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Unexpected Problems

I just got a call from Dr. L, there has been a slight problem and my starting of radiation this week is being delayed. Last week I was there getting my specialized CAT scan, getting inked and ready for radiation. But now he is saying that they compared that scan (that was done without any IV contrast or anything) to the scan I had done prior to surgery (that included IV contrast) - and changes appeared on one scan that wasn't on the other, so now I have to go back in and have another scan done with IV contrast to find out what is going on. I asked him what he meant by "changes". He said it appears to be a lymph node. I asked, well don't I normally have lymph nodes in my chest area. He agreed, but said he's concerned why it was on one, but not the other, stating that it could just be a sign of infection. Just prior to my first scan, I had been on some antibiotics to help clear up the acne on my face.
This past week my mind has run rapid - I've been sitting here thinking that if this cancer really has been festering over the last 3 years, how are they so sure it hasn't spread through-out my body. And now I worry that this lymph node, may be my worst dream coming true. Then again it could be absolutely nothing. Maybe it's because over the last several days I've become increasingly more stressed out and my face is starting to show it, so I called in my refill on those antibiotics so they can get to clearing up my face before it gets any worse. Many things have just been compounding, and my child getting slapped by a neighborhood boy certainly didn't help matters any - nor does my constant phone problems or the fact that tomorrow would've been my mom's 62nd birthday, and the 2nd anniversary of her death is quickly nearing. It's these things, along with many more that have me so stressed out and feeling so lost and lonely right now. I once again feel like I am in a very dark place right now, sometimes getting so upset that I can barely breathe before tears finally break. I miss all my friends, and can't wait for time to pass and for things to be normal once more.
Also this whole lymph node possibility has me concerned for more than just a possible infection. Aside from the possibility of the disease spreading is the fact that my mom battled on-going issues with her lymph nodes. Her doctors once thought she had Lymphoma which is a type of cancer. They were always checking hers as they went from large to extra-large in size. In the end nothing was ever found to support the idea, but the following year she turned around and passed away from end stage liver cirrhosis.
If you're not familiar with lymph nodes and the lymph system, know that they are there to help your body transport nutrients and collect waste - and that they often do swell when diseases are present or are fighting an infection. So really it's very hard to tell what is causing this and if any of it really means anything. Yet at the same time knowing this doesn't help to keep you from stressing about it and wondering if a node biopsy will be needed.
All I can do is wait and see. I will keep you posted.

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