Distractions, and New Addictions

Like so many others out there, I have seriously been neglecting my blogging duties because of several new time consuming addictions I have picked up recently.

First, all of my spare time was being spent reading. Now that I have finished several different series and books, I have slowed down a bit while I search for new interesting reading material. While I was at Disney I bought a new book after visiting the attraction Walt Disney: One Man's Dream. I found myself both curious and intrigued by what I had learned, and naturally wanted to know more. The book, Walt Disney: An American Original, is a biography of the life of Walt. I'm taking a it a bit slow--so I'm only half way through with it, but so far what I have read, I have really liked.

I've already selected what my next book is going to be. Unmasked: The Final years of Michael Jackson. I know, it's kind of funny. Somehow I've gotten caught up in all this craze since his death....Natalie too. She's been blaring his music at full volume for the last few weeks. Yesterday she was singing Man in the Mirror at the top of her lungs. You could say she's even become a bit obsessed with him and his music. it's funny how much she can take after me at times. In any case, I did the same thing after Anna Nicole Smith died--I bought the book Blonde Ambition.

I've become a Facebook junkie, but not so much for Facebook itself. I accepted a couple invitations and now I'm enthralled with playing Vampire & Mafia Wars. I've even downloaded the apps so I can play them on my iPhone.

All this game time has really interfered with everything else. Though I have been walking at home on the treadmill this past week, I really haven't had much desire to do so. Ruben and I have committed to dieting, and while I've only taken off a few pounds since we returned home, Ruben has gotten off to an excellent start! He's lost 10 pounds already. The first few days all he ate was salad. He even moved the treadmill downstairs to the living room. That way he watches shows he dvr'd while he walks. We made an agreement that if he loses 100 pounds, I'd get him the motorcycle he's been wanting. We really are striving to be healthier. I've just got to get back on track and return to my nightly walks. I just have been feeling like a cold is coming on though--one likely brought on by stress.

Stress has been at an all-time high since we got back. Ruben's company is once again laying off employees. It's quite terrifying when you think about it. I mean here it is hurricane season and we just returned from a vacation in which we spent mostly all of our savings--now add on our new windows, and a review of my case with Social Security. Yeah, all we need now is for Ruben to lose his job. Though it looks like he may be in the clear, at least for now. They laid off and demoted several people from his department across the country, most of whom he knew. On the flip side, he received his 10 year packet from work. It sounds like they have some really great choices this time, lots better than for his 5 year. I was surprised to find out they still offered this given their financial problems. It's a nice surprise. He gets to choose from a foosball table, a Canon camcorder, a Dyson vacuum cleaner among other things. Not bad huh?

Ruben also got confirmation from his advisor. He's all set for classes to begin in September. The school accepted 62 of his credits from ITT. He just needs to take like 18 liberal arts classes in addition to the curriculum for the BSM program. His advisor said everything was all set with his financial aid, and that he's be receiving his books and schedule shortly.

On a final note, my surgery to remove capsular contracture and correct placement issues has been approved. My surgery is scheduled for August 24. I'm excited, and I hope this final surgery really will correct my problems and even things out a bit.

Checkin' In

Here it is almost a week post-op. The pain has lessened considerably over the last few days. I have weird pain in my right arm depending on how I move it - it hurts to try to raise my arm or straighten it. I am uncomfortable every single second cause of these damn drain tubes. I cannot wait for them to be removed. They've finally slowed down enough that maybe they can be pulled tomorrow. I'm looking forward to being able to lay on my side again. With the pain these tubes cause it's really difficult to focus on much else, and to be honest none of my incisions really hurt much. The drains have stitches right there to hold the tubing in place, so with each move my skin is tugging at those stitches and it hurts like hell. The incisions on my chest concern me a bit. They are a little lumpy - puckered. Obviously my chest is swollen post-op, and until my incisions heal none of it will look right. I'm worried that I set my hopes too high. I'm worried I set myself up for disappointment. Things will never be the same, and I know and accept that (I think) - I just worry that I've went through all this pain for nothing. I currently have the biggest implants approved, yet they are only a fraction of the size they need to be. I feel flat chested, like I don't have anything. I'm worried that I'll never be happy with my post-op results. I think in my head I just pictured that reconstruction surgery would make it almost like cancer never happened or something and that's just not a realistic approach. All I can do is wait it out, time will tell ultimately what I look like post reconstruction - and I just need to be patient and remind myself that results do vary greatly, that things will never be the same, and the most important thing of all is that I am alive. It's hard when you've thought about this day for the last 4 years. I worry that just as I am getting out of a depressive funk, the results will set me back. I don't want to be depressed again. So for now I just breathe, and hope for the best. I know that the sooner I get these tubes pulled the sooner I will be feeling better. I see my surgeon on Wednesday, maybe then I can get an idea of how long till I am healed. Hope for the best....

Time Flies

Wow, I can't believe February is here already! Like January, it's going to be another busy month. Tomorrow is my brother's birthday, then later this month are the birthdays of my nephew, brother-in-law, and some friends. Then of course we have Valentine's, the anniversary of our very first "real" date, and Mardi Gras which Natalie has the whole last week off from school. I've got two more saline fills to endure then I will be heading into surgery. Personally I'm kinda hoping to do it Mardi Gras week, but we'll see how it plays out.

