I'm still here

It's been nearly a week since my surgery for bi-lateral breast reconstruction. My right side, where they placed a tissue expander, and in which the breast tissue had been removed previously, is healing quite nicely. I've already re-gained most of my strength and range of motion on that side. My left side, however, is a whole other story. The incision site still looks pretty gnarly, and overall that side still hurts like hell! Obviously given the surgery, I expected a longer healing time, and more pain. They removed my left breast tissue prior to placing the tissue expander, but since it's been almost a week since surgery, I thought I might at least be up and about by now. My guess is that since my draining tubes are still intact, my mobility has been limited as well as my pain increased. These damn tubes make it impossible to be comfortable, so I am still bed-ridden. According to the follow-up I had with my doctor on Friday, I couldn't have the tubes removed as they are draining more fluid than he would like. I have to wait till it goes down significantly before he will agree to remove them. In the meantime, I have to watch them closely, as infection can travel back up the tubing and my course of anti-biotics is over. I'm hoping that I will lose the drains by mid-week, or weeks end at the latest! My concern over the healing incision has teetered back and forth. The one time I looked at it, I freaked. I'm scared of the possibility of another failed reconstruction, although this would be a first if it happened to the left side. Either way I don't want anymore surgeries than I have to have! Ruben heads back to work tomorrow, and his Mom left today, so we're a little worried by the fact that I am still bed-ridden. Of course Danny is still here to help, but he can't take me to the doctor's or to run errands. Natalie has to be enrolled in school, as the school year starts on 8/15. So much to do, and no time to do it in! I can't wait to be feeling better, and be back on my feet. I have so many projects on my desk that I would rather be working on, instead of just lying here watching TV and sleeping half the day. But I can't risk scrapping even one page and pulling a stitch. I'm being extra careful this time so I don't botch this surgery. I wonder how many more weeks of this I have before I am in the clear?

Home from the Hospital

Well here I am post-operation. They discharged me late yesterday afternoon, despite the horrible painful feeling I still had in my back/shoulder blades/armpits. With the way I had felt, I didn't even think I would be able to get off the bed to go to the bathroom, as I was unable to even reposition myself in another position. So for the first two nights I was miserable being unable to move, stuck in the same spot for like 8 hours straight.
When I woke up today after spending my first night at home, I was feeling better. Still a lot of sore areas that hurt (I imagine that those spots will hurt for a while) but I managed to get myself out of bed to go to the bathroom without Ruben's help. I think that the majority of the pain I feel in my armpit area is from these damn tubes I have. I really hate drain tubes, but I hope that this will help to ensure a successful surgery. The tubes and the few staples I have in my right breast will probably be removed. I'm hoping that this is when he will start the saline injections. The right side will need lots of time and enough saline to fully stretch to size, the left side will need less than the right side. The reason why the left side isn't already the correct size, is because the mastectomy I had done was a skin sparring, so a good layer of breast tissue had been left behind, leaving behind a small area for the expander. But at least this way I get to choose the size that I want. I just hope that when I have them swapped out for Implants in a couple months, that it won't hurt as bad, or feel as bad as then!

Now I must go pass out, I've been fighting it for the last hour. Hopefully this post makes sense!

Day 365.

It's been a whole year, yet it still feels like yesterday. It makes me wonder if the pain will ever really "go away".

I remember stopping by the night before. Natalie and I had just gotten Panda Express to eat. It was your first night in the hospice. Natalie and Grandpa walked around, while I sat there hoping you would wake up before I left so I could talk to you. They had you pretty drugged up, so you never awoke before we left.

The next day as I was just preparing to get ready to go see you, Vince called. I knew before he even told me. Guess I just knew from the sound in his voice that something was wrong. As much as we all knew this day was coming, nothing could prepare me for the pain and shock of it. At the time, Ruben was at home in Elko preparing for a move, but came down as soon as I called him. I didn't know how to tell Natalie that Grandma was gone. She was so angry because she never got to say good-bye to her. I told her that even though Grandma had been sleeping, she still heard us last night when we told her that we loved her. I know that really didn't make things any easier or better, because I myself had the same anger she did.

I left her with her Uncle Danny, while Ruben's other brother drove me to the hospice so I could see her one last time. Once inside her room, I just stood there looking at her lifeless body, not wanting to believe what I was seeing. I waited for my brother's wife's kids to leave the room - there were too many people in the room and I wanted a little privacy with her before I left. So once they exited the room, I walked over to my mom. At first I was really freaked out because her eyes were open, and I just couldn't bare to look at her like that - and I wasn't about to try to shut her eyes. So anyway, I ended up putting my sunglasses on her since it was the only thing around. I remember the bed being pretty low to the ground, because I got on my knees, leaned over, and just laid on her chest and cried. We had a deal. She promised me that she would fight for her life and not give up as long as I did the same.

Part of me just wanted to die that day. Part of me did die that day, and in it's place grew anger. Anger for the insurance companies for not approving a transplant sooner. Anger for these stupid TV shows like House that make it all look so easy - oh, you need a new organ, let's get on that stat! and voila within 24 hours they've been saved. Anger that she had to go so quickly, diagnosed in February, died in July. I know life's not fair, but even cancer patients get better odds, and most end up beating those odds too! But most of all, I am angry that I will never again hear the phone ring, and it be her. For years I took her calls for granted, and at one point when they were daily, they drove me insanely angry. And now those calls are the one thing that I miss most in life.

"They" say that the first year is the hardest. I'll agree that it definitely hasn't been easy. I know that I probably should start working on letting go of some of this anger, but deep down I'm afraid that if I let go of the anger that I will also be letting go of her. I know that sounds kind of dumb, but I'm just not ready yet. I'm afraid of forgetting, and there is so much I want to remember, and so much I've already lost. I miss you Mom.

I gave this photo of her that we had used during her Memorial Service, a "Vintage Hand Tint" look using Adobe Photoshop CS2. So far it's the only thing I have taught myself how to do.

The count down is on.....

Ruben survived another birthday on Sunday, although we did the actual celebrating on Saturday. I took him shopping, got him some new clothes as that is the one thing he doesn't regularly buy . He didn't really need anything else, and we had been out looking for some furniture anyway. Afterwards I took him to dinner at Hooter's as we were both wanting some wings. I've never been inside a Hooter's and I have to say I was very un-impressed with this location here. Those girls were not busty at all, nor were they showing cleavage. Yeah their shorts were short, but a few girls had more than a couple inches to pinch - like I'm one to talk about their pudge, with my big ol' ass! I guess I was just expecting a different experience. So anyway, that was Saturday, then on Sunday we basically just cozied up in bed all day while it poured rain outside, and watched some old shows on the DVR, and had cake. Yeah, 34 is like so not exciting. I'm not really looking forward to it in 6 months.

So now it's mid-July. In another 4 days it will be the 1st anniversary of my Mom's death. I'm really not looking forward to it. Her birthday alone was hard enough for me this year. Although with Ruben's mom and brother flying in on Sunday morning, and with going in for my surgery on Monday, I won't have much time to think about it. This 1st year certainly has not been easy. The one good thing to have come from her death is the re-newed closeness I now have with my sister and brother. I just really miss her phone calls sometimes, and never in my life would I think that I would say something like that and mean it so much. Life is so strange and unfair at times.

Finally, I think things are set to go....

After a few very stressful days, and multiple doctors appointments, I have finally found a new General Surgeon to perform my Mastectomy. ...and this doctor is just no GS, he's a Surgical Oncologist, so he's definately qualified. I feel very good with the decision of putting my breast in his hands. He discussed things with me no other GS had. I have a feeling if I had went with one of the others they would have performed a hack job simular to the one the GS did up in Elko when I had my left breast removed. He told me what my risks would be if we did a nipple sparing operation, and a skin sparing operation. After hearing my odds, I decided I don't need to keep my nipple. I mean why? They have to reconstruct one, why not two? But we are doing a skin sparing even though it still leaves me with some risks, otherwise I'd have no skin and would have to have a tissue expander placed on the R side to stretch out that skin as well. Uh, no thanks. The pain of one side being forced to stretch by way of weekly saline injections is enough for me. It just means I will have to continue self check-ups on a regular basis, oh well. At least it eliminates the very lumpy breast tissue I currently have, and the panic I feel each time I feel the smallest lump that is nothing. Besides, if I am to have my own set of floatation devices, I'd rather have two than one. As long as my boobs aren't under my chin, or a uni-boob, I have no problem what-so-ever with looking like I have two halves of a melon on my chest. Hey it might even mean I will get to go braless since they basically support themselves. I mean hell, I don't think that implants are capable of sagging - at least not the first few years. So for those reasons alone, I am pumping them to the max! I miss my cleavage. I miss the breasts I once had prior to losing so much weight (which I am slowly gaining back due to some of my damn medications!)

