Have YOU gotten your Stimulus check yet?

I am so friggen mad about this whole Economic Stimulus Check. First off the IRS reduced our amount to be received by 5% because we went over the max gross income amount. As if we REALLY make THAT much - part of that income was from moving here. Ruben's company offers moving allowance packages that cover rent, cost of living as well as other things. It wasn't money we truly got to spend and enjoy - but because we closed on our house here in Dec. 06 it was too late for them to put the amount on his 2006 W-2, so instead it all went on the 2007 one, therefore screwing up this whole Stimulus thing! So anyway, we were supposed to get our reduced amount on May 9th - here is May 29th and no check, no deposit. I call the IRS and now I'm being told it should be direct deposited on June 6th. That's nearly a month after we were supposed to get it. But at least the 6th is just a week away, unless of course they post-pone things once again.
A good friend of my mom's sent me this email, and it is so, so true.......

As you know, the Bush Administration said that most of us will get a check to stimulate the economy.

If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If we purchase a computer it will go to India.
If we purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan.
If we purchase useless junk it will go to Taiwan.
None of this will help the American economy.
We need to keep that money here in America!
The only way to do that is to spend it at yard sales, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

Post Surgical School's Out Update

So here I am, 5 days post op. Things are well. My surgery went well. I woke up in recovery, my throat hurting cause they had to shove a tube down it during surgery. Going into it I had a stuffy nose and couldn't hardly breath. Damn allergies. Having a tube shoved down your throat is the worst! Aside from my throat hurting like hell, I found my neck hurt as well. It's pretty bad when you go into surgery for breast cancer and your neck where they ran tubing for the port-a-cath that's placed in my left upper chest, hurts more than the incision made in my right breast! I know that ultimately the port-a-cath will make things easier for chemo, but man is it uncomfortable and painful. I guess it's because they had to run the tube up my neck instead of using a vein in my chest, like they did last time. But at least my breast incision doesn't hurt, the surgeon didn't take more than what was necessary and she left the expander in place. But perhaps the best news yet was from the doctor herself. She called this afternoon wanting to let me know my pathology came back on the tissue she removed and the margin WERE CLEAR on it! Awesome, yeah? I go in to see her on Friday for a follow up, but so far things are good. I'm not sure, but I think she placed some kind of "markers" on my chest muscle for the radiation therapy. I'm not sure when I'll start treatment - hell I haven't even seen a radiation oncologist yet, but she's been in touch with my medical oncologist, plastic surgeon and some radiation oncologist that she's been referred to. I love that she is willing to communicate with ALL of my doctors. So anyway, the surgery was a success, we just got to hope the rest of the treatment is as well!

In other events, Sunday our neighbors held a block party for Memorial Day. All the kids swam, while the rest of us ate. Each person brought some item of food for the party. Since I wasn't feeling up to cooking, being just 3 days post op - Ruben made his specialty for everyone: Carne Asada. Needless to say it was a big hit. Although the neighbors who hosted the party couldn't believe how much we brought. They said to bring an appetizer, side or dessert and Ruben brought 17lbs of meat. After he told me how much he spent I thought my god does the Mexican store here rip you off! We would've never paid that much for it in Vegas! Shit do they make it out of Filet Mignon? Cause for flank or skirt steak, $6 a pound is a bit excessive! But in any case the party was awesome. We met lots of neighbors we didn't even know. I couldn't hang long, being so close to post-op, and I couldn't swim either - which is fine cause no one needs to see my fat boobless ass in a swim suit any way! When I left they had a pretty good game of pool volleyball going on. Natalie had a blast, and of course I have lots of pictures from the day posted on Flickr - I also have pictures from theme school days, though Natalie missed one (beach day cause she had a bad sunburn - she was on antibiotics and spent a bit too long in the sun) the other day I didn't get pictures cause I had surgery and missed taking them. There are also pictures from Ruben's car accident - some lady slammed into his truck on his way to work. It happened just before getting on the bridge, and right in front of cops. Stupid bitch was on the phone - but at least very little damage was done to his truck, unlike her car.

Other than that, not much else is going on here. Natalie is out of school for summer, today was her last day. Ruben's mom will be visiting mid-June. It will be nice to have her here for a visit, though I seriously wish it was my mom. God do I miss her. Hard to believe this July will be 2 years! I wish my sister could come out to visit - but it wouldn't be much fun now with me being sick and facing treatment. She deserves a good tour around New Orleans. Maybe one day soon!

