Some OLD ass pictures

This post is for Lora, who recently posted a cheerleading picture of her daughter and a super old picture of her dressed up for Halloween.

I don't have many pictures from my childhood anymore - not since my mom got rid of everything she owned to move to Mexico before dying. I knew somewhere I had a cheerleading picture from when I was about 5, but I had no idea the things I would find when I looked through a pile of pictures my mom gave me. It was a walk down memory lane. Though I can't recall much of my childhood, I do have more pictures than I thought I did, proving that I did actually have one. I posted some on Flickr, that y'all will get a big laugh at - but below are pix from my days of being a cheerleader and one the only Halloween I can remember dressing up. Enjoy the laughs.

Events that make for a bad doctors visit and day.

• Your favorite leather wallet broke cause you have too much crap in it.


• Your new watch broke after only a few months.


• You find out that you had/have two different cancers.


• You find out your current cancer is not a recurrence, but rather a SECONDARY occurrence.


• The doctor wants to run some tests on 3+ year old samples that your insurance may not cover.


• You doctor decides to do a BRCA I and II gene mutation test to see if you're a carrier that ultimately may affect your child's life and future.


• While performing said test, the nurse has to poke you twice and fish for your collapsing vein just to get some blood.


• Your vein is collapsing cause your sick with a cold and dehydrated.


• You get snubbed by a breast cancer survivor group who is having an event in the hospital you are at upon asking for info on the charity.


• You go to the mall to pick up your wedding ring and indulge in a little retail therapy, which results in a watch bought that is too big and a new purse that is too small.....so now you have to go back to return the item and pay to have links removed from the watch.....but if you wanted to pay to have a watch repaired you would have repaired the one you've got!

Also, I have FINALLY posted pictures of our house all decorated for Halloween now that we are sans bushes. Check out the rest posted at Flickr!

Thoughts on this mornings visit....

I just saw my oncologist this morning, hoping to hear my blood tests were ok and that I could skip chemo. Instead he pointed out some differences that suggest my recurrence was actually a secondary occurrence. The only real differences I saw were in my DNA Pliody and S Phase results - oh and my PR status was 0% instead of the original 5-10% I had back in 2005. I don't know what any of Bloom scores or what have ya, but I did note that somewhere in my original diagnosis back in '05 that they detected both invasive ductal carcinoma and in situ, though I was only told about the invasive. Is it possible to have both? Or is it just that you have one that grows to invasive? I don't know why I didn't think about these things earlier - but he also decided that he wants to see if he can get ALL my samples sent out for an Oncotype DX test. I guess it's good that I have a doctor willing to go back and look for all the answers, but I can't even imagine that they still have my samples from February let alone 3+ years ago! And let's hope my insurance covers the test cause it runs $3,000 a pop! I don't understand what an Oncotype test will tell him cause bottom line is that after 3 years I have cancer again despite a mastectomy and chemo. Isn't that test used to predict your need for chemo and if the cancer is likely to return? Also he pointed out that my pathology has two small but different words to describe my cancer - one was moderately well and the other poor though I don't recall reading that anywhere. That's another reason why he thinks this is a secondary. Then he also decided to do a BRCA I and II gene test and now my world is in panic. I was always told that since no one in may family ever had cancer I likely didn't carry the gene and that was that. But now it's possible I may have the gene and I worry about if I do have it, as that would affect my daughter. She's only 8 and has been affected by cancer enough. I mean having her was an accident, so knowing then wouldn't have mattered. But when I think about if I have it and passed it on to her and how that might affect her decision to have kids and generally her health overall, I'm just terrified of the aspect of it all. I always wanted to know why I had cancer, but the flip side is I'm not sure if either of us should know if she's a gene carrier. I was hoping for good news today, but as it stands I will have to wait another 2 weeks then maybe go from there depending on if they have the samples and can do the test. He changed his mind and said he'd recommend chemo now and I told him that if I have to do it then I will, I can't dispute science. I just don't understand why the results would even matter considering that bottom line I was diagnosed with cancer again 3 years after originally having it.

When Life Gets Tough.....Go To Mo's

Saw my oncologist this morning then ran some errands while I was on
the westbank. My appointment didn't go as planned - which I'll explain
later when I get home. So my simple solution to a not so great day?
Retail therapy, then a cold Coors and hot, steamy pizza from Mo's.
Hopefully things will be better this weekend and I won't majorly
stress over the next two weeks :)

My Own Worst Enemy & Other Nonesense

Last night I finally caught up with the premiere of Christian Slater's new show My Own Worst Enemy. Unlike Knight Rider it rocked. Watching it reminded me how much I love Christian Slater - and seeing his nice tight abs has me thinking maybe I should put him back on my list! He still looks incredibly like Jack Nicholson, I hear he does a good impersonation too. Oh, and like Robert Downey Jr. I am glad to see he's making a comeback after past indiscretions. It seems that the original Hollywood bad boys were blacklisted for years cause of something they did, but Lindsay Lohan can come along and get 2 DUI's and get busted for coke in one year, but every thing's ok just cause she went to rehab. Our society is deeply warped on what is considered as acceptable behavior now.
So seeing him reminded me of one of my favorite lines ever which was from his character in Robin Hood with Kevin Costner, when he says "fuck me, he cleared it", I swear it's my all time favorite line....more than any Toy Story quote! Not too long ago Ruben & I were watching the Legend of Billie Jean and we were cracking up cause he's so freaken young in it....then of course that movie raised the whole question on whether or not he is truly related to Helen Slater, who plays Billie Jean. I think it is his sister, but I'm not 100% sure. I loved him in Kuffs, Pump Up the Volume, Heathers, Untamed Heart, True Romance, Very Bad things and 3000 Miles to Graceland. He has a knack for playing weird, dark, disturbed characters. So I'm excited to see what he'll do with this role as a split personality who is a government CIA operative. Kinda like a twisted Bond maybe? If the stupid NBC site worked, I would say head over there and catch up on the episode online - but it seems to be down at the moment. So you can check out the episode on Hulu.com instead.

Oh - and here's a little tidbit I picked up on TMZ.com who sooooooo has the story wrong. They are reporting that the Saints fans worship Kim K's ass - "In the three New Orleans Saints games Kim has attended this year (including Sunday's game against the Raiders), her man tied an NFL punt return record, set his season high receiving mark and scored 5 of his 8 TDs. Take that Jessica Simpson!! (**cough, cough, jinx, cough**)And get this -- right after Reggie racked up another 2-TD game yesterday, Saints coach Sean Payton gave Kim a big hug. He did the same thing last week when Bush broke off two electrifying punt returns on Monday Night Football. Saints Nation has caught on too -- we hear the fans are chanting her name at home games. If only they watched "Dancing with the Stars."
Uh, I was at that game and I can tell you NO ONE was chanting HER NAME. Lots of BUSSSSSSHHH and DEEUUUCE but not Kim - and we had damn good seats a couple rows up from the end zone. I asked Ruben if we didn't hear the crowd from where we were, then how in the hell would she have heard it from the box seats? I love gossip and all, but dude get your story straight. Kim K is a skank and Reggie could so do so much better than her. Again, it goes back to our warped society. She, like Paris films a sex tape and leaks it and suddenly she's a celeb? WTF? Back in our day she'd just be a ho, not get her own reality TV show cause of it. Gee thanks Ryan. In your quest to rule Hollywood, you're filling our TV's with crappy shows about no one of substance. I think maybe it is time for Seacrest to actually be "out".

