Sunday Bloody Sunday

Ah Sunday, the day of rest - with exceptions to doing the laundry of course. Things at El Casa De Navarro are usually pretty chill on Sunday. We watch a little TV, rest, and prepare for the week ahead. As school's end is nearing, Natalie has something going on every day. Tomorrow she has a Saints Training Camp day at school, then a beach day, Disney day, 50's day, then year book signing day. So we had fun picking out her clothes for each day, as she normally wears uniforms to school, but doesn't have to next week.
Also, some much needed rest was in order for today as yesterday she spent half the day swimming with her friends - because of which we are both a little red in spots. After she was done and had taken a bath, we decided to head out to do a lil ' shopping and have dinner out. We drove the 35+ miles to Houma instead of driving the other way into town. We had an excellent dinner at Olive Garden - and though I probably shouldn't have (cause surgery is coming up), I had a VERY delish Italian Margarita! It was very good! I looked it up on line and this is what I found:
According to the menu, the Italian Margarita is made with Sauza Gold Tequila and Triple Sec. It's served on the rocks and with a shot of DiSaronno Amaretto on the side.
On the rim: Orange-flavored sugar, one orange wedge and one lime wedge. I believe it also has a bit of limeade and orange juice in it. I've never had Amaretto and it was so very good. Instead of a harsh shot like Tequila, it was pretty sweet. I definitely suggest trying it next time you eat there!
After dinner we ran into Academy Sports and bought Nat some pool items - she wanted flippers like some of the other kids have. She also got a new kick board, and a cute pair of Sketcher shoes that are made out of a material much like Crocs. We spent so much time in there looking around for new darts and stuff that we were unable to make it to Sam's Club before they closed. So on the way home we had to hit up a grocery store to stock up on some snack items and usual necessities.
I have so many things swirling around my head the I want to make sure I include in this post! LOL! Let's see, first I'm happy to say I am once again acne free. Yay! I've finally found something that I think helps a lot. Clean & Clear Advantage Oil Free Moisturizer. I used to not be able to moisturize cause I was afraid it would create more acne - and now that I am 34 it seriously hit me that I'm getting old and it's time to take preventative measure against wrinkles. This lotion contains a bit of Salicylic Acid, so it helps prevent blemishes as it moisturizes. Of course the Levaquin antibiotics the doc gave me helped REALLY knock out this last break-out and fast too!
Also I wanted to elaborate on my last post about women. It seems I just always attract *those* types of women that cause problems or are just plain mean into my life. Sometimes it's a cashier at the store that's having a rough day and takes it out on you, sometimes it's people you cross paths with doing errands, or sometimes it's people that find my blog or other "homes" and approach me cause we have a common bond such as cancer or scrapbooking, where we've lived or past occupations. One day I ran into this much older women in an elevator, who so rudely asked me what's wrong with your face. The tone was less than concerning or friendly. It took all I had to bite my tongue and not say nothing, what's wrong with yours. I understand that my acne can look bad, but come on people! It's just plain rude to point it out or make remarks about it. I hate it and how it makes me look - which is why I often hang at home till it clears up. But beings as mine is always stressed induced or possibly a side effect of my meds, it's hard to keep my skin clean and clear and under control. Believe me, I've tried!
And the last topic up for discussion. As most of you know, since my recent diagnosis of recurrent breast cancer earlier this year, I've tried hard to re-gain my faith. I am not a religious person by any means - and no, I am not claiming to be born again or to have found God. It's just since the cancer has come back I've tried really hard to be consistent with praying. I figure that there are so many others out there praying for me that I should at least be praying for myself too. I've struggled a bit with this, as I said I'm not really religious. I asked Ruben for help or guidance, but he was unable as he still prays in Spanish as that is how he was taught. I already receive The Daily Word (both email & booklet - a co-worker of Ruben's sent us a subscription when she heard the cancer came back.) Well the other day I came across some of my old belongings. It's really quite odd because of the story behind it. It had been back in like 2002 when I had just transferred jobs, prior to just having my 3rd miscarriage. I had received an item in the mail from the Shrine of Our Lady of the Snows that is in Belleville, IL - near where I had grown up. The funny thing is I haven't been there since I was a kid, and they knew my current last name, and where we had lived at that time. What they had sent me was a card. A card that is a prayer for healing. I had hung on to it at the time because I thought it had an eerie significance. And finding it again after all this time just drives home that point. As I sit here struggling with how to "pray" or ask for help, here is this card that inside reads:
O 'Mother of Mercy, healer of the sick, look with mercy on me and comfort me in my time of trouble.
Pretty fitting right? Well the other side reads:
Dear and blessed Lady of Lourdes, you bathe all in your radiant light, and soothe the suffering with healing waters of the spring you revealed to St. Bernadette. Though I am far from your sacred grotto, look with compassion upon me. See my need for your healing love. See how my body fails me. See how troubled is my soul. I ask you humbly not only for healing, Mother Immaculate, but to wash away my doubts and misgivings, to solidify my faith, to open my heart to you healing love, and the love of your Son, thus to see that this suffering, which now seems overwhelming, may soon be healed.
Tell me, coincidence or not? I may lack faith, but I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I think this prayer card is just what I was looking for in my quest of "how". Although it doesn't cover everything, it is a very good start. Usually I just ask for all my family, friends, and loved ones to be looked over and ask that they all have health and happiness, but beyond that I struggled. This is very specific for my needs of healing, as I am so done with this cancer thing. I just wish it was done with me! Don't worry, I'm in no danger of becoming overly religious. I just wanted to share that with you. It's weird how things work sometimes! Have you ever had anything like that happen to you? I would love to hear about it!
Well it's about time to wrap this puppy up. So the plan for this week is that on the 20th I get my MRI and I should most likely know more sometime Wednesday. Then the 22nd is the day of my surgery. At least this time I have a much better feeling about it. I'm telling ya, you should always listen to your gut feeling. I'm actually glad things worked out the way they did. I feel more confident with this surgeon and she clearly has no problems involving my other doctors as they have all been in touch with each other, which bottom line means better care for me. Don't you agree? Hope y'all had as good of a weekend as I did. I will keep you posted as I get info this week!

