Another Lifted Item

Stole this , um, I mean lifted this from Lora's blog this morning. Did it because of one particular questions - Lora went the safe route, but I think there is more that can be said. Can you guess which question?

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced? Once upon a time, I used to have my Eyebrow, Belly Button & Tongue done (all gone now) but I once considered a Nose piercing (not through your nose like a bull - but a small delicate piercing on the side), and a Labret piercing (which is the one between your lip and chin) - but I must say piercing the Lip, I just couldn't fathom it, because to me, if you have these rings around your lips how do you kiss passionately without getting hurt?

Does a kiss make you feel better? Sure, I guess. A kiss should make everything feel better - like boo-boos. But when it comes down to just having a crappy day, I think a hug works better.

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor? Yes, I’m afraid I have. More than once.

Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in? Before - I like hot warm, so I start it before to let the cold water out first.

What did you do today? Nothing much yet, just got Nat ready for school. Not really sure what I will do today. I cleaned most of the house yesterday.

Have you had more than three boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time? Hmmm, can't say that I have. I tried dating 2 guys at once a couple times - but it didn't work out.

Would you rather be in a relationship or play the field? I like all the things that go along with being in a good relationship.

What do you do when you first wake up? Trudge toward the bathroom - wash my face, use the bathroom - then trek downstairs for a soda (need caffeine!), come back up and assist Natalie with her hair. Then it's outside to wait for the school bus - and yes, I usually venture out there in my jammies, but then again, her bus picks her up right in front of out home.

What color is your shower curtain? It’s shades of beige/goldish yellow/eggplant/teal and has Kokopelli's on it - we have all the matching pieces (towels, dispensers, etc) as well as the bedroom comforter set.

Have you ever had stitches? Yeah, lots. I could tell you all where, but that may take awhile!.

How long ago did you hug someone? This morning when I said goodbye when Nat left for school.

Did you believe that boys/girls had cooties? Only some do. :)

Do you know how to use chopsticks? If they were the only utensils I was left with, I’d starve - or eat with my fingers.

Lyrics stuck in your head? "The whole damn world is just as obsessed with who's the best dressed and who's having sex. Who's got the money who gets the honeys. Who's kinda cute and who's just a mess and you still don't have the right look and you don't have the right friends. Nothing changes but the faces, names, and the trends. High school never ends. " - High School Never Ends by Bowling for Soup

Do you like Oilers or Flames? Neither?

What are you doing tomorrow? Probably finishing decorating the yard & trying to find a location to take our annual family picture for Christmas cards.

Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off of? Like I can remember!

Have you ever given money to a homeless person? Nope.

Have you ever run over an animal? Nope (at least none that weren't already roadkill)! I even saved a little froggie that jumped to the street off an old over the road train track! I thought he was dead and was carrying him in my hands in the car when he suddenly woke up and scared the crap out of me when he jumped out of my hands!

What is your favorite cereal? Hardly eat cereal, but when I do I usually go for Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds.

Have you ever had an Oreo with peanut butter? No and doubt if I ever would. Oreos are best as is - it's the cream that makes them so damn good in the first place!

Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongues pierced? First off, what's up saying straight guys, it's not like only gay men do it. Also as Lora said, who's to say what is right from wrong. But let me just say that the tongue rings heightens oral stimulation for BOTH men and women. So no, I find that there is nothing wrong with a straight man having his tongue pierced or even women for that matter.

Where's your favorite place to be? That's a hard one, I have lots of favorite places - my whole house is one. But from all the traveling I've done I'll have to say Hawaii and Disney World. The cruises were okay, but I've had better rooms, food, etc.

What's your favorite song? It’s impossible to name one favorite. But, I think my favorite artist (at least at the moment) is Nickelback.

Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire? Nope….why throw away a perfectly wearable pair of shoes?

Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yes, and Chunky Dunking too, as I've been both thin and fat!