Random Thoughts

• Yesterday's game was AWESOME. When I posted the picture below, it had been during the 1st quarter when the Raiders were leading. By the 2nd quarter they had turned it around, intercepted the ball and kept the Raiders from scoring again. We won 34 to 3. I tell ya, I'm not a big fan of football, but I'm glad we went. I had a great time! Ruben was conflicted and regretted going at first, but once the Saints picked up their game he was glad to be there. Reggie Bush had a good game scoring two TD, and Deuce McAllister led with 65 yards. We had a guy sitting next to us that had flown out from Oakland to see the game and man was he in a pissy mood, though I can't say that I blame him cause he shelled out a chunk of change just to watch one big loss!
• By time we got home we were tired, but ran out to hit the store anyway. When we got home we watched some of the Cowboy/Cardinals game. I tell ya, from what I've seen Romo just sucks. They blame his performance on Jessica Simpson, but he choked when he dated Carrie Underwood too. The dude just can't hold his wad. I was surprised to learn they had made a comeback and tied it only choke again in overtime. Poor Lora!
• Once we finally settled in for the night my ankle was throbbing with pain. Something about my right knee and left ankle, still isn't right after injuring them over 4 months ago! Guess I will need to see the ortho doctor once again.
• I see my medical oncologist this Friday and I am on pins and needles! I so hope he did not change his mind and that my blood tests came back ok. I really do not want to do chemo and I'm hoping he sticks with his original idea. With October being National Breast Cancer Awareness month, our local news is featuring breast cancer stories all through-out the month. The one I saw today has me thinking about asking for genetic testing. I may be the first in my family to have breast cancer, but according to today's feature, women who are in their 30's that get breast cancer is often due to the mutated BRCA gene. I'm curious if I am a carrier as that will affect Natalie. So come Friday I just might have to ask my doctor about the blood test. Before I always thought that there was no way I could or would have it, but now I wonder as this story made it sound like it is a big possibility.
• Also, on the news was a story about how the New Orleans arena football Voodoo terminated their operations. That really bites cause we have lots of fun going to those games. Hmm, I wonder what the ol' perv's gonna do - he's always there taking pictures of the Doll cheerleaders.
• Oh, I woke up this morning feeling sick again. My nose was all stuffy and my throat hurt like hell. Though my throat coulda hurt from yelling yesterday. I'm going to have to check around to see where Nat & I can get our flu shots at this year. I've been so sick off and on over the last month that I want to make sure to I'm protected from the flu.....especially if I do have to do chemo, cause then I really can't afford to get sick! My throat hurting might have been avoided had we remembered to bring this loud horn thing we have with us. It's some thing you blow that has like 4 horns on it and it's one of those annoying things that's like super freaken loud. Other than a game, I can see no other use for it. The thing is so annoying we had to hide it from Natalie, so I guess that's why we always forget it! In any case, I think my throat is wishing we had remembered it yesterday!

Enjoying a Cold One at the Dome

So far the game sucks, but the beer is good...though expensive.....

The New Fall Schedule

Have any of you other TV addicts noticed there are lots of new shows this fall that are totally kick ass? I'm still thoroughly enjoying my old faves like Chuck, Heroes, Office, Gossip Girl, Grey's Anatomy, Californication, Entourage, Dexter, My Name is Earl, & CSI - though this may be my last year of watching CSI if William Peterson leaves! My DVRs are so full they can barely handle the load!
On top of those old seasoned favorites, I've also found love in some of the new shows debuting this season like Fringe, The Ex List, & My Own Worst Enemy. I started watching Knight Rider, but it's not as good as I had hoped for and a hot looking man can only keep your attention for so long. The show killer for us was when KITT started regularly "transforming". I mean Transformers is like one of my favorite movies, but this is a totally different concept. Seriously a mustang that can transform into a F-150 while the passengers are still in it.....yeah right! I'm not feeling it, though the lead playing Michael Knight is HOT!
I just caught up on The Ex List and so far I'm really liking it. Good looking guys and the quest for Mr. Right - yeah so it's a "chick show" but that's ok cause I really like the lead character Bella Bloom, who's played by Elizabeth Reaser. She did a season on Grey's Anatomy. Oh, I'm also so stoked to see Christian Slater come to the small screen in My Own Worst Enemy. I'm hoping it won't be a disappointment like Knight Rider is! One night after House, I caught an episode of Fringe and decided I liked it though it is a little out there - it involves J.J. Abrams, who also does Lost, but unlike Lost it doesn't just go on and on without answers. Fringe ultimately has a bigger picture, but each episode is nicely wrapped up - so it doesn't seem like it's dragging on. Joshua Jackson makes for a good lead, and I think I like him better in this role than I would have if he had joined the cast of Grey's as he was rumored to be doing before the Writer's Strike last year.
So far it looks to be a busy season - and I like how some shows aren't coming back till Winter. I hate the off season cause nothing is on to watch, so hopefully this delay will help make the off season not so boring.....though there is so much more we could be doing with our time than watching TV. But here in Louisiana it's too damn hot and humid in the summer to do anything outside, and even now that it has cooled off just a tad, the damn mosquitoes are preventing us from doing much after dusk. Supposedly the found the West Nile Virus in some of the mosquitoes in our area, which is freaken frightening! Ruben and I spent a few minutes outside last week to try to work on the Halloween display and each got a couple dozen bites in that short period of time. What's really bad is the parish sprays twice a week, yet it doesn't seem to be killing them! Speaking of Halloween, I've got to get with Ruben and find out when he's going to finish up the last of the decor. One of the light strands went out, so he's gotta figure out what went wrong. Tomorrow afternoon we have the Saints vs. Raiders game to go to. We're so looking forward to it. I'll post some pix tomorrow from the game. Should be fun!

Oh, by the way.....check out my new widget to the side, the Neopod. It's a trial run thing, so we'll see if it stays, but lemme know if you like it!

The Mailman Brought Me a Surprise

I got a box in the mail today from my mom's old neighbor Linda. I wasn't expecting anything from her so imagine my surprise when I opened it and found this pink ribbon cookie cutter and card from her. It's funny cause I had just been telling my neighbors about the carrot
cake she used to make for my birthday. I needed this gift from her more than you could imagine - since I have been feeling a bit depressed lately. Linda is kinda like my other mother since my mother passed away 2+ years ago.
Not only was this gift a great pick me up, and an awesome way to celebrate breast cancer awareness month - but the timing was perfect cause every October when my parents anniversary comes around I tend to feel like an orphan (since after my mother's death
my step father disappeared from our lives and we haven't seen or heard from him since) so it's a nice reminder that I am loved.