I think for once rather than fearing this surgery, and being all stressed and anxious over it and the outcome, I am actually looking forward to the end result. Of course that will be many months from now, but damn it, I am going to have new boobs by Christmas (I hope) and I'm excited about that! Just less than 10 more days to go...keep your fingers crossed for me!

I think that I am finally and slowly starting to lift out of this funk, which would be great. I am ready for a manic period. Ruben's birthday is Sunday and I don't want to be a total bitch. I think that even though it is so deadly hot outside, that I need to get more sunshine. I think it really helps my moods a lot. Before this funk set in, I used to go outside at least weekly and cut the grass, or trim the hedges. I'd do whatever I could to help with the yardwork, well at least as much as my physical limitations would allow me. With all my back and leg pain it's hard to do any of that stuff. But since it has gotten so much more hot and humid, I haven't helped with any of that. Of course I am still realing from the side effects of my new meds that I've been on for about 6 weeks. They are kicking my ass and it is difficult at best to get up before noon. I am in desperate need of regulating my schedule.....you can't do yardwork in the middle of the day here, not unless you want a stroke! But I can't let Ruben work so hard this weekend doing yardwork when his birthday is Sunday. So now I guess I know what I will be doing tomorrow instead of being inside and scrapping, damn! Of course I still need to go get him a cake and whatever I need to make him a nice dinner. Man, there's just not enough hours in the day!

I'm so happy I could shop!

Really, I mean I can shop. I was just notified that I won a $20 gift certificate to Scrapbook.com. I know you're thinking "$20? That's not much " But to me it's a lot, it's a huge deal to have won something period! I mean even if it is only $20, it will buy a pack of paper, but that's not the point. The point is that I won something based off of a layout that I had submitted. Granted, it was sort of the luck of the draw, but still they had to have liked something about my layout. They do a search for all layouts posted on a certain day, review them, and choose one based on the criteria that you linked to one tool, one product, and one adhesive (at minimum) in their online store - but you would think that even still there would be hundreds that would fit into that criteria, right?!? This isn't some big contest (like Lucky 7), it's just some contest they started in April. They are giving away one prize a day day till further notice. I won for something I uploaded in June. I'm excited because it's the first time I have won anything for my work, and to me, it is a sign of things to come. The beginning of my scrapbooking dreams/goals being realized and coming true. So while right now it may not be a magazine publishing or becoming a Design Team Member, but in the future it may be if I keep up the hard work and play my cards right. Maybe if I am real lucky, next month I will be notified that I won a prize in the Lucky 7 - hopefully a grand prize.

Keep your fingers crossed and wish me luck!!!!!

Oh, btw - did you check out the new pictures I uploaded to Flickr? I know it wasn't a whole lot, and they aren't tagged or described all that well, or rather at all - but at least they are there for your viewing pleasure. I have some videos to edit and post on YouTube just as soon as I can get to them. Today is my pre-op appt. with my plastic surgeon, the last night of swim lesson (thank god!), and hopefully the day I will find out if I found a new general surgeon - otherwise I have appointments both tomorrow and Thursday, ugh!

I'm Back...

So sorry I've been MIA lately. It's been a whole combination of things. First off there's Natalie's swim lessons, which has ended up being more time consuming than I previously thought they would be. Then of course there was the whole Lucky 7 scrapbook contest - which I am happy to say I successfully completed 7 layouts for just in time for today's deadline! Add in some money drama issues with my brother. Oh, I am also frantically searching for a new General Surgeon to perform my mastectomy on the 23rd, at almost the last minute I found out that the hospital I was scheduled to have surgery at had dropped from my PPO's plan, and my GS doesn't have privileges at the new facility - so I am seeing new doctors almost daily, which is REALLY difficult given that I cannot take Natalie with me to these appointments. I've also had to shop for and buy furniture for both the guest room and our dining room. Add all this stress and anxiety together, on top of being bi-polar, and watch out for some severe displays of manic-depressive. There was so much going on that even I didn't see it at first. About 3 days into it all, it dawned on me that I was having these mood swings and for the first time I think I really understood what was going on, and that I am bi-polar. I do have extreme periods of highs and lows. Of course this means that if I am experiencing such periods of mania or depression, then it means that my medication is not working all that well anymore. So when you hit a low, you don't really feel much like doing anything - no blogging, no getting out of bed, and definitely no scrapping. So forcing myself to do all these things wasn't the easiest, but the time is tick ticking away. There's only a tad more than 2 weeks left before my surgery, after which I won't be able to do much of anything for at least a month. Trying to do something too soon is how I botched my last reconstruction surgery. I really don't need or want another failed surgery - especially since this one is bi-lateral. I can't even imagine how much pain I will be in. I don't understand how women get breast implants. Needless to say, yes I am scared, and that is what you hear talking. Don't worry, just 2 more weeks to go of all this anxiety, then my anxiety level will triple when I get there and they go to start an IV. You'd think by now I'd be a pro at all this surgery stuff, but since my veins are so bad, I am hard stick. The more they try and don't succeed, the more I freak out. I also don't handle pain well, which tends to fuel my anxiety at times. So this is my world, welcome to it. Getting those layouts done for Scrapbook.Com was not an easy task. Half way through I lost my motivation, my drive. Actually I think maybe it was more my focus, and being in a low, depressive state with all my anxiety and stress. Sometimes it just gets so difficult to deal with things, cause it's like having a monkey on your back. So my layouts, to be honest, weren't all that satisfying to me. I just think that I could have done better if I had been in a manic state. But hopefully 1 will catch someones eye. At least I tried and applied myself. I really have to force myself to scrap more often. You know the saying, practice makes perfect. Ruben successfully sold my Craft Robo Pro on Ebay, and I took my money and purchased a Cricut instead. It's much more user-friendly. Just pop in a cartridge and your good to go. I can't wait to play more with it, and the other cartridges I got. Hopefully before my surgery, but we'll have to see how my schedule goes - and if I can get myself out of this funk I'm in. 4th of July was no big to do here. It rained all day, so the BBQ was cancelled, as was swimming in our wading pool. I say wading pool because it's about 2 1/2 feet deep of water. It stopped raining just in time for dusk, so we rounded up all the kids in the hood and Ruben shot off the fireworks he bought out of town. We got about half way through when a cop came by and told us that all fireworks are illegal in St. Charles Parish. He was really cool about it though, he didn't even give us a ticket or anything. The kids got a big kick out of the fact that they were illegal. So that was the end of that, which was kind of a good thing being that the mosquitoes had eaten us up. They are viscous little blood-sucking killers! So in about a week, on the 15th, it will be Ruben's birthday. He's going to be 34, and for about 6 months I will get the joy once again of being the younger one! I'm just not sure yet what to do for the big day. He's already got everything he could want or need. I mean hell, we are grown ups, we buy what we want when we want - it's not like we need a special day for that, so I'm really not sure what to get or do; I mean like other than sexual favors, lol. Tomorrow I will try to update Flickr with some of the newer pictures of Natalie swimming and from the 4th, it's already too late tonight and it's about time to hit the sack and call it a night!

I'm SO Excited!

I know I keep going on and on about this, but it really has been a long ass time since I last scrapped (well, prior to this set!) I just finished and posted my 4th LO yesterday. I had gotten into it so much, that I had nearly forgotten the fact that we had a birthday party to go to. I looked up at 12:30 and said oh shit, the party is at 1:00. Luckily my daughter was already dressed, and waiting to go. Both my hubby and I had showered the night before, and since it was a pool party at our neighbors, it was pretty low key - so getting ready took no time at all. It was hard for me to walk away from a near finished page, but my daughter's friend turned 6 and she was so excited to go swimming and see him. We ended up having a pretty good time, and I finished my LO when we got home. We'll be returning there all this week, providing it doesn't rain, so she can take swimming lessons with a personal instructor. Don't you worry, I'll have that camera with me and I'll be taking lots of pictures just like I did yesterday. You can check out the new LO here. I've got 3 more to do before 7/7 - and after that, well, let's just hope that I finally get this room straightened out before my surgery and can at least scrap 1 LO a week while recovering!
Enjoy!

