Happy Birthday Ruben!

One of Ruben's friends at work sent him this video for his birthday. I just had to post it here, so everyone could enjoy a good laugh.

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Birthday Boy

Today marks Ruben's big 35. We decorated the house in signs, enjoyed a simple evening at home and topped it off with cake.

The count down is on.....

Ruben survived another birthday on Sunday, although we did the actual celebrating on Saturday. I took him shopping, got him some new clothes as that is the one thing he doesn't regularly buy . He didn't really need anything else, and we had been out looking for some furniture anyway. Afterwards I took him to dinner at Hooter's as we were both wanting some wings. I've never been inside a Hooter's and I have to say I was very un-impressed with this location here. Those girls were not busty at all, nor were they showing cleavage. Yeah their shorts were short, but a few girls had more than a couple inches to pinch - like I'm one to talk about their pudge, with my big ol' ass! I guess I was just expecting a different experience. So anyway, that was Saturday, then on Sunday we basically just cozied up in bed all day while it poured rain outside, and watched some old shows on the DVR, and had cake. Yeah, 34 is like so not exciting. I'm not really looking forward to it in 6 months.

So now it's mid-July. In another 4 days it will be the 1st anniversary of my Mom's death. I'm really not looking forward to it. Her birthday alone was hard enough for me this year. Although with Ruben's mom and brother flying in on Sunday morning, and with going in for my surgery on Monday, I won't have much time to think about it. This 1st year certainly has not been easy. The one good thing to have come from her death is the re-newed closeness I now have with my sister and brother. I just really miss her phone calls sometimes, and never in my life would I think that I would say something like that and mean it so much. Life is so strange and unfair at times.

Finally, I think things are set to go....

After a few very stressful days, and multiple doctors appointments, I have finally found a new General Surgeon to perform my Mastectomy. ...and this doctor is just no GS, he's a Surgical Oncologist, so he's definately qualified. I feel very good with the decision of putting my breast in his hands. He discussed things with me no other GS had. I have a feeling if I had went with one of the others they would have performed a hack job simular to the one the GS did up in Elko when I had my left breast removed. He told me what my risks would be if we did a nipple sparing operation, and a skin sparing operation. After hearing my odds, I decided I don't need to keep my nipple. I mean why? They have to reconstruct one, why not two? But we are doing a skin sparing even though it still leaves me with some risks, otherwise I'd have no skin and would have to have a tissue expander placed on the R side to stretch out that skin as well. Uh, no thanks. The pain of one side being forced to stretch by way of weekly saline injections is enough for me. It just means I will have to continue self check-ups on a regular basis, oh well. At least it eliminates the very lumpy breast tissue I currently have, and the panic I feel each time I feel the smallest lump that is nothing. Besides, if I am to have my own set of floatation devices, I'd rather have two than one. As long as my boobs aren't under my chin, or a uni-boob, I have no problem what-so-ever with looking like I have two halves of a melon on my chest. Hey it might even mean I will get to go braless since they basically support themselves. I mean hell, I don't think that implants are capable of sagging - at least not the first few years. So for those reasons alone, I am pumping them to the max! I miss my cleavage. I miss the breasts I once had prior to losing so much weight (which I am slowly gaining back due to some of my damn medications!)

I think for once rather than fearing this surgery, and being all stressed and anxious over it and the outcome, I am actually looking forward to the end result. Of course that will be many months from now, but damn it, I am going to have new boobs by Christmas (I hope) and I'm excited about that! Just less than 10 more days to go...keep your fingers crossed for me!

I think that I am finally and slowly starting to lift out of this funk, which would be great. I am ready for a manic period. Ruben's birthday is Sunday and I don't want to be a total bitch. I think that even though it is so deadly hot outside, that I need to get more sunshine. I think it really helps my moods a lot. Before this funk set in, I used to go outside at least weekly and cut the grass, or trim the hedges. I'd do whatever I could to help with the yardwork, well at least as much as my physical limitations would allow me. With all my back and leg pain it's hard to do any of that stuff. But since it has gotten so much more hot and humid, I haven't helped with any of that. Of course I am still realing from the side effects of my new meds that I've been on for about 6 weeks. They are kicking my ass and it is difficult at best to get up before noon. I am in desperate need of regulating my schedule.....you can't do yardwork in the middle of the day here, not unless you want a stroke! But I can't let Ruben work so hard this weekend doing yardwork when his birthday is Sunday. So now I guess I know what I will be doing tomorrow instead of being inside and scrapping, damn! Of course I still need to go get him a cake and whatever I need to make him a nice dinner. Man, there's just not enough hours in the day!