The funny thing is that my mother's name was Linda as well - and the two of them became close friends after meeting in a casino. Shortly after, Linda and her mom moved from California and bought the house next to my mom's. I guess sometimes these kinda things are just meant to be. I'm lucky to have someone like her in my life. I know she's always concerned about my well being, and is always there for me if I need her. Like I said, she's my other mother =)

Still Feeling Flu-Like

I've been feeling kinda ill the last few days. My whole body aches, I'm tired, I've been sick and I'm just drained both emotionally and physically.
First we'll start with the emotional stuff. I was feeling kinda down due to some problems with old and new friends. I think I was sort of getting worked up over nothing. I'm stressed as I wait for my test results to find out if I have to do chemo, plus I've had some sort of stomach bug twice in the last 5 days. So I may have over-reacted a bit, but I think that what it boils down to is that I'm just going to have to cut some of my losses. You can't make people want to be or stay your friend. It breaks my heart that they don't make time for an occasional phone call, or that they never really return my email or text. I understand they have families and lives and all, but I guess that either old friends just aren't that important to them anymore or over time you just grow apart. So for now, all I can do now is enjoy those few that do make time for me - like the ones that return my calls and my neighbors for starters, with all the block parties and occasional beers after work. For the most part I'm just gonna stop wasting time on those that have no time to spare for me - I'm also gonna stop putting myself out there so much. If people want to be my friend, they know where to find me. A friendship after all, is a two way street.
For now I'm just going to rest up, so I will be better in time for this weekend. Ruben scored some tickets to the Saints game on Sunday against the Raiders. Our new neighbors across the street are going with us. Ruben is so stoked cause prior to moving here he was a HUGE Raiders fan - which makes me wonder just who he'll root for to win. I'm hoping that he'll finish up the Halloween decorations tonight so I can get the rest of the photos taken and get them uploaded - it all depends cause the mosquitoes have been especially vicious lately and he's still working on trying to get the neighbors wi-fi to work. I'm not sure why he is having so many problems with it considering it's a new router and the same one we have! my only plan is to make dinner and cozy up in bed till I stop hurting. With all this being sick, I'm thinking my WBC count is down cause how do you get a stomach bug twice in one week, along with a head cold and flu-like aches & pains? Maybe a nice hot bath will help make me feel better!

Wow......

Imagine how amazed I was to see this today when I went to Wally World
to buy more Halloween lights! I filled up my tank last week for $3.49
damn it!
I just hope gas continues to go down but I doubt it will.

Scary Groundbreaker

This dude sits on the edge of the path going up to our front door.
He's fairly sensitive and sure to scare the wits out of someone this
Halloween!

Lighted Ghoul

This fella hangs on the side of our porch.
I think I like decorating for Halloween more than Christmas.

Getting Ready for Halloween

Here is a picture I took last night of our side yard. I'll upload more
pix of our decorations once we put the finishing touches on everything.

Deep in a Funk

The last few weekends I have been feeling really great thanks to our new neighbors. I've finally acquired more energy since radiation ended and to top it off, I've even been venturing outside of my safety zone - which is a HUGE deal for me! BUT - I woke up this morning and realized I'm kinda sinking back into my old funk. Over the last few days or so some things have happened that have gotten me upset, and I find myself feeling depressed once again. I'm hoping it will pass - but I'm thinking that even if I do work myself out of this funk, the events that put me here will still remain - leaving me prone to easily fall back into the funk again should something happen again.
Ruben says I am just being sensitive - and he's partially right. My big thing is that I have really put myself out there and I have tried so hard to be nice, and to make friends. I have offered my help and whatnot to others - and what I have received in return is basically squat - some have blown me off, or turned their backs on me, and some even seemed to just reject me and my help. With some it's like I have to force a conversation with them - like they don't want to talk to me, others seem to run hot and cold....friendly one minute, not so much the next. Some act as though I am beneath them....which is silly, but it still hurts nonetheless. It's kinda like high school once again. But you know what? Regardless of how they "act" all superior to me, it doesn't matter to me if they don't see me as being fit or beautiful or that they think they are better cause I'm just a jeans and t-shirt kinda person. I must say I'm pretty damn comfortable with myself and my life. I went through that period when I bought all the expensive, nice clothes and I had to have lots of new beautiful jewelry - the mani's and pedi's and expensive highlighted beautiful hair. But then I came to a point in my life when those things just didn't matter that much to me anymore. My values changed, and so did I, I guess. It doesn't mean that I don't value or respect myself. It's just that I value my comfort more. I'm not totally vain (though I do have bouts where I am! LOL), and I surely don't need or want to come off as ostentatious, or pretentious - I'm trying to make friends or keep the ones I have, not offend everyone. I have nearly all I could ever want or need in my family and the many wonderful things we have- and there is no reason whatsoever for me to be parading it around for all to see. I'm just not that kind of person. I just happen to be a very down-to-earth, reserved person - who's very friendly and loyal once you get to know me - and this whole thing just has me feeling depressed, like I'm just not good enough for any of them - yet they don't even know *me*, and it hurts!!!!
Or maybe like Ruben says, I'm just being overly sensitive and I'm reading too much into things and blowing things out of proportion. He says to just give it time - that eventually my true friends will come forward, like they have in the past - and hopefully my neighbors will continue to come through for me to cheer me up in the meantime. What do you think? In the past I couldn't have cared less about this type of stuff - whether someone liked me or what others thought about me - but all my real friends live so far away so there's that time difference, plus they work during the day......I would like some other people in my life other than my family. But is it worth trying so hard? Or maybe I'm just picking the wrong type of people to be friends with....

October Is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

Now is the time to remember to do your self-exams and schedule your mammograms, as October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please remind all your loved ones and friends!

Is it possible that I've been wrong all along?

Just left the new chemo doctors office. I'm sitting waiting at the lab
for a whole slew of tests to be done.
Before I even argued my case against chemo the doctor suggested
possibly skipping it. He said that first I need some labwork done and
he needed to brush up ok my medical history. As he thumbed through my
records he came across something that suggested that this may not be a
local recurrence. He noted that it looked as though I might have had
an amplification on my Her2 pathology from my original cancer and this
recurrence. If this is true then it's possible that this isn't a
recurrence, but a secondary occurrence - meaning it may have been a
whole new cancer.
Stumped by his observation I decided to go through my records and see
for myself just what he meant. Upon looking at my past results it
appears that I may have been wrong all along. I found things in the
reports I've never noticed before.
I'll post more later. It's time for my blood to be drawn.

Angi

"Whoever said winning isn't everything never had to fight cancer"

Http://scrapaddictnv2.blogspot.com/

Sent from my iPhone

Alligator Festival

Natalie and Charlie ride the Avalanche.

Ruben and the saw

Today we had all of our hedges removed from the front of our house
along with two of our trees. Ruben saved the one to use this winter as
firewood.

LO Challenge

Heather challenged me to create a layout this week WITH pictures on it, so here they are. They're 8x8 and not what I had intended on doing, but I found this kit I purchased and thought it went well with the pictures Ruben & I just took. I'll do Natalie's Punk Rock Chic layout next week. So what do you think?

HELP!!

Dear Internet Followers,
I am in need of your expertise. Last night I filmed Natalie's first guitar lesson with hubby's camcorder - which I have never used before. To my dismay, I came home and found that everything recorded in a MP4 format and my Windows Movie Maker gives me an error every time I attempt to use it to edit this format. I tried some other program I found online that converts any format to any format - the only problem is that it too gave me an error, and I am at a loss. I don't know what to do! I want to edit the video so I can post tidbits of the class online, but I don't know how. Can anyone offer some advice or program to use?

Rock on....

Serious 'Tude

Can't help but to laugh

Ready To Rock

Her first lesson didn't teach much more than how to tune a guitar, but
did include a book and homework to practice. She was one of three
girls in a class of seven. She even seemed to flirt with an older
tween boy, telling him he had a nice guitar. I'll check the footage
that is if I even worked the camcorder right and try to post it later.

Rock On!

Today is the start of Guitar Lessons for Natalie. I'm so excited yet so worried. Learning to play guitar will not be easy - and I seriously wonder how big of a difference it would make between a 4string bass and a 6 string lead. To me I think a bass would be easier since you have less strings - yet if you learn to play lead, does that mean you can play either? I was hoping to get in touch with an old friend that plays guitar back in Vegas so I could get a little insight. But since chemo my memory isn't what it once was and I'm having problems locating him. Oh well, I think it's too late to exchange our guitar anyway.