I'm on a roll now!

I just finished and posted my newest LO, the one I worked on for the past 2 days. I'm glad to be done. The LO I did was sort of meant to be funny. Now I'm gearing up to start my next page as soon as I think of a theme, and find the pix, paper, and other supplies. So much thought goes into what to do - and sometimes, so much time goes into just doing it! I'm going to try to dig a little deeper on this next one. I really want to pull out a creative edge, and do something drastic, and amazing; not just like something you've seen in every magazine. Wish me luck.
And here's the link to my latest page, enjoy!

Another entry made!

Ok, I'll be honest - I didn't just create this layout - But it is a favorite of mine. I'm trying hard to resist any urges to post any older layouts, as I want to take this opportunity to actually scrap. I'm working on a page, and have been for 2 days. I think tomorrow I will finally be able to start putting pieces of it together, and hopefully complete it. Once done, I will let you know where you can find it. But for now, the 2nd entry can be found here - again please give me your honest opinion, and vote or leave comments if you are a registered user of Scrapbooks.Com. Thanks again, I appreciate your support.
Yesterday while I was hard at work on my next big thing, my daughter said to me, "Mom, I'm glad you back to normal and scrapbooking again". It was an odd but funny comment to me. I hadn't realized I wasn't being "normal" already. I also had no clue that my scrapbooking affected her so greatly. So I'm going to have to make some kind of resolution, though I hate that term, that I will continuously scrapbook at least monthly, if not more often. And no, the area is still not organized. In fact I think it MAY be messier for having ransacked through items looking for stuff!

1 down 6 to go!

Well at least if I want to submit as many layouts as possible, per the contest rules. Now, I have not scrapped in quite some time - quite honestly, I don't think I have in at least a year, as I have not done anything since my mother's death. So I'm both excited and nervous. For a first layout I think I did pretty well, but I know that somewhere within me I can do better. And no, my room is not even half way near being unpacked or organized yet. Yesterday I just woke up and started tearing through stuff on a mission to find the perfect paper, photos, and supplies. Like I said, I'm not sure how well I did, but for being rusty, and the first go, I think I did good. Due to contest rules, I cannot post the layout anywhere else for the time being, but if you would like to see it - and more importantly sign up and vote; the layout can be seen here. Please let me know what you think. I need some feedback, as my mind is going in a million different directions and I was up or felt like I was up half the night thinking about scrap related things - layout, titles, colors. My mind was going nuts, and still is. And to make matters worse, I admit ably have too much stuff; too much paper, too many stickers, die cuts, sets, stamps - lots of duplicates. It's no wonder I can't make any sense out of this room! Look for a huge sale coming to eBay soon!

Things are coming together

As you know I've confirmed my bi-lateral breast surgery; I am having a tissue expander placed in the right side, and having the left side removed (by choice) and having an implant put in it's place. It's not going to be fun, but I have to get this done. Worst yet, this is part 1 of a 3 stage process. After this proves successful, I will have 2 more surgeries to look forward to.
As for our child care dilemma, well that's taken care of too. My surgery was scheduled far enough in advance that Ruben's mom was able to take paid DTO to come out for a week. His little brother will also be coming out and staying for a month - which will greatly help out with Natalie. So here we are with a need to hurry up and at least make the downstairs presentable if not finished before July 23rd. We've bought some bookcases, and have mapped out how we plan to re-arrange the furniture. We still need to buy furniture for the guest room, and hopefully a new dining room set with a hutch. Although the ceiling downstairs needs to be repainted, I think it will probably wait till after (who has time to paint the entire downstairs ceiling, then possibly re-paint every room?)
Aside from that, we've gone ahead and found someone to replace/redo both the downstairs shower/bath and Natalie's shower/bath. We only have to replace the sink our self (easy enough, we've already bought the faucets and we have the know how) and replace the lighting (which we've already bought as well, and know how to do), oh and replace the downstairs toilet (we've already done Natalie's). But it will be 6 to 8 weeks before they are ready to start on that, so it won't be done in time for our guests. My upstairs bathroom is a different thing altogether. Since I have a separate jacuzzi tub, and we are wanting to re-do the little shower that is there, it is going to require a contractor who does custom stuff. The people we are using for our other bath's is New Bath and they only specialize in regular jobs. But for the price we are getting both of those baths redone at, we can hopefully afford a contractor to redo mine. Although extending the patio and getting concrete curbing is out, unless we want to slip into our equity fund, which I'd rather not do. I rather enjoy being (essentially) debt free. I just have to keep telling myself I can't have it all right now. Ruben also says that I should stop adding projects until we've finished the ones we've started. He says finish the inside first, then we'll do the outside. It's just that I need a concrete slab poured in order to buy him a shed and have in built, and if I am going to have concrete guys here I want them to do it all. So he's just gonna have to wait on his shed! Besides once we repaint and finish the bath's, we will be essentially done - I don't want to tackle the kitchen just yet. Besides I kinda like the way it looks, though it could use new counter tops. I just would like to add a little stain to some of the cabinets that have faded. I don't want to replace them - I'm not in the bath's, so why do it in the kitchen? I like the aged, antiqued look.
Speaking of fixing things, after nearly 3 years, I finally decided to give up my wedding ring set for 2 weeks so the jewelers could size it. I kinda figured after not wearing it at Disney, that if I could do that then I could send it in. Ruben was adamant that he did not want me to wear any jewelry in the park in case I lost something. Well he must have had a psychic moment cause when the trip was over I went to put on my diamond tennis bracelet and it had broke where the two links come together. Good thing I wasn't wearing it, that woulda been nearly $3000 down the drain! So since I had to send it in for repairs I figured why not send the ring too, problem is that the ring didn't quite come back the right size. I asked for 6.5 and it still feels loose, maybe I'm paranoid, but I don't want to lose a 3kt. ring set, especially since it means so much to me. Each ring has 5 diamonds on it, and it had been an early 5 yr. anniversary present - that and it is a reminder of our Vegas house, which we had just sold and made a large profit from.
So anyway, that is what's going on around here. Father's Day will be low key. Ruben got a new stereo and speakers for his Ram. We'll pretty much be going shopping - Home Depot and the grocery store, and sticking around here cleaning up and moving things around.
Happy Father's Day to all you dad's out there. Have an awesome weekend!
Oh, I also have a new place to showcase all my soon to be made scrap pages. I finally did something with my Scrapbook.Com page, check it out - now if only I can finish my scrap room! That is one thing definitely on the to-do list for this weekend!

In Loving Memory

Today would have been my Mom's 61st birthday if she had not passed away last July from Liver Failer/Chirrosis. Words cannot even describe how I have felt today, but I do know one thing for sure. I do miss her so much. I took for granted so many things in our lives, and now there is no going back, ever. Sure I am still angry with her for some of the things she had done because I didn't agree with them, and I wish to God I would've spoken up in a non-conflicting way then while I had the chance. Just add it to the many other things I wish I would have said when I had the chance. I believe that there are some things that you do not have to say ALL the time, as long as you SHOW it - such as love. But you should always take time to tell someone how much you care about them, appreciate them, respect them, or even that you're sorry, and so much more as often as possible. People need to hear these little things everyday, it boosts our confidence and give us that little pick me up we all need. So today there is so much I could be saying to my Mom, but I believe that she already knows, she hears my daily cries, so today all I have to say is Happy Birthday Mom. I love and miss you dearly!

As a tribute for her birthday, Natalie and I stopped by Michael's yesterday afternoon where we bought a mosaic Inspirations Stepping Stone Kit to make in mom's honor for her birthday. The picture shown is just a stock photo of the kit, but I will be sure to take a few when it's dry. We are actually going to do 2 as we had one of those Handprint Stones that is heart shaped but as a baby, I never could get Natalie to be still enough to put her hand in cement just for an imprint. So now we are going to use the kit and the extra mosaic stones I purchased and make it all pretty and use the stamps from the Inspiration kit and stamp her name in it. Let's just hope these turn out right and not two lumps of cement that look like turds with M&M's in it. As this is supposed to be a tribute and all, so please cross your fingers that they turn out looking beautifully! I can't wait till they are fully cast, so that I can take some pictures for you all!

