News, news, and more news.

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It's been a bad week, and you may not be hearing from me again for awhile.
It all started last week. My hubby was out of town in San Diego for Regional meetings. While he was gone, my week started off badly as my eye swelled shut. It stayed that way for nearly 3 days and I couldn't drive or do anything, since I could only see out of one eye. Then on Friday, once my hubby was home I learned that my Mom possibly has Colon Cancer. The first doctor diagnosed her with stage 4, but didn't do all the necessary tests to confirm it. She went in for a second opinion and now she is being told she has Ovarian Cancer, even though she hasn't had her ovaries since I was born. Granted she was in Mexico, and all this news came from Mexican doctors. While I don't really see how it would be possible for her to have Ovarian Cancer, she does have some form of Cancer. The doctor ran a tumor marker on her blood and it did come back positive. She has excessive amounts of fluid in her abdomen, and needs to have surgery done right away to see what all is going on. I haven't gotten all the news yet, but it looks like they have finally come to their senses and will come back to Las Vegas to allow her insurance to cover her treatments, so we will have to wait and see.
Today, I got an email from my sister in Hawaii who happens to be approximately 32 weeks pregnant, with my nephew Matthew. Since her blood pressure is a little higher than what the OB would like, she will go in tomorrow to have jelly put on her cervix to help it dialate, then on Saturday she will be induced. This will be her second son, so it looks like come Saturday, I will be an Auntie once again.
Then to top it all off, my daughter has been complaining of pain in her mouth. I really didn't put much thought into it, as she has been wishing and waiting for the day for the Tooth Fairy would come to visit. She has complained about this one tooth way before it even began to wiggle slightly. So on Valentine's I look into her mouth and find that right behind her two bottom front teeth, she has teeth that have started to break through the gums. At first we were worried because a second row of teeth would not be good, but upon closer exam I found that her two front teeth are really loose finally, as if she hasbeen willing them to fall out all this time. I've been having her eat an apple every day to help loosen them more and fall out naturally, as I do not want to have to resort to the things my mother did to me to pull my loose teeth out....such as tie a string around the tooth, and the other end to a door knob, and slam the door so hard that to yank it right out. No torturing here, if worse comes to worse, we will go see the dentist and see what he can do with a little novacaine! Not a great picture, but take a look for yourself.

Melancholy

The only word that comes to mind right now, melancholy. My husband has been out of town since Monday, won't be back till Friday. He'll be home for a week or so, then leaves town for another week. It's quiet and lonely around here. Don't get me wrong, Natalie will talk your ear off - and kick the crap out of you while sleeping (she insist upon sleeping in our bed when one of us is gone.) But when you're depressed and alone, melancholy definitely fit the bill.

Then to top it off, I wake up yesterday morning and my eye is practically swollen shut. I iced it all day, and still today it is pretty swollen. I had to call a friend and ask her to take Natalie to school today and bring her home. I'm hoping with a little more ice, I'll be fine come tomorrow.

And it's not like this is the only thing, my drug company decided to drop my Avinza (morphine) from the plan. It's a $365 drug, and now is no longer on our formulary, so now It's a $30 co-pay, instead of $10, and I already pay out the butt for all the meds I take, plus no pharmacies here in town even have any in stock! So I haven't had pain meds since last week and my bones hurt sooooooo freaken bad I feel like if you just accidentally hit my shin, my leg would break. I hurt so much everyfreakenwhere. The Doc's office called today, and they are sending out a new RX for a Morphine generic that will cost a lot less.

I've been trying to do some little projects here and there to lift my spirits, but it's not easy when your heart's not in it all that much. But I need something to take my mind off of other things. Plus I really need to get back into scrapbooking, if I'm going to meet my goals this year and be published. I've also been dabbling in paper crafts and cards. Hopefully I will get on some Design Team or get published somewhere. I need something to get me out of my rut, and find happiness again.

What is real and what is not

My husband believes that depression is all in one's head, like perhaps mind over matter. I do not fault him for his beliefs, as I have many original ones of my own. However, I do believe that depression is real. I believe it as I live with it everyday, and have seen what it has done to others in my family. I know what it is capable of doing to others, and how it diminishes the soul, I know this first-hand. He sees me day in and day out, yet how can he not see what it has done to me and not understand that this merely is not a case of mind over matter? I often sit alone day after day in my bed not wanting to go downstairs to watch TV, scrapbook in my scrap room (which needs to be packed so it can be remodeled), make dinner, or even be with others. And while I feel this way day after day, thinking horrible, unbearable thoughts at times, I still feel this way despite the anti-depressants I have taken since August.
The first one they had me one made me feel somewhat better, but we learned in December that it was (possibly) the cause of the nightly seizures I experienced. So in late December, they switched me to a different kind of medication called Cymbalta. And while it has been nearly 6 weeks now, I still feel no different. In fact I think I may feel worse, because now I am back to weeping and crying nearly constantly. I find myself feeling more stressed, and having more anxiety than ever. And I find myself asking why, why do I feel like this? Is it because I am pre-disposed to depression due to family history? Was it my brush with Breast Cancer? Or was it because something I never thought possible happened to me….a woman, a close dear friend of mine broke my heart and I haven’t been able to get over it?
In the back of my head, I cannot forget it. But then again, it’s really no different than any other person or event in my life. I have always felt vengeful. I can never forgive and forget. Yet I can’t help thinking about it over and over again. How I have sent cards, promised burnt programs (one that I can no longer find the original for myself) and other acts of kindness, yet to get no reply, no thank you, no nothing. I ask nothing of my friends, nothing more than to be a friend. I don’t care if I often spend more on you than you spend on me. I don’t care about keeping track of who did what, about tracking “points” as you may say. And while I may have brought up a few occurrences to make a point, it wasn’t to throw them in her face or make her think that she was a bad friend – which she accused me of. It was merely to show here how much I cared for her, her family and our nearly 7 year friendship. I had only brought up the subject because while going through chemo I had not seen her or heard from her and had been slightly depressed at the time and needed a friend to talk to, to lean on. Which in turn ended up questioning the whole existence of our so called friendship, and ending it – which hurt me more than you could imagine. I think it hurt even more than the cancer did – when someone you love and consider a friend has no time for you and wants nothing to do with you after 7 years, it does break your heart. It hurt that she spent more time talking to virtual strangers than she EVER did to me – EVEN WHEN I LIVED IN THE SAME DAMN TOWN. She had no time to email or call me, yet had time to post and swap and scrap, when she had a friend out there that needed her in the worst way. And to think I was the fool that introduced her to scrapbooking. My husband keeps trying to remind me it is her loss, and not mine, and to just move on with the REAL friends that I do have – the ones that really make time for me, that call me, email me, invite me to lunch or to the park. He says it’s because of friends like her, that he no longer has any “old” friends.
It’s just hard for me, because as much as I love scrapbooking, I would NEVER value paper, ribbon, stamps, paint or embellishments MORE than the life of a person who you know in real life, and is a friend – one that was at your wedding, your baby showers, all the birthday parties, a person who had always been there for them. I have/had cancer and she couldn’t even call to say hi. I could have died, and all she had to say was maybe I forgot what it was like to work and take care of your family.
So I go from mildly depressed to extremely depressed, and I find myself wondering the cause – cancer or a broken heart? It’s like the question, what comes first, the chicken or the egg?

I'm a proud new owner of a brand new lens for my camera

I've been eyeing the extra lenses available for my new Sony Cybershot DSC-H1 for quite some time now. Actually, I think since we bought it over Thanksgiving (my gift for being in the hospital and having my tissue expander removed). I totaly LOVE this camera - I was told it is the best new camera on the market and beats out the new Canon Powershot S2 IS (which is what I HAD wanted). This has the 35mm equivalentcy of 36mm - 432mm, 12x optical zoom, 12x digital zoom, and at 5.1 MP it takes crystal clear amazing pictures! The only thing is that 2 of the lenses I want are $150 each, and the close up lens is $80! It's really frustrating when the extras are so damn expensive and you have already spent over $700 on the camera by time you get a 1 Gig SD Card, a carrying case, and of course tax! But since my birthday and anniversary just passed, I was owed some money - although I have already spent close to my limit on scrap supplies, plus the $600 to remodel the room, $200 in storage containers, and another $200 on ribbon boxes and vertical paper holders. But last night in an effort to stop my lusting, my hubby told me to just go ahead and get the damn thing. So I can have one this month, and one next month....then we'll see if I really want the close up lense or not. I had found some off brands on Ebay at much cheaper prices, but learned from the ONLY camera shop here in town that although they claim to fit my camera and the threads are the correct size, they don't actually work with my current lens and compensate for the adapter ring I have to put on to use them. So no matter what, I HAVE to purchase the original Sony equipment....bummer! So last night in an effort to find OEM lenses at a cheaper price, I searched the internet till my fingers were numb and blue! I finally found an outstanding deal on Amazon. $40 off the price of the lens AND free shipping! Check out my new goodies. Can't wait till it get's here, better yet, can't wait till next month to buy the other lens!
My new lens:

VCL-DH1758 58mm High Grade 1.7X Telephoto Conversion Lens
1.7X magnification for zoom shots that get you right into the action
Designed for 58mm lens Cyber-shot® digital cameras
High grade, 3 group, 5 element design for clear, distortion-free optics

My new camera:
Cyber-shot® DSC-H1 Digital CameraDSC-H1

Get closer than ever with the optically stabilized 12X zoom lens on the Cyber-shot® DSC-H1 digital camera from Sony.
5.1 Megapixel (2592 x 1944 Pixels)
12X optical zoom lens
2.5" LCD monitor1
Super SteadyShot® Optical Image Stabilization
32MB flash memory built-in.
Ranked Highest in Customer Satisfaction
by J.D. Power and Associates.*

Get closer than ever with the Cyber-shot® DSC-H1 digital camera from Sony. With its incredible 12X optical zoom lens combined with Super SteadyShot® optical image stabilization system you can capture stunning long-distance images with minimized blurring, even during longer exposures. It is conversion lens compatible so you can easily add optional telephoto and wide-angle lenses for even greater optical range.