Have you ever climbed up a water tower? Nope, but I have climbed up on old railroad trellises growing up in Illinois.

Do you dream in black and white? I have, but I don’t very often.

Do you talk in your sleep? Sometimes.

Do you snore when you sleep? Not really, I rarely do it. I'm more of a drooler.

Funniest thing you heard all day? Can't recall, but it was something my daughter said while getting dressed for school.

Have you ever gotten a mosquito bite on your face? Yes. I've also gotten them everywhere else. They thrive here in Louisiana. Damn little bastards!

What are you afraid of? Used to be of Cancer returning, but not anymore!

What does the 14th text message in your inbox say? Save up to 50% during our 3-day sale (mail from Circuit City)

What does the 10th text message in your outbox say? Re: Shower. Cant say anything more than that.

Do you like someone? No, I love someone! My hubby & daughter just to name a few.

Do they know you like them? Of course.

Can you recite the alphabet backwards? Nope, not drunk OR sober.

What's your middle name? Christine.

Need to get something off your chest? Chest, what chest, I have NO chest at the current time. Check back in a few months and I may finally have my new perfect, plastic boobs.

How do you feel about your life right now? There are still ups and downs, it all comes with the whole cancer/remission/reconstruction and menopause thing - BUT other than that, life is good!

HELP!!!!

Anyone out there with a Wacom Tablet (I just got the new Bamboo Fun one as an Christmas gift) please, please, please help!!!!

I want to make my own hand written signature, and a watermark stamp for all my photos - but I am struggling with finding out how to do this!


Holly McCaig once commented on her older blog that this is how she did hers:

• I had someone ask me about my signature and watermark on my photos. It is my handwriting. I used my Wacom Tablet in Adobe Illustrator and wrote out my name the way I sign things (well, when I'm not in a hurry). I then brought it into Adobe Photoshop and turned it into a .jpeg for my blog signatures and then a brush to stamp on top of my photos for my watermark. Easy peasy!

No, not easy peasy! I've tried CS2 Illustrator, CS2, Photoshop Elements 5, plus the 2 other programs it came with - Nik Color Efex Pro & Corel Painter Essentials 3. I'm lost. I don't know what I'm doing and feel like such an idiot! Someone please help me!

I must now send Holly a message begging for her expertise.

I wanted this thing so much cause online it makes it look so cool and so fun and easy to use. Someone, I BEG of you to PLEASE, please, PLEASE help me figure this thing out. It virtually came with no instruction for how to use it - Besides, my new Canon PowerShot A720 IS compact camera arrived yesterday afternoon, and I have some reading to do, as well as playing! I wanted a small camera to carry around in my purse all the time, cause my Sony DSC-H5 is too big to lug around daily!

We'll catch up later. But if you do know how to use Wacom's Bamboo Fun or their other line of tablets, please leave a comment below - I think I may need some step by step help! Thanks!!

Celeb Mug Shots

I found this mildly entertaining. Many Mugs not known about.

I hear certain old Mug Shots are sold as art. Jeremy Piven of Entourage has the Mug of Frank Sinatra in his living room, but I'm not sure what company it is that sells them.

Enjoy!

A Preview

Didn't get much time to play around with my new toy. Gotta run into town to Michael's to return this Christmas item I bought. Here's what I did manage to do - just a sampling of the things to come!

UPS Delivered

UPS just came and they brought some goodies. I'm sooooooooooo excited. One of the packages contained my new Wacom Bamboo Fun set, however the package containing my new camera hasn't arrived yet = ( But in any case at least I have this to play with in the meantime - that is if the Hubby doesn't make me wait till Christmas. I love new toys, don't you? I'll have to play later cause right now I need to run to the store = ( But once I've opened it (that is if I can!) I will let y'all know all about it!!!!

Oh, almost forgot. I got my stitches removed today. The surgeon says it looks great and they are working on scheduling a date for me to go back into surgery and try reconstruction again. I go back on the 3rd, will get my orders for pre-op labs, and other stuff. I think we are aiming for the 10th. Wish me luck!!!