Pictures

I've loaded hundreds more photos onto my Flickr account to share with y'all. Some pictures are old favorites, pictures of Disney I forgot about, and a new set containing those of my very messy scrap area. I figured that while I am inspired, and wanting to scrap I better take some before pictures so you can see the mess I had to sort through just to make a page. As you'll find, not only are things downright messy, but there are boxes that still need to be brought upstairs in order to be unpacked! It's going to take a lot of hard work and effort to organize this mess, and some of it will have to be done in order to just start a project as I don't even know where to find basic supplies like scissors and glue! Maybe y'all can give me a few ideas, cause while I'm usually an organized person (ask my ex co-workers) I'm not all that into color coding things. I sure wish Cynthia would come help! Anyway, once I've managed to clean up a bit I will be sure to post after pictures as well as whatever layouts I create.

In case you're wondering why the sudden urge to create, well check this out:

Hurricane Season has officially began

Here we are 4 days into Hurricane season and we've already had 2 storms - Sub-tropical Depression Andrea, and Tropical Depression Barry. Luckily neither of those have come close to Louisiana, but in either case, it's not making for a good start. Right now there is a possible developing storm in the Caribbean, which will bring more showers our way at the very least. I myself am tired of the rain. It poured most of the day, and off and on all last week. While the drop in temperatures is nice, the rain itself makes it somewhat difficult to get things done outside - like cutting the ever growing grass and bushes! The federal outlook, announced by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's Climate Prediction Center, calls for a "very high likelihood" of an above-normal season, with between 13 and 17 named storms, of which 7 to 10 could be hurricanes. From 3 to 5 will be major hurricanes with Category 3 winds or greater. News like that just makes me oh so thrilled to be living here. I just started to really fall in love with where I live, then Hurricane season hits. Now I'm not so sure anymore. I kinda liked it better when I lived somewhere were I didn't have to worry about the weather and making sure that we have a emergency evac kit. I mean really, I hate watching the news, and now I have to just to stay on top of the weather. Ugh! But of course there is always this link here that will keep me up to date on the storms. You know with all this, it's really no wonder why I can't sleep at night! But for now it's at least time to go try, so I guess I'll post more tomorrow. I've been trying to clean up my scrap area as I've been inspired. I'll tell you all about it next time. Till then be safe and happy!

Side Effects

Well I have been taking one of my new medications for almost a week now, and let me just say that so far the side effects aren't getting any better. The medication, Lyrica, was given to me to help with nerve pain - although mine is not from Shingles, or Diabetes, as to which it is prescribed. My pain doctor gave me this medicine stating that it would help with the effects of chemo. I'm not sure how chemo and nerve pain go together, but I know that I do experience quite a bit of nerve pain - but my nerve pain is a result from both my mastectomy and my carpal tunnel release surgeries. It's weird cause I have been experiencing "phantom pains" in my breast area for 2 years now, not to mention the extreme sensitivity/pain I feel along my arm. This medicine thus far has somewhat made more sensation in those areas, although it is not supposed to. I've been told in the past that one day I may regain some sort of feeling in these areas, but there were no promises. I'm not quite ready to call it quits just because it is causing more nerve activity just yet. I think maybe I just need to get used to this new drug in my system. But with the other side effects it is known to cause, I'm not sure how much I will like this new medication or if the benefits outweigh the side effects. These are the effects it has been known to cause:
SIDE EFFECTS that may occur while taking this medicine include dry mouth, constipation, gas, headache, dizziness, drowsiness, or lightheadedness. If they continue or are bothersome, check with your doctor. CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR AS SOON AS POSSIBLE if you experience mental/mood changes; confusion; loss of coordination; muscle weakness; bloating or swelling of ankles, feet, or hands, sudden weight gain; unusual bruising or bleeding; unusual tiredness or weakness; muscle aches, pain, or tenderness; fever; speaking problems; or inability to control urination. CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY if you experience a fast or irregular heartbeat or changes in vision. An allergic reaction to this medicine is unlikely, but seek immediate medical attention if it occurs. Symptoms of an allergic reaction include rash, itching, swelling, severe dizziness, or trouble breathing. If you notice other effects not listed above, contact your doctor, nurse, or pharmacist.
I'm sorry, but I have a big problem with something that causes side effects such as gas, headache, dizziness, drowsiness, mental/mood changes, loss of coordination; muscle weakness, sudden weight gain, muscle aches, pain, or tenderness, or an inability to control urination. Just how does a medication cause gas? And sudden weight gain? Oh hell no! I am still trying to lose weight, and here this medication has already increased my appetite. Guess that is how it causes gas, hmm. And I know I certainly don't need anymore problems with inability to control urination! One of my other medication already seems to make me have to go rather often and suddenly. If this keeps up I will surely be in Depends by age 40! Oh, and let's not forget mood changes. I'm sure Ruben will really appreciate that, beings that without any hormones as it is, I am already a constant bitch. I mean really, can my mood get much worse than it is? Oh vey! But I will give it a month, as with any medication it takes a good 4 weeks to get into your system and work right. So keep your fingers crossed that the side effects improve, or just go away all together.
Oh, I almost forgot.....After reading one of Lora's posts, I downloaded the new Flickr tool, so now there are lots of new pictures to see from our trip to Disney World. Check them out.

Holiday Weekend Update

Boy, it sure feels like it's been a while since my last post. I've been busy this past weekend. Friday I met with my new pain doctor. He's changing up my meds, starting me on a new regimen, and had someone come by today to give me a RS-4i Stimulator for my back & to fit me for a Spinal Orthosis lower back brace. The Stimulator is one of those machines with the sticky pads that deliver electrical pulses to the areas in which the pads are placed. It's a pretty cool machine, and it's mine thanks to my insurance. On Saturday, I woke up fairly early (7 am) which is rather odd for me. So I woke Ruben and we all got ready and spent the day at the movies. We had already seen Spiderman 3 on opening day while at Disney. So we checked out Shrek the 3rd and Pirates 3. Both good flicks, but all that theatre time was hard on the ass! Sunday we drove to Houma with the plan of going to Home Depot to stock up on brick pavers, weed block, and lava rock to re-do some of the yard, but decided to first get estimates for concrete curbing instead. At least that way it will take away half of the hard work. Besides, I need to get someone out here to lay concrete in the back yard to extend our patio. Instead we ended up at Office Depot and bought a new 37" LCD HD TV for our bedroom. Now Natalie's room is the only room (other than the guest room) that doesn't have a HD TV. Afterwards we continued on to Lowes were we finally found all the lights for the baths, once we start that remodeling project....of course that is one project the contractor will be doing - once I find one! For Memorial Day we just stayed at home indoors and chilled out. One of the new meds the pain doctor has me on causes drowsiness, so I ended up napping most of the day which spoiled our plans to work in the yard, which is fine by me! It's going to take me a few days to get used to this medication. Somehow it's supposed to help with the effects from chemo and the chemo agent I take daily (my Femara medication) but so far it seems like it only adds to the effects! Today was a big day. I saw my Plastic Surgeon this afternoon and we nailed down a date for my surgery. We set the date for July 23rd so I can fly my mother-in-law out here for the week to help out with Natalie. My little brother-in-law will also be coming out and staying for a month. Now aside from getting ready to have surgery (which I am having on both sides, as I am having my other breast removed), I need to find furniture for our guest room so Ruben's mom has somewhere to sleep. Of course I also need to get estimates for concrete, tree trimming, bathroom remodeling, and also go to another dozen doctor appointments. It's going to be a busy, crazy summer - just hope I have enough energy to stay awake to get it all done!

School's out for summer!

Today is Natalie's last day of school till fall. She's been getting out at 12:30 all week. Honestly, I do not even see the point of her even going this week if she's to get out after half day and not be doing any school work. I almost wish that Louisiana State practiced year long school, with frequent vacation breaks through-out the year like Nevada does, rather than have a 3 month break. I'm not sure whether I should laugh or cry. If I have any sanity left, by summer's end I will surely be loony! I say this because this summer is going to be rather difficult with her being out of school and me having at least one surgery done. In the past I would just fly my mom out to stay with her, but now that she has passed, it is no longer an option. I checked with other moms in the neighborhood, and since they all work, they will be sending their kids to either day care or to camp. I tried to enroll her in camp, but registration was full at the church. The Country Club here is offering a camp as well, but at $140 a week, the price is quite steep! We thought about bringing my younger brother-in-law out from Nevada, but he's never been on a plane and is afraid. If I can get my 2 doctors to agree on a date, and confirm with the hospital well enough in advance I might be able to have my mother-in-law come out, but her DTO needs to be requested in advance or she'll end up taking the time off without pay - which I cannot allow. We have a real dilemma here over child care, just for one day while I go through pre-surgical procedures. Hopefully my other surgical procedure won't be till later this year when she returns to school. Aw, the joys of living in a "new" town so far away from friends and family.