The DSC-H1 features Sony’s precision 1/2.4" Super HAD™ CCD imager which, combined with the Real Imaging Processor™ and 14-bit DXP processor, gives you amazingly detailed 5.1 Megapixel digital images with accurate colors and contrast. Its comfortable SLR body design, 2.5 inch LCD screen1, and live histogram display allow you to quickly and easily compose perfectly framed shots.

Other key features include a pop-up flash, 32 Megabytes of internal memory2, and MPEG Movie VX video capture capabilities. It is PictBridge™ compatible so you can easily print photographs directly from the camera onto compatible photo printers without the need of a personal computer.
• 1/2.5" 5.1 Megapixel Super HAD™ CCD
Super HAD (Hole Accumulation Diode) CCDs provide excellent image quality by allowing more light to pass to each pixel, increasing sensitivity and reducing noise.
• 12X Optical/2X Digital/24X Total Zoom
Optical zoom helps you fill the frame with your subject for better pictures. And Sony’s Precision Digital Zoom helps bring your subject closer with an extra 2X magnification.
• 0 – 48X Smart Zoom™ Feature (at VGA Resolution)
The Smart Zoom feature intelligently uses the full CCD to let you zoom into the portion of interest by cropping the image size–thus avoiding the image degradation of Digital Zooms.
• Super SteadyShot® Optical Image Stabilization
Super SteadyShot® Optical Image Stabilization fights motion blur, even during longer exposures at full zoom.
• Real Imaging Processor™ Technology
The innovative Real Imaging Processor in the DSC-H1 not only improves picture quality and clarity but also improves camera response time, decreases shutter lag and improves battery stamina.
• 2.5" LCD Monitor1
The 2.5" 115K LCD Monitor1 makes framing shots and reviewing pictures easy.
• Live Histogram Display
Available in capture and playback the Live Histogram Displays the concentration of pixels at each luminosity value making it easy to evaluate correct exposure.
• 14-Bit DXP A/D Conversion
Sony’s 14-bit Digital EXtended Processor captures the range between highlight and shadow with up to 16,384 values, for extended dynamic contrast and detail.
• 3 Area Multi-Point Auto Focus
By evaluating 3 separate focus areas of the frame, Sony’s Multi-Point AF system can intelligently focus on the subject and avoid mistakenly focusing on the background.
• Manual Exposure Mode
Manual Exposure Mode provides extended control with 46-step adjustable Shutter speed (30 – 1/1000 sec.), and Aperture control (F2.8 – F8.0).
• AF (Auto Focus) Illuminator
Briefly illuminating the subject, in low–or no-light conditions, the AF Illuminator helps establish a positive focus lock.
• Selectable Focus Mode
Monitoring AF (Auto Focus) helps you anticipate the action by focusing even before you press the shutter release.
• Multi-Pattern Measuring
Independently light-metering 49 points of the frame, Multi-Pattern Measuring establishes the optimum exposure, even when highlight and shadow isn’t centered in the frame.
• Scene Selection Mode
With 7 Scene Modes, parameters can be matched to the shooting conditions. Choose from one of the following: Twilight, Twilight Portrait, Portrait, Landscape, Beach, High-speed shutter and Candle.
• Pre-Flash Metering
With a momentary pre-flash, the camera illuminates the subject and sets exposure through the lens for accurate flash metering. Adjustable flash level and red-eye reduction ensure great flash shots.
• Slow Shutter Noise Reduction
During long exposures, Slow Shutter NR captures the scene, and then the CCD noise pattern with a dark frame exposure. By subtracting the two, even long exposures can be clear.
• Memory Stick® Media and Memory Stick PRO™ Media
Digital. Powerful. Transportable.™ Memory Stick® media is compact, portable and rugged—connecting a variety of hardware and software applications.
• 32 MB Internal Memory Included2
Shoot without a flash memory card with 32 MB internal memory2; Slot for optional Memory Stick®, Memory Stick PRO™ media. Full 32 MB of internal memory can be copied to optional Memory Stick® media.
• 9 Shot Burst Mode
Capture up to 9 5MP shots (fine) or 100 shots VGA (standard) at 0.7 frame/sec. Perfect for high speed subjects or fast moving action such as sports or small children.
• Multi-Burst Mode
Captures 16 320 x 240 frames as part of a single 1280 x 960 image which plays back sequentially in the camera. Selectable 1/7.5, 1/15, 1/30 second.
• MPEG Movie VX Standard/Fine Mode with Audio
Captures VGA (640 x 480) high frame rate (up to 30 frames per second) audio/video clips with length limited only by the capacity of the media. Video mail mode captures smaller file sizes suitable for email.
• Conversion Lens Compatible
You can add tele-photo or wide-angle conversion lenses for greater magnification or wider field of view, as well as protective and special effect filters.
• PictBridge™ Compatibility
Connect to any PictBridge™ compatible printer with the supplied USB cable and print directly from the camera. Images can be viewed and selected for printing right on the camera’s LCD, with menus for print quantity, date and index print.


Specifications
• Imaging Device: 1/2.5" 5.1 Megapixel Super HAD™ CCD
• Recording Media: 32MB internal flash memory1, Memory Stick® Media, Memory
• Stick PRO™ Media
• Lens Construction: 11 Elements in 9 Groups. Includes 1 ED Glass Element and 1 Aspheric Element)
• Zoom: 12X Optical Zoom
• Smart Zoom® Feature: 0 – 48.0X (at VGA Resolution)
• Digital Zoom: Precision, 0 – 2.0X Range, 24X Total
• Filter Diameter: 58mm (with adapter ring)
• Focal Length: 6 - 72mm
• Aperture: f2.8 - f3.7
• 35mm Equivalent: 36 - 432mm
• Auto Focus:3 Area Multi-Point AF, Center AF, 3-Step Manual
• Macro Mode: 3/4" (2 cm)
• Shutter Speed: 1/8 – 1/2000 sec. (Auto), 2 – 1/2000 sec (Program Auto), 30 – 1/1000 sec (Manual)
• Exposure Compensation: +/- 2.0 EV, 1/3 EV Steps
• Color LCD: 2.5" 115K Pixel TFT LCD Screen2
• Flash Modes: Auto/Forced On/Forced Off/Slow Synchro
• Red-Eye Reduction: On/Off
• White Balance: Auto, Daylight, Cloudy, Fluorescent, Incandescent, Flash and One Push
• Burst Mode: 9 Shot 5MP (JPEG fine), 100 Shot VGA (JPEG std.), 0.7fps
• Picture Effects: Sepia, Black & White
• ISO: Auto, 64, 100, 200, 400
• Scene Modes: Twilight, Twilight Portrait, Portrait, Landscape, Beach, High-speed shutter, Candle
• Self-Timer: Yes, 10 Seconds
• Audio/Video Output: Yes, NTSC/PAL Selectable
• Still Image Modes: Normal (JPEG Fine/Standard), Burst, Multi-Burst, Auto Bracketing
• MPEG Movie Modes: MPEG VX Fine with Audio (640 x 480 at 30fps), (MPEG VX Fine requires Memory Stick PRO™ media) MPEG VX Standard with Audio (640 x 480 at 16fps), Video Mail (160 x 112 at 8fps) with Audio
• Microphone /Speaker: Yes / Yes
• USB Terminal: Yes, Supports USB 2.03
• Memory Stick PRO™ Media Compatibility: Tested to support up to 2GB media capacity4; does not support Access Control security function
• Compatible Battery: "AA" NiMH or "AA" Alkaline
• Supplied Software: Picture Package™ for Sony v1.6 (Windows), Pixela™ ImageMixer VCD2 (Macintosh), USB Driver, Cyber-shot Life tutorial (Windows)
• OS Compatibility: Microsoft®Windows®98/98SE/Me/ 2000/XP Home/XP Pro; Macintosh®OS 9.1/9.2/OS X (10.0 - 10.3)
• Supplied Accessories:NH-AA-DA Rechargeable AA Batteries, BC-CS2 Battery Charger and Cord, A/V and USB Cables, Shoulder Strap, Lens Cap, Lens Cap Strap, Lens Adapter Ring, Lens Hood and Software CD-ROM
• Dimensions (W x H x D): 4 1/4" x 3 1/4" x 3 19/32" (107.8 x 18.4 x 91.2mm)
• Weight: 1 lb., 5 oz. (591g) with Battery, Media and Neck Strap

Western Week

This week to coincide with Cowboy Poetry, the school has been sponsoring Western Week. It's a time when the kids where their cute little cowboy boots and hats to school. At least we'll get some wear out of those $50 Durango pink boots we bought in Vegas! We missed it Monday....I totally forgot and sent her to school in her Raider's jersey and jeans. But I remembered yesterday and as we headed out to school, we stopped down near the end of the road where there are some beautiful horses. I didn't mean for her to get close to them - ya know, in case they weren't nice. But I got some wonderful pictures of her with the horses. She petted them and they nuzzled her neck. Once she got near the fence, they just flocked over to her for some attention. They are amazing creatures. Take a look for yourself. I'll also be posting LOTS of new pix on Flickr too.

I think today after school we may stop and feed the ducks, we'll see. It all depends on what the weather is like.

January 30, 2006 - When it all began.