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Time For a Change.

1) new sub-title.

2) new profile photo.

Just wish I could figure out how Lora changed the comment part of her blog to read non-lurkers??? Hmm, if I wasn't so frustrated I'm sure I could easily figure it out, but there's a frog in the house I must catch and release.

Also, I will be adding some pictures to Flickr from a birthday party we went to this weekend. Natalie bowled for the first time in her life, had a blast, and scored quite well for her first time!

Thankful

So yesterday I concentrated mostly on things I was/am thankful for. One of which is the double oven we have cause it made cooking a hell of a lot easier on us! Other than that, here is what I came up with in no particular order:

• Obviously being alive!
• What little family & friends I have left.
• Our dog Lexie, who is my baby!
• Great Medical Insurance that covers my cancer & reconstruction & doesn't cost a fortune.
• A WONDERFUL husband, who has stood by through-out all highs & lows of cancer, menopause, multiple surgeries, and caring for myself and carrying the household while I was on bedrest healing for 3 months!
• I'm extremely thankful to not have had any tropical storms or hurricanes close in on NOLA this past "season".
• To be blessed with the life we have that allows us to live a life of excess - buying what we want, when we want - to have 2 vehicles that are fairly new, nice and paid for - to have a beautiful 4,000 sq. foot home, as a roof over our heads - to not have to worry about money and bills and have little to no debt. I am very thankful for being able to live comfortably!
• To have plenty of food to eat, a roof over my head, warmth when cold, A/C when hot, cable, internet, and lots of other things normally taken for granted!

Now if only we could all lose all the excess weight we have, become healthy, and be able to fore go surgeries, that would really make me thankful!

So what are you thankful for this year? I can't wait to hear!

Another day turns to dusk

Well for us Thanksgiving is over. We've ate, rested, put away the left-overs, and even did the dishes. Thanksgiving is done and we've survived. Not to mention the food wasn't just edible, but it came damn close to tasting like Mom's - which made me not just feel good, but feel like one hell of a cook!
After letting our food digest for a while, it came upon time for pie. I even mastered the whip cream. The only down-side - my pies were store bought. Ruben joked why didn't I make pie myself. I don't know how to make pumpkin pie! I almost hit the roof till he said he was joking. I said maybe next year I will make another dessert besides ambrosia salad. Geesh, let me master one thing at a time! Besides, I'm not into making pumpkin pie, maybe pumpkin cheesecake.... I have done that before, or there's this other cheesecake I like to make. It's not traditional cheesecake. I have the recipe for it upstairs, but I recall off the top of my head that you mix cream cheese with Dream Whip, and it makes this "fluffy" style cheesecake. Good stuff. He said he likes custard, which was my brother's favorite - but I don't know how to make custard pie. I'll have to ask my Mom's old friend, the neighbor who had helped me figure out stuffing and gravy, maybe she knows how to make custard pie. But like I said, maybe next year.
Ok well it's back to the couch for me. I took a short nap after eating and had very weird dreams, but this time instead of going there to nap, I want to go be ready for CSI when it comes on as I don't think there is any Grey's on tonight. Anyway, enjoy your evening, however you spend it. I have all my pictures now posted, so check them out when you can!

Dinner almost done

We've taken our time preparing the remaining items for dinner today. I've got the last few items in the oven. I'm very thankful that we have a double oven. I love it and it's really helped speed up much of the process. We've snacked most of the morning on the Spiral Maple Glazed Ham I prepared last night. Ruben is outside frying the turkey now, which is nearly done. We've sampled much of the sides as they were being cooked. Ruben loves the stuffing. I'm amazed at how well everything is turning out, and quite proud of myself for pulling it all off. I've posted many pictures already at Flickr of everything as it was being prepared. I hope you enjoy our Thanksgiving pictures, as well as your own Thanksgiving!