The Current Plan

Met with my new female doc yesterday. Both Ruben and I very much agreed on liking her. She seemed very understanding to my wanting to keep my expander if possible - she even did an ultrasound of my chest where the suspicious scar tissue had been found.

After arriving home, she called (not a nurse, but the doctor herself!) me asking if I had done an MRI of the chest, to which I replied no, just the other tests. She'd like to get an MRI done as it gives her a better picture and she's not going into the surgery blind. It also will allow her to see where the cancer was so that she can place markers there so when I have radiation they know where to point it for maximum effectiveness. So far it sounds like we've got a good plan. She's not all set on just removing all the muscle, she wants to remove only what is needed and will have pathology there to test what she removes along the way to know if clear margins were obtained. Obviously I am happy about that. Don't want to lose more muscle than what is necessary, especially since I only have about half to begin with -my modified radical mastectomy in 2005 took a piece of my chest wall along with my breast tissue. Muscle doesn't just grow back, it'd be nice if it did. then we could regrow things like the little lizard who lost it's tail. Although that might be a bit creepy, and honestly sounds super hero-ish. LOL.

Anyway, her office scheduled me an MRI for the 20th - and for the moment, surgery is tentatively set for the 22nd. See we ain't wasting no time! I like that! A doctor that realizes and appreciates the need for speed - unlike one who tells me I need it yesterday but then waits 3+ weeks to get me in. But anyway the sooner I do surgery, the sooner I can move on to radiation, then chemo, then get my life back on track! I'm sure it will still take the majority of this year before I am done, but at least I have a good doctor - one who I googled and couldn't find any malpractice lawsuits against unlike the last prick!

So tomorrow I head to the dentist. Fun! Then Friday I head back to my new surgeons office to sign my pre-op paperwork.
This new doc even took one look at my latest stress induced acne breakout - Hard for her to miss since the area above my right eye looked horrid. Seems every time for the last 3+ months that I tweeze my eyebrows I hit a nerve, get a lump on my head and suffer the embarrassing ugliness for a week. Either some major ingrown hairs, or an abscess pocket. Maybe I should go back to waxing - or maybe waxing is what got me here? In any case, she gave me some potent anti-bacterial antibiotics to help clear this up ASAP. It's cool she did that, but up till the drama of last week I was proud that I had been acne free for nearly 2 months and my few scars were clearing up. Ah well, maybe I will again soon be acne free - or when all this drama calms down I will be able to fit in an appointment with a dermatologist! 34 and acne just is not right, and I've tried more than half the crap out on the market and none of it works! In fact Pro-Activ made my acne worse! What a waste! So anyway, you know the plan - hopefully surgery next week if all goes well. Wish me luck!

Doctor Dilemma

Today was a major clusterfuck. It looks as though my Friday surgery may be off. I don't want to get into too much of it now - especially since I am still waiting to hear back from the doctor(s). Let me just say this whole thing has me very upset, stressed, and pissed. Aside from buying a plane ticket for my brother in law to come out, Ruben has re-arranged his schedule all for a surgery that technically should have happened weeks ago - so we've all made sacrifices and now this doctor may cancel. It's bad enough he DIDN'T fully explained the details, but now he is just flat out lying. I've had a bad feeling about all this from the start, and I tried telling myself it was the wait, but now I'm thinking that I shoulda just followed my gut feeling to a new doctor. This damn asshole and his God complex - telling me things were my choice when all along he planned on doing what he wanted to do and making things out as though my other doctor is a liar, when the surgeon is actually the one lying. Now not only does it appear my surgery may be off, but more than likely I will have to find a new surgeon and waste more precious time. Ugh, it makes me so freakin' angry!
More to follow soon - all the details of what went wrong, as well as who this surgeon is, so he can't burn others here in New Orleans, like he did me.

Just a quick hello before I go

It's 3am and quite warm and humid outside. I've been up for the last 45 minutes as sometimes your internal clock just sucks, and the dog has to go out at the worst times. In about 15 minutes I've got to wake Natalie and Ruben so we can all start getting ready, as we've got to be at the hospital at 5am. I'm so thirsty, which sucks cause now I can't drink anything. Soon I'll be hungry as well as I don't think my surgery is actually set to begin till 7am. Fun!
Well wish me luck. I should be back in a few days, maybe earlier if I am up to it - but with drain tubes coming out both sides I'm doubting I will be!