So once Nat gets home from school, we'll have to rush to eat, do homework, take her bath, take pictures, load everything up - including the camcorder. It's going to be busy - and I hope I don't forget anything! Ruben's out of town today so he'll miss seeing her - but that's what the camcorder is for. I'll upload photos and video probably tomorrow.

I've got lots to do this week. I've got errands to run - like packages to ship, go to the store, these lessons. Homework and studying with Natalie - she's having some problems at school, but the funny thing is she's fine at home. I don't know what to make of it, but I have to get to the bottom of it. If she falls behind in school it's because I'm failing as a parent. Then I also need to complete a scrapbook LO, cause Heather challenged me. My studio is a disaster and I have no idea how to organize and clean it. It's a major job that's going to require some help. I've got stickers and die cuts strewn across the floor and table top that need to be straightened up. I don't know how I'm going to find anything to do this page - AGH! Then to top it off Danny leave this Saturday. Man that's gonna suck - though I am feeling a bit better, I still feel lethargic at times. I really need to get my thyroid checked by a specialist. Though what I feel now won't even come close once I start chemo. I'm so not looking forward to that! I see the doctor on Monday. I have some questions and tests I'd like done. It's a bit strange, but I want my estrogen levels tested. Since I had my ovaries removed in 2005, my estrogen levels should be very low - but what I have learned in the last few months is:
1) having PCOS is a main cause of adult acne, not just stress - and PCOS never goes away even with removal of the ovaries.
2) my cancer returned because Femara failed to prevent my estrogen from binding with my mutant cancerous cells.
So I'm curious just how high my estrogen production is and why. If what the other doctor said about my cancer possibly returning is true, well then it would be because the estrogen made it grow. So is the a way to prevent it - cause I really, really hate this cancer shit. Twice in three years is enough for my lifetime - thank you very much!

I think I have a new favorite song. Have you heard Pink's So What? I LOVE it. I dig her music. U & UR Hand happens to be another favorite of mine!
Here's the video - it's so funny - I love when she chops down the tree!

Pictures to Share

Just wanted to show off some pictures -

The first is the picture I took Wednesday night just after I pulled Natalie's 9th loose tooth.

Then we have the scrap layout I did today @ the Book Of Me class.

Lastly, is a picture of this beauty I found on my way home. It's my first, so I had to share - I've been waiting for a year to actually see one of these - and YES they do live close to us. I found this one down on Highway 90 by a little fishing shack Pier 90. Luckily it's miles away - and dead!

Hooray For The Weekend!

Tomorrow is a *ME* day and I can't wait! I booked a scrap class over at the Mandeville Scrappersaurus store. I'm so excited because my *idol* Heather is teaching it. I've got my crop bag all packed and have printed 15 photos that I adjusted using Adobe CS2. I wasn't sure which finish would work best with the paper we're using in class, so I just printed a batch. It's been so long since I've gone to a crop or class - so it will be nice to de-stress and have an afternoon away and all to myself.
Thursday after my dentist appointment I stumbled upon Ruben at Party City and we bought our new Halloween costumes. Yay! It's going to be so much fun. Our new neighbors are trying to organize a block party, but if that doesn't work out then I'm sure we'll be returning to Imperial Woods again. We always have such a good time there. Never has Halloween been that big a deal to us till we moved here. Now I look forward to it every year! I'm just glad we got our costumes early this year!
Next week Natalie starts her guitar lessons and we are so stoked! The only bad thing about next week is Danny goes home - and it's going to be super hard on all of us to see him go after spending yet another summer here with us. As much as it's going to hurt Ruben to see him leave, I feel that he'll get over it fairly soon. Him and the new neighbor seem to be bonding quite well. It's nice to see him hanging out talking and having a beer with someone. Since we've moved so much he's lost touch with most of his friends.....and we just seem to click with these new neighbors. Again I think it's the whole southern hospitality thing that just makes them so open. Earlier this week when I encountered some problems with the school, they offered to mediate for us as they are really involved with the school.....and when Ruben bought a chainsaw to prune the trees, the neighbor insisted he return it as he has a monstrous one he loaned us to use. I'm glad that such nice people bought that house - I was afraid it would be empty forever in this market. I mean as it was, it had been for sale the whole year and a half we've live here and like some 6 months or more before that. They have a 9 y/o son, who Natalie has become fast friends with. She is such a little tomboy!
I watched that Zeitgest documentary, and found it wasn't quite as disturbing as I thought it was going to be. Ruben didn't want me to watch it - but honestly I found that it was nothing but repetitive actions that all may be just coincidences. There were only a few parts that did shock me and left me feeling outraged. But then again, who really knows if any of it is true or if it's all just speculation. It's definitely interesting! Check it out and see for yourself.

The things kids say

Last night I had to assist Natalie by pulling out her 'dragon' tooth -
which is one of your fangs - cause it was dangling from her mouth.

Fast forward to this morning and I asked her if the tooth fairy came.

She said she did and had gotten $20.
I said wow, what are you going to do with all that money.

She yold me - put it in my piggy bank cause daddy said when the bank gets full I can get a credit card. LMAO!

I asked Ruben what he told her and he said he did not tell her credit card - he said gift card. LOL.

Sent from my iPhone

Yum, Yum, Yum

Last night during the new episode of House I caught what I believe is the first televised preview of the new Bond flick Quantum Of Solace. OMFG, Daniel Craig is just one damn sexy freaken bad ass. I think he was the perfect choice for this role - look at his hard ass body and ruggedly handsome good looks! It appears to be as action packed as Casino Royale - which I have saved on my DVR with other favorites like Live Free or Die Hard & Transformers. I'm looking forward to November 7th cause I definitely want to see this one on the big screen!

I can't help but to keep watching it, but first I need to check out some documentary by zeitgeist. I won't say what it's about, but you can Google it and see.

Did I read too much into my last doctors appointment?

Yesterday I had my post-radiation therapy follow up appointment. Everything went well - my site looks great and is healing well, so he released me from his care.

As I've recently noted, I'm in the position where I really would rather not do chemo - but since I was unable to get an Oncotype DX test done on my tumor, I honestly have no clue as to whether I would benefit from chemo therapy or not. my research show me that the Oncotype DX test is most effective for first time diagnosis, as it maps out your risk of recurrence and whether or not chemo would be beneficial for you or not. Since this was a recurrence for me that test would be useless. So I figured I'd ask my radiation oncologist his thoughts on it. you know how you'll talk to one doctor and they'll say or you don't need this treatment you only need this one (which happens to be the one they're pushing.)