I'm not exactly sure of the date, when it began. But it must have been close to about 7 years ago....or maybe just a little more. Playing pool with a friend at a bar called Pink'Es in Las Vegas. I remember the night well, I just can't remember the date. We had been drinking and horsing around as we played pool. Then the next thing I remember, he began to sing to me and my heart melted. It wasn't the first time I had been serenaded in my life. The first was like a scene from Top Gun. A group of drunken Navy sailors my dad worked with at a Christmas party singing that infamous song, "You've lost that loving feeling" all because I wouldn't dance with someone. I had only been 17, and was quite embarrassed. But all of that is not important now.....this time was different. The man singing to me was supposed to be my friend, a best friend - one who knew all my deep dark secrets, and there he stood singing to me "Let's get it on" by Mavin Gaye.

You know how it goes...."We're all senistive people, so much to give. Understand me sugar, since we've got to be here, let's live. I love you. There's nothing wrong with me, loving you. Baby not at all. Giving yourself to me could never be wrong, if the love is true. Oh baby. Don't you know how sweet and wonderful life can be. I'm asking you baby, get it on with me."

Like I said, I may not remember the exact date, but I do remember some harmless kissing around the table, and later sitting in my truck, all hot and heavy till nearly 3 am on a work night. Shortly there after we began seriously dating. On our first date we had both been so nervous, we had our friends Lora and Karl escort us. I'll never forget that date....our first (real) date. 3 months later, I (accidentally) wound up pregnant. A little miracle child, that survived when 4 others didn't. I remember feeling the exact moment thinking, knowing that I was pregnant. He proposed the day I found out, although I put the ring on my finger before he even had the chance to get on one knee and ask. A meer 26 days after she was born, on a Sunday morning - what turned out to be a Suberbowl Sunday morning, we wed. That was 6 years ago today. A day he'll never forget because that was when the Rams WON the Superbowl, and the Rams had been one of his favorite teams, that is next to the Raiders of course. (Also a little trivia for ya, our daughter's birthday is the 4th of January, mine is the 26th, add those together and you get the 30th....as long as he knows 2 of the important dates, he'll never forget the 3rd.....I hope!) Anyway, we had tried to just go down to the court house and get it over with, but my mom wouldn't have that. She bought me a nice fancy dress, so we had to rent him a tux. luckily my friend Joanna who was my maid of honor already had a nice black and white gown, his friend Adrien only had to rent a tux. It wasn't your usually bridal gown, but then again, this was my second time around. Since I had this nice dress to wear, we knew the court house was out of the question. We drove up and down the strip for days looking for a "nice" Vegas chapel to wed in, as neither us, nor our families had the cash for a large wedding, and we didn't want to do a drive-thru ceremony or have it preformed by Elvis. We finally found a nice little place that resembled a real New England style Chapel, complete with stained glass windows, and a bell tower somewhere near Charleston and 4th I recall. A Special Memories Wedding Chapel. This place was very nice for a "Vegas" Chapel. Just wish I could find all the pix so you could see the beautiful outside tower and stained glass windows, Oh well maybe I'll find those ones later, for now I have these few for you to look at:













Happy 6th Baby, I love you!

January 26, 2006 - Happy Birthday to Me~!~

Well here it is, the BIG day. I'm 32 now and I feel EVERY single DAY of it! I'm not sure what is in store yet for the day - probably nothing or at least not much. I say that because I was given the OK from my hubby to buy whatever my little heart desired (since I wanted scrap stuff, he sent me out to get it myself, since he's scrap challenged.) Yet, I couldn't really find anything BIG that I wanted. Maybe I should have gotten some new lenses for my digital camera. I did buy some new dies, and ALL kinds of storage for the new scraproom he's going to build me when I get off my butt and carefully put all my paper elsewhere during the transition......and while I just spent a grand on a new washer and dryer, I am excited that I finally got them yesterday! YAY!
So what to do now for the big day? Can't relax as I have to take my daughter to school and have Valentine projects going on, as well as a new round album, and I finally got my QVC TSV in the mail yesterday. At this rate, I will never pack up my room for re-modeling! I guess the celebration will most likely wait till this weekend when we can also celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary too, as that is coming up on the 30th!

January 23, 2006 - What's with this funk?

I have been in this funk for quite some time now. I had seriously hoped for a new year with new beginnings. But here it is 3 days away from my birthday, and I'm still down right in a funky mood! Maybe it's the thought of turning 32, or maybe it's that a year ago on that day I found a lump in my breast and I'm scared of a repeat. I don't really know what my problem is. But my mood has turned somewhat nasty, and I blame no one but myself. For some reason unknown to me, I am not happy anymore and I don't get it because at one point I was a happy person - or at least I thought I somewhat was. Maybe it's because my washer crapped out on me, and it cost me over a grand to buy a new washer and dryer set! Or maybe it's just because I felt almost certain that this was going to be a better year for me and so far it has yet to be one. That alone is cerain. For reasons unknown t0 me, I feel more depressed than ever before. Hopefully it's just a reminder of years past. But yet the question remains, how do I get out of this funk At first, I thought a little retail therapy would do the trick, but it only cheered me up for the moment. Then I thought maybe I beeded a little color in my life, and added some funky burgandy to my hair, and while Ruben and I love the new look, it still didn't quite do the trick. I'm running out of ideas, and I have absolutely NO ONE here to talk to about any of this! My hubby thinks that it is some of the meds I am on, but I disagree and think that I am not on the right combo of meds. I am beginning to think maybe I'm somewhat bi-polar, although I can't seem to remember my last really good day - and to be honest, I think I have felt this way before most of the meds even started. So HOW (!) do I get out of this funk? I need help turning that frown up-side down!

A peek into my Scrap Room (soon to be before pix)

Ok, Cynthia - I have FINALLY met your challenge and not only have I taken pictures, & edited them - I even bought a pro account so I could put them on Flickr, as I had run out of room for this month on the FREE account.
So, now you can see how messy and UNORGANIZED it is - The only problem is that this stupid blog would not accept the tag on my post, and I am too new to this to figure out how to make it work! So if you would like to see my room, please follow the link that I have posted below! Hopefully, it works!

Also know this, as you look at these pix, know that my hubby just spent nearly $500 last night at Home Depot to re-do my room to be more user-friendly and organized like hers. Now I just need to buy all the Cropper Hopper paper containers, and a million shoe box size containers! Guess that's what I will be buying with my $300 of Birthday and Anniversary money this month! Either that or be broke and live off Ramen for a couple months!

Take a peek, I really hope you enjoy my haven! So far, a lot of work has went into this, and now we're getting ready to put in even more!!!!
All feedback would be greatly appreciated, as our resolution this year is to get more organized! The hubby also bought closet organizing stuff the day before last, so I get to spend the rest of the day folding and hanging clothes! Yay! NOT!

You can find all 99 pictures by following this link to Flickr.com and looking under the set titled My Scrap Room as of 1.14.06

January 14, 2006 - It's Over. Where to next?

Here it is, January 14th. Christmas is over, I don't even recall New Years, and both of Natalie's birthday parties are over. So what's next. I actually have a few weeks before the next big event - or events I should say. The 26th wil be my 32 birthday, yeah (NOT!). The 30th will be our official 6 year anniversary. No it's not a big number or anything, but still 6 years is a big deal. Somedays we both wonder how we ever made it this long, especially given all the hardships we've been dealt in the 7+ years we've been together! Then in Feburary we've got a couple birthdays, Valentine's, and then of course our other anniversary. That of our first date. This time of year is very busy for us. It's one thing after another all the way from Halloween till Ruben's birthday in July. So as I hardly have any time now to accomplish things, how will I manage in the upcoming weeks/months? I've been trying to edit Natlie's birthday pictures and those of my Scraproom to post for Cynthia, but I've been having problems with my laptop and have run out of space for this month on Flickr. So now what, do I buy a membership, or wait till next month to post the pictures? I've even contemplated posted the pictures on 2Peas of my Scraproom. I am in desperate need of feedback on it, as I would like to remodel it ASAP and I LOVE Cynthia's desgn and organization. It's funny I used to be so organized at work before, but now I cringe at the idea of filing things. Guess it's cause I did it for all those years. Aside from the pictures, I am also working on a round album, which I have most of the stuff cut and ready for it to be put together, just have lacked the time to do so.......and if all that weren't enough I bought all the supplies I needed to make Valentine's goodies for my daughter's class. Orginally I was going to use these adorable little Chinese boxes I found, but after I attempted to stamp on them I decided it was not going to work. The material was just too glossy. So I went and exchanged them for these brown craft paper bags with a peek-a-boo hole. I wanted these other little brown fold up boxes, but he didn't have enough in stock - but we agreed on the brown craft items instead of the white ones as we were afraid that I would encounter the same problem stamping on them. So let's see now. I have at least 3 projects that I am working on and no time to do them in. I have shopping to do for both myself and my husband. I am getting my own b-day present, most likely some more sizzlit alphabets, but who knows! There is so much that I want, but I need to pace myself. Oh, and let's not forget that we have yet to take down the Christmas tree or lights! Looks like that will be the first place to start. Wanna join me, it will be oh such great fun!

January 6, 2005 - Time for bed, yet so much to be done!