Back Under the Knife

Don't know all the details yet, but it looks like I will be heading back into surgery next week on the 26th. I have some alignment issues with the left side - plus I need my current expanders swapped out for larger ones. I also need bigger pockets made to hold the breast, and at some point I will have some tissue and/or muscle added as the largest size implants are only 85o cc's. I'm currently a little over 700 on each side, the bigger one being my right which perfectly fits a C cup - and since I am aiming for much bigger boobs, I will need a little more than the implants to get me there. You see most women who get implants already have some breast tissue to build upon, but I have none, plus my implants will be placed below the muscle, which tends to take away from the size just a bit. I'm not sure what all he's planning on doing this time around, or what time I go in for the procedure - just that it's next Tuesday and will be at Oschner Kenner....one of the few hospitals I really like. I will be sure to update once I know more!

The Day is Here

As always the weekend flew by leaving us still much to do - hang more lights, another load of laundry or two, steam clean the upstairs carpet, spot steam a few areas downstairs, run to the grocery store for a few items, plus many other "To Do List" items. Oh well, eventually they'll get done, but I am doubting we will return home early enough from my surgery today for Ruben to knock out the majority of them, but I'm sure he'll do a grocery run and possibly a load of laundry. It's too bad he can't run home and do these things while I am in surgery, but the hospital is way on the other side of town from us. It's easier for him to wait or run down the street and shop. More than likely he'll just hang out playing his PSP till they tell him I'm out. I don't think he relaxes (at all!) until he knows.
It's hard to believe that in about a half an hour I have to start getting ready to go. I got up early to let Lexie outside. It's not like I have much to do. I can't eat, I can't drink, but I can brush my teeth provided that I don't swallow (who swallows toothpaste???), and I can take my morning meds with just a sip of water. I don't have to be to Kenner Oschner Regional until 8:30, but we'll want to leave about 7:15 in case of traffic. And while I may not have to do much prepping to leave - just throw on comfy clothes, brush teeth, and finger-comb hair (can't really "do" much with it. I'm not even supposed to have any gels, lotions or hairsprays in it!) We're mainly getting up so early as I've got to get Natalie ready for school. Even though we'll be leaving long before the bus comes! My neighbor Nina volunteered to take her before school, and after if we aren't home by 4pm. I didn't want to impose, but she's not working today, and said she'd have no problem with it. Luckily it's not like we have to be at the hospital at 6 - 8:30 is a much more reasonable time!
Anyway, I was just checking in before I head of to surgery. Wish me luck! I'll keep you posted, and will post as soon as I am up to it. Just cross your fingers that this procedure goes well and I heal right this time!

It's all set

Went to my Surgeon's office yesterday to fill out all my pre-op paperwork, then headed to the hospital for my labs and to have a chat with the anesthesia department.
Of course along the way I had lots of stops to make. One of which was to buy Natalie a new mattress. At first I wasn't too sure if she had enough room in her current location. Even though her room is a whopping 20x18, the wall where her bed sits now isn't just a flat 18' wall. Our house is an Acadian style (4 sets of windows with a slanted roof in between) So each window section is 6' wide, she has 2 of them with a 6' closet for her toys in the slanted portion in between (she also has a 2nd closet not counted in the square footage that is for clothes!). On one side she has her bed and nightstand, the other is strictly a play area where she has a little table and toys. The rest of her furniture (a chest, mirror, dresser, trashcan, hamper, and dollhouse) is along the opposing 18' long wall, then along the 20' wall when you walk into her room between the door opening and the "play area" she has her other furniture - a desk, hutch and 2 bookcases. The size of her room, and the furniture set she has played a huge part in our decision to buy this house! So anyway, without re-arranging her room she only has so much space for a bed and her nightstand. Luckily just enough for a full size, which will at least give her a bit more room. I made sure to buy her a comfortable, quality Simmon's mattress, so it will hopefully last years -although this low end twin has been around for about 3.5 years. We picked up a bed frame, but I forgot the sheet. We'll also have to eventually look into getting a new headboard from Ashely Furniture that matches the set. But that will have to wait till after her birthday.
After getting the mattress, and having Ruben come load it in his truck, I went on to my next stop, Christmas Village. Yeah I'm still on the hunt for yard decorations. Theirs can be so expensive, but are much cheaper if you buy just the frame. Besides, Nina told me that she had some lights I could use if I bought the frames. Of course these people have no idea what's going on. They didn't know what was in stock or what was sold - so I'm waiting for a call back from them. Hopefully it will be soon, since Christmas IS in a few weeks!
From there I headed over to Esplande Mall. I had to have my jewelry inspected per the ESP, plus I had to send my diamond tennis bracelet off for repairs. The last time I sent it in to have the clasp repaired, and a link fixed I ended up losing a diamond in less than a week. So much for inspections! So for the last 6 months I have not worn the bracelet, because I don't go to Kenner much - it's about a 25 mile drive for me one way. Also I wanted to complain about the sizing they did on my wedding set. First off they didn't make it small enough. Secondly they did a crappy job which left the gold worn and thinning, as well as indentation marks from where they cut the rings and soldered it back together. I expected better quality of work, cause what I ended up with is reminiscent of a Flea Market job. However as bad as a job they did, I did not have them repair the rings as they are telling me that even with my ESP, I will have to pay $135 per band to have it fixed and filled. You would think my jewelry was bought from Zales. I expected more from Kay's as a VIP customer, but I guess from now on we'll buy my things at Jared or Aucoin Hart Jewelers!
Finally after all that running around I made it to Kenner Regional and did all my pre-op stuff. I'm all set for surgery on the 10th, but I don't know what time yet. They'll call me on Friday to let me know what time I have to be there. I'm sure it will be near the crack of dawn - it always it!
Also - I posted lots of pictures on Flickr of our neighbor's yard decorations. I wanted to re-do some of our own yard work today, but it's downright chilly out, but that's to be expected for a temp of 49. Anf to think just a few days ago it was 80 out. This is some crazy weather!

