August 17, 2005 – A love/hate relationship with radiology equipment.

Today was the big day. I don’t think either I or my husband has slept well in the last week. Worrying, wondering, waiting – it seems that is all we do lately. I dropped Natalie off this morning at my husband’s office while I went to the hospital for my mammogram. Have I ever told you how much I dislike that damn machine? I guess for me, it’s going to be a love/hate relationship with it for the rest of my life. Yearly mammograms, and every time I find a lump that freaks me out. It’s not just that I dislike that machine, but I also really hate the ultrasound room – not only was that the room they told me at last time that something appeared wrong, but it was also the same room where I had learned I lost my baby at 14 weeks, which started this year of unfortunate events….and not only was it the same room this time, it was also the same tech as the other two times. But today she redeemed herself and that room, by telling me the good news that the radiologist compared my films, and my results were negative/benign. Not only could they not find any changes in my mammogram, the ultrasound she did could only find normal breast tissue despite a lumpy area. In fact the lump that was so prominent just a week ago could hardly be found today. We concluded that it must have been a cyst that drained – which is exactly the results I was wishing for. So maybe I wished it away? Yeah right, I know it doesn’t work that way. The reason that I know this is because my life can never be simple. Like I said before, for me it seems good and bad always seem to go hand in hand….and proof to that is today when things are good, our water heater takes a crap and things go bad.
Oh well, I may have cold water, but at least I don’t have cancer again.