picture from when I was about 5, but I had no idea the things I would find when I looked through a pile of pictures my mom gave me. It was a walk down memory lane. Though I can't recall much of my childhood, I do have more pictures than I thought I did, proving that I did actually have one. I posted some on Flickr, that y'all will get a big laugh at - but below are pix from my days of being a cheerleader and one the only Halloween I can remember dressing up. Enjoy the laughs.

Events that make for a bad doctors visit and day.

  • Your favorite leather wallet broke cause you have too much crap in it.

  • Your new watch broke after only a few months.

  • You find out that you had/have two different cancers.

  • You find out your current cancer is not a recurrence, but rather a SECONDARY occurrence.

  • The doctor wants to run some tests on 3+ year old samples that your insurance may not cover.

  • You doctor decides to do a BRCA I and II gene mutation test to see if you're a carrier that ultimately may affect your child's life and future.

  • While performing said test, the nurse has to poke you twice and fish for your collapsing vein just to get some blood.

  • Your vein is collapsing cause your sick with a cold and dehydrated.

  • You get snubbed by a breast cancer survivor group who is having an event in the hospital you are at upon asking for info on the charity.

  • You go to the mall to pick up your wedding ring and indulge in a little retail therapy, which results in a watch bought that is too big and a new purse that is too now you have to go back to return the item and pay to have links removed from the watch.....but if you wanted to pay to have a watch repaired you would have repaired the one you've got!

Also, I have FINALLY posted pictures of our house all decorated for Halloween now that we are sans bushes. Check out the rest posted at Flickr!


Thoughts on this mornings visit....

I just saw my oncologist this morning, hoping to hear my blood tests were ok and that I could skip chemo. Instead he pointed out some differences that suggest my recurrence was actually a secondary occurrence. The only real differences I saw were in my DNA Pliody and S Phase results - oh and my PR status was 0% instead of the original 5-10% I had back in 2005. I don't know what any of Bloom scores or what have ya, but I did note that somewhere in my original diagnosis back in '05 that they detected both invasive ductal carcinoma and in situ, though I was only told about the invasive. Is it possible to have both? Or is it just that you have one that grows to invasive? I don't know why I didn't think about these things earlier - but he also decided that he wants to see if he can get ALL my samples sent out for an Oncotype DX test. I guess it's good that I have a doctor willing to go back and look for all the answers, but I can't even imagine that they still have my samples from February let alone 3+ years ago! And let's hope my insurance covers the test cause it runs $3,000 a pop! I don't understand what an Oncotype test will tell him cause bottom line is that after 3 years I have cancer again despite a mastectomy and chemo. Isn't that test used to predict your need for chemo and if the cancer is likely to return? Also he pointed out that my pathology has two small but different words to describe my cancer - one was moderately well and the other poor though I don't recall reading that anywhere. That's another reason why he thinks this is a secondary. Then he also decided to do a BRCA I and II gene test and now my world is in panic. I was always told that since no one in may family ever had cancer I likely didn't carry the gene and that was that. But now it's possible I may have the gene and I worry about if I do have it, as that would affect my daughter. She's only 8 and has been affected by cancer enough. I mean having her was an accident, so knowing then wouldn't have mattered. But when I think about if I have it and passed it on to her and how that might affect her decision to have kids and generally her health overall, I'm just terrified of the aspect of it all. I always wanted to know why I had cancer, but the flip side is I'm not sure if either of us should know if she's a gene carrier. I was hoping for good news today, but as it stands I will have to wait another 2 weeks then maybe go from there depending on if they have the samples and can do the test. He changed his mind and said he'd recommend chemo now and I told him that if I have to do it then I will, I can't dispute science. I just don't understand why the results would even matter considering that bottom line I was diagnosed with cancer again 3 years after originally having it.

