The Big Weekend

Sorry things have been quiet around here since my birthday. Most of
the week was pretty chill except Wednesday. I had court that morning
and just about everything went wrong - wrong parking structure, wrong
building, several blocks of walking back and forth, forgot to ask if
the ticket went on my record and didn't remember till I had gotten
back to my car. Drove to a new spot - which was by the ferry landing,
so I took my camera backpack so I could snap some pix when I was done.
Well they wouldn't let me in with it and was told to either throw it
away (yeah right! $1000 worth of camera equipment are they nuts?) or
put it back in my car - so more walking, then I had to go back into
the courtroom and talk to the judge so it was more wasted time. Then I
walked back to my car for my bag then walked to the landing to get pix
of downtown N.O. Afterwards I had an appointment at my plastic
surgeons office. He gave me another 125 cc's of saline which left me
with near 500. We're going to do two more fills then I'll be going
into surgery to get the final reconstruction done. If all goes well
we're talking in about a month. Thing is this last fill really hurt.
Hurt more than just skin stretching. I felt like my muscle was/is
ripping. Which is possible since radiation ruined it. He's likely
going to have to take a section of muscle from my back. So anyway I've
been lying around in pain.

Yesterday Ruben and I celebrated our 9th anniversary. Natalie stayed
over at a friends house last night so we went out and had a nice
dinner alone.

Today we have tickets to go to Monster Jam. We're going with our
friend from around the corner. Can't wait! Ruben and I have been to
like 6 of 'em in the past. This year we're skipping the pit party
cause it would be an all day event then and it's just too much for me
considering the pain I'm in. Oh and the worst part of this all is how
embarassing I look. My expanders have both shifted in the wrong
direction so I look completely ridiculous!

Tomorrow Ruben is making some carne asada, rice and beans for a Super
Bowl party we're going to over at our neighbors house. I'm not a huge
football fan but I love watching SB. I think it's cause the
commercials - though I am rooting for the Cards to win, and I hope one
of my squares wins me the pool. I have the 7 & 4 square and some
other. Everyone says I have the best square so cross your fingers and
wish me luck!

Angi

"Whoever said winning isn't everything never had to fight cancer"

Http://scrapaddictnv2.blogspot.com/

Sent from my iPhone

Birthday Surprise

Ruben came home just a bit ago with a surprise for me. My Durango has
been cleaned inside and out, my oil changed, the nails removed from my
tires and he walked in carrying these goodies for me.

As you know he had previously bought me a laser/radar detector cause I
was caught speeding last month - he took me to the French Quarter
Saturday to eat and shop -and yesterday he served me pancakes in bed
and scrubbed my kitchen clean. Now I get another present, roses,
balloons and a cake? Damn I must be a lucky girl! I am one loved
biotch :)

Help Raise Money for Diabetes

Natalie is participating again in her school's diabetes walk. Last year she did quite well, raising the 3rd highest amount. I'm hoping she will meet her goals once again this year. If you would like to make a donation for the walk, you may do so here.

Pre-birthday Breakfast in Bed

Ruben made me apple cinnamon pancakes and served them in bed the way I
like - plain. Mmm.

Kickin' Off the Birthday Weekend

Went to the French Quarter to walk, shop and eat as part of my
birthday weekend celebration -- though my birthday isn't really till
Monday. First stop FOOD. I know we should enjoy the local cruisine but
we've never eaten at this Hard Rock in the 2 1/2 years here. So to
kick things off I started with a birthday Waborita.....though good, I
still prefer the one at Olive Garden that comes with an Amaretto
shooter. Cheers!

Trolley

Not the best picture since I took it while turning on Carrollton but
here are two New Orlean Trolleys.

Early morning drive

Since there is a lane foreclosure on the HP I had to get up extra
early and drive the long way to get to my new pain doc's office. Yawn.
Wjen I get home I'll need a nap.
Notice all the fog near the 310?

One day

A pair of these will be mine!

(incase you can't tell, these are breast implants. we're moving forward despite the shrinking skin - I got my first saline fill in a year!)