A few days ago on the 4th was my daughter's 6th birthday. We had a small little party here that consisted of her father and myself. She had a little round cake decorated with a tiara and septer, after all you know, SHE IS ROYALTY, lol. After the cake she opened a few presents, nothing too exciting, just some Xbox and Playstation games, lipglosses, and clothes.....oh joy!. Tomorrow at 3:30 is when the REAL party is. A bunch of hyped up kindergarteners hopped up on cake running around Mickey D's. Should be a whole lot of fun! And if that weren't enough, as soon as her party ends, we have another to attend! Ruben's annual Christmas party for work is Staurday at 5 at the Star, and just thinking about it is making my mouth water like you couldn't even imagine! Steak sounds so appetizing right about now! Mmmmmm. As it is so late here, and I have been sick with the flu or whatever, I haven't gotten to any of my posts lately. But I swear after tomorrow, I WILL post about the parties AND about our Resolutions we make to break this year. But I can say THIS MUCH.....one of mine was definately NOT to stay away from ice cream cause in the last 2 days I ate a whole gallon of Pistacho Almond all by myself .......mmmmmm. But hey I am still keeping my weight down, and haven't gained a pound so who really cares what I eat right? Certianly NOT me!
In the meantime I have posted LOTS of new pix to my Flicker account from Christmas and the 4th. Hope you enjoy them. Now off to bed and rest before I deal with lots of screaming kids tomorrow!

January 4, 2006 - My god how time flies so fast when you're a parent!

Today, just 6 years ago, at 3:02 pm, I gave birth to my little miracle. It's hard to beleive that as of today she is 6. No longer a toddler or a child, but a kid. A kid who grows smarter (in every way!), taller, and more into looking like a young lady. Now if I could only get her to act like one, we would be doing good. 6 years. I cannot beleive it. It makes me feel sooooooo old! Yet I'm both so happy AND so sad at the same time. Where has my little baby gone? Yet at the same time I am so happy she is a kindergartener and at least gets out of the house (and out of my hair!) for a few hours each day. It's just so hard for me to fathom the thought that she is almost a 1st grader and going to school full time! Oh what will I do then?
Party all day? LOL. NOT!

Well the New Year is upon us!

Here it is, all the Christmas hoopla is said and done with, and Christmas vacation is OVER. So today it's back to school already, and tomorrow, my one and only baby will be 6. No longer a baby, no longer a toddler, now just a child, next to be a teen and already fighting and arguing with her Mother. I can't beleive that she's almost a 1st grader. I feel so old, and speaking of old, not long from now I will soon be 32 and we will be celebrating our 6th year of marriage! ARGH!!!!! Where does time go? Her birthday party is set for Saturday and we have yet to get a single reply from her kindergarten class. Last year the dissapointments had come from most of our own family, which had been our fault. We celebrated her birthday the day fter Christmas because we were in Las Vegas and that's where all our friends and family where. But as it turned out, they all had made prior holiday plans, and now it once again looks like this year will be a let down as well. Why do I bother going out and spending almost $200 on invitations, wrapping paper, party supplies, goodie bags and the stuff to go in them? Being an only child means she has anything and everything her heart can desire because every year we over do it. We spent so much on her for Christmas we asked others to only give her money - which most didn't listen to. But those that did have now put her $150 dollars on her way to a savings account. Instead of spending all that money on birthday party crap I should have just given her the $200. This vacation has went faster than what it ever seems and Christmas for me was somewhat dissapointing - but on my own accord. I told my hubby not to buy me anything. We agreed to buy each other things for the house instead, we got our 5" down featherbed and our surround sound for our bedroom. Then he got his $450 RC car and I got my $700 digital camera.....then I also sweet talked him into 4 new alphas for my sizzlit machine and 10 new dies for my sizzix machine. He then went out on a limb to suprise me as always and bought me some perfume and stuff anyways, which I am grateful for. Every year he stashes cash and buys me surprises. I never can figure out how he does it! But nonetheless, I can always use new perfume, and that is what I said I wanted for Christmas. I am a perfume hog and wouldn't doubt if I smell like a french whore half the time. I love my Calvin Klein Eternity's and Obsession's, my Tresor and all my bath and body products. I'm one spoiled chickie. But I guess what hurts the most is that every year that we've been together I have always gotten jewelry for our anniversary, Mother's Day and for Christmas, and this year cancer came along and ruined it all. No nice big diamonds, no sparkly gold chains, no rings and matching bracelets, nothing to my hearts content! What I did get was a poor blood test from my oncologists office, and now I have to be re-tested monthly due to a low platelet count. I now have to watch for unusual bruising and excessive bleeding. Joy! Natalie had a wonderful Christmas and really cleaned up, but unfortunately I was too stressed to enjoy most of it. SO I figured for the rest of my school break I would take some me time. I stayed up till 3, slept till noon and scrapped some although I pretty much got nothing done. I have everything cut out, but nothing really put together yet. It's a book all about the things I love. Something to help cheer me up when I'm down, and my first attempt at a round album. I bought tons of new supplies while in Vegas that were dying to be used. Once I get back from taking Nat to school, I'm going to try to post our Christmas pix to Flicker, and also post my list of New Years Resolutions - which should be real easy, as it is much like last years - plus or minus a few tidbits. I hope everyone else had a way more enjoyable experience than I, and at least stayed up till midnight New Year's.......I was out like a light at 9pm!
Until next time, be good to one another!

I've been tagged again, but at least this is a quick one!

I was tagged again!

This one came from Lora.

List five weird things about yourself:

1. I am totally disgusted by feet and toes. I cannot stand them and will try not to touch them if at all possible.

2. I hate being late or not having enough time to finish a project or do something, and totally stress/obsess over it, which in turn causes a lot of over-reaction and anxiety on my part. Yet at the same time I am somewhat of a procrastinator also. Imagine that!

3. I have this thing for gossip magazines and celebrity life. I'm addicted to it. I love watching some of the MTV/VH1/E! reality shows like True Life; Newlyweds; Meet the Barkers; Cribs; Pimp my Ride; The E! True Hollywood Story; Best Week Ever - just to name a few. I also love those countdown shows, the fabulous life, and the decade shows too!

4. I'm anal-retentive (or so Ruben says) and slightly obsessive/compulsive about stupid little crap. I may even be a little bit on the hypochondriac side too.

5. I'm a perfectionist at nearly all I do, and often won't stop doing something until I am satisfied with what I've done - even once others have told me to stop!

Okay, since this one is a quickie, I'm going to share the love. I tag: Cynthia & Donna.

Merry Christmas to all!

I've been tagged!

I was tagged by Cynthia

The rules for this particular tagging are as follows:
Remove the blog name in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add yourself to the bottom slot.

1. Beth
2. Deanna (View of Life)
3. A Scrap of Life (Annette)
4. i am a coconut (Cynthia)
5. Hope, Strength, Courage: The Story of my Survival through Breast Cancer (Angi)

Then you get to select five people to pass the love on to.
1. Lora
2. Donna
3. Jeff
4. Valerie
5. Kenny

Now, on to the questions!

What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was just about to turn 21. I had just moved to Vegas to be near the majority of my family, and I had just split with my former husband and we were divorcing!

What were you doing one year ago?
I had just moved to Elko with my husband Ruben who was promoted to Area Supervisor for the office he runs here. I was happy to no longer be working, I was finally a SAHM, and I was pregnant for the 5th time and we were convince that I was going to carry this one to term (however I didn't and lost it in Jan. after 14 weeks).

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Keebler Double Stuff Fudge Elf cookies
2. Neopolitan Ice Cream
3. The occasional candy bar - brand varies.
4. Cucumbers or Jicama w/lemon and salt
5. Chicharrones (not sure if that's how you spell it, but the mexican fried doritos with lemon and hot sauce that you get at the swap meet in Vegas)

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
1. The Reason by Hoobastank
2. Welcome to my Life by Simple Plan.
3. These Boots Were Made for Walkin' by Jessica Simpson....courtesy of my daughter
4. My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas....again, courtesy of my daughter
5. Let's Get it On by Marvin Gaye.....courtesy of my hubby who sung it to me the night of our first kiss.

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Scrapbook all day, maybe even make a business out of it.
2. Pay off my home and buy a freaken nice ass house somewhere.
3. Send my child to private school and set up her college fund and trust fund.
4. Buy my hubby any car he wants, and both of us new Dodge's even though we just bought ours last year.
5. Travel all over the world/buy me tons of jewelry/and have plastic surgery on every inch of fat I have.

Five bad habits:
1. Not exercising as much as I should.
2. Not doing the dishes when I should.
3. Not massaging my arm like I should.
4. Not doing the laundry like I should.
5. Not eating all day, just drinking Mr. Pibb.

Five things you like doing:
1. Scrapbooking.
2. Shopping for scrap supplies.
3. Going to Scrap Crops and Conventions.
4. Watching Grey's Anatomy.
5. Sleeping in Late.

Five things you would never wear, buy, or get new again:
1. For now, V-Neck shirts.
2. Bathing Suit.
3. Daisy Dukes or any shorts really since I don't wear them.
4. AquaNet or any cheap hairspray or shampoo/conditioner for that matter.
5. Dresses/skirts....won't ever catch me in one again.