OK, so I've mentioned how I'm not sure if I want to do chemo because of how it may affect my liver. This doctor assured me that there are tests they can do to monitor my liver function - which I know about. However these tests seemingly some how missed the fact that my mother had cirrhosis until it was already end stage, and was too late. Which still has me baffled. Thus the reasoning behind why I don't want anything that will be bad for my liver as I take plenty of medication and like an occasional drink. My mom NEVER drank, but was on all kinds of prescriptions - though they blame her cirrhosis on a gastric bypass procedure she had done in 1979 - a procedure I would never undergo now because of it's known liver complications.
So here I am looking for some kind of advice from my doctor to support my reasoning when he tells me something that I has me wondering did I hear him right or am I over-dramatizing the conversation. I asked him if he thought chemo would benefit me, and if this was the end. According to him the radiation eradicated the cancer in my breast, so it will likely NEVER return there (or at least SHOULDN'T) - BUT - since I have already had a recurrence is is possible that the cancer CAN return somewhere else. WHOA, did he just tell me that my cancer will likely return or did I make a mountain our of a molehill? I am still confused about what he told me (he has a very heavy accent, so it's hard for me to understand him at times.) He didn't really say yay or nay on the whole chemo or no chemo thing. It's just chemo is a systematic treatment and radiation is a localized treatment. Also what I know about this recurrence is that it is believed that 3 years ago when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy that one tiny little cell was left behind and that my medication Femara failed to prevent my estrogen from binding with the cancer cells, so it grew. My only problem with this theory is that my pathology on my mastectomy came back clean and clear and I've had a hysterectomy - so how would it be possible for one little cell to be left behind and grow when my estrogen level should be very low? Also I did not receive radiation the first time - had I did then a chest wall recurrence would not have happened.

So am I looking at fighting cancer for life? Will doing chemo really prevent it from returning? As it is, my cancer has not spread - so why would I need chemo. Can't I just do hormonal therapy (a new AI treatment like Femara) and get annual or bi-annual PET scans to spot out cancer clusters - then deal with them as found? Because seriously, if the cancer were to return a PET scan would be the only way for it to be detected besides blood marker tests.

I'm still unsure of the whole chemo thing. In fact I think I am more confused now as to what to do. If it were you, what would you do?

I'm not one for politics....but

This SNL skit is too freaken funny!



Both my husband and I are not ones for the whole political BS. I'm ashamed to say that cause as we've gotten older, I realize that we should be voting. I haven't voted since I turned 18. Mostly I think I don't participate cause I tend to make bad decisions when it comes to things of this nature. I just don't follow politics all that well. I know where I think we should go as a country, what we need - but to me, it seems most politicians are just liars....good ones at that. Personally I was shooting for Hilary, but Obama beat her out. I'm just not sure if I feel that he's the one for the job. I'm not really too sure about McCain either, but for some reason I am drawn to Palin. Even though she is surrounded by controversy, I think she's be a perfect VP. In fact the only other person I can think of that would make a good candidate is Gov. Bobby Jindal - Louisiana State Govenor. I don't know if this makes me a Republican or what. I think it's more the person rather than the party that gets my attention. I'm seriously thinking about voting this year. guess I should first make sure that I am registered!

The saying goes if you don't vote then don't bitch - but at the same time I shamefully agree with Brooke Hogan when she wrote that most people only vote because “it’s cool” and (like herself) have no real idea what’s going on in and around the White House.....and it's so true cause this whole Rock the Vote thing pushes younger college kids to exercise their right and vote, though they likely know very little about politics.
So I'm torn - should I vote though I have no clue, or should I try to educate myself in the coming weeks so that I can place my vote? What would you do? Do you exercise your right to vote?

This IS NOT cool

Ever since Gustav I have a new favorite blog that I read daily for news affecting my area - The St. Charles Parish Blog. Today this was posted....

Willowridge Update
St. Charles Parish residents who are signed up through EOC's telephone alert system received a message this afternoon regarding rising water in the Willowridge subdivision in Luling:

Water in the Willowridge area is rising and may continue to rise. We expect some possible street flooding due to this, but at this time we don’t anticipate any homes flooding due to the rising water.

The ring levee behind this subdivision has been experiencing seepage since this morning.

A front is now bringing winds out of the southwest, which is preventing quick receding today as had been expected. As water is receding from areas near Hwy. 90, that water is now filling the swamps and marshland behind the subdivisions south of 90 in Luling.



This just happens to be the area where we live. Though the water is not close to our home yet, it could be come morning if the winds don't change direction. Just effing great - we survive Gustav with minor damage and now we could possibily flood cause Ike hit Texas some 200 miles away. Seriously, WTF?

This kid rocks

Natalie's guitar lessons start on the 23rd. Though I think she has a LONG ass way to go before she gets here, I truly hope that one day she does - cause let me just say a guitar and amp kit is not cheap! We're both super excited about the class - I'll be sure to post some videos when the time comes. But for now check out this prodigy child....too cool.

8 Year Old Shredder @ Yahoo! Video

From My Sister

My sister recently blogged about the benefits of blogging - it enables us to keep up with one another's life despite thousands of miles and a 5 hour time difference. We get to be informed without spending countless hours on the phone. Gotta love technology. In addition to blogging, I love the Stylem App for the iPhone and iPod Touch. It allows us to instantly send little greeting and messages to brighten our day and let us know we're thinking about one another. Wish my nhbby could get this for his Blackberry. Maybe I should get him a Touch afterall.
Anyway, here is the greeting she sent me....

http://stylem.com/greeting/q17v2k

Sent from Stylem iPhone App

Sent from my iPod

I'm a sick lil scrapper

Once again I'm having problems with my sinuses or I have a head cold. Started hurting yesterday and hasn't really stopped despite all the Tylenol and Advil. My damn teeth even hurt. I can feel that the congestion is about to give. Natalie is also sick. She's been throwing up all day again. Oh wonderful. At least she's been making it to the bathroom in time today, so that's a good thing.

Even though I am not feeling well, I have been pretty productive. I scrapped another mini album that I'm thinking about giving away. Originally I planned to keep them all, but I decided yesterday that I need to stop hoarding every little album I get. Sure I have tons of pictures to scrap, but I also have a few people that I need to do something nice for - and what better way to say thank you than with a handmade gift? It's not like I want to give them all away, but I should share at least some of the wealth.

I posted some pictures on Flickr, but I also put together this little mosaic of the main pages - so enjoy!

Now that I am done I'm contemplating starting another album or resting....hmmm.

Mother Nature has her own plans....

....and luckily we are prepared for it.


Wednesday night our neighbor came by and offered us a generator that his buddy was selling. I came in mid-way through the talk - but from what I gathered it had very little use, will just about power our whole house and we can even buy a part and hook it up to a natural gas-line to make it more energy efficient, rather than leave it run on gasoline. I told him we'd take it and we got it last night. Our neighbor is going to set us up with some kind of cable/plug so when a storm hits we'll just plug it in and fire it up. I need to talk with someone from the gas company about running a line and such since we don't have any gas powered appliances before I go buy this part - but at least I know we can use it regardless. Besides we got it for a pretty decent price and we know that Craig will help us out with it if we ever have any problems. He's a pretty stand up guy and quite handy and mechanically inclined.....not to say Ruben isn't, it's just Ruben's more into building pc's instead of engines.


So yesterday as Ruben was leaving for work he saw a couple guys working on the roof across the street from us. He told me to go talk to them about the patch we need - and not only did they fix it but they also fixed the siding that was falling - AND they did it all super fast and for a very good price! After work Ruben went over to get the generator and I assembled a mini-album from Scrapbooking with Lisa Bearnson. I'm thinking of giving this one away as a gift. While I was out after my dentist appointment yesterday I stopped by Target to get a few things and found some $1 goodies as well as some clearance scrapbooking merchandise. I've posted all the pix on Flickr if ya wanna take a peek.