UPS Delivered

UPS just came and they brought some goodies. I'm sooooooooooo excited. One of the packages contained my new Wacom Bamboo Fun set, however the package containing my new camera hasn't arrived yet = ( But in any case at least I have this to play with in the meantime - that is if the Hubby doesn't make me wait till Christmas. I love new toys, don't you? I'll have to play later cause right now I need to run to the store = ( But once I've opened it (that is if I can!) I will let y'all know all about it!!!!

Oh, almost forgot. I got my stitches removed today. The surgeon says it looks great and they are working on scheduling a date for me to go back into surgery and try reconstruction again. I go back on the 3rd, will get my orders for pre-op labs, and other stuff. I think we are aiming for the 10th. Wish me luck!!!

Alive & Well

At least all except the huge pain in my side! Once again I have a drain tube in my side, and it hurts like all hell! Once I go through all these surgeries I'm going to have so many round scars that you will be able to play connect the dots on each side! My chest (where the hole was) so far feels good (don't know what it looks like yet, as it's all bandaged up) - it's just the pain that I have in my side from this tube. But at least all went well, and I'm home again in my nice comfy velour track pants and t-shirt.....lounging around, watching TV, and surfing the net. Sounds fun, eh? Ruben ran up to the store to pick up the Ratatouille Movie.
Hopefully things will continue going this well, and the pain from the rube will subside a bit.
Hope y'all are doing better than me!

Surgery & Thanksgiving

Well tomorrow's the BIG day. I have to be at the surgical center at 6am, which means we'll have to leave our house around 5:15! Holy Crap! There goes staying up to watch Weeds tonight! Thank goodness we have a DVR. I can watch all my shows when I get home, as I doze in and out of sleep. I'm not really sure how long this procedure will take, all I know is that I will be home "sometime" tomorrow. As soon as I feel up to it, I will post so y'all know I'm alive and well!

Ok, so Thanksgiving is coming up. This will be the first year I will actually be preparing/cooking everything myself. I only hosted Thanksgiving once when we lived in Elko, but my Mom came up for the holiday and worked her magic (I basically helped and maybe prepare one dish!) Now that she's gone, I can't even call and ask her for help or how she made stuff. I'm not really sure what or how to prepare everything. Nothing will ever compare to Mom's Thanksgiving. I'm not sure if Ruben plans to deep fry the turkey or if I will be cooking one (we have a double oven but still it's only so big).......plus with only 3 people, how big of a bird do we need? Maybe I should just do chicken. Ruben wants stuffing, and I don't know how to make the kind that doesn't come from a box - of course he doesn't like that kind. He also likes gravy. Another thing I don't know how to make. I usually buy a bottle of premade gravy. I know how to do the mashed taters, green been casserole - but I'm not sure how Mom made her sweet potatoes. I know they were canned, but how did she make the syrup? I know how to add the marshmallows. I'm such a mess. Been married for nearly 8 years and I don't know how to cook Thanksgiving dinner. I do know how to cook other things, but there's such nostalgia and tradition to Thanksgiving. So any ideas? Any help you can offer? I would sooooooooooo appreciate it!

Where do I begin?