Five favorite toys:
1. My 10 new sizzix dies and 4 sizzlit alphas/window and fram dies.....actually all my scrap supplies!
2. My new Sony Cyber Shot digital camera.....LOVE IT, can't wait to get additonal lenses for it!
3. My new Notebook computer......how did I ever function with wires?
4. My new Palm Pilot....where would life be without my digital brain!
5. My photo printer - although I would like a new one even though this one has hardly been used!.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Yesterday it snowed all day long in somewhat of a blizzard fashion. Yet for all that we barely accumulated 3 inches or so, and there was no snow day today like we had hoped for. So Ruben had to go off to work this morning, and I had to take Natalie to school. It really kinda sucks. It's cold and windy, but the snow is sort of clearing away - guess cause it's rained a bit today.
Today was spent trying to wrap up loose ends so we can leave for Vegas tomorrow when Natalie gets out of school. I need to finish laundry and start packing. I made a bunch of calls today, paid some bills, and went to the post office which was not fun.....the line was outrageous!
This past weekend I FINALLY finished up on the gift album I have been making for a friend. She's like the only one who stood by me during chemo. There were others, but she's the one who hauled my ass out to the park, called me all the time, and tried her best to keep my spirits up or just listen to me vent. I would have finished this long ago if it weren't for all those damn doctor appointments and weekend trips to Vegas for them. But I am so excited It's done, and last night I made a goodie bag packed full of all kinds of extra embellishments for her to use when she puts down the photos. I posted some pics at 2Peas, but they aren't the best photos I could've done. I should have scanned each one, but didn't have time. Kari a friend I met at Natalie's school, another mother, invited me out to play Bunco. Let me tell you, I cleaned up pretty good for my first time playing! I won a HUGE bath basket for having the most losses, and another BIG tub filled with Christmas goodies for having a Bunco in the 6th round and having the bear when the bell rang. It was a lot of fun to get out of the house and not hear mom! They lost a member that night, so I agreed to go from a sub for one player to a regular player. It's $7 a month, one night a month, a few hours away from home with the girls, eating, talking and winning prizes!
I don't know if I will have much time to post later this week. Once I get to Vegas I have a doctor appointment Wed. & Thur. and dinner with a friend Friday. We are only staying down there till the 26th, when we come back to another freezing cold house and bed! If I get a chance I will post about our Christmas, if not I will when I get back. I hope the rest of you have a wonderful holiday with your loved ones!
Merry Christmas!

December 15, 2005 - Staying at home is work also!

For those of you that believe that being a stay at home mom is a picnic, think again. Sure there are some mothers out there that sit glued to the computer all day, or sit on the couch and watch soaps or what-not. But then there are the rest of us, who despite the lack of respect and appreciation work our butts off day to day on minor things that more than likely go un-noticed. For example, today it took me 1 1/2 hours to make 2 phone calls. 1 to my credit card company about fraudulent charges on my account....that call alone took an hour. The other call was to dispute a billing error with the bug spray company. I also finished up my Christmas cards, pumped gas, drove my daughter to and from school, attempted to find someone to clear the brush on our land, get info on appraisals for carpet and tile, call around for new insurance, balance the checkbook, and start dinner. And while the evening is not over yet, I still plan to fold and do laundry, dishes, finish helping my daughter with her holiday cards, shower, pull out clothes for tomorrow, and pay some bills. For someone who is a SAHM I feel more stressed, worn out, and pre-occupied than I did when I worked. Most of the things I do go un-noticed because I wasn't able to get to some big project like wrapping the presents, but still nonetheless I worked hard today and accomplished as much as I could. My job is no 9 to 5 job either. It starts when my daughter wakes me up between 8:00 and 8:30 and doesn't end until it's time for bed. ALL day long I feel like I am making food or getting snacks for my child or helping her with her school work because I want her to have a better life. Do I get to sit around and do the things I love like scrapping? No, I have an album I am 6 pages away from finishing for a gift, yet I've had no time to get to it, let alone half my parents mail. For those of you that take your kids to daycare everyday, imagine what it is like to hear mom, mom, mom, 50 million times a day and have to help out and answer each time. Do you really know what it takes or what is involved in raising a kid and spening EVERY second of EVERY day with them? I'm lucky if I get to pee by myself! I just don't have enough hours in the day to do all the things I would like. And while Natalie does go to school, the 2 hours and 45 minutes that she is there is each day leaves me little time to accomplish much more than a project or two at home or a trip to town to shop or get groceries. Especially when you break down that 2 hours and 45 minutes, because of that I have to spend 30 - 45 minutes on the road to come home or go to town and go back to pick her up.
So to all you SAHM who work just as hard as I do or more everyday, SALUTE! And for the rest of you that think all we do all day is slack off I say F you!

Our list of 5

If you ever were a Friends show addict, then you know all about the list of 5. You know, the scene between Ross and Racheal were they agree that they can have a list of 5 people that they could sleep with if they ever had a chance and both would be okay with it?
Well last night my husband and I laid in bed watching Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Good movie, we quite enjoyed the sound of it on our new surround sound in our bedroom - we now have a surround sound for each TV in our house! Anyway, after watching half the movie, he mentioned that Angelina Jolie just moved up a notch on his list. I know Jennifer Aniston also graces his list, but I do not know the other three or what order they are in. All I know is mine is forever changing.
Currently my list is as follows:

1) Ashton Kutcher - not the "Dude Where's my Car" Kutcher, more like the current "Punk'd" star.
2) Nick Lachey - hell if Jessica doesn't want him, I'll take him in a heartbeat. He has gorgeous blue eyes, and he's rich and romantic to boot!
3) Patrick Dempsey - not the "Can't Buy Me Love" one, the neurosurgeon Dr. Shepard on Grey's Anatomy. Man if I had a doctor that hot I would have no complaints with always going to see him!
4) Orlando Bloom - Yes, dear elfing Legolas minus the ears. Or better yet from "Pirates of the Caribbean"
5) Viggo Mortenson - I will bow to King Aragon anyday.

So now you know it!

Who are you willing to cheat for?

December 14, 2005 - Stop thinking about it, just do it!

Sometimes ya just gotta stop thinking about everything and just do whatever it is so it's done and off your mind. Yeah I still have holiday cards I am working on, laundry, mail, bills, and presents. But I have bought all the stuff for my daughter's 6th birthday party, booked a spot for the party, and started on various other projects, although I still have millions more waiting to be done.
But before all that, I wanted to share with you a story about a man I met in Vegas just prior to finishing Chemo. My hubby and I met him at Home Depot, and upon seeing my bald head he inquired if I had cancer. He then began telling us his story of how he battled testicular cancer that had spread to his stomach and brain, had a child despite it all, and sits with a prune in a jar on his desk so he can give all his interviewees a hard time. Yeah he might have shared too much info with us, but he gave me the same advice that he followed. When his hair began to grow back, it came back as a fro'. Since it wasn't the 70's he decided to shave it off and try again. He ended up with a rather nice head of hair. So yesterday I just quit thinking about it and did it. My hair was coming back super curly and wirery, or a fro' as you will. So after dropping Nat off at school, I got out the clippers and for the second time in my life I gave myself a buzzcut. Needless to say it certainly stunned my daughter and husband. Ruben's not happy about it to say the least, says I look like Sinead O'Connor, but I'm thinking more G.I. Jane......of course that's minus the biceps and tight abs. My hair had gotten to the point I started blow drying it to straighten it out some, but instead it ended up more spiked than anything. At least now I can just brush my teeth, dress and go. What do you think? Before and after........

December 12, 2005 - Here it is, that time of year again!

With all the recent trips back and forth to Vegas, I nearly forgot that Christmas is right around the corner and I have yet to get the cards and pictures ready, let alone wrap a single present.
We spent the weekend down in Vegas having my stitches removed. The plastic surgeon said things look good and scheduled me to come back in February.....not sure why though, as I can't have the surgery done till around June. While there, we spent a lot of time holiday shopping, and finally took our annual Christmas picture. We came home late last night to another FREEZING house, but luckily NO snow this time. YAY! This winter has been much milder than the last.
I've spent much of today writing out holiday cards, printing pictures, letters, and labels. I can already tell this Christmas will definately be a lot more stressful than previous ones. I find it odd how I feel way more busy, stressed, and worn out now that I am a stay at home mom than I did when I worked last year. Guess it's all the doctor's appointments and traveling back and forth.
Speaking of doctor appointments, last week I had to take my poor dog Lexie to the vet. Guess after the last trip to Vegas, she somehow developed pink eye. Poor thing had goop coming out of her eyes about 7 times a day, and her eyes were so red and irritated that she looked pathetic! And here $85 dollars later she's still not looking much better. She's on antibiotic pills twice a day for a week, eye ointment 3 times a day till gone, plus she had a flourescent eye exam and an allergy/ steriod shot.
As I sit here and look at the stack of mail (both mine and my parents) that I have to go through, bills that need to be paid, the 2 bags that need to be unpacked, the laundry that needs to be done, and thinking about all the presents that need to be wrapped, it's no wonder why I feel as overwhelmed as I do! Yet for some reason I just can't seem to get myself motivated to do any of it. Guess it's because I don't know where to start. The only thing I have decided thus far is that I am ordering pizza for dinner!
Guess you could say I'm not much in the holiday spirit this year and maybe that is why I am having such a hard time getting things done. I feel a bit depressed again. My parents have moved to Mexico, my tissue expander had to be removed which in itself reminds me of the orignal mastectomy....almost like a loss of another child and having to start over again. I'm quite upset and disappointed about having to wait till next year to go through reconstruction again. Not to mention a lot of stupid things running through my head, like should I shave my head again because I'm not happy with the way my hair has been growing in? Why doesn't Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepard get back together again on Grey's Anatomy? Why did Nick and Jessica have to announce their split after Thanksgiving? These 3 thoughts and many others plagued me much of last night, leaving me with a horrible case of insomnia.
Yet despite all the things I should be doing, I sit here and blog and bitch about all my worries and troubles! Guess I should get up and start some projects before the hubby comes home and I have even more things to do!

The first fire of the season....

