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3.05.2008

Even after sleeping on it, it still isn't any easier to swallow.....

I went to bed early, at 8 last night. I just didn't have the energy to stay awake any longer after the day I had had. Instead of feeling well rested this morning, I still feel like I've been punched in the gut repeatedly. It's not about whether or not this prognosis is good or bad because I intend on surviving. I'm just in a state of shock that the cancer returned so quickly, and I wonder how many cases are out there like mine.

I'm not sure if anyone picked up on the coincidence, but yesterday was exactly 3 years and 1 day after my original diagnosis - March 3rd, 2005 was the day I found out I had cancer initially.
My surgeon joked, saying that if I hadn't asked for bigger boobs, this may never have been found - and that this may be the only case in which requesting bigger boobs may have saved someone's life. I sure hope so!

I've been breaking down all the details, thinking about how this may have re-occurred. 8 months ago when the expander was originally placed, nothing appeared abnormal. Up until June 2006, all my blood work screenings from my previous Oncologist came up negative. I haven't had my blood tested since then. I've been looking for a new Oncologist, and have even seen 2, but I didn't like either - the first doctor wasn't concerned with testing my blood, and the second I did the blood work but the lab screwed it all up, and since they don't work with anybody else I refused to go back. But even the 2nd doctor wasn't concerned about re-occurrence. So either this cancer has been developing for the last year and a half, or just sometime in the last 8 months. In either case it should not have come back. My original pathology stated my cancer thrived off of my hormones, but being that I am menopausal, I have no hormones - and what little estrogen my body does make on it's own was blocked (or should have been) by Femara, the drug I have taken since chemo ended.

So this is what I do know, based on the pathology from the 2nd tumor found:
25x15x12mm (my first tumor was 20 x 20x 15mm); biopsy revealed Infiltrating (moderately well differentiated) Duct Carcinoma (my first was diagnosed as Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma); so far there has been no staging yet (my first was Stage 2; T2 N0 M0); Estrogen Receptor Positive 90% (my first was the same); Progesterone Receptor Negative 0 (my first was Progesterone Receptor Positive 5-10%); DNA Ploidy = Tetraploid (my first was DNA Ploidy = Diploid); S Phase = 9.6% (my first was S Phase 2.2%) HER2 & CEP17 FISH = 1.1 Negative (my first was Her-2/Neu = Negative score of 1+).
So there's been little to no change there. Now it all comes down to all these tests I'm going to have done. Hopefully the cancer hasn't spread, and we can nip this in the bud with a little chemo and/or radiation. We'll see, but in any case, this won't be the death of me! I refuse to succumb to this disease - it may make me bitter, but it won't take me, cause I don't plan on dying for another 30, 40 plus years!

2 comments:

Shannon said...

You are going to beat this...again! Hang in there...you are a fighter!

Undomestic said...

That just sucks. I'm so sorry to hear about this. And how scary. I pray none of it has spread and you will defeat this!