The Platter

This is "The Platter" that every memory of Thanksgiving as a child revolved around.

Mom, I'm glad I got a chance to keep this important piece of family tradition!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tonight I am coming at ya from the kitchen as I get a head start on all the cooking for tomorrow. So far I've put together the ambrosia salad, the spiral sliced glazed ham is done , the turkey giblets are on the stove simmering slowly in a pot, and the turkey is sitting in a brine soak in the fridge outside. Hell I've even managed to do all the dishes thus far! I'd say that I'm sitting pretty damn good for tomorrow. It's not like anyone is coming to dinner - all of our single friends have other plans, as well as all our married friends. After all, Thanksgiving is a time for family, food and fun. This particular holiday holds much meaning for me, and has brought to light many unresolved feelings about my Mom's death.

In preparation for Thanksgiving, I have realized that deep down I feel like a lost soul without my Mom. Even at 33, not only do I feel incomplete without her, but I also feel very incompetent because I had no idea how to do much of the cooking to carry out this family tradition I am so used to. Since her passing many times I have felt much like an orphan. Shortly after her death, my step-father held a memorial, sent my Mom out for cremation, tied up all his loose ends in town, and quickly returned to their home in Mexico. He didn't even take her remains with him. Instead they were given mostly to my brother. His behavior surrounding her death, and quick exit left me wondering. Over the last year my suspicions have pretty much been confirmed - I am the ugly red-headed step child. The same can be said for my siblings. Except for the occasional phone call, which we receive about quarterly, it's as if we no longer exist in his carefree retirement days, that resemble that of a college frat boy with all the smoking, drinking, and going out. It sometimes makes me wonder if in the last years he really did love my Mom, or if he's happy that he's free of her. I also wonder if when I'm 55 or 60 if I will feel the same about my husband? Or maybe it's just a result from the injury he suffered several years when he fell 2o feet and landed mostly on his head. Or it could be as Jennifer Aniston once said - he, like Brad Pitt may be missing a "sensitivity chip". It's just that after nearly 17 years of marriage, I don't understand his lack of grief or family values. You're probably wondering why I bring all this up and what the two have to do with anything, but I think it's a culmination of all these things that have left me feeling so empty and lost. And in feeling this way I've lately found myself feeling depressed , detached, unmotivated and uninterested. I love my husband and daughter dearly, but my heart aches. Sometimes I often think that I have no "home" to go to. I have my sister in Hawaii, but I have no mother and no father. Adding to all this, I have little memory of extended family beyond that of my siblings - so not only do I feel like a lost soul, but I feel like I don't know who I am or where I'm from, which only adds to the "lost" sensation. As I've been feeling this way for several weeks, I've refrained from Blogging due to lack of motivation and interest. I've been trying to sort through all of this, and resolve what I can cause I am tired, sick and tired of feeling this way - and that's just it. I FEEL sick and tired! This blog was supposed to be a journey through survival, yet it doesn't feel like I am surviving anything. I know this is all a little too deep for Thanksgiving, but so much of this has been MY food for thought. So for the next day all I am going to try to concentrate on is what I feel thankful for - Ruben says I should feel thankful for being alive, and I do, so hopefully I can find my way out of the deep end of this pool. I'd chalk it all up to holiday blues - but I think it's more than that.

I'll try to post Friday what I'm feeling thankful for this year. What makes you thankful this holiday?