Don't let the title fool ya, it's not exactly what you think. We've had our pellet stove blazing non stop since we returned from Vegas on the 28th. It's definitely winter here, as it's colder than a well digger's ass. It's currently 21 degrees, and the overnight low is supposed to be 7. That alone is enough to make you want to pull out the thermals! But even before this past week when the weather changed and it got THIS cold, we still had it somewhat fired up. Luckily we changed out our wood burning stove for a pellet stove this past February. The pellet stove burns cleaner and is more efficient, and it saves Ruben from having to chop wood and haul it into the house. The pellet stove runs off a thermostat, we just throw a bag or two of pellets in every other day or so and we're good to go. It's easy to clean and maintain, just open it up and vacuum. Since the clean-out for the piping is inside, it saves you from going out and climbing on top of the two story roof, which is definitely more to say than the wood stove. The clean-out for the wood stove was outside, and we hardly had enough brush links to reach to the top, nor did we have a ladder tall enough to get on top of the roof. That wood stove always scared the crap out of me. There were times the living room would fill up with black smoke. Little did we know that the chimney cap was clogged. As I said, no ladder to get on top of the roof. Coming from Vegas we didn't know the importance of maintaining a fireplace, of sweeping the chimney and inspecting it. We're lucky we didn't die in our sleep from carbon monoxide!

Well on Thursday I think one of our neighbors learned the importance of it all, and a very valuable lesson they will never forget. I was driving home from dropping Natalie off at school, and as I near the Marina & Park where I turn to get to our house, I see the road is blocked to go any further. As I looked over toward where our mailbox is, I saw a huge fire that about 4 trucks were working on putting out. It's my guess that the fire started as a result of not maintaining the chimney as the season kind of snuck up on us this year. It was a damn shame too, the house on fire was a beautiful one too. My only hope is that everyone, including any animals, got out safely.
I have the same irrational fear everyday when I leave my house, that I am going to come home and find it on fire and poor Lexie would be stuck inside. That's why every day when I take Natalie to school, I turn the pellet stove off. Sure by doing that the house cools off some, but if it gets too cold the heat will kick on....and I don't have to worry as much about the heat catching the house on fire. I hope the family that resides there has found a place to stay, and didn't lose it all in the fire, and for all of us around it, I hope we all learned an unforgettable lesson! Please take the time to get your chimney sweeped and inspected, or you could wind up like this.........

December 1, 2005 - I can't hardly believe it's almost Christmas!

SORRY - I know It's been a while since I updated my blog. To be honest, it gets tiring, because NOTHING has gone right lately. In October I began the 1st phase of breast reconstruction. I should have known better to just wait till next year, and start over clean. I just wasn't ready for it, and my body made sure everyone knew that but me. Otherwise I wouldn't have wasted all that money traveling back and forth to Vegas. Because shortly after getting the temporary implant (tissue expander) placed, I developed this rather LARGE bruise that covered all of my right breast and some parts of my abdomen. This hematoma had been caused by busted blood vessels that developed during the surgery, or close after. As if that weren't enough, the following week, I got outta bed and noticed the whole side of my shirt was wet from blood and I suddenly realized that I began bleeding like there was no tomorrow. Even though I followed my doctor's advice, and had taken antibiotics after surgery, my breast had still become infected. Despite it all, the implant had to be removed due to massive scar tissue that formed around the implant. I spent 3 days in the hospital over thanksgiving. When I was finally released, I learned that I had to stay in town to follow up with my surgeon on Monday to have my drain bulb removed. When I saw the doctor he was pleased with how it was healing and removed the drain, but not the stitches. So now we have to drive back down on the Friday after next to have them removed...great, more wasted gas! He informed me that I will have to wait at least 6 months before I am eligible to start the reconstruction process again. So it looks as though, Natalie, Lexie (our dog) and I will be spending the summer without Ruben again in the lovely 120 degree heat of Las Vegas.
My only source of console at this moment is that maybe I can take Cynthia up on her offer and use her scraproom while I am down there - and since my hubby will surely limit my baggage due to the fact that I went way overboard on the packing last time, I may be lucky enough to use some of Cynthia's supplies as I recall she has tons that she needs to purge, and knowing her I really can't see how anything she owns wouldn't be fabulous! Who knows she may even be able to teach this dog some new tricks as well. I love her LO's and Cards so much, it's no wonder after looking at them why she is my scrap idol! You can check out Cynthia's blog I am a Coconut to see all her awesome work. She is totally going to regret making me that offer to me = ) I just hope that I am capable of scrapping!
So anyway, back to what I was saying before I started daydreaming about Cynthia's Scrap Space.....which by the way I am contemplating re-doing my own to more closely match her use of vertical space, instead of my current busting at the seams design! Sooooo, after seeing the doctor on Monday, we decided to head home so we wouldn't miss anymore school or work. About 2 1/2 hours outside of Elko we hit our first winter storm. Let me tell you, it was coming down so hard and fast that we practically had zero visibility. I was quite terrified considering that we have yet to put my studded snow tires on for the season. Thank goodness my Durango has 4 wheel drive! We made it home safely despite the fact that some of the other drivers on the road didn't, and found that not only did we accumulate about 3 inches of snow, but that our house was FREEZING! Before leaving for our trip, we had made sure that everything was off - that included the heat and the pellet stove. OMG it had to be about 30 degrees inside our house. In fact it was so cold, our fish Jolly died! We cranked up the heat and pellet stove to warm the place up before bed, but nothing, and I mean nothing, helped to warm up that spot right between the comforter and the sheets. It literally felt we were laying on a slab of ice! Have I ever said how much I hate snow and cold weather?

November 24, 2005 - Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Well after spending 2 days in the hospital, I am very thankful to be home with my family - although I am not at MY home in Elko. Every since Monday, when my doctor told me the bad news. I have been freaked out, totally upset that the expander had to be removed. My husband tried his best to cheer me up by buying me a new digital camera, We went to Best Buy to look at camera, and decided on the Sony Sure Shot DSC-HI. The camera is awesome, but since I had to check into the hospital the next day I hardly had a chance to play with it. I spent most of Tuesday in pain. By Wednesday, I finally started feeling better, but was still really bummed about being in the hospital and having to start over again. Ruben & Natalie stopped by to see me. They brought me flowers and two little stuffed animals, one is an adorable Russ brand Pink Hippo that matches the Spotted Dog Ruben bought me last surgery - they both have BIG eyes. The other is this little teddy bear Natalie picked out for me. It was great to see them, but after a short period of time she became antsie and it was evident it was time for Ruben to take her home. Later that night is when I got a surprise visit from my favorite Blogger (I am a Coconut)Cynthia! She is a nurse in the peds units and stopped by to meet me once her shift started. As a Get Well Soon gift, she brought me a HUGE bag of awesome and wonderful supplies....as if just meeting my scrap idol wasn't enough. We talked for quite a while, and she even invited me to come scrap in her room next time I am down and feeling up to it. I just know she can teach me so much. I called my husband later and told him about her visit and he said it was the most spirited I had sounded in days. Not to say I didn't enjoy my visit with my family, but meeting Cynthia made my day....and the handmade card and supplies just made it even better. If she hand't hugged me I woulda thought it was some kind of Morphine induced dream. I truly hope what she gave me was just things she purged from her supplies as she has said before that she is overrun with items, because I can't imagine a virtual stranger spending that much on little ol' me. But regardless of the bad of goodies, just talking with her made my day and made me feel so much better. I can't wait till she gets pregnant so I can send her a care package filled with the same love. Hell I can't wait just to get home and start on that 8x8 SEI Aunt Gertie's Album kit she gave me. It is BEAUTIFUL. Browns and pinks are so in right now and will be adorable for a little girt! I just love it! I spent the night sleeping in a scrapbooking heaven, and was released today from the hospital just in time to spend thanksgiving with my family. I truly hope everyone else enjoyed their thanksgiving. Through-out this post are some pictures taken with my new digicam, and below are things from my bag of goodies from Cynthia. Thanks so much!!!!

November 17, 2005 - I've been Tagged just for reading a blog!

2 names you go by:
-Angi, mama, & honey (just a few of the ones I like)
-Ang (one that I hear a lot & used to hate, but has grown on me)

2 parts of your heritage:
-Well my Maiden Name is from England, but I was born & raised in the US.
-I'm like white on rice

2 things that scare you:
-The Cancer coming back in my other breast and having to go through this all over again, or cancer taking me from my love ones, or worse yet, it taking them from me!
-Being re-called to duty with Casino Services. Just joking, they don't want me since I quit. I'm old and rusty!

2 everyday essentials:
-Meds, Meds, and more Medications.....all washed down with Mr. Pibb. Gotta keep that Cancer away!
-A nuzzle from my dog, and hugs & kisses from my daughter & husband

2 fave bands/artists:
-Nickelback
-Hoobastank

2 favorite songs:
-Photograph
-The Reason

2 things you want in a relationship (other than true love):
-Understanding and Support.
-Being able to be yourself and not be judged for it.

2 favorite hobbies:
-Scrapbooking & Rubber Stamping.
-Shopping Conventions & Crop Classes.

2 things you want really badly:
-To not have financial worries.
-A baby boy just so my little girl will have that younger brother she wants soooooooo badly, but unfortunately I am unable to physically (no uterus or ovaries) - so maybe adoption one day, but again that goes with having financial freedom.

2 places you want to go on vacation:
-Tahiti
-Fiji

2 things you want to do before you die:
-Travel to distant islands.
-Win a LARGE sum of money to foot the bill for all my traveling needs.

2 ways in which you are a true girl:
-I love Diamonds!
-I love more Diamonds! Oh and Jewelry also!

2 things you are thinking about right now:
-Is re-financing our home to pay off our cars and make minor upgrades to our house worth it?
-I hope my plastic surgeon will give me my saline injection this trip on the 21st, and I hope it doesn't hurt!

2 stores you shop at:
-Wal-Mart
-Internet (not many places to choose from in this little town)

2 people guaranteed to make you laugh:
-My Husband is always good for a laugh
-Cynthia's Blog - sometimes she is so funny I just about pee my pants!

I guess I tag...Lora, Valerie, or Donna since I don't really know any other Bloggers!

