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Beautiful Card for an ugly week

Last week I got in the mail a handmade card from Cynthia. It was a beatuiful thank you for a small little book I sent her to bring her laughter and joy. Let me just say that her wonderful card made my day! Every since getting back from Vegas I have suffered insomnia something terrible and for about 4 days straight I stayed up until 4am. This left me very tired, not to mention the cold I had, and complete acne chaos going on after the stressful visits with my doctors and seeing my mom in the hospital. Because of all this I ran a little late one day getting Natalie to school. Instead of the teacher asking me why I was late, my daughter told her when asked that "my mommmy takes lots of pills". While that is partly true, a kindergarten teacher should know better than to take a 6 year olds word for complete honesty. Not to mention the fact that she has no idea what I take or when. I never heard of any of it till days after the fact, and was never asked to explain or anything. Then one day I ran a few minutes late to pick her up. I thought nothing of this because I had an arrangement with another mom, who told me that she would stay with Natalie anytime I was running late. Problem was, when I arrived at the school neither Natalie, or Tracy were anywhere to be found. I sat there wondering what to do, wondering if she somehow manage to sneek her way onto a bus, as I've often noticed the teacher not paying attention to who needs to get on the bus and who doesn't. So I sat and waited. I figured the buses would be back shortly, and I knew that if you weren't at the bus stop to meet your child, the driver would bring them back to school. So after about 20 minutes I get this call from the school asking where I am, saying that they have Natalie in the office. I told the lady calling that I had been sitting in the parking lot looking for her for the last 20+ minutes. The principal and teacher brought her out to me, but said they couldn't release her to me in my condition? I asked what condition that was, because other than being sick and tired I was fine. I hadn't taken any pain pills that morning, just some cold medicine. The principal went on to say how I looked as though I couldn't manipulate a vehicle, yet she didn't see me pull into the parking lot (and yes, I was parked straight!), so how would she know? She told me that there were other days that week that I had sat in my car for long periods of time after droppping her off or picking her up, and it looked like I was struggling, but if anyone had come closer they would have actually seen me sitting there, as I often do and talk on the phone- better that than drive and talk, right? Well they must have really thought I was doped up or something because they refused to release her to my custody, and called my husband. They also proceeded to call Child Protective Services on me. At the present time I cannot be home alone with my child or drive my vehicle. Ruben had to bring his little brother up here from Vegas to babysit us both. Not to mention he also took away my pain medication that is prescribed to me to take every 8 hours, and only administors half a pill a night to me. He doesn't beleive that I USUALLY don't take any during the day, and if I do it's only a half tablet and it's usually first thing in the am or after we get home from school. Now I can't help it if I looked shitty that day given my lack of sleep, and being sick, and god knows when I stress and get acne, I get it bad! But that's no reason what-so-ever to assume I neglet my child or would put her in any type of danger - ever! And it's no reason to call an agency that can potentially take my child away from me. It makes me downright furious! Especially when they have no clue as to what they are talking about. Ruben took my meds away from me to please CPS. I have no idea what is to happen next, as not a single person has called and talked to me, or come to the house. They seem at ease with Ruben's plan, no matter how much it hurts me. I will be getting a statement from my pain specialist's office to further back up the fact, that (A) I do not take them every 8 hours - otherwise I would need monthly refills and at the end of the month I end up having a great deal left over (B) That the medication he is prescribing to me is not too strong for me to take more than 1 half of a pill every night, and that I have been on this medicine for so long my body has easy adapted to it's potency and I am at no risk to be driving.
But the thing that really bothers me and hurts me the most is that my own husband doesn't even beleive me. He thinks I'm an addict just because at night before bed when I take all of my pills there will be time that I may stumble around or pass out - well gee I wonder why, ya think it could be cause I just took all my nightly medicines and am ready to go to sleep? He often goes on ranting and raving how he doesn't beleive my pain is real, just as he doesn't believe in my depression. You would think that he of all people should not only know it, but beleive it as he is witnessing it first hand. With all this mis-trust and dis-beleive I wouldn't be surprised if a divorce is soon to follow, and as I cannot work and have no where else to go, I often wonder what will become of me. Surely he will fight for custody and win. How am I to support her, let alone myself? I cannot go back to work now like this. I'll never be insured again if I get dropped from his plan. Sometimes I can't help but to think the worst as this has been a long hard road, and no step of it has ever gotten easier. In about a month I will be getting a decision on my disibility claim, and while the woman sounded very positive that they were not going to turn me down, I can't help but to think the worst - denial. So cross your fingers and say a little prayer for me, cause I need this money. It's getting tight with all my medical expenses, pills, appointments, surgeries, etc. And if denial happenes again, I am going to have to hire a lawyer that is going to take damn near half of what they owe me for the past 13 months. Cross your fingers because that will be a huge settlement! Damn it's nearly a whole years pay for most of the people I used to work with. So anyway, for now I await the judgement of CPS and anticipate an approval letter from SS soon (I hope & pray!) I will keep you all posted. Also, aside from Cynthia's card, I got an early Mother's Day gift of a new 4th generation 20gig Ipod- there's no color screen, but that's no big deal, but it does hold nearly 7000 songs all for my listening pleasure, now I just have to fill her up. Know 7000 good tunes? And while mine is white like the one shown, I've already placed a pink iskin on it to protect and give it some color, although I would like to find something a little more different than a silicone condom to sqeeze it in.

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