Friday I'm volunteering at Natalie's school for their diabetes school walk. Natalie has done very well with raising money and is very close to reaching her goal, we're hoping she will raise the most money this year. She corrected me yesterday when I noted that last year she placed 3rd when she actually placed 2nd - this year she's getting a lot of competition, so it's going to be a close call. If you haven't made a donation yet and wanted to, there is still time. All donations have to be turned in Friday morning - so you can still contribute online and receive a tax deduction. We haven't contributed yet as we are going to do it last.

We had a great weekend between Monster Jam and Super Bowl, though I am disappointed that the Cards lost. I think there were some questionable calls made - especially that last one. It should have been reviewed upstairs as Warner's arm was clearly moving forward, so it was not a fumble....and what about the unnecessary roughness of that one Steeler's player that repetitively hit a Cards player? It just was NOT right - however it did make for a good game, and having great food and company just made it all the better! Monster Jam was a lot of fun. I've got like 300+ pictures to go through and post. Grave Digger really tore it up and won the freestyle competition, then again he always does!

So, I'm sure that after my appointment tomorrow I'll be in some major pain for several days. Can't believe I volunteered at school knowing how much I'll hurt and how doped up I may be, but I really want to take pictures and be there for the whole thing. Luckily the walk isn't too long. Natalie also hinted that she'd like me to come to lunch one day, so I told her either Thursday or Friday I would come and bring McDonald's and have lunch with her. I should be good as long as no kids bump into me...hahaha. I'm sure to keep you posted, and I hope to get those pix up soon!

One day

A pair of these will be mine!

(incase you can't tell, these are breast implants. we're moving forward despite the shrinking skin - I got my first saline fill in a year!)

The Results Are In....(drumroll)

This morning I had my appointment with my oncologist to get my PET scan results and ultimately find out if I will need to do chemo or not. I've been feeling pretty good about this - kinda like a new year, fresh start. I mean seriously - at some point your luck's gotta turn right?

My PET scan came back with the following findings:
Physiological activity is present within the brain, oropharynx, GI and GU tracts. Bilateral breast implants present. There is a 9mm lymph node adjacent to the posterior left lateral aspect of the breast implant demonstrating a mild FDG activity. Overall, no hypermetabolic findings within the head, neck, chest, abdomen, or pelvis.
Impression:
Mild FDG activity associated with a 9mm lymph node adjacent to the left breast implant. the CT portion of the exam demonstrates a normal fatty hilum within this nose and is felt to represent a benign lymph node. Overall, no hypermetabolic findings to suggest local or distant metastatic disease.

FDG has to do with the radioactive glucose they injected into me. My doctor isn't concerned with this lymph node finding - he also said my labs were great. He prescribed Tamoxifen and I go back in 4 months for blood work and another PET scan. We also talked about me moving forward with my breast reconstruction, which as soon as I see my PS I am hoping to be able to do just that. He suggested mentioning this lymph node to him, so when I go in to surgery to have the expanders replaced with implants he can take a look at what is there and see if it's a lymph node, scar tissue or possible tumor and either test it or remove it if needed. It's possible it could have been swollen or infected because of a recent cold or something and could be absolutely nothing at all. To be honest, I'm not really concerned with it. I am confident with my army of doctors and regular tests, that if it were anything to be worried about that it would be taken care of correctly and timely. So tomorrow I begin my Tamoxifen, today I just hope the side effects aren't all bad! Things are good! Tomorrow I'll call my PS and schedule an appointment and see when we can start my fills again now that I am finished with treatment. I'm anxious to get these boobs over with!

I want to thank everyone who has been praying for me or even keeping me in their thoughts. I appreciate all your concern! I'm positive this year is going to remain on a good course....besides, our luck is usually bad every other year - so this year should be good for us. I'm really hoping that now I can finally finish reconstruction and start a new chapter in my book of life...the one I've been waiting almost 4 years for - so fingers crossed that I get there.

Prepping for another opinion

Tomorrow morning I have an appointment with a new oncologist to get another opinion regarding chemotherapy. I'm really opposed to doing chemo and could not agree with the 6 month treatment recommended by my prior doctor. I see no medical reason for 6 months. Hopefully he will agree with me. As I see it chemo only rids my body of any cancer cells that are growing or have spread - which had been ruled out by my previous PET scan. If there is no trace of cancer anywhere within your body, why would 6 months of hell be needed? my cancer is estrogen receptor positive - chemo cannot stop it indefinitely. Even though my ovaries have been removed, my body still produces bits of estrogen - and without some type of medicine like Tamoxifen, there's nothing to stop my estrogen from binding with cancer cells, allowing it to grow. I think it's reasonable to skip chemo and go straight to the hormone therapy or at the very least do only a minimal bit of chemo, like 2 - 4 sessions. I'm not even sure yet if this will be "the" doctor, as I am still awaiting appointments with 2 other practices. Also in the meantime of trying to acquire another opinion I am seeing my plastic surgeon to see if we can move forward with my breast reconstruction. The discomfort is killing me! When I first made a follow up appointment with my PS I wasn't expecting to get in to see another oncologist for at least a month, but this place could schedule me the very next day proving I had my records. I put off the appointment for a week just to make certain I got everything I needed. Now looking at this huge stack of files, I see I have more than I need and I now must find a way to weed through it all and remove the many duplicates and somehow organize it all by tomorrow morning! I wanted to make the doctor copies, but there is just way too much paperwork here - I would need my own actual copier in order to do it and there is no Kinko's around - and I fear what it would cost to do such!

So wish me luck that all goes well! I'll keep you posted!