Wasting time

I got to my plastic surgeons office way too early today - so I thought
I'd share my dermatologist appt. with you. The doctor thinks I have
Rosacea and Acne and prescribed doxycycline, finacea, and clindamycin.
We'll see if it helps any. Rosacea can flare up for months at a time
and triggers include sun, stress, heat, humidity, and sweating. Great.

Oh do you recall the "honest scrap" post I did about a month or so
ago? Well my friend emailed me yesterday to tell me that dude that
was driving well he's been on the news for like the last year. He
impersonated a police officer in a small town in MO. They gave him a
badge and gun and even went on drug raids. He was sentenced to 5 years
in prison. Well isn't that just special?

Ok hopefully I've wasted enough time and can go inside now. The lane
closure on the Huey P has really messed up my drive time and I ended
up over compensating for it...ugh. And one more thing, to everyone who
claimed the inauguration was all paid for through donations is
incorrect. Congress released near $50 million in funds for security 'n
such. Money I think truly would have been better spent on the American
people 'n fixing the economy - right?

Angi

"Whoever said winning isn't everything never had to fight cancer"

Http://scrapaddictnv2.blogspot.com/

Sent from my iPhone

My Life with Laura.....a book review

Today may be the Inauguration, but I'm not here today to talk about that. Today I post my review of the book My Life with Laura: A Love Story.








When I was first approached, asking if I would like to participate in this book tour, I happily agreed. Though I knew the story ended tragically, I was eager to read the love story behind it all. I find often times breast cancer consumes our lives, and at times even defines us though it should not and does not. For once I thought it would be nice to know more about a person than just her diagnosis – and I was right. Though I set out with a promise not to cry when I read the book, I can say that the shear magnitude of real and raw emotions portrayed left me with no other choice in the matter.

Upon receiving my copy of My Life with Laura, the first thing I noticed while flipping through the pages, aside from tons of lovely photos, was the personal inscription that Chad had written to me. As I read through the book, this inscription stuck with me the entire time because it truly was a fitting description of who Laura was – Chad wrote “I hope you appreciate this book and Laura’s strength & faith battling her breast cancer.” From what I read, Laura was a deeply grounded individual who had a good set of morals and values, a positive disposition, unshakable faith and understanding, and strength like no other. Testament to this was her detailed list of ideal traits for what she was looking for in a man - her ten must haves and ten can’t stands – a list every single women needs to have!

From the get go Chad and Laura seemed like a perfect match – this here was not a case of opposites attract. Both Chad and Laura were similar in nearly every way. So it stands to reason they both fell in love with each other around the same time. Over the course of a year they went from emails to courtship to living together to becoming engaged. They even discovered upon moving in together that their furniture and pictures even went well with one another. Within six months they were married. By the next year they became parents. Life was perfect for them until Laura began experiencing pain in one of her breast that ultimately forced her to stop breast feeding after just 10 months. The pain continued on for many months even after being treated with antibiotics. It was during this time they learned Laura had cancer despite having a negative mammogram. Over the course of the next year and a half Laura’s condition worsened greatly as the cancer metastasized throughout her body and skin.

As described this book truly is a love story despite its tragic ending. Laura remained positive throughout her battle, never giving up hope. She kept meticulous records – calendars with appointments, schedules, baby’s firsts & journals of many private, personal thoughts and prayers – all of which helped Chad to write this memoir for their daughter, so she can know her mother and how she came to be. There are many details to this story, and the story’s main focus is NOT about the cancer, but rather their life together. I think this book serves as a beautiful reminder of that life and love, and it’s something their daughter will cherish forever. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it because of those reasons.