Vacation Videos

Finally got around to editing the videos we took during vacation. Maybe one day I'll even get a chance to tell ya'll about it. Only a few more days left, then school breaks for the summer. Enjoy!

Being sick sucks!

Getting sick on the tail end of a vacation really bites. I was up till 2 am last night and hardly slept a wink from then till 7. At around 1:30 I was hurling what little food I had ate on the drive home. When we stopped in Destin Ruben & Nat grabbed some burgers & fries - I pretty much skipped the meal, just snacked on a few fries as I had already puked twice. Well before bed I up-chucked so bad I had pieces of green fries coming out of my nose. They were green cause each time I had gotten sick I had eaten some gobstopper jawbreaker candy to rid my mouth of the disgusting taste. It all happened so suddenly I barely made it to the bathroom in time and ended up spewing all over the toilet and soon to be removed wallpaper. I thought I was going to choke to death as I had fry particles caught in my throat for the longest time and could not breathe. I now have busted blood vessels all through out my face from choking, and my throat still aches and feels as though something is caught in it. At least with all this vomiting and not eating yesterday and today, I am happy to report that although I ate quite heavenly at WDW, I did not gain a pound - yeah!

Now if only I can keep this ginger ale down and pull myself together, I need to get Natalie up and get us both ready so we can go get Lexie and accomplish some errands today. Hopefully I will feel up to sitting down and figuring out how to edit some videos - I have 2 from the trip to post. Lora if you have any quick tips I sure would appreciate it, as I would much rather be watching what's on the DVR. I've really missed the Soprano's & Entourage, not to mention last night's Grey's - I caught the 2 hour one and lemme say I am NOT impressed at all with this so called "Private Practice" it soooooo SUCKS! But at least if I am in bed sick all weekend I will have plenty to watch! So anyway, please send me tips to help me edit my videos so I can post them, and I promise I will blog about the trip soon - and post lots of pix. For now, here is a look at some of the best of the best. Enjoy, have a great weekend & Happy Mother's Day to you all!

Home from Vacay!

Hey it's me again! We're back early a few days as tomorrow is cash sharing day at the office and the Director is coming in from Vegas. Ruben needs to be there not only to collect his bonus check, but to hand out his employee's checks as well. From what I understand, Mike's Admin, Nancy will be in town with him too. I have to go get the dog tomorrow, whom I've missed like crazy, but I'm hoping to stop in and see Nancy. I used to work with her back in the day when we were in Vegas. She's the best. I can't wait to see her! Other than that I have so much to do. Obviously I have tons of laundry, lots to blog about, pix to post, pix to have printed, some letters to do, picture CD's to burn, grocery shopping, ebaying, and much more so stay tuned to hear all about our trip. I've got some great pictures I will be posting. We had the PhotoPass, and I bought the CD at the end of our stay, so I now own the copyright to all of those images - plus we took about 300 or so. I have some awesome ones of my nephew Matthew, whom we met for the 1st time. Man we had so much fun, well all except for the trip back - I've been sick all day and I actually puked in several spots along the freeway.

Day One

We went ahead and left today although we really hadn't planned to. The deciding factor in it all was that Lexie either needed to be dropped off at the kennel today between 9 - 11 or tomorrow from 3 - 5, and we really didn't want to leave that late. So we decided on taking a nice leisurely trip. Tonight we stopped in Mobile, AL - about a whole whopping 3 hours from home. No we didn't stop from being tired of driving or anything, we actually stopped so that tomorrow we can visit the USS Alabama Battleship. The memorial grounds are quite spectacular with tons of planes, tanks, guns, and the USS Drum submarine as well. I can't wait to get aboard it and take some pictures. For now I hope this will tide you over, as I must get off this unsecured network. I believe the next stop may be in Destin, FL.USS Alabama began her combat service augmenting the British Fleet protecting convoys on the "Murmansk Run" from England through the North Sea to Russia against German warships and aircraft. The ship transferred to the Pacific Fleet in August 1943, and earned 9 battle stars providing gunfire support for amphibious assaults on Japanese-held islands and protecting carrier task forces from air and surface attack. Alabama was credited with shooting down 22 Japanese planes. Her radar was the first to detect enemy bombers in the Battle of the Philippine Sea, at the unprecedented range of 190 miles. This warning enabled U.S. fighters and anti-aircraft gunners to destroy over 400 Japanese planes. Decommissioned in 1947, Alabama was "mothballed" in Bremerton, Washington until 1964, when she was transferred to the State of Alabama and towed 5,600 miles to become a memorial in Mobile.

The Park's artifact collection contains representative Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine and Coast Guard aircraft from before World War II through the Persian Gulf War. Included are a Mach 3+ A-12 Blackbird, the submarine Drum, tanks and artillery. Alabama conducts youth group overnight encampments.

USS Alabama is a National Historic Landmark.

Legal Again!

Almost forgot. Finally after jumping through hoops getting paperwork I went to the DMV again and was able to get my license with no problems. After scrambling to get all the paperwork and such, it was later determined that I really didn't need it. Oh well, at least I never got caught for driving on an expired license! So once again I am a licensed driver - but the picture looks like crap, but that's typical for such ID.

Only a few more days!!!!

It's finally here, the weekend we leave for our much anticipated vacation to Disney World. As much as I am excited about going, I'm just not very motivated about packing. It's not about the last minute laundry I 'm wanting to get done in order to do the actual packing. It's not even really the act itself as pretty much most of of the stuff we're taking is sitting in a big pile next to the suitcases.

I guess what it boils down to is that over the last few days I have had some serious family issues weighing heavily on my mind, heart, and wallet. I've managed to keep the majority of this under wraps for the last 6 months, but in that time keeping it all bottled up has done nothing but build anger. It's gotten to the point where I'm so pissed off I can't see straight. I finally managed to vent some of the anger, but it seems that all that has done is cause me more. I'm pissed off and frustrated and I don't know what to do anymore. I knew that these issues would one day be a problem. When my Mom first became ill last February, I had begged her to revert her will to her previous wishes, and to give me some sort of legal power. Of course she dismissed it all, saying everything will be fine. Yet everything is not fine. Here I am the ugly-red-headed step-child I always knew I was. In all actuality, I'm fine with having no dad or step-dad. The others came and went and life went on just fine without them. The only difference is that this time there is a child involved. One who loves her grandpa, and likes to talk to him - yet he's never home when she calls, and hardly ever calls her. This is one of the many things that pisses me off cause no one fucks with my daughter. The pain it brings me to see her cry cause grandpa's not home to answer the phone. Ruben's mom calls her every Sunday, and has since October. The other problem is my disabled brother Bill who lives in Vegas. He was just left on his own to fend for himself, and now that Social Security has cut off his disability he has been having financial problems. And just who do you think has been taking the responsibility for him and paying his bills? Yup, me. Thankfully my sister has offered to help as well, so I wouldn't have to bear the burden of all the costs alone - but still even at half, it adds up over months and months. Our step-dad, well let me say that he hasn't taken the initiative to help - he hasn't offered to help, nor given us any money for the thousands already shelled out. I really hope wherever my mom is she is kicking herself for not listening to me, and can hear me say I TOLD YOU SO!

Now hopefully since I have gotten this off my chest and vented, I will be able to actually enjoy the vacation that we have saved for over the last 9 months!

Oh, and when I come back, guess what I have to look forward to???? I'm finally going to undergo the first stage of reconstruction again. June 1st I will be admitted overnight after they implant a tissue expander. After the weekly saline injections for it to stretch to size, it will be replaced with a regular breast implant, and during that time is when they will remove my other breast and also replace it with an implant. Let's just hope that I have better results this time than with my last expander surgery which was unsuccessful!

Cherry Chocolate Mousse?