When Life Gets Tough.....Go To Mo's

Saw my oncologist this morning then ran some errands while I was on
the westbank. My appointment didn't go as planned - which I'll explain
later when I get home. So my simple solution to a not so great day?
Retail therapy, then a cold Coors and hot, steamy pizza from Mo's.
Hopefully things will be better this weekend and I won't majorly
stress over the next two weeks :)


My Own Worst Enemy & Other Nonesense

Last night I finally caught up with the premiere of Christian Slater's new show My Own Worst Enemy. Unlike Knight Rider it rocked. Watching it reminded me how much I love Christian Slater - and seeing his nice tight abs has me thinking maybe I should put him back on my list! He still looks incredibly like Jack Nicholson, I hear he does a good impersonation too. Oh, and like Robert Downey Jr. I am glad to see he's making a comeback after past indiscretions. It seems that the original Hollywood bad boys were blacklisted for years cause of something they did, but Lindsay Lohan can come along and get 2 DUI's and get busted for coke in one year, but every thing's ok just cause she went to rehab. Our society is deeply warped on what is considered as acceptable behavior now.
So seeing him reminded me of one of my favorite lines ever which was from his character in Robin Hood with Kevin Costner, when he says "fuck me, he cleared it", I swear it's my all time favorite line....more than any Toy Story quote! Not too long ago Ruben & I were watching the Legend of Billie Jean and we were cracking up cause he's so freaken young in it....then of course that movie raised the whole question on whether or not he is truly related to Helen Slater, who plays Billie Jean. I think it is his sister, but I'm not 100% sure. I loved him in Kuffs, Pump Up the Volume, Heathers, Untamed Heart, True Romance, Very Bad things and 3000 Miles to Graceland. He has a knack for playing weird, dark, disturbed characters. So I'm excited to see what he'll do with this role as a split personality who is a government CIA operative. Kinda like a twisted Bond maybe? If the stupid NBC site worked, I would say head over there and catch up on the episode online - but it seems to be down at the moment. So you can check out the episode on instead.

Oh - and here's a little tidbit I picked up on who sooooooo has the story wrong. They are reporting that the Saints fans worship Kim K's ass - "In the three New Orleans Saints games Kim has attended this year (including Sunday's game against the Raiders), her man tied an NFL punt return record, set his season high receiving mark and scored 5 of his 8 TDs. Take that Jessica Simpson!! (**cough, cough, jinx, cough**)And get this -- right after Reggie racked up another 2-TD game yesterday, Saints coach Sean Payton gave Kim a big hug. He did the same thing last week when Bush broke off two electrifying punt returns on Monday Night Football. Saints Nation has caught on too -- we hear the fans are chanting her name at home games. If only they watched "Dancing with the Stars."
Uh, I was at that game and I can tell you NO ONE was chanting HER NAME. Lots of BUSSSSSSHHH and DEEUUUCE but not Kim - and we had damn good seats a couple rows up from the end zone. I asked Ruben if we didn't hear the crowd from where we were, then how in the hell would she have heard it from the box seats? I love gossip and all, but dude get your story straight. Kim K is a skank and Reggie could so do so much better than her. Again, it goes back to our warped society. She, like Paris films a sex tape and leaks it and suddenly she's a celeb? WTF? Back in our day she'd just be a ho, not get her own reality TV show cause of it. Gee thanks Ryan. In your quest to rule Hollywood, you're filling our TV's with crappy shows about no one of substance. I think maybe it is time for Seacrest to actually be "out".