First let me start off by saying that I've sat by quietly wondering if I should make a post. They say that if you don't have anything good to say, then you shouldn't say anything at all. It's not like I am a negative person, it's just that I'm a realist. There are positive and negative moments in every day, and I except them as they are, try to learn from them, and cherish what I can. This past week or so has been especially trying for me. I sat back not sure if I should say anything, but have since concluded that this is my blog where I share the good and the bad of my life with others - so basically I should be able to say whatever I want. That said, let's start at the somewhere near the beginning...........
I've been very busy with daily doctor appointments for the last week and a half. Aside from that, I've been very stressed out due to many of those appointments.
Last week I get a call from my brother who is having money issues again, and is severely short on funds to make his rent for November. My step-dad has been re-imbursing me for all the money I've paid out so far to help him out, but told me last time that it had to stop. Unfortunately I don't have enough money to support my brother, nor do I have the heart to break the news to him - so I told my step-dad that he would have to be the one to call him and tell him that he wouldn't help him anymore. Well I'm not sure how that turned out, cause when my brother called me needing money I told him he'd have to call our step-dad. I also sent a rather hurtful email to him, as this whole situation is tearing me apart inside and breaking my heart, not to mention stressing me out to the max and I have a surgery coming up on the 6th and cannot handle this anymore. I was not raised to turn my back on needy family, so this whole concept is new to me. So I'm still not sure how all this has turned out because I haven't gotten a return email or any phone calls - but let me just summarize that if my brother has not been taken care of and has been kicked out of his apartment, I will be beyond a bitch. I am not someone you ever want to fuck with or piss off cause I will find a way of making every day of your living life fucking hell. That said, I think it's time to move on as I am getting upset again.
So anyway, as if that weren't enough, I saw a new oncologist on the 22nd, afterwards I went down to have labs done for both him and my plastic surgeon. Well after starving all day, and waiting forever, I gave in and ate a piece of candy they had there. Well needless to say I was supposed to fast for one of his tests, so instead I just had my pre-op blood drawn. A few days later I found out from my surgeon's office that they totally screwed up after fishing for and popping my vein, and didn't run the proper lab tests and I needed to go have them re-done. That sucked cause I am not a fan of bloodwork, since I have delicate veins - and since they majorly fubarred the tests, I decided I was not going there to have my other labs drawn or to get my bone scan. Well my oncologist only works out of 2 places, so it was either there or an hour drive. I said hell with it, I'll find a new oncologist then. So I had my blood drawn again at the surgery center this time, hopefully they won't make any errors - especially since they will be hosting my procedure on the 6th. I'll also be having another procedure done a few weeks after this one, but I'm not sure exactly when or where yet.
Also I just had an eye exam as I needed new contacts desperately. Of course I get there and I'm having problems focusing, and find out that something was wrong with my eyes and had to wear my glasses (which are the wrong scripts!) for a week and use these medicated drops. All that had me very freaked cause this guy was acting like a jerk and I wasn't sure if he'd even give me contacts again. He acted like I was mis-using them and this and that. Fact is I scratched my cornea. Not sure how, but I rub my eyes a lot, sometimes hard, so it could have been from an eyelash. So finally after a couple weeks and some check ups, I am finally back into contacts - a trial pair while I wait for my order to come in. But man is it nice to actually be seeing clearly again!
Oh, I also had 2 teeth pulled last week. After seeing 3 different dentist, this had been the only one that I could get to even agree to do something. Fixing them was not an option (or so he said). He claimed no dentist would ever agree to work on my mouth due to the medications I take. He yanked them while giving me gas, and only a few shots of Novocaine. I felt the one come out, and man has my mouth hurt since!
I can't deal with medical problems and personal issues just before a surgery. My system can't handle the stress. Unfortunately my face takes the brunt of it in the form of acne. No matter what I use (ProActiv, Aveeno, Cetaphil, Clearasil, or other products with either Benzoyl Peroxide or Salicylic Acid) NONE of them really work, and I still develop blemishes while using it - all because my acne is either stress induced or as a result of chemo and medications. I'm tired of people always asking me what's wrong with my face! How rude is that! I look them straight in the eye and say nothing is wrong with my face, it's acne - while in the back of my head I'm following up that statement with what's wrong with yours. Actually I should say that next time, cause this last time this little old lady asked me, and I just really wanted to say something rude to her because really, as if I don't feel stressed out and bad enough after a crappy week I have to listen to this 70 year old lady rudely ask about some blemishes on my face. Luckily I use a digital camera, I so love the healing brush in Photoshop - it fixes all those pesky spots!
I will say that at least Halloween was a lot of fun, although it was rather warm and my make-up was running off my face! It was a long, tiring, fun-filled evening. We were even surprised to find that our HUGE cauldron of candy still had a few inches left in it, but it was A LOT of candy, so we must of had lots of trick o' treaters here, or the people just took handfuls of candy. I'm just glad we didn't get tee-pee'd that's why we left a huge cauldron of candy out, cause I for one don't think it's quite right to decorate for Halloween, then not be home to give out candy on the big night. We knew we'd be going to Imperial Woods again this year, but wanted to make sure we left something for all our neighbor kids. Looks like it turned out well, judging by the left-overs. I posted lots of pictures from our night, plus many more over at Flickr.
Other than that I've been mostly trying to chill out the last few nights. Ruben will be going to Vegas on the 10th and will be gone for 8 days. Danny will be going home then. It will be just me and Nat, and I'll be on the mend from surgery. I need to relax and de-stress. The procedure that is coming up is just a minor day surgery, but still, being this tense is not good for me and has the potential to mess with the healing. Wish me luck that this week goes better!

