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August 19, 2005 – On the verge of an all out breakdown.

While I say that I’m on the verge of an all out breakdown, I’m not really. It’s just that yesterday I was talking with my daughter and I came to the realization that in less than 2 weeks, my baby will be heading off to school for the very first time. As much as I knew this day was coming, nothing could really prepare me for it. We were sitting yesterday afternoon talking about the invitation we received to the school’s open house next Thursday, and it dawned on me that my child had lived a very sheltered life. She’s never been to daycare or pre-school, just to a 3 week tot camp last summer. I started to panic about sending my baby off into the big world. Would she go straight to her class or disrupt others? Would she know where to meet me after class? All I could think about was at 2:15 that dismissal bell ringing and all the kids making a mad dash to leave school, and my baby being caught up in the confusion. Would she know better and not leave the building without anyone but mommy or daddy or a teacher? Does she know not to wander out into the parking lot, or get into cars with others? As much as we have tried to teach her not to talk to strangers, we have not been successful. The little girl loves to talk to anybody and everybody that will listen. Does she know not to take candy from strangers? Yes, but does that stop her? No. But the biggest fear of all I think, is, will mommy be alright? I really thought I would look forward to her going off to school, because it would give me some time alone to get things done without her, but now as we get closer to the big day, I’m more scared than she is, and I just hope that I will be able to let go of my baby!

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