Then last night we got a call from the Parish School Board. Due to Hurricane Ike (though it's 230 miles away at the moment) school was cancelled for today as we were expecting to receive Tropical Storm force winds and possible flooding due to storm surge. It actually worked out quite favorable all though I was supposed to have a PTC today. It's a good thing it was cancelled as well cause I would have been one cranky bitch. First off getting to sleep was difficult cause it sounded as though the window might break, then once I did finally fall asleep the tornado siren sounded sometime around 2 something. When the watch was over we went back to bed. It seemed like barely any time had passed when the siren went off again. Now it was 5ish. Ruben decided to just stay awake. I sat up with him for a bit, but then decided I better try to get some rest. It was right about 7:30 when Natalie came in disturbing my rest to let me know that she threw up all over her floor. It was truly disgusting. I cleaned it up and gave her a Pepto for kids - she then proceeded to puke that up as well. I scrubbed the carpet the best I could, but does that pinkish color EVER come out? Finally I gave up, convinced that I had gotten it all. I lay back down and I'll be damned if that tornado siren didn't go off again. UGH! Now this time we have a warning instead of a watch......and it was extended from 9am to 1pm. The news said they had a confirmed sighting of a touch down near us. Awesome. I've had little sleep and now I have this to worry about on top of a sick child - but hey, I still have power - so at least there is some good news!


Here is the album - check out the rest on Flickr!

In Remembrance

On this day seven years ago, our country experienced one of the world's greatest tragedies. Lives were lost of countless civilians and heroes alike. There are many people out there that speculate that 9-11 was one huge conspiracy orchestrated by our government (there are lots of different film theories floating around the web that highlight questionable events of that day.) I don't know if I can allow myself to believe that cause if I do then I will also have to give into the whole possible theory that the government has a cure for cancer - but since it is a billion dollar industry they have not released it. What I do know is that since that day we have lost countless more lives in a war that has produced very little - and courtesy of this Bush Administration era, we as a country are on the sinking verge of another mass recession. Gee thanks Mr. Bush, I know that I for one think that you did one awesome job of putting this great country into the crapper - but hey at least you'll be remembered for something.

Here are some amazing pictures I came across last night and one that a friend gave me. Enjoy.

"Evacuation" Over

Since my cancer recurred this year we did not have a real vacation - but thanks to Gustav we had an evacuation. Now that it has passed, most power has been restored, and Ike appears to be heading to Tex-Mex, school is back in session starting in the morning. Which means it's about time for me to hit the sack as I've got to get up early tomorrow.....blah.

Yesterday I had to run into town to the pharmacy. While I was there I stopped at the scrap store and signed up for a Book of Me class on the 20th at the Mandeville store. The teacher is someone I met on Scrapbook.com. I'm so excited - I can't wait. In preparation of the class I bought some Cricut cartridges from Creative Xpress......shh, don't tell Ruben, LOL!

Today I got an estimate for chopping down our trees in the backyard. All I got to say is OUCH! I'm not sure what would be more cost effective - cutting down 8 trees that are 10 - 30 feet tall or paying the deductible if one fell on our house. I've got a few companies coming tomorrow and hopefully one will have a good price.

Then Thursday I go back to the dentist - yay! Actually it's not that bad, he's a really cool dentist and he's very reasonable - I just have to remember to do some work on my iPod before I go. While I'm there I need to see about getting Natalie in there, but since school is back in session it will be hard to find a time that will work. As it is I know she'll be getting out early one day as I need to schedule her a check up to make sure she has all her shots and stuff. I have to be careful about the time she misses from school as she signed up for some club activities (art, music and some athletic sporty one - but I'm not sure which activity she got as it's first come first serve) and if she misses school or has so many early outs she could get the boot from the club - but ya know you can't lapse on the important medical/dental stuff and since they work the same time as school, I'm going to have to work something out!

Our Debris

We've cleaned up our yard - here's the aftermath.
I posted pix from Gustav at Flickr so check them out.

Google "Needs" Meme

I saw this meme over at Lora's place, and I thought it was hilarious, so I'm doing it as well. All you have to do is a Google search, typing in your first name followed by the word "needs" and see what comes up. Like Lora, I'm doing ten:

Angi needs....more time (yes especially with Ike coming into the Gulf)
Angi needs.....your support (I do need lots of help and support)
Angi needs....to be comfortable (YES, comfort at bedtime is hard to achieve!)
Angi Needs.....an energy drink (I don't care much for the taste of most of them, but I could use a boost)
Angi needs......a lot of rest (how right they are - cleaning up all that debris was tiring!)
Angi needs.....to follow her heart and not worry what others have to say (always good advice and I think Natalie needs to follow it too - there has been too much kid drama!)
Angi needs.....to be on a diet (I'm trying, I'm trying - but it's hard when you have to trow all your food away and try to eat healthy when you're staying in a hotel!)
Angi needs......to stay healthy (um yeah, no more cancer please!)
Angi needs......an attitude adjustment and I need it now (guess I could use one, but I'm actually quite fond of my attitude - in fact I can think of many others who could use an attitude adjustment!)
Angi need.....all the motivation I can get (so much to do, so little time - and no energy to do any of it!)

I've been awarded with a Blog Award!!

Heather awarded me with a Blog Award. YAY!

Thank you Heather! You are so very sweet, and I'm very flattered! I originally met Heather on SB.Com - she's an amazing scrap artist, makes digi-goodies that you can check out on her blog - and she is also a teacher at a local scrap store near where I live. I'm very excited that I will be taking her BOM class later this month (pending Hurricane Ike) and meet her face to face! She's one of my scrap idols!

So now I get to pass it on.

Here are the rules:

(1) The winner can put the "I :heart: your blog" logo on their blog.

(2) Link the person you received your award from.

(3) Nominate at least 7 other blogs (if you can).

(4) Put links of those on yours.

(5) Leave a message on the blogs of the girls or boys you’ve nominated.

So I am going to choose 7 people and here they are (in NO particular order!):

1. Deb

2. Lora

3. Cynthia

4. Melissa

5. Sonia

6. Undomestic

7. Florrie

You girls rock! Pick up your award, and then follow the rules!

A Piece of Home

Got home earlier and found LOTS of debris and branches. Our fence took
a beating. One section fell apart but all pieces were found and Ruben
already put it back together. Other parts were crooked where the wind
blew the panels around and one post sunk a bit. We have a section of
siding that is falling off the upstairs portion of the house - but I
think Danny can get up there and nail it back down. Then of course we
lost some shingles from the roof but it's not bad. The neighbors
across the street lost quite a bit right down to the bare wood.
After unpacking the car we started on cleaning up the yard. Ruben ran
up the street and dumped the old food. Still gotta scrub the fridge
but we're too tired tonight. It seems the cable is working ok so we're
watching Ike closely.
All in all we fared quite well. We consider ourselves very lucky!
Just hoping to not have to repeat all this again in a week!

Heading Home

Our neighbor called last night and told us the power has been
restored. Not sure about the Waste Water Lift Stations though. I
reasly don't want the sewer to backflow - just cleaning out the fridge
will stink bad enough! Besides the hotel was costing us a fortune.
One week was almost as much as our mortgage and if that weren't bad
enough we have to buy new groceries as well. Let's hope that Ike
doesn't come here cause we can't afford to do this twice!

At the Roadhouse

Texas Roadhouse that is. Haven't eaten here since before Natalie was
born. I think the last time had been with Lora and Karl.....and yes,
they still serve peanuts in the shell and you can still throw those
shells on the floor. One thing I really like about this place is
walking by and seeing the big cuts of beef laid out on display. It's
like looking at a lobster tank at Red Lobster.
The fresh baked rolls are served hot and they're still as good as I
remember. I just hope my steak is to die for....