So how do you like my new blog banner and title? Made it myself. Though I liked the other, I just found that since the cancer returned it just wasn't really fitting anymore. Maybe one day I will change it back when I get the "all clear."

The Night Before

Well here it is, the night before the big day. Things have just not went well the last few days!
Tuesday I had an MRI schedule so the surgeon could get a better idea of what to expect before she cut me open. Well after getting to the hospital, filling out the paperwork, and waiting forever, I find out that I can't have an MRI done as long as I have these expanders in my chest. You see these expanders hold a small piece of metal in them - that's how the doctor finds the spot in which he puts the needle for the saline injections. So with that plan shot, I called the doc to find out what's next. Her staff hauled ass to get me an appointment today for a CAT Scan of my chest.
So today I went back to the hospital for my appointment with Radiology. It took a bit to get things rolling, but I will have to say that they had this one person who just rocked the IV. It's the first time I can ever recall not having to be poked twice - and I handled it all without a shot of lidocaine! Plus I really have to say that having the IV and getting the contrast was a million times better than drinking that crap they usually shove down your throats! Once I got on the table it took no time at all. So after I finished up, I headed downstairs to get something to eat. When I was done and I was heading to the car to leave, I noticed that my cell phone was missing. I panicked bad! Radiology was closed, so I couldn't check there until a Security Guard came to open the doors. Well it was no where in there to be found. I ran back downstairs and found it under the table I ate at. Oh thank goodness! I checked and found I had a missed call from my surgeon's office, but it was past closing time. I called the emergency number, where they told me that she wasn't on call. I explained to them that I had no idea if I was supposed to have surgery tomorrow or not. Luckily they got a hold of her and called me back. She was able to get the results from the CAT Scan and scheduled surgery for 9:15 am. However I did not get a chance to go over the scan results, so I'm not sure if we will be able to stick with our original plan, but I'm sure I will get to talk with her tomorrow before surgery actually begins at 11:30.

Also I found some articles I wanted to share, but time is just getting away from me and as it is I will have to shower in the morning before going. There just isn't enough time in the day - that and I just have too many thoughts swimming in my head. Like I never told you that the week before last Ruben was rear-ended. Luckily his truck is alright, but man did the women ef up her car. And she slammed into him right in front of the cops! She was driving while on the phone, so what can you say. I also have pix I wanna share from Nat's special dress days at school. I also need to scan in her spring school picture. but it will have to wait till another day. I'm tired and ready to call it quits.

Oh and one more thing, did you see A.I.? I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO glad David Cook won. ok well I will check back in after my surgery when I am feeling up to it, till then be good = )

Law of the Garbage Truck

This is what I referred to on a earlier post. I got this from my friend Dionne. It's an article she picked up somewhere.....

How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day? Unless you're the Terminator, for an instant you're probably set back on your heels.

However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly she can get back her focus on what's important.Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. I learned it in the back of a New York City taxicab. Here's what happened:I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches!

The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us . My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was friendly. So, I said, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck."

Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happy you did.
So this was it: The "Law of the Garbage Truck."

I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at work, at home, on the streets? It was that day I said; "I'm not going to do it anymore."

Well, now "I see Garbage Trucks." I see the load they're carrying. I see them coming to drop it off. And like my Taxi Driver, I don't make it a personal thing; I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on.

One of my favorite football players of all time, Walter Payton, did this every day on the football field. He would jump up as quickly as he hit the ground after being tackled. He never dwelled on a hit. Payton was ready to make the next play his best.

Good leaders know they have to be ready for their next meeting. Good parents know that they have to welcome their children home from school with hugs and kisses. Leaders and parents know that they have to be fully present, and at their best for the people they care about.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let Garbage Trucks take over their day.
What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by?Here's my bet. You'll be happier.
Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...Love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, TAKE IT! If it changes your life, LET IT! Nobody said it would be easy...They just promised it would be worth it!