If you know me then you know I'm always one to be doing something funky with my hair - like the time in 2004 I was getting ready to quit my job to become a stay at home mom. For some reason, I had always had this desire to have either purple or blue hair, so 2 weeks before my last day at work, I went and had purple - and by purple I mean eggplant purple highlights put in my blonde and brown hair. The purple highlights had replaced the red highlights I would get. My hair has always been an array of colors. By birth I am a blonde, and not a pretty blonde color either - that dirty dark, bland blonde, yuck! So since I have never cared for my dull natural color I always colored or highlight my hair. When I lived in Vegas I had an awesome stylist Hope (whom I miss terribly). Getting my hair done was mt one guilty pleasure in life, I didn't care that it cost $160 to cut and highlight it because she made it look so good. She would take sections and alternate between them which ones would be bleached, which ones stayed natural, and which ones were dyed red. I always loved the effect. But now that I live here and my hair is still growing and not quite at a length where I want to cut it yet, I haven't bothered to find a new stylist. So for now I have been experimenting and doing my own dye/highlighting jobs. Nothing special just stuff I buy at Walmart or wherever, although I really should go to Sally's. Anyway, this time I bought this color that's a very rich brownish-red. So far I love the base color, even though it's pretty dark for summer. Now I just have to see what it looks like with the highlights which I am about to go do soon. I hope it turns out good, cause like I said, so far I am really digging this color - and this is probably what will turn up on my driver's license picture! Maybe I'll post a picture when I'm done.
Oh, you know what else I really love? When lurkers come out! My friend and old boss from Anchor, Joy looked me on my MySpace account and sent me an email. It was great to hear from her. She has some of the cutest little kids. I can't get over how much they have grown! When I started working with her my daughter was just 6 months old - where has the time gone?

Something to talk about

Finally America gave Sanjaya the boot, thank goodness. I have no idea how he lasted this long, as that boy has no talent at all - all I know is I figured out he sucked ass the first week, and I am tone deaf, and cannot hear in one ear! But thankfully his days on AI is gone. Oh how I loved seeing the little bitch boy cry when he got the boot!

Also, with just over a week left before we leave for Disney World, I've managed to lose another 3 lbs. this week. 17 lbs. overall is not bad considering I really didn't put any effort into it. I'd still like to lose another 10 or more, but for now at least my pants fit better!

Have you ever heard of the magazine Radar? Supposedly it's been around for 50 years, but I've never seen or heard of it before, and I'm an avid magazine reader. A few weeks back I spotted a copy when we were at Barnes & Noble (or Borders, I forget which!) and judging from the cover, it looked like my type of 'zine, so I purchased it. Actually, I guess the fact that Colin Farrell was on the cover was the determining factor! He is soooooo hot. He's definitely one that is on my list of 5! I even have to admit that early last year (I think) when the story broke about Colin's leaked sex tape, I had to download it from the web before the court ordered it blocked. I must say that I do indeed agree that all those rumors swirling around about him and his man-hammer are true. LOL. Anyway, back to the magazine.....I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed this article on Toxic Bachelors. Check it out because I think you will too. Here is the excerpt on Colin:

COLIN FARRELL

Age: 30

Occupation: Actor

Notable Assets: Gaelic brogue; smoldering gaze; Marlboro breath

Farrell burst onto the scene as one of the hardest-partying bad boys to hit Hollywood since Jack himself: smoking, drinking, cursing, trashing, and screwing anything he could focus on long enough before passing out. Since his arrival stateside, he's worked his way through the young and trashy set, from Paris to Britney to Lindsay, and a battery of models, including one who bore him a son. As he told W magazine, "When I come to town I [bleep] everything I can." On the set of Alexander, Farrell—or "Cock-Out Colin" as he was affectionately known—famously showed Rosario Dawson the trailer door when pouty-lipped sex priestess Angelina Jolie turned up hungry for fresh meat. Yet for all his dirty deeds, he comes off like a teddy bear. On his sex tape with Playmate Nicole Narain, for example, Farrell describes her vagina as a "beautiful little flower" and lays on the Irish sweet-talk: "If a fucking camera could blush it would be fucking red because you are so fucking pretty." Due to archaic bylaws, the performance cannot be considered by the Academy.

Back to School!

Ugh! Today spring vacay is over, and it was back to waking up at 6:30 for Nat and I. Oh how we loved sleeping in late - or at least I did. She loved running around in her swim suit playing with her friends all day. It is so nice to see her this happy, and to know our community is so safe. We have some really terrific neighbors. The kind I wish we would have found years ago. Arleen and her husband Renee are awesome. It seems their house is one of the regular hang outs for the kids, and it's no surprise. Mr. Renee makes the kids burgers and real french fries to eat. I also like the fact that when Natalie is done playing with Abby, and it's dark, that they will have their oldest son Jacob walk her home (even though we're right around the corner - you never can be too safe!) Natalie has managed to find lots of kids her age to play with, and I'm finally learning to let go. I mean really, how far can she go with the street behind ours being a dead end in both directions? This being where most of her friends live - she knows Jason, Abby, Bo, Nick, Heather, Paige, Reagan, Drew, Brennan and Colin. Everyday as soon as she walks in from school she is already asking to go out and play. I can just imagine what summer will be like. Heck, just from this past week, she has gotten such a tan! She practically makes me glow in the dark. And while Natalie knows all these kids, we have managed to meet a few parents. Mainly just the ones living closest to us - Tony & Tammy, Craig & Nina, and Arleen & Renee, but so far we've only really talked to Arleen & Renee, mostly because we went to their daughter Abby's birthday party.
So we're down to only 12 more days till we leave for Disney World. I can't believe just how fast time has flown by! I haven't managed to lose anymore than the 14 lbs. Damn menopause! Actually I've been eating more than usual and not taking the diet pills the last week while on spring break. Oh well! So now I just have to see what all I can get accomplished in 12 days. Lexie goes to the vet tomorrow for shots so she can go into the kennel on the 28th. It's going to break my heart to leave her, but I know the place we are taking her to will take real good care of her and she will be kept indoors. Somehow I need to find the time to get my license renewed before we leave. I have been driving around on an expired license since January. I couldn't renew it because I couldn't find my birth certificate, and I couldn't order a new one without it being a pain in my ass cause I needed my marriage licences and divorce decree, and I couldn't find those either. But now I have everything I need. Ruben thinks that they are going to make me take tests all over again (which has been years since I've done) because I let it lapse, but there's nothing I can do about it. Let's just hope I pass, if they do!
Oh, yeah, and I didn't forget about answering the question......
There's a lot of stuff I've done when I was young and stupid, I'm not proud of it, nor ashamed of it. It's part of who I am. But eventually I grew up, got wise and stopped fooling around with drugs. Honestly, when I think about it, I'm surprised I wasn't chunkier then for all the pot I smoked - because this is really backwards. I was skinny then, and I'm fat now. Sometimes, Life is just not fair. But anyway, no there is no drug I would ever go back to doing. My family, my daughter, means too much to me to lose them, and that is exactly what would happen if I were to ever touch drugs again, and it's just not worth it.

FINALLY!

There is justice afterall. I loved seeing him come out of the courtroom and say I told you so!

7 Minute Soprano's

No, when I said I would answer the question from the book All About me, I didn't mean in this post. Here's the embedded clip for the Soprano's. Enjoy!