Chillin'

It's been kind of a lonely, sad week for me. Ruben is out of town, my brother-in-law went home, so it's just me, Lexie & Natalie. It pretty much sucks! Don't get me wrong - Natalie and I have had some great mother/daughter time together, but I am Poke'd out! First, take into consideration the fact that I know NOTHING about Pokemon, add together the facts that I do not play any of the games, watch the cartoons, or really know any of the character names. That said, in the last few days I have learned more about Pokemon than I care to know!
Lexie is bringing me down, just because she's being the sad, pathetic pup she always is when one of us is gone. She is so mopey! Luckily, Ruben comes home Sunday. I'm ready for some adult inter-action/conversation. Ruben is on vacation next week for Thanksgiving, and Natalie is on break from school. I finally have everything all figured out for Thanksgiving. I got some help from my Mom's old neighbor from when she lived in Vegas. Thanks to her I can master gravy and stuffing now. I also got some help from my cousin who has a "recipe" for the way my Grandma made sweet potatoes - although Grams passed around my 3rd birthday. I bought everything I needed - aside from a 10lb young turkey, I also bought a small maple spiral-sliced ham. We'll have more food than we know what to do with, but that's okay. The important part is carrying on the tradition. I can't make it exactly like Mom's, but over time I will get better, and improve with age and time. Plus, over time, this will become our own tradition and will also become important "family time" together. It's something I definitely want to pass down to my daughter. I think I may even take pictures of it all and create a little Thanksgiving recipe scrapbook so she'll at least always have the recipes to go off of. Unlike my Mom's style of cooking. At least Mom gave me the most important piece of Thanksgiving tradition during our last Thanksgiving together - a Thanksgiving turkey platter that she had used for as long as I can remember. Thanksgiving always revolved around that platter.
Holidays are just cruising right by. I really need to finish up Christmas shopping, get a move on the cards so I can get them in the mail by the 1st, and figure out what to do for Nat's birthday. So much to do in so little time, especially since I will be having a surgery right in the middle of all this. Which reminds me : 1) family photo for Christmas cards - what to wear this year? 2) what do I want for Christmas? 3) what should I get Ruben?
Natalie is over here making her list for Santa....a good writing exercise, but of course it's Pokemon stuff. Big surprise there! Oh great, I feel a headache coming on now, I think it's due to Pokemon. Wonder if I can expect this for the rest of the holidays?

Girls just wanna have fun

Yesterday Ruben and Danny left for Vegas. Danny finally got home-sick and decided he wanted to go home after 3 months. Ruben's only there for 8 days on a business trip. Unfortunately, their plane left early in the morning, so Nat & I were forced to go home as no stores were open yet. We came home and rested for a little bit before deciding to go to Houma to shop. I wanted to hit up several stores, but in town they are spread out all over the place. In Houma everything is located within a few blocks.
While driving there I felt like I was having some problems with my contact in my left eye, after bothering me for several minutes I decided to pull over, so I could take the lens out and rinse it. That's when I noticed something was wrong with my eye itself. The pupil had been largely dilated compared to the other, and I knew that something was wrong. I called my sister who used to work for Lenscrafters. She told me that I should probably go see a doctor, but told me to wait a bit as my BIL was heading to work and he would ask one of the doctors there....he works in the optical department at Costco. After shopping for a couple hours I noticed that it still had not changed. My sister called shortly after, and told me that the eye doctor even recommended I go to the hospital cause it could be neurological damage, or maybe even nothing at all. Since I had just had surgery on the 6th, I was told to start with him first. I called his answering service, explained my concern, and waited for someone to call me back. Not long after, my doctor's office assistant returned my call and told me to go to the ER since it was a weekend and and already 4pm. So I filled up the tank and asked my neighbor if she could watch Natalie while I go, but they insisted I not drive myself. We began heading to the hospital and almost got as far as the bridge, when my plastic surgeon called. He told me that I didn't have to go the the ER, he knew what the likely cause was. Prior to surgery he prescribed this Transderm Scop patch that you put behind your ear 2 hours before surgery. The Scopolamine in the patch is known for causing such side effects, as well as many others you can read about here. As the prescribing doctor he was very familiar with the common side effects of the medication, and told me that I didn't need to go to the ER - that I should go only if I experience changes in my vision or the pupil gets so big you can no longer see the blue in my eyes. So we turned around and headed for home. Miss Arlene was nice enough to let Nat stay and play till 9pm so that I could rest and relax, then she had her teenage son walk her home since it was dark. Have I said how great my neighbors are? Ruben was so paranoid about the whole surgical procedure before leaving town, but made sure to talk with the neighbors and ask them to look after me and help whenever possible. I told him that it's only 8 days, I think I can take care of myself for that long! We'll just have to leave day 1 out of the equation!