Random Thoughts

  • Yesterday's game was AWESOME. When I posted the picture below, it had been during the 1st quarter when the Raiders were leading. By the 2nd quarter they had turned it around, intercepted the ball and kept the Raiders from scoring again. We won 34 to 3. I tell ya, I'm not a big fan of football, but I'm glad we went. I had a great time! Ruben was conflicted and regretted going at first, but once the Saints picked up their game he was glad to be there. Reggie Bush had a good game scoring two TD, and Deuce McAllister led with 65 yards. We had a guy sitting next to us that had flown out from Oakland to see the game and man was he in a pissy mood, though I can't say that I blame him cause he shelled out a chunk of change just to watch one big loss!
  • By time we got home we were tired, but ran out to hit the store anyway. When we got home we watched some of the Cowboy/Cardinals game. I tell ya, from what I've seen Romo just sucks. They blame his performance on Jessica Simpson, but he choked when he dated Carrie Underwood too. The dude just can't hold his wad. I was surprised to learn they had made a comeback and tied it only choke again in overtime. Poor Lora!
  • Once we finally settled in for the night my ankle was throbbing with pain. Something about my right knee and left ankle, still isn't right after injuring them over 4 months ago! Guess I will need to see the ortho doctor once again.
  • I see my medical oncologist this Friday and I am on pins and needles! I so hope he did not change his mind and that my blood tests came back ok. I really do not want to do chemo and I'm hoping he sticks with his original idea. With October being National Breast Cancer Awareness month, our local news is featuring breast cancer stories all through-out the month. The one I saw today has me thinking about asking for genetic testing. I may be the first in my family to have breast cancer, but according to today's feature, women who are in their 30's that get breast cancer is often due to the mutated BRCA gene. I'm curious if I am a carrier as that will affect Natalie. So come Friday I just might have to ask my doctor about the blood test. Before I always thought that there was no way I could or would have it, but now I wonder as this story made it sound like it is a big possibility.
  • Also, on the news was a story about how the New Orleans arena football Voodoo terminated their operations. That really bites cause we have lots of fun going to those games. Hmm, I wonder what the ol' perv's gonna do - he's always there taking pictures of the Doll cheerleaders.
  • Oh, I woke up this morning feeling sick again. My nose was all stuffy and my throat hurt like hell. Though my throat coulda hurt from yelling yesterday. I'm going to have to check around to see where Nat & I can get our flu shots at this year. I've been so sick off and on over the last month that I want to make sure to I'm protected from the flu.....especially if I do have to do chemo, cause then I really can't afford to get sick! My throat hurting might have been avoided had we remembered to bring this loud horn thing we have with us. It's some thing you blow that has like 4 horns on it and it's one of those annoying things that's like super freaken loud. Other than a game, I can see no other use for it. The thing is so annoying we had to hide it from Natalie, so I guess that's why we always forget it! In any case, I think my throat is wishing we had remembered it yesterday!


Enjoying a Cold One at the Dome

So far the game sucks, but the beer is good...though expensive.....


The New Fall Schedule

Have any of you other TV addicts noticed there are lots of new shows this fall that are totally kick ass? I'm still thoroughly enjoying my old faves like Chuck, Heroes, Office, Gossip Girl, Grey's Anatomy, Californication, Entourage, Dexter, My Name is Earl, & CSI - though this may be my last year of watching CSI if William Peterson leaves! My DVRs are so full they can barely handle the load!
On top of those old seasoned favorites, I've also found love in some of the new shows debuting this season like Fringe, The Ex List, & My Own Worst Enemy. I started watching Knight Rider, but it's not as good as I had hoped for and a hot looking man can only keep your attention for so long. The show killer for us was when KITT started regularly "transforming". I mean Transformers is like one of my favorite movies, but this is a totally different concept. Seriously a mustang that can transform into a F-150 while the passengers are still in it.....yeah right! I'm not feeling it, though the lead playing Michael Knight is HOT!
I just caught up on The Ex List and so far I'm really liking it. Good looking guys and the quest for Mr. Right - yeah so it's a "chick show" but that's ok cause I really like the lead character Bella Bloom, who's played by Elizabeth Reaser. She did a season on Grey's Anatomy. Oh, I'm also so stoked to see Christian Slater come to the small screen in My Own Worst Enemy. I'm hoping it won't be a disappointment like Knight Rider is! One night after House, I caught an episode of Fringe and decided I liked it though it is a little out there - it involves J.J. Abrams, who also does Lost, but unlike Lost it doesn't just go on and on without answers. Fringe ultimately has a bigger picture, but each episode is nicely wrapped up - so it doesn't seem like it's dragging on. Joshua Jackson makes for a good lead, and I think I like him better in this role than I would have if he had joined the cast of Grey's as he was rumored to be doing before the Writer's Strike last year.
So far it looks to be a busy season - and I like how some shows aren't coming back till Winter. I hate the off season cause nothing is on to watch, so hopefully this delay will help make the off season not so boring.....though there is so much more we could be doing with our time than watching TV. But here in Louisiana it's too damn hot and humid in the summer to do anything outside, and even now that it has cooled off just a tad, the damn mosquitoes are preventing us from doing much after dusk. Supposedly the found the West Nile Virus in some of the mosquitoes in our area, which is freaken frightening! Ruben and I spent a few minutes outside last week to try to work on the Halloween display and each got a couple dozen bites in that short period of time. What's really bad is the parish sprays twice a week, yet it doesn't seem to be killing them! Speaking of Halloween, I've got to get with Ruben and find out when he's going to finish up the last of the decor. One of the light strands went out, so he's gotta figure out what went wrong. Tomorrow afternoon we have the Saints vs. Raiders game to go to. We're so looking forward to it. I'll post some pix tomorrow from the game. Should be fun!