Happy Easter

Well I suppose first and foremost I should say Happy Easter, although it's just another day around here. We've had a major drop in temperatures over the last few days and it is downright chilly outside. Due to that, there was no egg hunt, BBQ, yardwork, or even sun for that matter! In fact we have the heat on again. Gotta love Louisiana with the A/C one day and Heat the next!
On a sad note, today is the 4th anniversary of the day we lost Ruben's dad to lung cancer. I don't think today has been easy on Ruben by any means. He has worked hard today (and yesterday) with pre-occupying himself by installing new ceiling fans....8 total!
We also spent Friday out shopping to buy a new grill - I think I killed ours when I moved it and the propane tank fell off, cause the next night when we went to use it, there where flames coming out from the bottom of it. I must have damaged one of the propane pipes. Aside from a new grill, we also had to buy a new weed eater, edger, and blower. We bought one of those Cub Cadet ones from Home Depot that has the rapid release (on the weed eater) so you can change the bottom attachment to something else like an edger or blower. Our yard is so huge we really do need something to make things a bit easier and not rely on the use of an extension cord. We also went ahead and purchased new faucets. 4 bath faucets, 3 shower/tub sets, a kitchen faucet and a roman tub faucet. I almost had a heart attack during check out over the $1100 total! Of course we still need to remodel the rest of the baths. We are looking for light fixtures, and so far both Home Depot and Lowes have been no help in the remodel. See, Ruben doesn't know how to remove and replace a tub and shower unit, so we need major assistance. Personally, I do not want to get into it. As this person was telling us, you basically have to cut the tub out of the wall. I do not want to see what is behind there! I have no desire to see the innards of my house - god only knows what might be in there or come crawling out from such holes! I'd rather hire someone, that is IF we can find someone! We also need/want the vanity countertops in each bath replaced. Ruben is slowly working on the toilets now, although he still DOES NOT have Natalie's toilet functioning. We can't seem to find a long enough hose to connect the toilet to the water supply. I told you this toilet was much taller than the previous one! So much aggravation! I hate home repairs & DIY sometimes!
But on a good note, today is the day I have waited like 18 months for....The Soprano's returns. Man am I ready for some serious whacking. This is the final season, so they're all going down in a blaze of gunfire. I'm also excited about the return of Entourage. I just love HBO. Once again, Sunday is the best night on TV. Which reminds me I have to find this clip I watched yesterday that sums up all 77 hours (thus far) of The Soprano's in 7 minutes. It's awesome. Link to 7 minute Soprano's article. I'll embed the clip later for you all to enjoy!
Almost forgot. We went to Barnes & Noble over the weekend as well. I've been putting off getting this book for quite some time. I first read about it on Jeff's Blog, and it got me interested. Since chemo, I have such a horrible memory that I have been wanting to find something to write down things about myself, family, etc. to leave my daughter when I die. Every since my mom has passed, I have felt like a lost soul. Like a child with no parents, and no home. I don't know half of my family - who they are or where they are, let alone how I'm related to any of them. In the last year, it has become increasingly more important for me to leave behind something for my daughter so that she won't feel the same when I am gone. As it is, she can't meet or learn about my family. I want her to feel grounded, rooted. The only real tie I feel left is that with my sister. My mom's passing has brought us closer than ever before. We feel a bond that will never exist with my other family members, because for one, I have a brother I will never speak to again. We have made a commitment to one another that not only will we always be there for each other, but that we will always be there for our other brother Billy. It's the ties that bind. But unlike me, my daughter has no siblings, so I worry about what will become of her. In any case, the book is All About Me, and I would like to thank Jeff for recommending this book. I love it. In fact, I am thinking about picking random questions and revealing my inner most secrets.
Case in point.......Under the morals section. A drug you will never try again? I'll answer this on the next post, if I remember to.

Well it's about time for me to prepare for tonight's TV entertainment.

Weekend Update & a look ahead

Well I'm happy to say that after the unfortunate flooding incident that our downstairs bathroom has finally seemed to dry out and the good news is the ceiling didn't collapse! Like I said, we will have to repaint it though. And much to our dismay, Ruben was unable to replace the upstairs toilet yet. The $250 toilet he bought didn't come with a toilet seat, and he has to make some kind of adjustments as this one is taller than the previous one. He should get his needed parts today and hopefully wrap it up. Looking ahead at the calendar, I see this month will be a crazy one. Lexie goes to the Groomer's on the 4th, I have a Dr. appointment on the 5th, Natalie starts Spring Break on the 6th and is off school through the following 13th. We still need to get an appointment to have our taxes done, Lexie needs a vet appointment for shots. I need to find a boarding facility for her that I like. And we still have more stuff we need to buy before leaving for Disney on the 28th. This month is going to fly right buy. In a blink of an eye Disney will have come and gone, Natalie will be out of school (May 23rd), and summer will be here.
I have a feeling that it will be so hot here this summer, I will have to sell my blood to afford my A/C bills. Maybe we'll get lucky and the neighbor who is installing a pool will let us use it too. Just wishful thinking. = )

Project and Other Things

Ok, well I finally started using MySpace. It's not that I didn't have an account, cause I did, it's just that it has always directed everyone here. So it's not like I'm late jumping on the bandwagon or anything. I've used it just to talk to a few people, but now I have some family on there, so I'm sort of using it a little more. I do have some different pictures on there, I think, and I do really, love, love, love my layout on there. I wish I could figure out how to customize Blogger layouts. I am so into the whole pink, black, skull stuff right now. IF ANYONE CAN CUSTOMIZE A BLOGGER LAYOUT FOR ME LIKE DESCRIBED ABOVE, PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT! It so suits me! If you want to check it out, it's under my favorite links, or go here.
So on with today's topic......We bought our house here in Louisiana back in 12/06 and we've been busy every since. We are still unpacking, painting, peeling wallpaper, replacing ceiling fans, light fixtures, we need dirt to level out the backyard, and we have 3 full baths to remodel, PLUS a vacation for 10 full nights to Disney World and co. coming up at the end of April.
On top of that we have the every day stuff like homework, dinner, yardwork, shopping, laundry, family drama, housework and the like to contend with. One example is like yesterday Natalie's toilet overflowed. For some reason the flapper didn't shut when she flushed it, so water just kept pouring out of the toilet onto the floor. I couldn't get it to shut, so I hurried up and shut the valve off and asked her to get the mop from downstairs. When she came up she said she heard water downstairs. I went down to see what it was and found water raining from the light fixture in the downstairs bath. By time I got back upstairs all the water in her bathroom was gone. The bathroom downstairs continued to leak for some hours. We turned on the air, and have several fans going - but now it looks like we will have to paint the entire ceiling of the first floor. Just pray we don't end up with mold damage, or that the ceiling caves in!
Also, if that weren't bad enough, it's tax time again! And we haven't had our taxes done yet - I'm really fearful we might owe. I'm pulling out all the home improvement stuff, but I can't find my donation receipts for write off. Owing would be the worst as we have to save our $ for taxes and insurance (mostly flood - think Katrina, it made insurance down here go up to $5000/yr.) to pay later this year - plus we still have stuff to buy for Disney.
Oh, and I guess I can count out having my mastectomy/reconstruction surgery done before vacation. The plastic surgeon hasn't called back - still waiting for insurance approval, since I want them both done, and now it's too late, I'm not going to Disney sore. It will have to wait till I come back.
I also forgot to post pictures from the other day. It's crawfish season down here and that's what we had for dinner. They were good although a bit spicy from the boil seasonings. Ruben said he's had better. I thought it pretty much tasted like most shellfish, and probably woulda been good with some cocktail sauce or something. Anyway, here's the pictures from that and one of this huge ass dragon fly I caught in the front yard. We had a whole tree full of them!

Oh, I almost forgot! Just when I though I bottomed out, I lost another 2 lbs. It happened in just a matter of like 3 days. I really need to take those weight loss pills more regularly, cause when I do, this is what happens! Wahoo!