Alive & Well

At least all except the huge pain in my side! Once again I have a drain tube in my side, and it hurts like all hell! Once I go through all these surgeries I'm going to have so many round scars that you will be able to play connect the dots on each side! My chest (where the hole was) so far feels good (don't know what it looks like yet, as it's all bandaged up) - it's just the pain that I have in my side from this tube. But at least all went well, and I'm home again in my nice comfy velour track pants and t-shirt.....lounging around, watching TV, and surfing the net. Sounds fun, eh? Ruben ran up to the store to pick up the Ratatouille Movie.
Hopefully things will continue going this well, and the pain from the rube will subside a bit.
Hope y'all are doing better than me!

Surgery & Thanksgiving

Well tomorrow's the BIG day. I have to be at the surgical center at 6am, which means we'll have to leave our house around 5:15! Holy Crap! There goes staying up to watch Weeds tonight! Thank goodness we have a DVR. I can watch all my shows when I get home, as I doze in and out of sleep. I'm not really sure how long this procedure will take, all I know is that I will be home "sometime" tomorrow. As soon as I feel up to it, I will post so y'all know I'm alive and well!

Ok, so Thanksgiving is coming up. This will be the first year I will actually be preparing/cooking everything myself. I only hosted Thanksgiving once when we lived in Elko, but my Mom came up for the holiday and worked her magic (I basically helped and maybe prepare one dish!) Now that she's gone, I can't even call and ask her for help or how she made stuff. I'm not really sure what or how to prepare everything. Nothing will ever compare to Mom's Thanksgiving. I'm not sure if Ruben plans to deep fry the turkey or if I will be cooking one (we have a double oven but still it's only so big).......plus with only 3 people, how big of a bird do we need? Maybe I should just do chicken. Ruben wants stuffing, and I don't know how to make the kind that doesn't come from a box - of course he doesn't like that kind. He also likes gravy. Another thing I don't know how to make. I usually buy a bottle of premade gravy. I know how to do the mashed taters, green been casserole - but I'm not sure how Mom made her sweet potatoes. I know they were canned, but how did she make the syrup? I know how to add the marshmallows. I'm such a mess. Been married for nearly 8 years and I don't know how to cook Thanksgiving dinner. I do know how to cook other things, but there's such nostalgia and tradition to Thanksgiving. So any ideas? Any help you can offer? I would sooooooooooo appreciate it!

It's a miracle!

The garage is FINALLY clean and organized after only 10 months! Plus both vehicles fit with plenty of room - though there is only about a foot between his bumper and the garage door! Ruben's so happy all his hard work has paid off - it's been more than 5 years since he's been able to share the garage with me. Our last house's garage wasn't long enough for the truck to fit in - also the truck was almost too tall to fit when the snow tires were on. I never would have thought that all of our junk could have been arranged to let his truck fit in, plus still have all the excess room in the shop portion of the 2 1/2 car over sized garage. Especially when we have 8 snow tires that surely aren't needed here in Louisiana, not to mention the snow blower. Whatever will we do with this crap we can no longer use?

Also, I uploaded more pictures today on Flickr. Enjoy!

Time to let go (or at least try!)