Oh, by the way.....check out my new widget to the side, the Neopod. It's a trial run thing, so we'll see if it stays, but lemme know if you like it!


The Mailman Brought Me a Surprise

I got a box in the mail today from my mom's old neighbor Linda. I wasn't expecting anything from her so imagine my surprise when I opened it and found this pink ribbon cookie cutter and card from her. It's funny cause I had just been telling my neighbors about the carrot
cake she used to make for my birthday. I needed this gift from her more than you could imagine - since I have been feeling a bit depressed lately. Linda is kinda like my other mother since my mother passed away 2+ years ago.
Not only was this gift a great pick me up, and an awesome way to celebrate breast cancer awareness month - but the timing was perfect cause every October when my parents anniversary comes around I tend to feel like an orphan (since after my mother's death
my step father disappeared from our lives and we haven't seen or heard from him since) so it's a nice reminder that I am loved.

The funny thing is that my mother's name was Linda as well - and the two of them became close friends after meeting in a casino. Shortly after, Linda and her mom moved from California and bought the house next to my mom's. I guess sometimes these kinda things are just meant to be. I'm lucky to have someone like her in my life. I know she's always concerned about my well being, and is always there for me if I need her. Like I said, she's my other mother =)

Still Feeling Flu-Like

I've been feeling kinda ill the last few days. My whole body aches, I'm tired, I've been sick and I'm just drained both emotionally and physically.
First we'll start with the emotional stuff. I was feeling kinda down due to some problems with old and new friends. I think I was sort of getting worked up over nothing. I'm stressed as I wait for my test results to find out if I have to do chemo, plus I've had some sort of stomach bug twice in the last 5 days. So I may have over-reacted a bit, but I think that what it boils down to is that I'm just going to have to cut some of my losses. You can't make people want to be or stay your friend. It breaks my heart that they don't make time for an occasional phone call, or that they never really return my email or text. I understand they have families and lives and all, but I guess that either old friends just aren't that important to them anymore or over time you just grow apart. So for now, all I can do now is enjoy those few that do make time for me - like the ones that return my calls and my neighbors for starters, with all the block parties and occasional beers after work. For the most part I'm just gonna stop wasting time on those that have no time to spare for me - I'm also gonna stop putting myself out there so much. If people want to be my friend, they know where to find me. A friendship after all, is a two way street.
For now I'm just going to rest up, so I will be better in time for this weekend. Ruben scored some tickets to the Saints game on Sunday against the Raiders. Our new neighbors across the street are going with us. Ruben is so stoked cause prior to moving here he was a HUGE Raiders fan - which makes me wonder just who he'll root for to win. I'm hoping that he'll finish up the Halloween decorations tonight so I can get the rest of the photos taken and get them uploaded - it all depends cause the mosquitoes have been especially vicious lately and he's still working on trying to get the neighbors wi-fi to work. I'm not sure why he is having so many problems with it considering it's a new router and the same one we have! my only plan is to make dinner and cozy up in bed till I stop hurting. With all this being sick, I'm thinking my WBC count is down cause how do you get a stomach bug twice in one week, along with a head cold and flu-like aches & pains? Maybe a nice hot bath will help make me feel better!



