In Loving Memory Forever & Always

R.I.P ~ Mom, I love you!

Sending a loved one off to heaven is basically hell!

It's been a week since I last seen my mother alive. Although I did not get to speak with her, I watched as she slept peacefully, watching as she took each breath, quietly waiting for her to awake. She never awoke before I left, and I kissed her on the head, lightly squeezed her arm and said I love you, before I left that night. At 11 am the next morning, I had been awoken by a phone call from my dad. He had told me that she was awake, that Deb had called and talked to her, and that the hospice expected her to live a few more days. He asked me to pick up my brother Bill after work and bring him by to see her. I started making phone calls around as I needed to get my car back into service. At one point, my cell phone rang and it was my husband. I told him I couldn't talk and hung up. Then while I was on the phone, I heard the call waiting go off several times to which I ignored. As soon as I hung up with the service dept. The phone rang and it is my husband. He's calling to tell me that Vince just called, and sadly, my mom passed away. Hysterically I cried, because if I wanted to go see her, I needed to hurry and go before they take her to the morgue. Ruben said that he was leaving town soon and would be here later that night. Seeing her so peacefully laying there without pain was a combination of both good and bad. Her eyes had not shut completely, so it appeared as though any minute she was just going to start talking to you, but once you felt her cold hard skin - you knew it was the real thing and there was no coming back from it. I tried to be strong, yet the inner child in me broke down, saying I'm too young for her to die. I still need a mother, yet my husband's words rang true in my heart saying that you can't just keep her here because you want her here, that I have to let go because this is what she wanted - to be free from pain. Walking out of that room and leaving her there alone waiting for the morgue to come get her was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Over the next day, my father and I began making basic arrangements for her memorial - per her request. She did not want an open casket for fear they would not make her look the way she once did. She did not want a funeral. We simply had a few flowers, some pictures to memorialize her and each of us kids, plus some friends - stood up and gave a brief eulogy type reading, then we prayed, and sung and headed off for refreshments in the rec room.
This is a poem I found online, written by an unknown author. I read this poem in honor of my mother, as I found it so fitting.

The Day God Took You Home
In tears we saw you sinking,
And watched you pass away.
Our hearts were almost broken,
We wanted you to stay.
But when we saw you sleeping,
So peaceful, free from pain,
How could we wish you back with us,
To suffer that again.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
But you did not go alone,
For part of us went with you,
The day God took you home.

TODAY I CRIED

Today at 11:45am, my mother passed away from liver failure/liver chirrhosis. I beleive she was (approx.) 59, but I'm NOT certain, all I know is that I am 32 and I was in no way prepared to loose her just yet, but I thank God that her pain is gone and I know deep down she is in a better place.

~-~-I Love and Miss you Mom, and always will-~-~

R.I.P.
Linda June (Like) Britton

I hope Grandpa & Grandma Like greet you in Heaven with open arms!

You will be greatly missed and forever loved,

Well it's final

Starting August 7th, Ruben officially starts his new job as the Manager for Louisiana territories. Although we still haven't gotten the written offer, we know it has been approved, and all the details. The only reason he did not receive the written offer this week is because we are in Las Vegas to see my mom. They did not want to bother him with work issues during this time, but honestly it wouldn't have mattered, we've been waiting impatiently for this call.

We've been spending every other day or so with my mom. Her insurance has FINALLY approved her to go to UCLA to get an evaluation done, it seems this news has really brought up my dad's hopes - BUT unfortunately the airline said that she cannot fly in her current condition. I guess she is severely malnourished. Just lightly touching her shoulder to comfort her, I felt nothing but bone - even though she appears of normal size. Basically, she's nothing more than bones, and built up fluid from her liver failing. Seeing her this way had been extremely hard for all of us. Even more so for my daughter, who wonders now if this means daddy is going to die. I'm not sure if she should be taken to anymore visits as she gets worse and worse. I tried making my peace with her, but am unsure as to what to say to her.....I hate just coming out and saying or even acknowledging the fact that she is dying. Ruben had a talk with her, and tried to make his peace. She told him that she doesn't expect to live more than 10 days, a month tops, because she's been hallucinating, she has no strength, and can barely eat or hold down any food - and by barely eat, I mean a pickle slice and an olive fill her up. I really did not foresee this advancing so fast, but she has already made her peace with God, and whatever is meant to be is meant to be. I honestly do not know how my dad can handle this day in and day out. I am trying the hardest I can to remain strong, but nothing EVER prepares you for losing a parent. My only thoughts and prayers for her are that she goes silently, effortlessly, unknowingly, and painlessly - all during her sleep. I guess you really cannot ask for anything more than that.

May peace be with you all !

I'm Back In Las Vegas Again!

I'm back down here to see my mother again. We arrived yesterday afternoon after receiving a distressful email from my dad. Despite all the infections and blood loss my mom had, she demanded that the hospital let her go home, and while she may not be doing any better, we found out that she has been approved by the insurance company to have the transplant and all. The bad news is that she is still very sick, has fluid collecting everywhere within her body, won't eat, won't do her physical therapy, and won't do her labs or go to the doctor appointments she has. Despite the good news, I fear the end is near, as it seems as though she has given up. Although the insurance company has approved her, she still needs to go to UCLA for the Eval (to rate her need and readiness), but she cannot do that until she is better - no more infections or blood loss. It's all a vicious circle.....she cannot live without a new liver, but won't get better until she has a new liver. So here I am with my family, down here to see her and either tell her to start making an effort and fight back, or to tell her goodbye, how much I love her, and that I'm going to miss her. No matter what, it's NOT going to be easy. It's like all of this has come on so fast, much faster than any of us thought it would. And if this alone weren't bad enough, I'm also here to tell the rest of my family goodbye. It's only a matter of time till I too am gone, gone to Louisiana.