November 11, 2005 - Back from Vegas, but not better

Sorry I haven't posted sooner regarding my trip to the Plastic Surgeon, but I have been extremely exhausted and have been trying to rest. When I saw the doctor on Monday I wasn't bleeding much, so he decided not to put any stitches in it. Basically he just made sure it wasn't infected. However because the hematoma busted and caused the bleeding, I was unable to get my first injection. So once again, I have been thrown off schedule. At this rate I will not be able to have my second surgery until next year, which really sucks since I will have to pay my out-of-pocket expense all over again for the new year. He did say that I was doing the right thing by bandaging it up and covering it with gauze pads and surgical pads, and now I go back on the 21st for my injection. Thing is it has still been bleeding non-stop, but the good news is that the bruise/hematoma is going away. I think that it will continue to bleed until the hematoma is completely gone. The other night while sleeping I completely bled through my bandage and t-shirt, then when I woke up in the morning I had little red bumps all over my right side of my stomach. Not sure what they are from, and really my doctor's office isn't either. I thought maybe an allergic reaction, but since it is only on the one side, who knows. But I wanted to let everyone know I am alive and well, just not doing much of anything for the time being while I heal.

November 4, 2005 - Back to Vegas, a week before scheduled....

Here I was, thinking that I was on the road to recovery and getting myself all psyched up for my first "big" injection on the 14th. But as I lay in bed Thursday night (the 3rd) surfing the internet on my laptop, I noticed that my t-shirt felt pretty damp. I lifted my shirt up only to find that my tank top too was absolutely soaked. Immediately I thought the worst. I thought that the saline from my tissue expander implant had sprung a leak. You could definitely say that I was in PANIC mode. I showed the spot to my husband, since he could see it better than I. That's when he informed me that it wasn't saline, it was blood. Suddenly I didn't feel well. I became extremely worried. We went into the bathroom, and I dis-robed, so we could took a look at the incision site. First off I had particles sticking to my jogging bra. As soon as I removed it, these 3 spots just started dripping blood, and it wasn't a slow drip either. The blood was not bright red, it was more of a brownish red, or a watered down reddish color. I immediately had to sit on the toilet afraid I was going to pass out. We called my Plastic Surgeon's office to have the answering service page the doctor for me. Unfortunately, I did not get to speak with my doctor, but I did talk to another doctor in his practice. This guy really made it sound like I had nothing to worry about. He reasoned that it is more than normal for it to do this. I don't see how, but accoring to him the hematoma I had was rather large and may have busted or drained. They are worried about the chance of infection, so even though they gave me Keflex for it, I still have to go to Vegas first thing in the morning to be examined........Lucky me cause that means I get up in about 2 hours*YAY!*
So anyways, that is where I will be M.I.A. until Monday when I have my dr. appointment. Hopefully he will be able to correct the problem on the spot. Hope the rest of you have had a better start to yourweekend

October 31, 2005 - Happy Halloween

Woke up this morning to get my lil' princess all ready for her big day. Today the kindergarten class is putting on a Halloween parade for the other classes and having a party to celebrate the day. Natalie went to school as Cinderella, and was completely decked out with a crown, gloves, royal septor, and even a touch of make-up and glitter. She looked so adorable, and I think her costume by far surpassed that of some of the other girls. As for the boys, we had Batman, Dracula, Spiderman, & the Thing just to name a few. It's too cute to see little boys running around with fake muscle suits on, they look like they've been pumped up with air!
Later tonight we are going Trick-or-Treating with her friend from school - Ruben, and his little sister. We're going to meet up with his family later after school and go to the convention center where it will be nice and warm and safe.
Hope that everyone has a nice, safe Halloween. And I hope to get some better pictures tonight, but in the meantime, here's my little princess.......

October 26th, 2005 - Why do doctors cause undue stress and anxiety if it can be avoided?

Well I flew back from Vegas and my first saline injection late Monday afternoon. Spending the weekend away from my Hubby and our girls was tough. I spent most of Sunday sick, and I'm not sure why. I think I was really anxious and nervous about getting my first injection. I slept crappy all night, if even at all and got up early Monday morning to head over to the plastic surgeon's office. When it finally was my turn to be seen, I became extremely nervous as I saw my doctor walk into the exam room with 2 HUGE tubes of saline. It had to have been 120 cc's of saline easy, maybe even 160 cc's. I started to worry about how much this was going to hurt and the prospect of flying back home to Elko today, and my stomach really began doing flips! I started off the exam by saying how I had felt fine the week after having surgery, then all the sudden I began to have a lot of intense pain. I told him how Karen and I concluded that I must be over-doing it at home and that I should really try to take it easy. Then I explained to him how the next day I noticed my right breast was all yellow and somewhat hard, and how it changed colors to black and purple like most bruises do. He looked at the area, which at that time was almost all black, and started feeling around. This is where he really began to panic me. He explained to me that the bruising I had was caused by busted blood vessels, and is called a hematoma. He asked if I had been taking any blood thinners, to which I replied no. He explained to me that I was lucky that the breast tissue was beginning to soften up, and that's when he dropped a bomb on me. He explained that if the tissue had remained hard, it was quite possible that this hematoma would be causing my skin tissue to die and he would have to rush me over to UMC right now to remove it. Suddenly I didn't feel well. I hadn't eaten all day Sunday and had thrown up a couple times, and now this! I wasn't sure if I was going to throw up again or just pass out. It took all I had to walk over to the sink and wet some towels to put on my face. I was a nervous wreck and scared to death. I was very lucky to have the tissue softening up, it's the only thing that saved me on this day. He said that because of this he cannot inject the saline today. So basically I wasted $225 to fly to Vegas to get the shit scared out of me, and that's it. I have to wait 3 weeks now for my first injection. He estimated the bruising to be gone by then, and already I can see it lightening up in color, however both Ruben and I are afraid to touch the area to see how hard or soft it is. It is very difficult just for either of us to look at it! Ruben has swore to make sure that I take it easy from now on - no more dishes, laundry, or carrying anything heavy until this is all over. He wants to make sure that I don't over-do it again. I couldn't ask for a better husband!

October 15, 2005 - Why is it that......

Gaining weight doesn't hurt (or at least in most cases), but the losing weight part does because of the working out. Well in my case, the gaining also hurts, hurts bad! Last week I went back to Vegas to have the 1st part of my breast reconstruction surgery done. Initially, I did not plan on staying in the hospital after having the expander placed, but once I woke up in the recovery room, forget it! I was in SO much pain afterwards that there was no way in hell I wanted to go home, I needed something serious for pain! I spent most of the afternoon in tears, cause I was in so much pain. Luckily, I saw Dr. Moon (the pain management doc) the day before and explained my situation to him and how the plastic surgeon WOULD NOT give me anything for pain. So the hospital had to make several calls to him before they finally got the pain med combination just right. Unfortunately my stay was at UMC, which is a County Hospital. It definitely was not my pick for the procedure, but my surgeon is a Professor there and I've been told by many that I have THE BEST plastic surgeon in the state of NV. So far I think I have to agree with everything that I have heard about him. It took me 2 months to get in just to see him. When I booked my appointment, the receptionist told me that he was all booked for surgeries until next year. But once we actually saw him and talked to him about my case - how I would have to travel back and forth for the injections, and surgeries - he promised not only to get me in this year, but to have it completed this year. Normally a routine expansion can take around 3 months or more just to stretch the skin to a full size C cup, but he said he'd do it in half the time by doubling up on the amount of my injections. He told me that he would start me off by filling my expander with some saline at the time of surgery - 60 cc's to be exact, and then I would need to fly down to Vegas every 2 weeks for my saline injections to help speed things along and hopefully get me to the 2nd surgery. Now I have no idea how much he will be injecting in me at those times, how long any of this will really take, or how badly it will hurt - All I know is how badly 60 cc's of saline hurt. Of course you say the surgery itself obviously didn't help much, and you're most likely right. All I know is that the first few days were fine. I was doing pretty well, just a little sore, but otherwise feeling well. Then all the sudden, about an hour before getting ready for school on Thursday, it struck me.....this sudden onset of pain in my upper chest and side. My chest and side were HARD, and hurt like nothing you could ever imagine. It hurt to bend over, to reach for anything with my right arm, to touch anything. My right armpit hurt all over again. I woke up Friday to find a big bruise on my chest area. I've been very lucky to have a wonderful husband who has really done his best to help out around the house so I can rest and not do anything to further injure the area. He has helped with grocery shopping, taking Natalie to and from school, keeping us all fed, and the laundry done. He's managed to do all this while working himself and being sick. I spoke with my doctors’ office and was told that most likely I just over did it when I was feeling better, and I agree. I knew there would be some degree of pain, but to be virtually pain-free then revert back was not normal. I think I tried to do too much around the house too fast, which I will have to remember for my next appointment. I go back for my next injection on 10/24. I want to make sure that I don't do this again; I cannot be down for week at a time, especially with how fast moving this all is going to be. At least today I am feeling slightly better, although I still feel lightheaded when I first get up, and like puking on occasion. Aren't you glad I shared? I know TMI.
On with another note, something I forgot to mention earlier - when I spent the night in UMC I had a wonderful roommate who had been in a terrible car accident. Her name was Laurie (hope I spelled it correctly) I forgot her last name, and the name of the construction company she worked for, but my hubby and I spent much time talking with her and her parents. They were wonderful people. She checked on my much of the night (when she was awake - she said it was the 1st night she slept in 2 days or more). She had gorgeous flowers everywhere from her clients wishing her well as she broke her arm & leg in the accident. She had been in some desperate need of contact lens solution, so I had my hubby bring mine in, and upon leaving she gave me one of her big, huge, beautiful bouquets of flowers. Where ever you are Laurie, I hope you are doing well and I think about you daily, as you struggle with your 3 months bed and house rest before you are able to return to work again. Take care and know we are thinking of you!