Ruben says that I have the tendency to dwell on the past too much, and he's right.
I can't help it that even after a few years I still have so much heart ache over a friendship that I put so much into, gave so much for, and after several years of being friends our friendship was turned into a nothing more than that of mere acquaintances - priorities changed, and I just wasn't one of them.
Or how about a case of acquaintances. A friend of a friend. Someone I knew and considered a friend, and tried to set up with a very good friend of mine, but found that his friend was actually a better fit for her. When I learned that she lost her job and was looking for another, I stuck my neck out on the line - as well as my job, so that she could gain employment. Later I found that she twisted words, made up stories to ruin my relationship with other office friends, stabbed me in the back, then basically copied my resume, interviewed for the same positions as I did, and talked badly about me during interviews. My heart may not ache over this one, but it surely taught me to never put my reputation on the line for others. But what does upset about this "friend" was all the other friends she cost me, not to mention the fact that she nearly cost me my current position, as well as the one I was later hired for. I still remember that she had everyone going, saying that the only reason I had my job was because of my husband. Sorry but my resume spoke for itself.
And let's not forget the bitch at work who went around spreading rumors based off of nothing, about me & my hubby's sex life. I always hated the fat bitch cause it seemed like she was hitting on my husband telling her details about her life, while he was her boss. But after the crap she pulled, I really hated the cat-piss smelling, ugly, fat bitch. Luckily she quit contacting my husband for non-work related items when he started ignoring her emails and phone calls. Even still though, I think I would take great pleasure in kicking her ass.
So how do I let go of this crap once and for all? I can't help the fact that I am a very emotional being - and that I can easily hold a grudge and never let go. I mean after all, these items here are just a few of the many scars I carry. I've tried to re-build lost friendships with a few, but they never really took off the ground. My guess is because it's an issue of trust now. How do you get past that and learn to trust again? How do you put your guard down? Especially when the one who twisted my words, lied, made up stories, and stabbed me in the back is still in the picture - they wonder who to believe, the person who seems like a friend because they have never hurt them, or the one who walked away hurt and angry, but did so without a fight?
What's really kind of funny to me is that chemo seemed to wipe away most of my memory. I only have few memories of being young, growing up, friends in high school, and names.....I can't seem to remember any names beyond the last decade. Yet through all this mind-wipe, I still remember a whole lots bad stuff and hardly any good stuff. Sucks, huh? Maybe one day I'll be lucky enough to forget all this too, and my scars will heal.

Too young to drive!

Took this video today of Natalie and her friend playing on her 4 Wheeler now that it has FINALLY cooled off to 75!

Where do I begin?