Any day now Ruben will be getting his official offer letter, although we already know that it has been approved. He will start his new job as a Manager of Louisiana at the end of this month. Natalie, the dog and I plan to stay here until our house in Elko sells and we purchase one there - which hopefully won't take too long! Moving, buying and selling is all too stressful, and the sooner it's done the better! I just hope we can find the house of our dreams, and that it is never hit by a hurricane! In any case though, this move will not be easy. Neither of us have been so far away from our families......I'm not sure whether we should be proud that we are leaving behind the nest and our families, or to be sad. But in any case, Louisiana here I come.

I'll talk with "y'all" later!

I Wanna Be Done Too!

I stole this from Lora's Blog.........Suburbia Las Vegas.

To do me, pick one word from each pair that you think describes me the best and leave it in the comments. Then copy and post this in your own Blog (if you want to) to see how most people view you, and maybe I'll do you too!

*dominant or submissive
*logical or intuitive
*social or loner
*kinky or vanilla
*cute or sophisticated
*kitten or puppy
*warm flannel sheets or sleek satin
*leader or follower
*quiet or talkative
*spontaneous or planned
*teddy bear or porcelain doll
*hiking or window shopping
*tequila or vodka
*top or bottom
*bare foot or shoes
*jeans or slacks
*tender or rough
*aware or dreamy
*nerd or jock
*brains or brawn
*common sense or book smarts
*pretty or sexy

Well it's officially over.......

As of yesterday Nick and Jessica no longer exist as man and wife. My hopes for them reconciling go down the drain, just like their marriage. But I guess like all good things seen on TV, it must come to an end eventually - kinda like Sex & The City. But at least I still have the fall line-up to look forward to. I'm still holding my breathe for a 3rd season reunion of Dr. McDreamy and Meredith on Grey's Anatomy. Plus I still have 8 more episodes of the Sopranos to look forward to next year, as well as the return of Big Love.
No matter where we live, I will always have HBO as long as they have an addictive original series to watch!

Guess I'm just bored, nothing good to watch on TV, don't really feel like a movie and I've been stuck at home alone all week with my 6 y/o daughter while my husband plays slot tech in Wyoming. Hopefully he'll be back tomorrow, or Monday at the latest since he has to fly out to Louisiana on Wednesday. Maybe once all his traveling is done, I will know a little more about what all is going on and what we're going to do. I can't stand the stress of not knowing whether I should unpack my scraproom, or re-pack it!

Checking in, and maybe moving on?

I know it's been quite a while since returning home that I've made a post to bring everyone up-to-date on where everything stands, but I have so much to tell - and I'm not sure where to start really.

My mother's health hasn't really improved any after having the TIPPS surgical procedure done. In fact, she is having more problems than before, but some are more different. She's back in the hospital again and had to have a blood transfusion. With every email I get from my dad I worry more and more. Her depression is getting worse, and I fear that if she doesn't snap out of it soon and start fighting back, she won't live long enough to even get a liver transplant, or to even be evaluated by UCLA staff 1st to determine her needs for one.
Also, we missed getting to see my sister and family from Hawaii, and my 4 month old newborn nephew Matthew, whom we've never seen. But we had to leave Las Vegas the day before they flew in.

Since returning home I have not yet heard from my plastic surgeon's office as to when he'd like to see me again to perform my procedure. However, we did learn that Ruben did not get that job in Arizona that he interviewed for, and that I had my heart so set on. As disappointing and as devastating as that news was, we rebounded rather quickly when Ruben received a call regarding a manager's position in Louisiana. Now I've been holding off on saying anything about this offer, as Ruben has not yet even interviewed for it. He doesn't fly down till July 5th, but it was presented to him as, come down, look at some house and see how you like the area. He was also told to start looking for his replacement. Now that may not be a written offer - that's why I didn't want to say anything about it, but so far this sounds to be a pretty concrete. Just hope the money is there!

So for the last few weeks we've been waiting excitedly for his meeting, and looking at houses online. We want to find the house of our dreams this time, that hasn't been damaged during Hurricane Katrina. Each time we've moved (5 times in the last 5 1/2 years) we've always somewhat settled on where to live. It all depended on what was available at the time and how much we could afford. Well this time, it won't be like that. Louisiana has a different kind of housing market than Las Vegas. The prices aren't sky high, and from what we've been told, the market is still strong here, so we should have no problems selling our house. We were also told that we should make a pretty hefty profit on the sale as well - even though I didn't get to make all my upgrades to the flooring.
But all this talk about buying and selling homes again is rather stressful, along with the fact that we will be about a 1,000 miles from Vegas and our families. It's going to hard on us, but at 32 it's time to start growing up and venturing away from the nest. It just won't be easy.

Here's to hoping all goes well!