Some Good News at Last

Just got a call from one of my neighbors who drove home today despite power outages. She called to let me know that our house appears ok - no trees fell on it or on our neighbor's house. It's the best news I have heard in a LONG time! It doesn't mean that we don't have roof damage from the wind or something - but at least our house and belongings should be ok. I know we'll be sleeping well tonight!

Yahtzee

Fun and games in the hotel - brought to you by The Parker Bros.

Finally a little info

Found a link for St. Charles Parish. The blog lists many updates and so far things sound like it may be ok - though I seriously worry about the 6 huge trees in my back yard. I worry they may have fallen on my house or our neighbor's. I'm hoping to talk with one of my neighbors later and see if I can find anything out, though I don't know if any stayed...........

Today's Headline Here in Shreveport

Picked this up this morning while I was getting our free breakfast
here at our hotel - which I must say has a very impressive spread.
Apparently they also serve a free dinner during the week. So I highly
recommend Residence Inn - though we don't have the large suite Ruben
usually gets cause we added a day at the last minute.
We're not exactly sure of the damage back home, if any. We're watching
our local Fox news on the net, but we've yet to see anything regarding
our particular area. They're saying it's come on shore as a strong cat
2 instead of the predicted cat 4 or 5. So I think this storm may have
been highly sensationalized. Though it did not hit New Orleans
directly, where we live is on the east side of the eye of the storm -
which is always hit the hardest.
They just reported that the storm shifted to the north and the eyewall
is now over Houma which is about 35 miles away from our house. Not
good for us. Suddenly I feel sick from breakfast! I wish they'd do a
local report from Luling.
I'm pretty sure almost all of our neighborhood evac'd - or at least
everyone I have phone numbers for. Most people Ruben knows evac'd as
well. He does have a friend from work that stayed. At the moment she's
ok and has power. Traffic was backed up horribly on I10 despite the
contraflow - where they opened up all lanes of traffic to go one
direction. It took some many hours just to drive to Baton Rouge an
hour away.
Keep your fingers crossed that all is well!

Passing Time

Fed up with watching news, not able to watch a movie on the TV cause
Danny forgot a cable, wishing we had some board games or something to
help pass the time - the gang settles down with a deck of cards and I
resort to watching a movie on my laptop. All this waiting sucks.....BAD!

On The Boardwalk

Made it safely to our hotel around 10:30 - didn't experience any major
traffic problem.....at least not like the current backed up traffic
shown on I-10. Once in our room and settled we rested up before
heading to Joe's Crab Shack on the Louisiana Boardwalk. It is
absolutely freakin gorgeous here, but extremely effin hot! Though
hot, it doesn't quite seem as humid here. Guess it's because we're
not as close to the ocean. There is so much shopping offered here, but
I gotta remind myself this is no vacay - also we don't have room in
the car and Lexie is back at the hotel waiting. In any case, I thought
I'd let you know we're safe. Let's hope the house remains that way as
well! Cross your fingers!

Hitting the road

Woke up at 3am this morning - my usual get up and pee time - so I woke
Ruben and asked if we should just go ahead and start getting ready to
leave. We laid and talked for a bit till we were good and awake then
got out of bed. He woke Danny and together they packed up the Durango.
Even with one of those hitch hauls we've got a pretty full load. We
have packed luggage for 4 plus an item or two for Lexie. We have 2
coolers and 2 gas tanks. Then we also have a container with all our
important docs, 2 cropper hopper picture holders, another container
filled with more pix, albums, hard drives, my mom's stuff - bags of
stuff Natalie packed up (toys, movies, games) - our laptops, one of
Ruben's PS3 (for movies), a portable DVD player with screen, all of
our cameras, my meds, our chargers and all our iPods except Ruben left
his in his truck. We have a couple little blankies and some pillows
and anything or everything else we could think off. Then we piled
into the packed car and hit the road. We've been driving for almost an
hour now. There's quite a bit of cars on the road but the drive thus
far has been moving right along. It's a good thing we left when we did
- which was about 4:30ish.
Ruben called the hotel last night and added on a day so we could check
in today rather than on Sunday - which is a miracle we got a room
since everything up to TN is booked plus the fact it is Labor Day
weekend.
All we can do now is hope and pray our house weathers the storm.
Please keep us in your thoughts.

Angi

"Whoever said winning isn't everything never had to fight cancer"

Http://scrapaddictnv2.blogspot.com/

Sent from my iPhone

Thank Goodness For Neighbors

Just as my panic hit the fan our neighbor Nina told us she found the
boards to our windows in her attic. Guess the old owners gave them
away to be used as scrap wood - which totally saved us as we have no
time to cut the plywood we just bought. It looks like most windows
will now have boards. We gave the plywood we just bought away to
neighbors across the street who have nothing.

Evacuaction looks to be mandatory

Gustav just WON'T go away - at least not yet - and according to all the models it looks as though this hurricane will be right on top of us come Tuesday. St. Charles Parish is calling so far for a mandatory evacuation come noon tomorrow. I just received an email from the school district that the school's will be closed Tuesday and Wednesday. Right now NONE of the scenarios look good for us, as the Westbank levees were not re-built after Katrina. They are not strong enough for a category 3 hurricane. I really, really love my house - and this news panics me to the core. I need a frozen margarita or a xanax. Ruben just told me that our shutters won't work. Luckily Danny and I just bought 15 4x8 sheets of plywood - but we're not sure if we have enough time to cut them and board up the lower windows - let alone have enough plywood for all the lower windows! I need to go do another load of laundry and begin packing. We need to pack a cooler....ah, so much to do and not enough time to do it in. Just breathe........

And I Thought Yesterday Was Bad.....

Today with Gustav threatening the Gulf, I've had to gather important documents - homeowner's policy, birth certificates, wills, tax records - and put them with my mother's & grandfather's ashes, my jewelry, our guns, hard drives and all my photos, so we can grab it all quickly in case we do end up having to evacuate. We have reservations already made for a week in Shreveport - which will cost us nearly as much as our monthly mortgage - plus all the additional costs - and those costs would really be through the roof if only we could get our hands on some lumber to board up our windows that don't have shutters. None of this is helping my anxiety - and the funniest thought of it all is that I literally have thousands of dollars worth of scrapbook supplies. I know that should be the least of my concerns, but I keep thinking what if my tree comes through my roof or the roof caves and everything gets soaked. All this prep work is eating away at my stomach. Today my acid reflux flared up as I called my prescription refill service to see about getting early refills on my meds. The taste of stomach acid is truly disgusting. It makes me wonder if all the yogurt I've been eating is somehow behind it? Hmmm.

It's a Sad, Sad Day.

At 6:45 am, I received a horrible email letting me know that an old friend - someone who was like family to me, passed away on Friday 22nd at 12:30am. This news immediately made me sick to my stomach, sent chills down my spine and made my heart ache.

You see, 17 years ago I moved to Hawaii after growing up in IL all my life. My newly acquired step-dad was in the Navy and had been transferred there. As soon as we stepped off the plane there was this group of ladies waiting for us with a sign bearing our last name. I thought for sure they had the wrong group, but as it turned out they were all wives of Navy Submariners assigned to the same sub my step-dad was going to. Immediately Rhonda become like a sister to me - I was only 17, she in her 30's near my own sister's age. She fit perfectly as friends for both myself and my mother. We often spent weekends at a bar on base - playing pool, knocking back test-tube shots (even though I was under-age) and listening to them all sing karaoke. 16 years ago when I was 18 I was in the hospital delivery room when she gave birth to her daughter. At the time I thought it would be the best form of birth control known to man, but instead after watching all the screaming, cursing, intense pain of natural child-birth - I saw this little baby girl that just seemed to make it all worth it. I often watched her kids. We were so close that even her 5 year old boy served as the ring bearer to my first marriage. But shortly after the wedding we ended up moving to IL and I lost touch. After I left, my sister had moved to HI to start a new life, and they wound up becoming very good friends.