October 3, 2005 - Packing is a bitch!

Tomorrow we leave for Vegas, and I gotta tell you I'm still quite stressed over the whole thing. It seems everywhere I look there's something needing to be done. I still have 6 pages in my album to finish, so no way that's going to happen and I'm mad as all hell about that. I've got dishes to do, laundry to fold, and I have to pack clothes yet for my daughter, plus of course all those last minute items like toothbrushes, medicines, etc. I just know I'm going to forget something like food for the dog or something. I tried to spend some time relaxing this weekend, but it's hard to when your stomach is all tied up in knots and you've still got a bit of a head cold. Thankfully, I think the cold part is gone, or so I hope. Otherwise, I will be one pissed off bitch if they cancel this surgery on me due to it. I got my paperwork in the mail last week and it looks like they moved up my surgery time, but they didn't include much for instructions.....like can I wear a bra after? After my mastectomy I couldn't wear one for 6 weeks, because the elastic cuts off blood supply. I was also hoping for some info regarding the saline injections. I feel like the rest of the year is in limbo because I don't know when I will have to fly to Vegas for them. My husband laid in bed last night and asked me if I minded inviting his family up for Thanksgiving. I told him it didn't matter to me, the only thing that is of importance is that I cannot stress. He doesn't understand the whole little stress thing really, but then again he's not slightly neurotic like me. I have this need to have order in my life. I cannot live in chaos, even though I find myself living in it everyday. I just don't know how to deal with it, it causes anxiety and stress. It's a disorder I have, I know this. So I told him let's do one thing at a time, let's just get past the surgery first and see what our next step is before we go planning the future. So we'll see how Thursday goes, and what my schedule is for my injections. For now I will just take a deep breathe and try to go with the flow as hard as that may be......but on the flipside, I saw a Victoria Secret's commercial last night and for thr first time this year I actually said, man I miss having boobs like that! It sure will be nice when this is all over and I am whole again!
And if I get a chance while I am gone, I will post about my daughter's little kindergarten romance going on at school.....that is if I am up to it between doctors appointments and parents and all.

September 28, 2005 - Learning to cope with stress.

In my last post Ruben was gone for over a week in Vegas on business and I felt like a single mother and it sucked. Once he returned home, he rushed off the following day to Reno for 3 days on business, and once again we were left on our own. Things were finally back to normal (somewhat) over last weekend, but then after school on Monday Natalie came down with a cold and both of us have been holed up at the house the last two days sick. I'm hoping tomorrow she will be better and be able to go back to school. I'm really starting to panic that next week, I will be in Vegas having surgery. I broke out with that damn rash on my face twice back to back - so I'm beginiing to think it's not all sun or heat related and maybe more stess or anxiety related. This woman at Nat's school, another parent suggested that maybe it's Lupus. Wonderful, another thing for me to worry about. Lupus cannot be diagnosed, or cured - so how do I know if I have it and what do I do for it? All I know is that this is no longer acne, and I can't hide indoors all the time. I know that I have to learn how to cope with stress, but in the meantime I also need to find treatment for this rash. I am also having a lot of anxiety at this time, I'm worried about going back for the surgery. I'm worried about the pain, I'm worried about me being sick and them cancelling it on me, I'm worried that this will be the last time I see my parents for a long time as the finally sold their house and are moving to Mexico. It's a lot of things hitting me all at once, and I just realized it today. I freaked out on my husband the other day, and I don't even know what for, but it was because I was stressed out. I guess it's because I have all of this building up inside of me, and I feel like I can't breathe anymore. It sucks, because I am so stressed and I have 8 more pages to do in this album that is a gift for a friend, and I am so stressed I have scrapper's block, so now I don't even know if I will be able to complete the album by next Tuesday or not, but I'm hoping that maybe by posting this it will let off some steam and maybe I'll be back to scrappin this weekend.
In the meantime, does anyone know of any good ways to deal with stress that doesn't include taking any herbal supplements?

Septmeber 16, 2005 - Life as a Single Mom SUCKS!

Now now, don't go taking that the wrong way. Ruben and I didn't decide to suddenly file for divorce, nor would we ever. We have too much invested in this marriage, and even still like every marriage after 6+ years, it is still a work in progress. Besides we love each other too much to seperate. What I meant though, is that this past week he has been out of town on a business trip and I am playing single mommy, and it sucks something fierce! My daughter is consuming every free second I have, and I am finding it almost impossible just to shower, let alone have 5 minutes in the bathroom to myself! Even the 3 hours she is away at school is a total waste. By time I run to town and do some grocery shopping, I have to race back to pick her up, so it's not like I have much time to do anything around here. By time I start something, it's time to call it quits to go pick her up. I tell ya, I really don't know how they do it. I don't even work, thank god, cause if I wasn't a SAHM, I would be even more stressed out and exhausted! I really have to give a standing ovation to all those single mothers out there that do this every day and make it work. You truly are amazing women!
I was really hoping to accomplish some scrapping while the hubby was gone, as I've got all these supplies and pictures calling out to me - but I just haven't been able to find the time to do anything other than add some new pictures to my Flickr account. I figured it was overdue! I also added some new links to some of my favorite blogs. My hubby comes back on Sunday, so hopefully then I will get some scrapping done, and will have some new creation to post on Monday. But until then check out the new items I mentioned, and have a wonderful weekend!

September 11, 2005 - A Day for Tribute

While today is a day to remember those lost on 9/11 by honoring their memory, their stories, and our great nation. I was doing a tribute of of my own of a different nature. You see, yesterday my hubby left for a business trip to Vegas and will be gone for more than a week. So, on this day I thought about him, knowing his flight safely arrived in Vegas yesterday afternoon, and scrapped a LO of him and our daughter. Now while the LO might be rather plain or simple, the reason it I love it so much and it deserves so much attention is that I took these picture one night at dinner on my Palm Zire 72 camera that is only 1.2 MP. The pictures came out so unbeleivably great, they came to be my absolute favorites. It's not often that I get a smile like that out of my hubby since he hates taking pictures, and they both look so genuinely happy!
I hope you all enjoy my tribute to my husband, the World's Best Dad!

September 8, 2005 - Tidbits of somewhat useless information!

It's funny how just a regular haircut can become so meaningful to someone who just a few short months ago was damn near completely bald. Well on Labor Day that's just what happened to me, and it just tickeled me pink! My hair had finally grown out enough that I actually woke up every morning with hair sticking up every direction. Funny how a little thing like a case of bedhead can excite you. I found myself gelling it every day and finally said that the quickest way to get it to grow is to get it cut every 6-8 weeks, or at least that is what Hope my stylist always told me. So Monday night the hubby got out the clippers and gave me a slight buzz cut, being extremely careful not to do more than anything than just trim it up a bit. I still find myself gelling it daily, but at least now it's a clean cut look.
Yesterday my hubby took my Durango with him to work and stopped by the muffler shop and had a FlowMaster put on it to help increase my gas mileage. Now it sounds just like his Ram. I feel like I'm driving a Nascar, and even though it is a tidbit loud, I am loving it. It sounds so manly! I love revving the engine, but worry that it's going to end up getting me a ticket for speeding.
Tomorrow is picture day at the school. I'm so excited, it will be my first "official" school picture of her to scrap! I've already picked out several different outfits because I just can't make up my mind. Funny thing is I'm co-ordinating her clothes with scrap paper in mind....hahaha. What a true scrapper I am!

September 3, 2005 - A Busy Little Bee

As I have mentioned in a previous post, I've caught that little scrappin' bug and I've just been one busy little bee! In the last 7 days, I have created 6 new layouts - all of which are posted on My Scrap Bio or on 2 Peas in a Bucket (links to both are on the side.) Prior to having numerous health problems this year, I had a goal of getting published in one of the scrapbooking magazines I subscribe to. Although it hasn't happened yet for me, I am working had to try to achieve my goal before year end - and if all else fails, then I'm all the more closer to completing my scrap journal/book on surviving breast cancer. It is my hope to be able to share that scrapbook with everyone, and getting published is one way to get my story out there. So if you don't see posts from me as often as I would like, it's because I am hard at work scrappin' and trying to adjust to my new life as a kindergarten mom - as if I weren't already tired enough, running my daughter back and forth to school is even more tiring! But regardless, I hope to post my work and other little tidbits on here at least weekly.

Above is my latest creation. It took me most of the afternoon to complete as I have to take lots of breaks to prevent the pain in my arm from killing me. Hope you like it!

The journaling reads:
Shortly after finding out that I had Breast Cancer and that we would have to move to Las Vegas for chemotherapy, we debated about how we would tell Natalie about my condition.

Then one day she looked at me and said something about me being sick. I asked her why she said that; thinking in the back of my mind, Oh God she figured out what all the whispered conversations were of. She replied by saying I was sick because of that, pointing to the acne on my face. To which I laughed off telling her that acne does not mean that Mommy is sick, it just means that Mommy is stressed. But I told her that she was right, Mommy is sick and that is why we were going to Las Vegas, so grandma and the doctors can take care of Mommy and make her better. I told her that the doctor is going to give me medicine to make me better, but the medicine will also make my hair fall out. I told her just because my hair falls out, it doesn’t mean that I am going to die, and it doesn’t mean that I’m not still Mommy; it only means that I will be funny looking for a while. I told her that if she didn’t like me bald, then I could wear hats, wigs, or scarves – whatever made her happy, and if she still wasn’t happy with the way I looked that I would let her draw on my head with markers. And that made her so excited she couldn’t wait for my hair to fall out just so she could draw on my head with markers!