Sorry for being MIA

I've been so busy, sorry I've been MIA. I've been actively chatting in this scrapbooking circle journal group. I've never participated in a CJ before, so there's lots to learn - plus I had to go out and buy the supplies I needed (an 8x8 album, cardstock, etc), and of course I had to think of a theme. Our little group is not one of your everyday sort, and I've been told that these CJ's are not ones that you leave out on the coffee table due to their sensitive nature. They are definitely provocative. It wasn't the nature of the CJ's that drew me to the group, it was the group itself - it harbors some wonderful people. I'm almost certain that my theme will be "Sex, Drugs, & Rock and Roll". I have DCWV RockStar Stack paper that I just love, and I'm dying to use it. So my desire to use that particular paper plays a big part in my theme. Otherwise I think I was leaning towards "Dirty Little Secrets". It will be many months before these CJ's are completed, but I am very excited to not only start, but to see the final results.
This weekend I am going to 2 scrap classes. One is to make an accordion Halloween album and the other is to make an album that when opened is a star shape, that is princess themed in Once Upon a Time. I'm so excited to be doing both these classes, but I have a little problem. I went to the eye doctor on Tuesday cause I am over-due on an eye exam and out of fresh contacts. Well it turns out that I couldn't focus on anything without my lenses. He'd do the whole "1 or 2, 2 or 4" and I would pick the one that seemed the clearest, then he'd ask me to read the line and I'd blink and everything would get blurry. He dilated my eyes and said that I had some kind of cloudy haze and some scratches on my cornea, so he couldn't give me a new contact lens rx, but he did give me a rx for some medicated drops - tobradex. I have to use them 4 times a day for a week then go back for another exam, until them I can only wear my glasses - which not only do I hate, but are the wrong rx. So I've walked into a few walls lately. Also, somehow, I managed to scratch my glasses last night - the right lens, right over my eye. So now it's even harder for me to see! So driving to the scrap store on Saturday and actually scrapping should be real interesting to say the least!
Oh, I also saw my surgeon yesterday. My wound is so close to being closed. I'm expecting a call from his office as to when and where they can schedule a day surgery before Ruben goes to Vegas for his annual Manager's Forum. The doctor asked if I wanted to go ahead and have my wound sewn shut and have a new tissue expander placed - but Ruben wants me to wait for the second part of that procedure as he is going out of town, so for now, he's just going to go in, cut away some hard, dead tissue and sew closed the top layer of my wound. Then in 6 weeks I will go back in to have a tissue expander placed. Hopefully the next try will go well! But I will surely keep all posted

The count down is on.....

Ruben survived another birthday on Sunday, although we did the actual celebrating on Saturday. I took him shopping, got him some new clothes as that is the one thing he doesn't regularly buy . He didn't really need anything else, and we had been out looking for some furniture anyway. Afterwards I took him to dinner at Hooter's as we were both wanting some wings. I've never been inside a Hooter's and I have to say I was very un-impressed with this location here. Those girls were not busty at all, nor were they showing cleavage. Yeah their shorts were short, but a few girls had more than a couple inches to pinch - like I'm one to talk about their pudge, with my big ol' ass! I guess I was just expecting a different experience. So anyway, that was Saturday, then on Sunday we basically just cozied up in bed all day while it poured rain outside, and watched some old shows on the DVR, and had cake. Yeah, 34 is like so not exciting. I'm not really looking forward to it in 6 months.

So now it's mid-July. In another 4 days it will be the 1st anniversary of my Mom's death. I'm really not looking forward to it. Her birthday alone was hard enough for me this year. Although with Ruben's mom and brother flying in on Sunday morning, and with going in for my surgery on Monday, I won't have much time to think about it. This 1st year certainly has not been easy. The one good thing to have come from her death is the re-newed closeness I now have with my sister and brother. I just really miss her phone calls sometimes, and never in my life would I think that I would say something like that and mean it so much. Life is so strange and unfair at times.

Finally, I think things are set to go....

After a few very stressful days, and multiple doctors appointments, I have finally found a new General Surgeon to perform my Mastectomy. ...and this doctor is just no GS, he's a Surgical Oncologist, so he's definately qualified. I feel very good with the decision of putting my breast in his hands. He discussed things with me no other GS had. I have a feeling if I had went with one of the others they would have performed a hack job simular to the one the GS did up in Elko when I had my left breast removed. He told me what my risks would be if we did a nipple sparing operation, and a skin sparing operation. After hearing my odds, I decided I don't need to keep my nipple. I mean why? They have to reconstruct one, why not two? But we are doing a skin sparing even though it still leaves me with some risks, otherwise I'd have no skin and would have to have a tissue expander placed on the R side to stretch out that skin as well. Uh, no thanks. The pain of one side being forced to stretch by way of weekly saline injections is enough for me. It just means I will have to continue self check-ups on a regular basis, oh well. At least it eliminates the very lumpy breast tissue I currently have, and the panic I feel each time I feel the smallest lump that is nothing. Besides, if I am to have my own set of floatation devices, I'd rather have two than one. As long as my boobs aren't under my chin, or a uni-boob, I have no problem what-so-ever with looking like I have two halves of a melon on my chest. Hey it might even mean I will get to go braless since they basically support themselves. I mean hell, I don't think that implants are capable of sagging - at least not the first few years. So for those reasons alone, I am pumping them to the max! I miss my cleavage. I miss the breasts I once had prior to losing so much weight (which I am slowly gaining back due to some of my damn medications!)

I think for once rather than fearing this surgery, and being all stressed and anxious over it and the outcome, I am actually looking forward to the end result. Of course that will be many months from now, but damn it, I am going to have new boobs by Christmas (I hope) and I'm excited about that! Just less than 10 more days to go...keep your fingers crossed for me!

I think that I am finally and slowly starting to lift out of this funk, which would be great. I am ready for a manic period. Ruben's birthday is Sunday and I don't want to be a total bitch. I think that even though it is so deadly hot outside, that I need to get more sunshine. I think it really helps my moods a lot. Before this funk set in, I used to go outside at least weekly and cut the grass, or trim the hedges. I'd do whatever I could to help with the yardwork, well at least as much as my physical limitations would allow me. With all my back and leg pain it's hard to do any of that stuff. But since it has gotten so much more hot and humid, I haven't helped with any of that. Of course I am still realing from the side effects of my new meds that I've been on for about 6 weeks. They are kicking my ass and it is difficult at best to get up before noon. I am in desperate need of regulating my schedule.....you can't do yardwork in the middle of the day here, not unless you want a stroke! But I can't let Ruben work so hard this weekend doing yardwork when his birthday is Sunday. So now I guess I know what I will be doing tomorrow instead of being inside and scrapping, damn! Of course I still need to go get him a cake and whatever I need to make him a nice dinner. Man, there's just not enough hours in the day!