Update

Well so far, at this point, all my diet efforts have stalled out at 12 pounds. It looks like I will have to make an appointment with a doctor to have my Thyroid checked out again (it's been years since I was last tested) as it may be the likely culprit. It wouldn't surprise me as both my Mom and Sister has had to take medication for theirs, but it somewhat worries me because to me it would add one more pill I would have to take for God knows how long. As it is, I go back next week to my pain doctor for my monthly exam and I think I am going to have to have him switch me from the Fentanyl patches back to the Morphine. Although it seems like we have finally found the right strength for my pain, I can't seem to get these damn patches to actually stay on for 3 days - even with the aid of a band-aid cover up. It seems no matter what, I am always finding them on the floor, on my sheets, or stuck to the inside of my clothing. So I end up going through patches faster, and not getting the needed medicine - but in either case, pill or patch, the medicine is just as damaging to the liver. Problem is I'm just in too much pain to live without a pain med. Not quite sure since when having (had) Breast Cancer felt like having Bone Cancer (?) We spent all last Saturday out shopping trying to get clothes for Disney, and at the end of the day, my feet (on top of soooooooo much more!) hurt so damn bad I have no idea how I will make it through 10 days at the park. Anyone have any good shoe suggestions? I was thinking about going to the Good Feet Store - I've never been, not sure if it's really worth it, or if there is a certain type of shoe I should buy, like maybe Birkenstock or something - I'd really love some ideas? I tried those gel shoe inserts, no help at all! I have major heal pain from spurs for one, I also have pain and a lump under one toe that I broke - then I have front leg pain (shin area), knee pain, hip pain, lower back pain (and on up the back through the neck and arms) all just from cancer or a side effect from the chemo pills I still take. Not sure really what is causing the pain, although I do know that my bone mass is also deteriorating, and without calcium, I can develop osteoporosis. I hate vitamins - two words, vitamin burps, yuck! But I don't want to be a hunched over old woman either, it's bad enough I already feel like an old woman, so I take them anyway, but I try to take them with food to avoid burping that awful taste back up. What's worse about vitamins, is those first couple pees. Vitamins really have a way of making urine smell potent. It's gross. Why can't adult vitamins be more like kiddie vitamins? Be flavorful and colorful....although it would be odd if my urine came our purple. Wonder what those spray vitamins are like, I have a friend that uses those. She can't stand to swallow the big vitamin pills, so maybe I should ask her if the spray have any weird tastes or effects. Hell I think at this point I would almost even be willing to do a vitamin injection on myself rather than taking another huge pill. Doing an injection is no huge deal after going through infertility, a needle in the belly fat or hip is no biggie. Much better than swallowing two huge ass pills that taste awful. I wonder if that's an option? I know they make b12 shots. I'll have to ask my doctor about that, cause seriously I could do it, and unlike Anna Nicole Smith, I wouldn't have a problem with using a sterilized needle and keeping the area clean and swabbed. I'll have to look into that. On a side note, it looks like I am finally over having Bronchitis, thank god. I was so tired of being sick. No more cough, no more fever, and it appears I didn't pass it back to anyone in the house either. It looks like we my have avoided a potentially serious disaster!

Preparing for another visit from the Tooth Fairy

After much procrastination, I finally got around to pulling Natalie's loose tooth this morning before she went to school. I put it off for a while because every time she would go to wiggle it, it would literally make me sick to my stomach. Yes, when I am sick, I am easily nauseated! So anyway, I went ahead and pulled it this morning because not only was it lose enough, but it had started going sideways into her other front top tooth, and a wide gap between her front tooth and her side tooth next to it had started to develop. I suspect this was happening because the tooth growing in was pushing it that way, but in any case I wanted to get the tooth out of there before she ended up with a permanent snaggletooth. As it is, Ruben's already concerned about her needing braces later in life, but I think the problem will work itself out. Of course there's no way of knowing for sure till it does, or till she's older - so we'll just have to wait and see.

Anyway, here's a picture of that beautiful toothless smile, and some other pictures I promised from previous posts. I'll post more on Flick'r in the coming days so be sure to check that link as well. Enjoy!

Lingering Cold

Things around here are starting to heat up, at least during the days with the highs hitting the upper 70's. Nice weather to have the windows open and leave the fans on. However, last week we had a few chilly nights where old man winter blew down some rather cool air. All that cold air really did a number on my lung that WERE recovering from bronchitis - now I'm full blown sick again. Hopefully a few more days of these antibiotics will have me feeling a lot better. I tell ya though, I haven't coughed quite this bad as my smoking days. It very much sounds like a smokers hack. For the first 2 or 3 days I ran a fairly persistent 101.5 fever, now the fever just comes and goes. Being sick is very exhausting! I just hope that I don't pass this back to Natalie - whom originated the cold, another lovely aspect of school! But on the positive, Natalie has made some wonderful friends at school. One of which is Heather who lives on the cross street next to us. This whole weekend she was either busy playing or begging to go outside and play. Ruben took a few pictures of her riding around in Heather little motor-powered car. I'll try to get those and some other pictures posted soon. I took quite a few today of salamanders basking in the sun out back. It's funny, Natalie and I sat for about an hour today and just watched all these lizards on our house, grill, and patio. It was pretty relaxing. Now if only I could beat this cold!

"Disney Diet" is in effect

As I mentioned below, Monday marked 8 weeks left till we are at Disney enjoying our vacation. And while I was making note that it was time to really start cracking down on losing weight, working out, and building up my endurance for walking - I have secretly been cutting back on my caloric intake. I'm on a borderline starvation or anorexic diet, as I hardly ate much to begin with. But in the last 2 weeks, I have already lost an amazing 12 pounds, just by cutting back alone - by not eating those last 2 bites, or by only having 2 cookies, by drinking some water instead of opening a soda just to take my medicine. It's made a huge difference. At this rate I just may meet my goal prior to April 30th, as I've not only started with cutting back on food and drinks, but I'm back on Phentermine & Topamax, and today I started my beginning work out routine. Let's just hope the next 18 come off just as fast!

8 weeks to go

Here it is, down to the wire. We've got 8 weeks to go before our trip to Disney, and I'd like to take off a few pounds, build up some endurance for walking, and try to overcome some of the pain and fatigue I face on a day to day basis. But where do I start? Let's see, let's go with losing a few pounds, it won't be easy, especially since I am hormonally challenged. It means I will have to work twice as hard. And as it is, I hardly eat. Yesterday the only thing I had to eat was a chilly-cheese dog, and a few sodas. I'm already down to eating the bare minimum. I know I need to cut half the soda out and replace it with water which will be almost impossible, and for this week, working out with my arm in a sling will also be impossible as well. But starting next week I can slowly start with a routine of 10, 20, 30 minutes and up of working out on my Elliptical Machine, Weight Machine and walking around the neighborhood. I have also started taking Phentermine and Topamax again, this is how I originally lost 90 lbs. in 2004 (and kept the majority off!). I doubt seriously if I will hit my goal weight in just 8 weeks with it, but I'm sure with it and exercise I will manage to lose enough to make my pants fit a little better. As far as pain and fatigue go, I don't know if there is much I can do about the pain part other than take my pain medication with me, and ask the doctor for two different type, one that is lighter for the daytime and one that is a heavyweight for the nighttime. I'm hoping that the little exercise I do get will help a lot with the fatigue. I hear it also helps with insomnia and sleep cycles - so we'll see. I just want this vacation to be very meaningful and lots of fun for all. Wow 8 weeks till check in for a nice 10 day long vacation with family, can't wait for the fun!

Hospital part 2

Yesterday I spent nearly 4 hours in the ER at Ochsner. I was surprised at how fast I was moved throughout the system. Upon arrival, I saw a triage nurse and was fast tracked into a room to see a doctor. Seems that late Tuesday night, while in the bathroom, I took a little spill and tripped over my own feet. Somehow, I managed to land on my knees and break my fall awkwardly with my left arm. While in too much pain to move, I just rolled over onto my back and spent t he better part of the night (until 4am) sleeping on the rug. When I woke up, I hurt so bad I barely managed to crawl upstairs. Over the last few days, the initial pain in my knees has decreased, while my arm and wrist has become more painful. I honestly didn't think it was broken, but Friday morning I found that I was in so much pain I couldn't even turn my wrist to do Natalie's hair. So I caught a ride into town with Ruben and had him drop me off at the ER. A few X-Rays later I had what the doctor claims to be the answer. He said it was not broken, however while having the X-Rays done, the technician told me she saw a small fracture in my wrist. He told me that was incorrect, what she was looking at on my films was most likely an old fracture that has healed - but I've never had a broken bone in my life. So in the end, I left there in extreme pain, but wearing the ever so stylish, expensive ($100 for the visit), classic, natural colored canvas arm sling. I'll be wearing this for a week while my severe sprain heals - if it doesn't, then I have to follow up with an Orthopedic doctor to find out what is wrong. It has been one hell of a week with having Bronchitis and now an arm in a sling!

On a side note, I got a call today from my brother in Vegas. Last week it was a letter from Social Security questioning his disability and threatening to cut him off. And this week he finds out that the state agency that is supposed to help make sure his bills get paid, stopped. This comes 3 days after his rent was due, in which they did not pay. Our question is, since he doesn't get his SS money and they do, and they didn't pay his rent, where is his money? Do you smell fraud, cause I think I do? I can't get a hold of my dad to find out what to do, but in any case one of us will have to FedEx out a check for $660 on Monday or he'll become homeless! Once again, I begged him to please give serious thought to leaving Las Vegas and coming to live with us in Louisiana. There's no one there in Vegas to help care for him. Both me, my dad, and my sister are too far away, and no one can count on our lousy good for nothing other brother to help - and he lives in Vegas but is too wrapped up in his own life to care about others. I hope I can talk him into moving. Ruben and I both worry about something terrible happening to him!