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Ah Sunday, the day of rest - with exceptions to doing the laundry of course. Things at El Casa De Navarro are usually pretty chill on Sunday. We watch a little TV, rest, and prepare for the week ahead. As school's end is nearing, Natalie has something going on every day. Tomorrow she has a Saints Training Camp day at school, then a beach day, Disney day, 50's day, then year book signing day. So we had fun picking out her clothes for each day, as she normally wears uniforms to school, but doesn't have to next week.
Also, some much needed rest was in order for today as yesterday she spent half the day swimming with her friends - because of which we are both a little red in spots. After she was done and had taken a bath, we decided to head out to do a lil ' shopping and have dinner out. We drove the 35+ miles to Houma instead of driving the other way into town. We had an excellent dinner at Olive Garden - and though I probably shouldn't have (cause surgery is coming up), I had a VERY delish Italian Margarita! It was very good! I looked it up on line and this is what I found:
According to the menu, the Italian Margarita is made with Sauza Gold Tequila and Triple Sec. It's served on the rocks and with a shot of DiSaronno Amaretto on the side.
On the rim: Orange-flavored sugar, one orange wedge and one lime wedge. I believe it also has a bit of limeade and orange juice in it. I've never had Amaretto and it was so very good. Instead of a harsh shot like Tequila, it was pretty sweet. I definitely suggest trying it next time you eat there!
After dinner we ran into Academy Sports and bought Nat some pool items - she wanted flippers like some of the other kids have. She also got a new kick board, and a cute pair of Sketcher shoes that are made out of a material much like Crocs. We spent so much time in there looking around for new darts and stuff that we were unable to make it to Sam's Club before they closed. So on the way home we had to hit up a grocery store to stock up on some snack items and usual necessities.
I have so many things swirling around my head the I want to make sure I include in this post! LOL! Let's see, first I'm happy to say I am once again acne free. Yay! I've finally found something that I think helps a lot. Clean & Clear Advantage Oil Free Moisturizer. I used to not be able to moisturize cause I was afraid it would create more acne - and now that I am 34 it seriously hit me that I'm getting old and it's time to take preventative measure against wrinkles. This lotion contains a bit of Salicylic Acid, so it helps prevent blemishes as it moisturizes. Of course the Levaquin antibiotics the doc gave me helped REALLY knock out this last break-out and fast too!
Also I wanted to elaborate on my last post about women. It seems I just always attract *those* types of women that cause problems or are just plain mean into my life. Sometimes it's a cashier at the store that's having a rough day and takes it out on you, sometimes it's people you cross paths with doing errands, or sometimes it's people that find my blog or other "homes" and approach me cause we have a common bond such as cancer or scrapbooking, where we've lived or past occupations. One day I ran into this much older women in an elevator, who so rudely asked me what's wrong with your face. The tone was less than concerning or friendly. It took all I had to bite my tongue and not say nothing, what's wrong with yours. I understand that my acne can look bad, but come on people! It's just plain rude to point it out or make remarks about it. I hate it and how it makes me look - which is why I often hang at home till it clears up. But beings as mine is always stressed induced or possibly a side effect of my meds, it's hard to keep my skin clean and clear and under control. Believe me, I've tried!
And the last topic up for discussion. As most of you know, since my recent diagnosis of recurrent breast cancer earlier this year, I've tried hard to re-gain my faith. I am not a religious person by any means - and no, I am not claiming to be born again or to have found God. It's just since the cancer has come back I've tried really hard to be consistent with praying. I figure that there are so many others out there praying for me that I should at least be praying for myself too. I've struggled a bit with this, as I said I'm not really religious. I asked Ruben for help or guidance, but he was unable as he still prays in Spanish as that is how he was taught. I already receive The Daily Word (both email & booklet - a co-worker of Ruben's sent us a subscription when she heard the cancer came back.) Well the other day I came across some of my old belongings. It's really quite odd because of the story behind it. It had been back in like 2002 when I had just transferred jobs, prior to just having my 3rd miscarriage. I had received an item in the mail from the Shrine of Our Lady of the Snows that is in Belleville, IL - near where I had grown up. The funny thing is I haven't been there since I was a kid, and they knew my current last name, and where we had lived at that time. What they had sent me was a card. A card that is a prayer for healing. I had hung on to it at the time because I thought it had an eerie significance. And finding it again after all this time just drives home that point. As I sit here struggling with how to "pray" or ask for help, here is this card that inside reads:
O 'Mother of Mercy, healer of the sick, look with mercy on me and comfort me in my time of trouble.
Pretty fitting right? Well the other side reads:
Dear and blessed Lady of Lourdes, you bathe all in your radiant light, and soothe the suffering with healing waters of the spring you revealed to St. Bernadette. Though I am far from your sacred grotto, look with compassion upon me. See my need for your healing love. See how my body fails me. See how troubled is my soul. I ask you humbly not only for healing, Mother Immaculate, but to wash away my doubts and misgivings, to solidify my faith, to open my heart to you healing love, and the love of your Son, thus to see that this suffering, which now seems overwhelming, may soon be healed.
Tell me, coincidence or not? I may lack faith, but I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I think this prayer card is just what I was looking for in my quest of "how". Although it doesn't cover everything, it is a very good start. Usually I just ask for all my family, friends, and loved ones to be looked over and ask that they all have health and happiness, but beyond that I struggled. This is very specific for my needs of healing, as I am so done with this cancer thing. I just wish it was done with me! Don't worry, I'm in no danger of becoming overly religious. I just wanted to share that with you. It's weird how things work sometimes! Have you ever had anything like that happen to you? I would love to hear about it!
Well it's about time to wrap this puppy up. So the plan for this week is that on the 20th I get my MRI and I should most likely know more sometime Wednesday. Then the 22nd is the day of my surgery. At least this time I have a much better feeling about it. I'm telling ya, you should always listen to your gut feeling. I'm actually glad things worked out the way they did. I feel more confident with this surgeon and she clearly has no problems involving my other doctors as they have all been in touch with each other, which bottom line means better care for me. Don't you agree? Hope y'all had as good of a weekend as I did. I will keep you posted as I get info this week!

