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I'm Back...

So sorry I've been MIA lately. It's been a whole combination of things. First off there's Natalie's swim lessons, which has ended up being more time consuming than I previously thought they would be. Then of course there was the whole Lucky 7 scrapbook contest - which I am happy to say I successfully completed 7 layouts for just in time for today's deadline! Add in some money drama issues with my brother. Oh, I am also frantically searching for a new General Surgeon to perform my mastectomy on the 23rd, at almost the last minute I found out that the hospital I was scheduled to have surgery at had dropped from my PPO's plan, and my GS doesn't have privileges at the new facility - so I am seeing new doctors almost daily, which is REALLY difficult given that I cannot take Natalie with me to these appointments. I've also had to shop for and buy furniture for both the guest room and our dining room. Add all this stress and anxiety together, on top of being bi-polar, and watch out for some severe displays of manic-depressive. There was so much going on that even I didn't see it at first. About 3 days into it all, it dawned on me that I was having these mood swings and for the first time I think I really understood what was going on, and that I am bi-polar. I do have extreme periods of highs and lows. Of course this means that if I am experiencing such periods of mania or depression, then it means that my medication is not working all that well anymore. So when you hit a low, you don't really feel much like doing anything - no blogging, no getting out of bed, and definitely no scrapping. So forcing myself to do all these things wasn't the easiest, but the time is tick ticking away. There's only a tad more than 2 weeks left before my surgery, after which I won't be able to do much of anything for at least a month. Trying to do something too soon is how I botched my last reconstruction surgery. I really don't need or want another failed surgery - especially since this one is bi-lateral. I can't even imagine how much pain I will be in. I don't understand how women get breast implants. Needless to say, yes I am scared, and that is what you hear talking. Don't worry, just 2 more weeks to go of all this anxiety, then my anxiety level will triple when I get there and they go to start an IV. You'd think by now I'd be a pro at all this surgery stuff, but since my veins are so bad, I am hard stick. The more they try and don't succeed, the more I freak out. I also don't handle pain well, which tends to fuel my anxiety at times. So this is my world, welcome to it. Getting those layouts done for Scrapbook.Com was not an easy task. Half way through I lost my motivation, my drive. Actually I think maybe it was more my focus, and being in a low, depressive state with all my anxiety and stress. Sometimes it just gets so difficult to deal with things, cause it's like having a monkey on your back. So my layouts, to be honest, weren't all that satisfying to me. I just think that I could have done better if I had been in a manic state. But hopefully 1 will catch someones eye. At least I tried and applied myself. I really have to force myself to scrap more often. You know the saying, practice makes perfect. Ruben successfully sold my Craft Robo Pro on Ebay, and I took my money and purchased a Cricut instead. It's much more user-friendly. Just pop in a cartridge and your good to go. I can't wait to play more with it, and the other cartridges I got. Hopefully before my surgery, but we'll have to see how my schedule goes - and if I can get myself out of this funk I'm in. 4th of July was no big to do here. It rained all day, so the BBQ was cancelled, as was swimming in our wading pool. I say wading pool because it's about 2 1/2 feet deep of water. It stopped raining just in time for dusk, so we rounded up all the kids in the hood and Ruben shot off the fireworks he bought out of town. We got about half way through when a cop came by and told us that all fireworks are illegal in St. Charles Parish. He was really cool about it though, he didn't even give us a ticket or anything. The kids got a big kick out of the fact that they were illegal. So that was the end of that, which was kind of a good thing being that the mosquitoes had eaten us up. They are viscous little blood-sucking killers! So in about a week, on the 15th, it will be Ruben's birthday. He's going to be 34, and for about 6 months I will get the joy once again of being the younger one! I'm just not sure yet what to do for the big day. He's already got everything he could want or need. I mean hell, we are grown ups, we buy what we want when we want - it's not like we need a special day for that, so I'm really not sure what to get or do; I mean like other than sexual favors, lol. Tomorrow I will try to update Flickr with some of the newer pictures of Natalie swimming and from the 4th, it's already too late tonight and it's about time to hit the sack and call it a night!

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