I'm Back...

So sorry I've been MIA lately. It's been a whole combination of things. First off there's Natalie's swim lessons, which has ended up being more time consuming than I previously thought they would be. Then of course there was the whole Lucky 7 scrapbook contest - which I am happy to say I successfully completed 7 layouts for just in time for today's deadline! Add in some money drama issues with my brother. Oh, I am also frantically searching for a new General Surgeon to perform my mastectomy on the 23rd, at almost the last minute I found out that the hospital I was scheduled to have surgery at had dropped from my PPO's plan, and my GS doesn't have privileges at the new facility - so I am seeing new doctors almost daily, which is REALLY difficult given that I cannot take Natalie with me to these appointments. I've also had to shop for and buy furniture for both the guest room and our dining room. Add all this stress and anxiety together, on top of being bi-polar, and watch out for some severe displays of manic-depressive. There was so much going on that even I didn't see it at first. About 3 days into it all, it dawned on me that I was having these mood swings and for the first time I think I really understood what was going on, and that I am bi-polar. I do have extreme periods of highs and lows. Of course this means that if I am experiencing such periods of mania or depression, then it means that my medication is not working all that well anymore. So when you hit a low, you don't really feel much like doing anything - no blogging, no getting out of bed, and definitely no scrapping. So forcing myself to do all these things wasn't the easiest, but the time is tick ticking away. There's only a tad more than 2 weeks left before my surgery, after which I won't be able to do much of anything for at least a month. Trying to do something too soon is how I botched my last reconstruction surgery. I really don't need or want another failed surgery - especially since this one is bi-lateral. I can't even imagine how much pain I will be in. I don't understand how women get breast implants. Needless to say, yes I am scared, and that is what you hear talking. Don't worry, just 2 more weeks to go of all this anxiety, then my anxiety level will triple when I get there and they go to start an IV. You'd think by now I'd be a pro at all this surgery stuff, but since my veins are so bad, I am hard stick. The more they try and don't succeed, the more I freak out. I also don't handle pain well, which tends to fuel my anxiety at times. So this is my world, welcome to it. Getting those layouts done for Scrapbook.Com was not an easy task. Half way through I lost my motivation, my drive. Actually I think maybe it was more my focus, and being in a low, depressive state with all my anxiety and stress. Sometimes it just gets so difficult to deal with things, cause it's like having a monkey on your back. So my layouts, to be honest, weren't all that satisfying to me. I just think that I could have done better if I had been in a manic state. But hopefully 1 will catch someones eye. At least I tried and applied myself. I really have to force myself to scrap more often. You know the saying, practice makes perfect. Ruben successfully sold my Craft Robo Pro on Ebay, and I took my money and purchased a Cricut instead. It's much more user-friendly. Just pop in a cartridge and your good to go. I can't wait to play more with it, and the other cartridges I got. Hopefully before my surgery, but we'll have to see how my schedule goes - and if I can get myself out of this funk I'm in. 4th of July was no big to do here. It rained all day, so the BBQ was cancelled, as was swimming in our wading pool. I say wading pool because it's about 2 1/2 feet deep of water. It stopped raining just in time for dusk, so we rounded up all the kids in the hood and Ruben shot off the fireworks he bought out of town. We got about half way through when a cop came by and told us that all fireworks are illegal in St. Charles Parish. He was really cool about it though, he didn't even give us a ticket or anything. The kids got a big kick out of the fact that they were illegal. So that was the end of that, which was kind of a good thing being that the mosquitoes had eaten us up. They are viscous little blood-sucking killers! So in about a week, on the 15th, it will be Ruben's birthday. He's going to be 34, and for about 6 months I will get the joy once again of being the younger one! I'm just not sure yet what to do for the big day. He's already got everything he could want or need. I mean hell, we are grown ups, we buy what we want when we want - it's not like we need a special day for that, so I'm really not sure what to get or do; I mean like other than sexual favors, lol. Tomorrow I will try to update Flickr with some of the newer pictures of Natalie swimming and from the 4th, it's already too late tonight and it's about time to hit the sack and call it a night!

I'm SO Excited!

I know I keep going on and on about this, but it really has been a long ass time since I last scrapped (well, prior to this set!) I just finished and posted my 4th LO yesterday. I had gotten into it so much, that I had nearly forgotten the fact that we had a birthday party to go to. I looked up at 12:30 and said oh shit, the party is at 1:00. Luckily my daughter was already dressed, and waiting to go. Both my hubby and I had showered the night before, and since it was a pool party at our neighbors, it was pretty low key - so getting ready took no time at all. It was hard for me to walk away from a near finished page, but my daughter's friend turned 6 and she was so excited to go swimming and see him. We ended up having a pretty good time, and I finished my LO when we got home. We'll be returning there all this week, providing it doesn't rain, so she can take swimming lessons with a personal instructor. Don't you worry, I'll have that camera with me and I'll be taking lots of pictures just like I did yesterday. You can check out the new LO here. I've got 3 more to do before 7/7 - and after that, well, let's just hope that I finally get this room straightened out before my surgery and can at least scrap 1 LO a week while recovering!
Enjoy!

