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The Big Day is FINALLY Here!!!

Everyone knows I've been on edge the last few weeks stressed out over this whole recurrent cancer diagnosis - and have chest ct scan, bone scan, and pet ct scan results that I can't hardly make sense of. Well today is the day I have been waiting for, the day I get into Ochsner Oncology Department to meet with my new oncologist and go over all my records and hopefully find out what the plans are. Whether I will be doing chemotherapy again, radiation treatment, or both - and also how my actual meds may be changed as I now take Femara, and I could be changed to Tamoxifen or others. I'm also curious about why I have had so much bone pain - after just a few step my knees and ankle hurt so bad I feel like someone could easily break one by kicking my ankle, or if I stumbled, tripped and fell.

Also, I wanted to share with those of you who may not be familiar with this . A co-worker of Ruben's bought me a subscription to the Daily Word, which is The Silent Unity Magazine. You all know that I have not or am not a highly religious person. I've been scorned and lack faith - but I am SLOWLY giving it another chance, especially during this period when I so badly need help. I have on my mother's wedding ring, Natalie's Our Lady of Guadalupe necklace charm, and I SWEAR that while eating lunch at Kenner waiting to have my bone scan, I saw a man who was the spitting image of my deceased 101 year old grand father. Sometimes I believe in good luck charms, and friendly sights to help you get by. I have even given prayer a try. Every night before bed I try to remember to pray - and not just for myself, but for all my friends, family and loved ones. It's not an easy task, but I am trying. I figure with so many others praying for me, then I should pray too - right? Doesn't hurt to try!

Anyway, if you are familiar with the Daily Word, then you know how each day has a different meaning. Such as today:
Daily Word — Tuesday, April 1, 2008 — Trust
I trust God with all my heart. I am confident, wise, and strong.
When I am considering making a major decision, I may spend time questioning myself and others about the best recourse. Yet my best recourse is always to allow my mind and heart to be open to divine wisdom.
As I pray and trust God for right outcomes, I am able to sort through all the formerly tangled thoughts. I move past the differing opinions, uncertain situations, and threads of confusion to the heart of the matter. With a clarity of mind, I act with confidence, wisdom, and strength.
Prayer benefits me and everyone else affected by the choices I make because God is my partner and co creator in all things. I trust God for all that makes my life complete, and I trust that God will guide me to be the greatest blessing I can be to others.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.” —Proverbs 3:5

Much of this isn't far off base, as I feel that I am confident, wise and strong. I trust in myself, now I just need to learn to let go of the reigns and hand my life over and trust in someone else without doubt. It will take time, but eventually I will be there. I think that prayer will help me a lot this time, and maybe we can avoid the depression part of it all. Anyway, I better get ready for my appointment. I'll let you know as soon as I know something! Fingers crossed for some good news!

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