After my first marriage failed, I moved to NV to live with my parents who moved there once my step-dad retired. Somewhere during that time R&D left HI and headed to the east coast. My sister and I often tried to re-gain touch with our long lost friend, when one day my sister hit the jackpot. It was shortly after that, about 11 years ago that my sister had emailed me and told me about the horrifying accident they had been in. They were lucky to be alive. The kids (now 3 of them) all walked away with very minor injuries. Her husband had some broken bones, but was otherwise okay. She suffered the worst, as the car t-boned them where she had been sitting. She didn't walk away from the accident, she wheeled. The accident left her paralyzed from the arms down. Because of her injury there was no way she'd ever walk again. But despite it all she remained so upbeat and positive. All she cared about was the fact that her kids were okay.

Over the years we managed to stay in touch as they moved further up the east coast, then to Reno - and as I moved from Vegas, to Elko. We missed each other in Northern Nevada, as shortly after my move there I was diagnosed with cancer and had spent most of my time in Vegas for treatment or recovering from various surgeries. She was no stranger to surgeries either. The accident had left her with many complications often needing hospital stays or surgery. Those 400 miles that separated us, may have kept us from seeing each other - but we were still close in heart. Then 2 years ago after my mother passed away, we moved to New Orleans - and I knew my chances of ever seeing her again became slim to none. She couldn't fly because of her condition, and for me life just always got in the way.

Last year she finally gotten approval to have gastric by-pass done. Being in a chair meant she could not exercise, and well, we just all can't be stick thin. Because of a shitty deal with the whole accident, she was mostly left with no-one but her own family to care for her - meaning her hubby had to get her in and out of that chair day in and day out. Not only would weight loss surgery be useful to him, but it would also help relieve many complications of her condition - such as bed-sores. She was very excited about the whole thing and was off to a great start.

Slowly I started hearing less and less from her. I often wondered if she had been experiencing more complications or if it were money problems that kept her from sending her positive, upbeat emails that she would often send. Many times I meant to call, but earlier this year my breast cancer returned and I underwent more surgeries, then daily radiation. Also the 2 hour time difference didn't help matters much. I deeply regret not finding the time to call and check on her. I may not have been able to provide any financial support, but I know from my personal experience with cancer, that a friendly ear is often the best form of therapy there is. I should have been there for her. I know that it probably wouldn't have changed the outcome, but at least I would have peace of mind knowing that she was not alone - that I did what I could, and that I had been there for her. But for the moment, like her, I will focus on the positive.

What I remember most about Rhonda was that she was a believer. She was positive and upbeat, even in the darkest days. When life handed her lemons, she made lemonade. She was funny, and thoughtful and kind. She had an infectious laughter about her, and she was a great person to know and to be around. I know for one, that I will miss her, as will her family.

Rest in peace Rhonda. You will be missed. On your way up, please tell my mom that I love and miss her.

So far behind.....

Lord knows that in between 3 major moves in that last 5 years, breast cancer twice in just 3 years, and life in general I am waaaayyyy behind on scrapbooking! My studio is a complete mess, and I am at a total loss on how to organize things properly - which I find so funny, cause anyone I used to work with could tell you that my desk & I were extremely organized! I just have so many die cuts, stickers, elements and other embellishments - and I don't know what to do with them. It has become so bad that even *I* have cut myself off from buying scrap stuff! Well the paper kind at least. LOL. One of my old circle chat buddies turned me onto digi-scrap freebies - and on occasion I end up buying certain kits that I fall in love with. Such as the one below.....the whole kit only cost me $3.00 and I didn't even use all of the pieces. Not bad eh? Though I must admit I also scrap-lifted the lay-out from my friend.

We Had Crabs.......

Boiled ones - with crab boil seasoning, corn cobblets, and red potatoes......and these aren't your Alaskan Crab legs or even Snow Crabs. These crabs are regional, just like the crawfish. You go buy how ever many you want and get your 5 gallon pot ready - fill it with water, seasoning, corn, potatoes and bring it to a boil and toss in the crabs, crawfish, shrimp or all 3. That there is what you call a boil and often it's a party. Or you do like we did today - Ruben was drafting his Fantasy Football League and had a couple co-workers over. One was nice enough to stop at this lil' place called the Seafood Pot over in Destreham and picked up up a dozen and a half crabs and a couple bags each of corn cobblets and potatoes. The other provided the shell crackers and taught me just how you take them apart and eat them - Ruben had already had the experience at work, so he knew what he was doing. I needed to be taught, as I'm not one to eat the lungs and inards of a crab. Once you crack them open it's hard to tell what is what - so it's always best to have knowledgeable help the first time around. I ended up having to go through like 5 crabs as Natalie really liked them as well - and of course Lexie got herself some too. It's a lot of work for just a little meat, but they are sooooo good - oh and the corn and potatoes are very flavorful and full of spice from the boil seasoning. Mmm, mmm, mmm! Now I don't know about actually having a boil as we'd first have to buy the pot - and that alone is upwards of $90 - then there's all the prep work....like crawfish have to be cleaned (put them in salt water, then rinse and repeat until the water is clear and no more mud in them - and it can take several cycles to prep them for the boil.) I'd much rather just buy them already prepared, such as today - though having a boil is a big deal. You usually invite many friends, have some beers, lay out the newspaper, and go to town - though it's work to do, it's all about the experience and the friends. But I'd say that our experience was just as nice and we skipped some of the hard work! Other than family, they were the first guests we've had in our house. Even the neighbors have not seen the whole house - cause it's often a mess, LOL - but we straightened up our "lived" in house quite a bit before they came cause we wanted it to at least look presentable.

So now out bellies are all full, our hands stink of crab stench and we're too tired to get up and go to the store - but it can wait till tomorrow. We're waiting to see what Tropical Storm Fay is going to do....if it gets worse it's upgraded to a full fledge hurricane....if it dies down, it's downgraded to a tropical depression. Let's hope for the later, cause it's pretty much heading this way. Right now they are saying it could be here as early as tomorrow night - but you know how weather changes and the weatherman is wrong half the time. So let's hope that's the case here cause I don't want my house or possessions to get all effed up. Hello, remember Katrina? C'mon Mother Nature, cut us a break - I think this city deserves it!

In other news I spoke with my brother today - just wanted to check up on him and see how he's doing these days. Usually it's impossible to get a hold of him since he works 2 jobs, but I managed to reach him this morning without a problem and all is well - which makes me happy! He said he's in need of some socks, which is do-able. We usually send him a care package of some clothes or shoes at least once a year. He struggles at times, and is the reason he works 2 jobs just so he can make ends meet. It's not really the life I want for him - but he's just not ready to give up Vegas and come live with us - even though it would pretty much mean living rent free. All I can do is wait till he's tired of working 2 jobs and is ready to retire. I wish my other brother who also lives in Vegas wasn't as selfish as he is - the asshole refused to him a $4 gallon of milk. At least my sister in Hawaii is happy to help out as much as she can. To some people family actually means something.

Anyway, I'm tired, I need more cold medicine, need to wash my hands - again, and I wanna put my pj's on and get comfy - maybe even lay in bed and watch a movie......ah, that sounds so nice!