Have I told you HOW much I HATE (some) women?

No it's not a neighbor thing - or even with friends I have IRL. It's not an inner circle thing. It's just how you come across certain types of women who back stab, talk behind your back, turn tables around on you, are insensitive, dangerously sarcastic, moody, and just plain catty!

I've worked with plenty of women and it seems there is one of *those* in every group. Makes you wonder how the hell the husband puts up with it? Or maybe they act this way because they can't at home, or don't get enough sex, or just have marital issues and life problems - so they unload all their crap on you. My friend Dionne used to have something on her MySpace page about the Dump Truck theory, but it is now gone so I cannot pass it in whole along to you - but it was something like how people will just dump their crap on you if you allow them to. Well I'm not the local dump, take your garbage elsewhere.

I'm reminded of why I always hung with the guys - CAUSE THEY DON'T BEHAVE *THAT* WAY!

Sorry I just had to vent! Next time I will be a little more selective about the people I allow to be a part of my life. Backstabbing bitches are not welcome here!

So tell me, how do you select your friends and deal with BS like this when it occurs?

The Current Plan

Met with my new female doc yesterday. Both Ruben and I very much agreed on liking her. She seemed very understanding to my wanting to keep my expander if possible - she even did an ultrasound of my chest where the suspicious scar tissue had been found.

After arriving home, she called (not a nurse, but the doctor herself!) me asking if I had done an MRI of the chest, to which I replied no, just the other tests. She'd like to get an MRI done as it gives her a better picture and she's not going into the surgery blind. It also will allow her to see where the cancer was so that she can place markers there so when I have radiation they know where to point it for maximum effectiveness. So far it sounds like we've got a good plan. She's not all set on just removing all the muscle, she wants to remove only what is needed and will have pathology there to test what she removes along the way to know if clear margins were obtained. Obviously I am happy about that. Don't want to lose more muscle than what is necessary, especially since I only have about half to begin with -my modified radical mastectomy in 2005 took a piece of my chest wall along with my breast tissue. Muscle doesn't just grow back, it'd be nice if it did. then we could regrow things like the little lizard who lost it's tail. Although that might be a bit creepy, and honestly sounds super hero-ish. LOL.

Anyway, her office scheduled me an MRI for the 20th - and for the moment, surgery is tentatively set for the 22nd. See we ain't wasting no time! I like that! A doctor that realizes and appreciates the need for speed - unlike one who tells me I need it yesterday but then waits 3+ weeks to get me in. But anyway the sooner I do surgery, the sooner I can move on to radiation, then chemo, then get my life back on track! I'm sure it will still take the majority of this year before I am done, but at least I have a good doctor - one who I googled and couldn't find any malpractice lawsuits against unlike the last prick!