First let me start off by saying that I've sat by quietly wondering if I should make a post. They say that if you don't have anything good to say, then you shouldn't say anything at all. It's not like I am a negative person, it's just that I'm a realist. There are positive and negative moments in every day, and I except them as they are, try to learn from them, and cherish what I can. This past week or so has been especially trying for me. I sat back not sure if I should say anything, but have since concluded that this is my blog where I share the good and the bad of my life with others - so basically I should be able to say whatever I want. That said, let's start at the somewhere near the beginning...........
I've been very busy with daily doctor appointments for the last week and a half. Aside from that, I've been very stressed out due to many of those appointments.
Last week I get a call from my brother who is having money issues again, and is severely short on funds to make his rent for November. My step-dad has been re-imbursing me for all the money I've paid out so far to help him out, but told me last time that it had to stop. Unfortunately I don't have enough money to support my brother, nor do I have the heart to break the news to him - so I told my step-dad that he would have to be the one to call him and tell him that he wouldn't help him anymore. Well I'm not sure how that turned out, cause when my brother called me needing money I told him he'd have to call our step-dad. I also sent a rather hurtful email to him, as this whole situation is tearing me apart inside and breaking my heart, not to mention stressing me out to the max and I have a surgery coming up on the 6th and cannot handle this anymore. I was not raised to turn my back on needy family, so this whole concept is new to me. So I'm still not sure how all this has turned out because I haven't gotten a return email or any phone calls - but let me just summarize that if my brother has not been taken care of and has been kicked out of his apartment, I will be beyond a bitch. I am not someone you ever want to fuck with or piss off cause I will find a way of making every day of your living life fucking hell. That said, I think it's time to move on as I am getting upset again.
So anyway, as if that weren't enough, I saw a new oncologist on the 22nd, afterwards I went down to have labs done for both him and my plastic surgeon. Well after starving all day, and waiting forever, I gave in and ate a piece of candy they had there. Well needless to say I was supposed to fast for one of his tests, so instead I just had my pre-op blood drawn. A few days later I found out from my surgeon's office that they totally screwed up after fishing for and popping my vein, and didn't run the proper lab tests and I needed to go have them re-done. That sucked cause I am not a fan of bloodwork, since I have delicate veins - and since they majorly fubarred the tests, I decided I was not going there to have my other labs drawn or to get my bone scan. Well my oncologist only works out of 2 places, so it was either there or an hour drive. I said hell with it, I'll find a new oncologist then. So I had my blood drawn again at the surgery center this time, hopefully they won't make any errors - especially since they will be hosting my procedure on the 6th. I'll also be having another procedure done a few weeks after this one, but I'm not sure exactly when or where yet.
Also I just had an eye exam as I needed new contacts desperately. Of course I get there and I'm having problems focusing, and find out that something was wrong with my eyes and had to wear my glasses (which are the wrong scripts!) for a week and use these medicated drops. All that had me very freaked cause this guy was acting like a jerk and I wasn't sure if he'd even give me contacts again. He acted like I was mis-using them and this and that. Fact is I scratched my cornea. Not sure how, but I rub my eyes a lot, sometimes hard, so it could have been from an eyelash. So finally after a couple weeks and some check ups, I am finally back into contacts - a trial pair while I wait for my order to come in. But man is it nice to actually be seeing clearly again!
Oh, I also had 2 teeth pulled last week. After seeing 3 different dentist, this had been the only one that I could get to even agree to do something. Fixing them was not an option (or so he said). He claimed no dentist would ever agree to work on my mouth due to the medications I take. He yanked them while giving me gas, and only a few shots of Novocaine. I felt the one come out, and man has my mouth hurt since!
I can't deal with medical problems and personal issues just before a surgery. My system can't handle the stress. Unfortunately my face takes the brunt of it in the form of acne. No matter what I use (ProActiv, Aveeno, Cetaphil, Clearasil, or other products with either Benzoyl Peroxide or Salicylic Acid) NONE of them really work, and I still develop blemishes while using it - all because my acne is either stress induced or as a result of chemo and medications. I'm tired of people always asking me what's wrong with my face! How rude is that! I look them straight in the eye and say nothing is wrong with my face, it's acne - while in the back of my head I'm following up that statement with what's wrong with yours. Actually I should say that next time, cause this last time this little old lady asked me, and I just really wanted to say something rude to her because really, as if I don't feel stressed out and bad enough after a crappy week I have to listen to this 70 year old lady rudely ask about some blemishes on my face. Luckily I use a digital camera, I so love the healing brush in Photoshop - it fixes all those pesky spots!
I will say that at least Halloween was a lot of fun, although it was rather warm and my make-up was running off my face! It was a long, tiring, fun-filled evening. We were even surprised to find that our HUGE cauldron of candy still had a few inches left in it, but it was A LOT of candy, so we must of had lots of trick o' treaters here, or the people just took handfuls of candy. I'm just glad we didn't get tee-pee'd that's why we left a huge cauldron of candy out, cause I for one don't think it's quite right to decorate for Halloween, then not be home to give out candy on the big night. We knew we'd be going to Imperial Woods again this year, but wanted to make sure we left something for all our neighbor kids. Looks like it turned out well, judging by the left-overs. I posted lots of pictures from our night, plus many more over at Flickr.
Other than that I've been mostly trying to chill out the last few nights. Ruben will be going to Vegas on the 10th and will be gone for 8 days. Danny will be going home then. It will be just me and Nat, and I'll be on the mend from surgery. I need to relax and de-stress. The procedure that is coming up is just a minor day surgery, but still, being this tense is not good for me and has the potential to mess with the healing. Wish me luck that this week goes better!