Things are coming together

As you know I've confirmed my bi-lateral breast surgery; I am having a tissue expander placed in the right side, and having the left side removed (by choice) and having an implant put in it's place. It's not going to be fun, but I have to get this done. Worst yet, this is part 1 of a 3 stage process. After this proves successful, I will have 2 more surgeries to look forward to.
As for our child care dilemma, well that's taken care of too. My surgery was scheduled far enough in advance that Ruben's mom was able to take paid DTO to come out for a week. His little brother will also be coming out and staying for a month - which will greatly help out with Natalie. So here we are with a need to hurry up and at least make the downstairs presentable if not finished before July 23rd. We've bought some bookcases, and have mapped out how we plan to re-arrange the furniture. We still need to buy furniture for the guest room, and hopefully a new dining room set with a hutch. Although the ceiling downstairs needs to be repainted, I think it will probably wait till after (who has time to paint the entire downstairs ceiling, then possibly re-paint every room?)
Aside from that, we've gone ahead and found someone to replace/redo both the downstairs shower/bath and Natalie's shower/bath. We only have to replace the sink our self (easy enough, we've already bought the faucets and we have the know how) and replace the lighting (which we've already bought as well, and know how to do), oh and replace the downstairs toilet (we've already done Natalie's). But it will be 6 to 8 weeks before they are ready to start on that, so it won't be done in time for our guests. My upstairs bathroom is a different thing altogether. Since I have a separate jacuzzi tub, and we are wanting to re-do the little shower that is there, it is going to require a contractor who does custom stuff. The people we are using for our other bath's is New Bath and they only specialize in regular jobs. But for the price we are getting both of those baths redone at, we can hopefully afford a contractor to redo mine. Although extending the patio and getting concrete curbing is out, unless we want to slip into our equity fund, which I'd rather not do. I rather enjoy being (essentially) debt free. I just have to keep telling myself I can't have it all right now. Ruben also says that I should stop adding projects until we've finished the ones we've started. He says finish the inside first, then we'll do the outside. It's just that I need a concrete slab poured in order to buy him a shed and have in built, and if I am going to have concrete guys here I want them to do it all. So he's just gonna have to wait on his shed! Besides once we repaint and finish the bath's, we will be essentially done - I don't want to tackle the kitchen just yet. Besides I kinda like the way it looks, though it could use new counter tops. I just would like to add a little stain to some of the cabinets that have faded. I don't want to replace them - I'm not in the bath's, so why do it in the kitchen? I like the aged, antiqued look.
Speaking of fixing things, after nearly 3 years, I finally decided to give up my wedding ring set for 2 weeks so the jewelers could size it. I kinda figured after not wearing it at Disney, that if I could do that then I could send it in. Ruben was adamant that he did not want me to wear any jewelry in the park in case I lost something. Well he must have had a psychic moment cause when the trip was over I went to put on my diamond tennis bracelet and it had broke where the two links come together. Good thing I wasn't wearing it, that woulda been nearly $3000 down the drain! So since I had to send it in for repairs I figured why not send the ring too, problem is that the ring didn't quite come back the right size. I asked for 6.5 and it still feels loose, maybe I'm paranoid, but I don't want to lose a 3kt. ring set, especially since it means so much to me. Each ring has 5 diamonds on it, and it had been an early 5 yr. anniversary present - that and it is a reminder of our Vegas house, which we had just sold and made a large profit from.
So anyway, that is what's going on around here. Father's Day will be low key. Ruben got a new stereo and speakers for his Ram. We'll pretty much be going shopping - Home Depot and the grocery store, and sticking around here cleaning up and moving things around.
Happy Father's Day to all you dad's out there. Have an awesome weekend!
Oh, I also have a new place to showcase all my soon to be made scrap pages. I finally did something with my Scrapbook.Com page, check it out - now if only I can finish my scrap room! That is one thing definitely on the to-do list for this weekend!

School's out for summer!

Today is Natalie's last day of school till fall. She's been getting out at 12:30 all week. Honestly, I do not even see the point of her even going this week if she's to get out after half day and not be doing any school work. I almost wish that Louisiana State practiced year long school, with frequent vacation breaks through-out the year like Nevada does, rather than have a 3 month break. I'm not sure whether I should laugh or cry. If I have any sanity left, by summer's end I will surely be loony! I say this because this summer is going to be rather difficult with her being out of school and me having at least one surgery done. In the past I would just fly my mom out to stay with her, but now that she has passed, it is no longer an option. I checked with other moms in the neighborhood, and since they all work, they will be sending their kids to either day care or to camp. I tried to enroll her in camp, but registration was full at the church. The Country Club here is offering a camp as well, but at $140 a week, the price is quite steep! We thought about bringing my younger brother-in-law out from Nevada, but he's never been on a plane and is afraid. If I can get my 2 doctors to agree on a date, and confirm with the hospital well enough in advance I might be able to have my mother-in-law come out, but her DTO needs to be requested in advance or she'll end up taking the time off without pay - which I cannot allow. We have a real dilemma here over child care, just for one day while I go through pre-surgical procedures. Hopefully my other surgical procedure won't be till later this year when she returns to school. Aw, the joys of living in a "new" town so far away from friends and family.