So tomorrow I head to the dentist. Fun! Then Friday I head back to my new surgeons office to sign my pre-op paperwork.
This new doc even took one look at my latest stress induced acne breakout - Hard for her to miss since the area above my right eye looked horrid. Seems every time for the last 3+ months that I tweeze my eyebrows I hit a nerve, get a lump on my head and suffer the embarrassing ugliness for a week. Either some major ingrown hairs, or an abscess pocket. Maybe I should go back to waxing - or maybe waxing is what got me here? In any case, she gave me some potent anti-bacterial antibiotics to help clear this up ASAP. It's cool she did that, but up till the drama of last week I was proud that I had been acne free for nearly 2 months and my few scars were clearing up. Ah well, maybe I will again soon be acne free - or when all this drama calms down I will be able to fit in an appointment with a dermatologist! 34 and acne just is not right, and I've tried more than half the crap out on the market and none of it works! In fact Pro-Activ made my acne worse! What a waste! So anyway, you know the plan - hopefully surgery next week if all goes well. Wish me luck!

Happy M Day

Happy Mother's Day to all you Moms.



It's been an awesome weekend full of a school event for moms, shopping, gifts and being treated like a queen - breakfast in bed, Ruben doing all the cooking and chores. It's been great! I posted lots of pix on Flickr for all to see!



I even got 2 packages in the mail. One was my Stampin' Up order from Cynthia, the other was a specially made punk princess coocooi shown below.



Enjoy you day!

Replacement Doc Locked & Loaded

Here it is 10 and I feel as though I have already accomplished so much. I have filed a complaint with Ochsner, The Dept. of Health & Hospitals (in Baton Rouge) and the LA State Medical Board. I've also located and booked a consultation visit for the 13th with a new surgeon....and I can already tell that I will like HER. That's right, this surgeon is a female! While I love my plastic surgeon, I have known for years that when it comes to female body parts you should never trust a male physician! How can you expect a man to understand and sympathize with something THEY don't have!
Hopefully we'll be able to book a surgery soon, so I can get this taken care of and get started with some kind of treatment. I'll keep you posted!

It's Offically Over

Here it is first thing in the morning and I'm already pissed off. I spent the night tossing and turning, thinking about my whole doctor dilemma. Here's this guy calling my plastic surgeon a liar, then he tries to tell me that I am wrong - but I know what Dr. J told me and if he hadn't spoken directly to this guy, I don't think he would have referred to him by his first name. So I tell him that this is what Dr. J and I discussed, and that was that he wanted things to be done in a specific way (not telling him how to do his job, just what his preference was for how much muscle to remove and that he would like to keep the expander intact UNLESS it was ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY to remove it.) Well the surgeon takes the offense, saying that I am being threatening (hell, he doesn't even know threatening - cause if I was being threatening I would have told him that IF he consults ONE more doctor about MY PRIVATE PERSONAL MEDICAL information (especially since I told him NOT to and he kept doing it), that I will sue him because he is infringing on MY HIPA RIGHTS! That is threatening!) All I did was relay a message. What my plastic surgeon and I discussed, what we would like to happen. I was told that I had a choice in this surgery. Well once I voiced MY CHOICE he changed his tune, saying that this is the way it is - I have to have the expander removed because he is taking all the muscle out and there would be nothing to hold it in when he is done. Well if he's removing ALL the muscle, please tell me WHY I would have to do DAILY radiation for 7 WEEKS! The point of radiation is to radiate a specific area and destroy any missed cancer cells. If I have no muscle, what is he going to radiate? My lung? He didn't like MY CHOICE, so he decided that he would only do it HIS WAY. Well this isn't his way or the highway. It's MY way or the highway. It's MY BODY, MY CHOICE. He works for me (well not anymore, but you get the point.)

I'm pissed off because he left me in a bad situation just because he didn't like my choice, well he should have told me in the beginning that there was only one way to do this. Instead he calls me this morning (at 8am when he was SUPPOSED to call LAST NIGHT!) - I inform him that my plastic surgeon has been trying to reach him all night. So he decides that we should cancel the surgery - then he starts accusing me of shit. That's when I pull the plug. He's been lying his ass off, calling people liars, now accusing me of stuff. What kind of doctor pulls this crap? Hell no. There is NO WAY I would ever consider going into surgery with you now - not even if you got on your knees and begged. I'm fixing to call Ochsner and file a complaint that he violated my HIPA rights, as well as the Doctor's Board which certifies him. Just because you believe you are the best doesn't mean you don't have to be humble. Learn some bed-side manners. He has no people skills whatsoever, so I wouldn't even recommend this guy to pick up dog crap in your backyard, let alone perform surgery on you!