I'm Back...

So sorry I've been MIA lately. It's been a whole combination of things. First off there's Natalie's swim lessons, which has ended up being more time consuming than I previously thought they would be. Then of course there was the whole Lucky 7 scrapbook contest - which I am happy to say I successfully completed 7 layouts for just in time for today's deadline! Add in some money drama issues with my brother. Oh, I am also frantically searching for a new General Surgeon to perform my mastectomy on the 23rd, at almost the last minute I found out that the hospital I was scheduled to have surgery at had dropped from my PPO's plan, and my GS doesn't have privileges at the new facility - so I am seeing new doctors almost daily, which is REALLY difficult given that I cannot take Natalie with me to these appointments. I've also had to shop for and buy furniture for both the guest room and our dining room. Add all this stress and anxiety together, on top of being bi-polar, and watch out for some severe displays of manic-depressive. There was so much going on that even I didn't see it at first. About 3 days into it all, it dawned on me that I was having these mood swings and for the first time I think I really understood what was going on, and that I am bi-polar. I do have extreme periods of highs and lows. Of course this means that if I am experiencing such periods of mania or depression, then it means that my medication is not working all that well anymore. So when you hit a low, you don't really feel much like doing anything - no blogging, no getting out of bed, and definitely no scrapping. So forcing myself to do all these things wasn't the easiest, but the time is tick ticking away. There's only a tad more than 2 weeks left before my surgery, after which I won't be able to do much of anything for at least a month. Trying to do something too soon is how I botched my last reconstruction surgery. I really don't need or want another failed surgery - especially since this one is bi-lateral. I can't even imagine how much pain I will be in. I don't understand how women get breast implants. Needless to say, yes I am scared, and that is what you hear talking. Don't worry, just 2 more weeks to go of all this anxiety, then my anxiety level will triple when I get there and they go to start an IV. You'd think by now I'd be a pro at all this surgery stuff, but since my veins are so bad, I am hard stick. The more they try and don't succeed, the more I freak out. I also don't handle pain well, which tends to fuel my anxiety at times. So this is my world, welcome to it. Getting those layouts done for Scrapbook.Com was not an easy task. Half way through I lost my motivation, my drive. Actually I think maybe it was more my focus, and being in a low, depressive state with all my anxiety and stress. Sometimes it just gets so difficult to deal with things, cause it's like having a monkey on your back. So my layouts, to be honest, weren't all that satisfying to me. I just think that I could have done better if I had been in a manic state. But hopefully 1 will catch someones eye. At least I tried and applied myself. I really have to force myself to scrap more often. You know the saying, practice makes perfect. Ruben successfully sold my Craft Robo Pro on Ebay, and I took my money and purchased a Cricut instead. It's much more user-friendly. Just pop in a cartridge and your good to go. I can't wait to play more with it, and the other cartridges I got. Hopefully before my surgery, but we'll have to see how my schedule goes - and if I can get myself out of this funk I'm in. 4th of July was no big to do here. It rained all day, so the BBQ was cancelled, as was swimming in our wading pool. I say wading pool because it's about 2 1/2 feet deep of water. It stopped raining just in time for dusk, so we rounded up all the kids in the hood and Ruben shot off the fireworks he bought out of town. We got about half way through when a cop came by and told us that all fireworks are illegal in St. Charles Parish. He was really cool about it though, he didn't even give us a ticket or anything. The kids got a big kick out of the fact that they were illegal. So that was the end of that, which was kind of a good thing being that the mosquitoes had eaten us up. They are viscous little blood-sucking killers! So in about a week, on the 15th, it will be Ruben's birthday. He's going to be 34, and for about 6 months I will get the joy once again of being the younger one! I'm just not sure yet what to do for the big day. He's already got everything he could want or need. I mean hell, we are grown ups, we buy what we want when we want - it's not like we need a special day for that, so I'm really not sure what to get or do; I mean like other than sexual favors, lol. Tomorrow I will try to update Flickr with some of the newer pictures of Natalie swimming and from the 4th, it's already too late tonight and it's about time to hit the sack and call it a night!