Imagine how amazed I was to see this today when I went to Wally World
to buy more Halloween lights! I filled up my tank last week for $3.49
damn it!
I just hope gas continues to go down but I doubt it will.

Scary Groundbreaker

This dude sits on the edge of the path going up to our front door.
He's fairly sensitive and sure to scare the wits out of someone this

Lighted Ghoul

This fella hangs on the side of our porch.
I think I like decorating for Halloween more than Christmas.

Getting Ready for Halloween

Here is a picture I took last night of our side yard. I'll upload more
pix of our decorations once we put the finishing touches on everything.


Deep in a Funk

The last few weekends I have been feeling really great thanks to our new neighbors. I've finally acquired more energy since radiation ended and to top it off, I've even been venturing outside of my safety zone - which is a HUGE deal for me! BUT - I woke up this morning and realized I'm kinda sinking back into my old funk. Over the last few days or so some things have happened that have gotten me upset, and I find myself feeling depressed once again. I'm hoping it will pass - but I'm thinking that even if I do work myself out of this funk, the events that put me here will still remain - leaving me prone to easily fall back into the funk again should something happen again.
Ruben says I am just being sensitive - and he's partially right. My big thing is that I have really put myself out there and I have tried so hard to be nice, and to make friends. I have offered my help and whatnot to others - and what I have received in return is basically squat - some have blown me off, or turned their backs on me, and some even seemed to just reject me and my help. With some it's like I have to force a conversation with them - like they don't want to talk to me, others seem to run hot and cold....friendly one minute, not so much the next. Some act as though I am beneath them....which is silly, but it still hurts nonetheless. It's kinda like high school once again. But you know what? Regardless of how they "act" all superior to me, it doesn't matter to me if they don't see me as being fit or beautiful or that they think they are better cause I'm just a jeans and t-shirt kinda person. I must say I'm pretty damn comfortable with myself and my life. I went through that period when I bought all the expensive, nice clothes and I had to have lots of new beautiful jewelry - the mani's and pedi's and expensive highlighted beautiful hair. But then I came to a point in my life when those things just didn't matter that much to me anymore. My values changed, and so did I, I guess. It doesn't mean that I don't value or respect myself. It's just that I value my comfort more. I'm not totally vain (though I do have bouts where I am! LOL), and I surely don't need or want to come off as ostentatious, or pretentious - I'm trying to make friends or keep the ones I have, not offend everyone. I have nearly all I could ever want or need in my family and the many wonderful things we have- and there is no reason whatsoever for me to be parading it around for all to see. I'm just not that kind of person. I just happen to be a very down-to-earth, reserved person - who's very friendly and loyal once you get to know me - and this whole thing just has me feeling depressed, like I'm just not good enough for any of them - yet they don't even know *me*, and it hurts!!!!
Or maybe like Ruben says, I'm just being overly sensitive and I'm reading too much into things and blowing things out of proportion. He says to just give it time - that eventually my true friends will come forward, like they have in the past - and hopefully my neighbors will continue to come through for me to cheer me up in the meantime. What do you think? In the past I couldn't have cared less about this type of stuff - whether someone liked me or what others thought about me - but all my real friends live so far away so there's that time difference, plus they work during the day......I would like some other people in my life other than my family. But is it worth trying so hard? Or maybe I'm just picking the wrong type of people to be friends with....


October Is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

Now is the time to remember to do your self-exams and schedule your mammograms, as October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please remind all your loved ones and friends!