Scrappin' is Good Therapy for the Soul

Having a clean(er) room is having it's benefits. Rather than stress while I wait to see my doctor; wonder or worry about my test results; scratch or pick at my face from anxiety; or let the things that people say or the way in which they say them bother me....which is all sometimes easier said than done - I am instead taking full advantage of my workspace and supplies in an attempt to use what I've got and keep myself preoccupied. Now granted I am only putting a minuscule dent in things, but it's the whole process that counts. Being creative and crafty is a good form of therapy! Now, the bigger dents will come once I locate and purge all my duplicated supplies, which I have tons of - but that is a job that will have to wait till a later date. Right now I'm just tickled to have created a page every day since Sunday....and while a page a day is awesome, I'll just be happy if I continue to do at least one a month - though I think I may skip working on a page today to pay bills (blah!) and write up a "Personal Promise" story for Fight Pink. I think it will do wonders and hopefully keep me from that brink of depression. As it is, I totally overlooked that yesterday would have been my mom's 19th wedding anniversary....hopefully I won't overlook the fact that tomorrow is my sister's birthday!

Anywho, here's another completed page. Yes, I'm trying to go back to the beginning and scrap some of the pages from Natalie's baby years. Oh, I also posted pix of my cleaned up studio on Flickr. Enjoy!

Still Feeling Flu-Like

I've been feeling kinda ill the last few days. My whole body aches, I'm tired, I've been sick and I'm just drained both emotionally and physically.
First we'll start with the emotional stuff. I was feeling kinda down due to some problems with old and new friends. I think I was sort of getting worked up over nothing. I'm stressed as I wait for my test results to find out if I have to do chemo, plus I've had some sort of stomach bug twice in the last 5 days. So I may have over-reacted a bit, but I think that what it boils down to is that I'm just going to have to cut some of my losses. You can't make people want to be or stay your friend. It breaks my heart that they don't make time for an occasional phone call, or that they never really return my email or text. I understand they have families and lives and all, but I guess that either old friends just aren't that important to them anymore or over time you just grow apart. So for now, all I can do now is enjoy those few that do make time for me - like the ones that return my calls and my neighbors for starters, with all the block parties and occasional beers after work. For the most part I'm just gonna stop wasting time on those that have no time to spare for me - I'm also gonna stop putting myself out there so much. If people want to be my friend, they know where to find me. A friendship after all, is a two way street.
For now I'm just going to rest up, so I will be better in time for this weekend. Ruben scored some tickets to the Saints game on Sunday against the Raiders. Our new neighbors across the street are going with us. Ruben is so stoked cause prior to moving here he was a HUGE Raiders fan - which makes me wonder just who he'll root for to win. I'm hoping that he'll finish up the Halloween decorations tonight so I can get the rest of the photos taken and get them uploaded - it all depends cause the mosquitoes have been especially vicious lately and he's still working on trying to get the neighbors wi-fi to work. I'm not sure why he is having so many problems with it considering it's a new router and the same one we have! my only plan is to make dinner and cozy up in bed till I stop hurting. With all this being sick, I'm thinking my WBC count is down cause how do you get a stomach bug twice in one week, along with a head cold and flu-like aches & pains? Maybe a nice hot bath will help make me feel better!

I'm tired of waiting to see doctors and get results!

It's been weeks since my plastic surgeon broke the news to me about the re-occurrence of breast cancer. Since then I have been stuck with dozens of needles, injected numerous times with nuclear medicine, spent hours waiting and fasting, had several tests and scans done, and practically jumped through hoops just to get my tests results. None of it's been easy - it's caused many headaches and lots of stress! Many of the oncologists I've contacted won't agree to schedule an appointment till they review all of my medical records. As if I have all the time in the world!?! Doctors can be so insensitive some times. Does it ever cross their minds that maybe, just maybe, the patient is so worried and stressed that they need to get in with a doctor ASAP for their own peace of mind? I'm tired of waiting and want to start chemo NOW! But before I can even do that I will need to get another Port-a-Cath put in my chest. So it looks like I'll be doing even more waiting before treatment can begin! As it is, it could be anywhere from the 31st of this month till the end of next month before I even get in to see an oncologist. Then there will be more tests to do (Abdominal CT, MRI, Muga Scan and Dexa Scan just to name a few) - and I will have to find a general surgeon to place the Port, so I doubt seriously if I will be able to start chemo before May. So even MORE waiting!! Argggh!! I'm so stressed and I feel so sorry for my family for having to put up with me. Lately I have been drinking some Margarita Daiquiri's from Fat Tuesday. I figure a (mildly) mixed drink a couple times a week won't hurt me - besides it helps to relax me a bit, but still I am so stressed - and not just about this, it's everything - bills, money, family, cleaning, school - all this little stuff is getting on my nerves and I can't hardly relax. But the good news is that Ruben has to go to Lake Charles for business - about 3 hours away, so the rest of the family is going to tag along since Natalie is out on Spring Break. It will be a nice little "mini vacation" to get away from home, forget about my problems, do a little shopping (I found a scrapbook store there - YAY!!!!), and when he's not busy with his business meetings we plan on driving over the border to Texas in hopes of finding some really good tacos and carne asada like we had in Ensenada. Maybe if we have time we might drive the 3 hours from Lake Charles to Galveston. I remember going to Galveston as a child and feeding the seagulls. I don't recall what else was around there, I just remember it was beautiful there and I hope that it still is since we will be driving another 3 hours the opposite way from home. I look forward to exploring new places, taking lots of pictures, and hitting up some of my favorite stores to pamper myself - oh and let's not forget some (hopefully) awesome Tex-Mex food! I crave some homemade fresh guacamole like the kind found at Pink Taco. Mmm, I can't wait! I think this would be just what a doctor would order! A few days to get away, relax, eat good, and shop! Hopefully when I return I will be feeling better and not so worried about all this medical stuff. Despite all the stress and stuff, I am still quite hopeful - hopeful that everything will work out for the best, and things will get straightened out soon!

Oh, almost forgot. I took a load of pictures this weekend and they're all on Flickr....enjoy!