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Only a few more days!!!!

It's finally here, the weekend we leave for our much anticipated vacation to Disney World. As much as I am excited about going, I'm just not very motivated about packing. It's not about the last minute laundry I 'm wanting to get done in order to do the actual packing. It's not even really the act itself as pretty much most of of the stuff we're taking is sitting in a big pile next to the suitcases.

I guess what it boils down to is that over the last few days I have had some serious family issues weighing heavily on my mind, heart, and wallet. I've managed to keep the majority of this under wraps for the last 6 months, but in that time keeping it all bottled up has done nothing but build anger. It's gotten to the point where I'm so pissed off I can't see straight. I finally managed to vent some of the anger, but it seems that all that has done is cause me more. I'm pissed off and frustrated and I don't know what to do anymore. I knew that these issues would one day be a problem. When my Mom first became ill last February, I had begged her to revert her will to her previous wishes, and to give me some sort of legal power. Of course she dismissed it all, saying everything will be fine. Yet everything is not fine. Here I am the ugly-red-headed step-child I always knew I was. In all actuality, I'm fine with having no dad or step-dad. The others came and went and life went on just fine without them. The only difference is that this time there is a child involved. One who loves her grandpa, and likes to talk to him - yet he's never home when she calls, and hardly ever calls her. This is one of the many things that pisses me off cause no one fucks with my daughter. The pain it brings me to see her cry cause grandpa's not home to answer the phone. Ruben's mom calls her every Sunday, and has since October. The other problem is my disabled brother Bill who lives in Vegas. He was just left on his own to fend for himself, and now that Social Security has cut off his disability he has been having financial problems. And just who do you think has been taking the responsibility for him and paying his bills? Yup, me. Thankfully my sister has offered to help as well, so I wouldn't have to bear the burden of all the costs alone - but still even at half, it adds up over months and months. Our step-dad, well let me say that he hasn't taken the initiative to help - he hasn't offered to help, nor given us any money for the thousands already shelled out. I really hope wherever my mom is she is kicking herself for not listening to me, and can hear me say I TOLD YOU SO!

Now hopefully since I have gotten this off my chest and vented, I will be able to actually enjoy the vacation that we have saved for over the last 9 months!

Oh, and when I come back, guess what I have to look forward to???? I'm finally going to undergo the first stage of reconstruction again. June 1st I will be admitted overnight after they implant a tissue expander. After the weekly saline injections for it to stretch to size, it will be replaced with a regular breast implant, and during that time is when they will remove my other breast and also replace it with an implant. Let's just hope that I have better results this time than with my last expander surgery which was unsuccessful!

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