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Ups, Downs & All Arounds

Yesterday I met with my new Radiation Oncologist (I tell you I have so many doctors now with more to come that I may have to start referring to them as Dr. J-plastic surgeon, Dr. S-breast/general surgeon, Dr. R-pain management spec., Dr. L-radiation oncologist, & Dr B-medical oncologist!) While there we went over my treatment and other important issues. It looks like I will be doing 6 to 7 weeks of DAILY radiation after all - and STILL following up with chemotherapy when finished, though I don't yet know for how long. It's pretty much what I already figured - this year is shot! I go Thursday to get ANOTHER CAT Scan of my chest, one used specifically for radiation purposes. I don't know if they will end up tattooing little black dots on my chest where my internal markers are located or not. I'm not looking forward to any of it, though it's not for fear - just inconvenience.
Driving into town 5 days a week just so I can do 5 minutes of radiation? I'm not looking forward to paying $100 to fill up each car every week! Gas is nearing $4 and really, it is about time our dumb-ass President does something about it. I read about talks of drilling somewhere north-west; how we have enough oil produced here yet we export it; how we set the cost based on some International committee; how people in Venezuela only pay 12cents a gallon! Seriously it's time someone actually DID something. He had the balls to start this war, so why not over-turn the country to use the oil for ourselves as there isn't a real, effective solution, as we are still years away from perfected ethanol & true hybrid technology! Enough about politics, I hate them, so having to discuss them just further pisses me off!
So after my appointment, I decided to check on my brother. It has been weeks since I've heard from him. He works two jobs, and it's hard finding the time to connect. I meant to call him this weekend, but as always, time just slips away. So I called his cell and got this weird message, almost as if it is no longer in service. Great, he's living in Budget Sleaze and I can't reach him to check on him and make sure all is okay. If only my ex-piece of shit - step-dad would do his JOB and actually care for him I wouldn't be FORCED into this situation. No, the drunk is too busy with his new sleaze, I mean squeeze to care about much else, other than beer and smokes. If only my mother knew the truth, I'm sure she would have done things so much differently! Because of this jackass, while I go through radiation this summer, I will also be seeing a Probate Attorney regarding her will and his lack of concern for carrying out her wishes. Good thing it states that if he fails as an Executor, that I can take his place regarding her estate - the one he is drinking through instead of caring for my mentally challenged brother! Anyway, back to my brother. Since I cannot reach him I decide that maybe I should call my other brother to see if he even knew my brother moved, or even cared for that matter! SO I call the number that I THOUGHT was his cell phone. His bitch ass wife Tina, answers. I say Hi Tina I thought this was Bobby's cell; She says WHO is this. I say HIS sister. The bitch then hangs up on me. She has some set of balls, actually the pair belonging to my brother. She then proceeds to take the phone off the hook for the next hour. I finally get through again, but she's too chicken shit to answer. My guess is they still have creditors calling and harassing them, as they've never been one to pay their bills on time. Once upon a time they ruined my credit when I co-signed on a house that they let go into foreclosure - and I know they practically relied on my mom's help just to get groceries or have the electricity turned back on. Yes I know, the pure definition of white trash - what do you expect from druggies? So once I get through, the call goes to the machine (which doesn't have names on it because they don't want the creditors to know if they called the right place) so I leave a very nasty message on it, letting her know what a bitch I think she is. I'll try calling again when I know my brother is there, and see if he has the balls to answer. Ya know I often wonder why most the men in my family are pieces of shit. Is it just me and my family, or is it the testosterone that make men this way? Hopefully one day soon I'll be able to fly back to Vegas and take care of things as they should be. But right now that's just not an option as M-F I will be tied up with radiation, then the doctor warned me of all the side effects like exhaustion, fatigue, coughing or possible lung damage - great I hardly have strength now with all the pain I have in my feet, ankles, knees, hips and back. It's a good thing that Ruben's little brother is here to help out this summer!
I'm even thinking to conserve gas, when Ruben is in town, I may just hitch a ride with him to work, take my laptop, find an empty desk and sit there when I'm not in treatment.
Such fun summer plans. It really sucks ass, as I want something better for my child. It's not fair that her summer has been ruined as well.
I think I'll head downstairs now and play some Guitar Hero and unwind!

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