If you live in the New Orleans area, I would strongly suggest staying away from Dr. Ralph Corsetti. Not unless you like being treated like shit. I feel for all the women he's pulled his little guilt trip on, forcing them into a surgery that is easy and convenient for him all while they had other options. But hey, if you like that kind of abuse, knock yourself out. You can reach him at this number if you like. 504-842-4070.

Doctor Dilemma

Today was a major clusterfuck. It looks as though my Friday surgery may be off. I don't want to get into too much of it now - especially since I am still waiting to hear back from the doctor(s). Let me just say this whole thing has me very upset, stressed, and pissed. Aside from buying a plane ticket for my brother in law to come out, Ruben has re-arranged his schedule all for a surgery that technically should have happened weeks ago - so we've all made sacrifices and now this doctor may cancel. It's bad enough he DIDN'T fully explained the details, but now he is just flat out lying. I've had a bad feeling about all this from the start, and I tried telling myself it was the wait, but now I'm thinking that I shoulda just followed my gut feeling to a new doctor. This damn asshole and his God complex - telling me things were my choice when all along he planned on doing what he wanted to do and making things out as though my other doctor is a liar, when the surgeon is actually the one lying. Now not only does it appear my surgery may be off, but more than likely I will have to find a new surgeon and waste more precious time. Ugh, it makes me so freakin' angry!
More to follow soon - all the details of what went wrong, as well as who this surgeon is, so he can't burn others here in New Orleans, like he did me.

Last one, I'm calling it a night.

It's time for me to get my ass to bed! So here's my last creation.

And Another....

Been a digi-scrappin' fool today. It's good getting my mind off my problems and scrapping, even if digi. Hoping to do one more tonight if I can.

On a roll......

Doing more digi layouts. Taking part in some contests and challenges. Enjoy!

National Scrapbooking Day!

Did another 100% free digi-layout in honor of NSD! Still basic, but with each freebie I download I gather more digi-stuff and inspiration. Enjoy!

Happy Day

Yesterday I spent my day at the hospital doing fun pre-op stuff. no matter how many nurses you tell that you have bad veins, one will always "think" she can hit it without hurting you. Why don't they ever listen? I left the lab with a nice busted vein from the needle being poked around my hand as she fished for a vein. Seriously, do they like hurting people like me? Let's just hope that anesthesia listens, otherwise come the 9th I'll be screaming like a crazy lady telling them to get the effing needle away from me! I am NOT a pin-cushion!

Today I digi-scrapped a basic layout for this digi-freebies challenge on Scrapbook.Com. Still learning my way around wishing I could do better. Guess it just takes more time and practice. Also I received my very first paycheck for blogging. YAY! Doesn't matter much cause it's already spent. LOL. Trying to figure out what to treat myself to for Mother's Day, but it's hard when you just buy stuff whenever you want it. Just like I told Ruben that once this is said and done and I kick cancer's ass again, I want something special - I have my mind on a tattoo, maybe a nose piercing, who knows. He isn't fond of either idea. He tells me it's time to grow up - but I can't help it that I still have some wild child left in me. You best believe that when my hair grows back after chemo I'll be putting some pink in it or something. It's been so long since I've done anything even remotely wild and I can just feel it eating away at me. I removed my last piercing, my tongue ring, when I was first diagnosed back in 2005. 2004 was when I had purple highlights in my hair as I left my job to become a stay at home mom. Well I'm not your average suburban mom or manager's wife. You can't keep an animal caged, especially when I have so much rage inside of me. That's why I want to do something when this is all over. Having cancer come back just reminded me how much fight I still have left. The disease ignited a flame and fuels so much rage within myself. I don't want to be here again. I hope this is the last time I ever have to deal with this.

On another note, tonight we saw Iron Man. Man was the theater packed! But it was so freaking awesome! I had just seen something on E! and jumped in the shower and said let's go! Didn't know it had just opened today. We don't get out to the movies all that often - most we'd rather just see at home, but this was one definitely worth seeing on the big screen! i'm glad we saw it today cause it's gonna be a busy weekend around here! Ruben's little brother flies in on Monday to stay for the summer and help out while I have surgery and go through radiation. It's a relief knowing that someone will be here to help with Natalie. Then of course Friday is the big day. I'm still very nervous about it, but I think that it is because there has been too much time between the office visit and the surgery date. Too much time for my brain to sit here and process and over analyze it all. For like the first time I can ever really recall I'm scared. Man I hope that's not a bad sign! I know there's a lot of people out there thinking about me, hoping for the best. I sure hope all that karma does it's job. Don't fail me now......