Some of my favorite parts of the book are listed below:

• “She was less concerned about how others perceived her; instead she knew that she needed down time, either with me or on her own. I came to appreciate and respect this aspect of her, knowing that it was not personal. After all, I often needed my alone time too.”
• Chad’s Valentine’s letter to Laura in 2006 – it’s rather long so I won’t re-type it.
• “I finally know what I am dealing with; I can deal with cancer….can’t I?”
• “Sitting there among these senior citizens, we were reminded that this was not supposed to happen. No one should be dealing with cancer and radiation and chemotherapy in their 30’s! (Or at any age for that matter.)…..My favorite part of the lesson was the topic of sex. She discussed the need for using condoms during chemotherapy, and I looked around the room. Laura and I both laughed later that Trish was clearly speaking to us and not our fellow classmates!”
• “Her breathing had been erratic for some time, but it was not until I sat beside her and held her hand that she let go. I do not know if that notion is true – that Laura waited for me before she died. Regardless, I was so happy that it was just the two of us together when she passed. I will never forget that last moment with Laura for as long as I live. Although it was tragic, it was at the same time profoundly romantic – the two of us holding hands just as Laura’s spirit was released to heaven.”

Originally, I planned on asking Chad a few questions - but by time I finished the book I was so flooded with tears I could hardly lay down and go to sleep, let alone think a single thought. I laid there and sobbed uncontrollably, feeling as if I was about to have a panic attack. I felt as though I had lost a friend, because the way Chad wrote this book was completely inviting - taking you into their life, sharing private thoughts and journals - you really do feel as if you know them personally. And from this experience, I walk away sad that Breast Cancer claimed another life before a cure was found, that this woman left behind a daughter that will have virtually no memories of her mother, and a husband who loved her very much - so much that he wrote a book of her to share with the world.

You can check out Chad's site here, and purchase the book from Lulu here.

Proof of my addictions

How many bottles of perfume/lotion can you count?
There are over twenty brand name products. Lots of CK, a few Gucci,
Guess, Cool Water, Tresor and plenty others. I kid you not.

My Addictions

Per Heather, I'm supposed to name 5 addictions....this should be easy. Oh and this list is in no particular order., either list!












1. Soda! Lots of it, though I do drink ice tea in the summer.


2. Anything on my computer.....Blogging, Facebook, Twitter, reading Hollywood gossip. It's always on even when I'm not in front of it!


3. Watching TV or Movies. We prefer to watch stuff in our own home rather than the theater - of course if you'd seen our "movie" room, then you'd understand. I have more shows set to record than my DVR can handle - and the TV is always on even if I'm not watching it. I think I like the background noise when I'm home alone.


4. Pajamas or lounge-y type of clothes. I'm built for comfort!


5. Perfume - I have at least a dozen different bottles on my dresser.


Five blogs that I think are fabulous:

1. Lora
2. Cynthia
3. Sonia
4. Cari
5. Deb

The Weekend Update, The Week Ahead

Last night we spent close to 6 hours watching the Lord Of the Rings - Return Of the King extended edition and commentary. It's one of our absolute favorite movies and Ruben is all into his, err our new receiver for the surround sound that requires two more speakers we are still waiting on which will bring us to NINE speakers. How much you wanna bet we blow some windows out when it's all rigged up? Anyway, my point about that movie - though it is a spectacular film, is that the film has like 25 different points at which you think is the end. One scene even fades out, then right back in. It drags on forever, but I love the way everything is wrapped up nice and neat. I look forward to watching The Hobbit whenever it actually gets made - which in this economy who has $50 million for a film budget?

Speaking of economy - have you seen that new Allstate commercial? The one that says it opened it's doors in 1934 and has survived the 12 recessions since? TWELVE? Good God. I know we'll eventually get through this, but all I can wonder is WTF brought each one on? Greed? Power? Stupid ass Presidents? All I know is Mr. Bush certainly screwed things up for us this time, and because he has run this country into the ground, my husband and I were forced to have a discussion I hope never comes a reality. His mom mentioned moving here, yet in this economy she'll never sell the house as a friend of mine has had her house on the market for like a year. Then affording a house here will be hard - especially finding a job. She's worked at a casino for the last 15 years. The biggest casino here is in the French Quarter - 20 miles away, not some place we drive too - oh, and I forgot to mention for those of you that don't know us personally - my mother in law has never driven. His family is old school Mexican and many of the females never learned to drive. Hell I don't even know if the bus runs near here. It's all too much for me to worry about, because there are some dangerous places around here....and let's not forget the hurricanes. I don't know if I could handle 4 adult people living with us for who knows how long. But having family near would be nice. It's just a very scary thought!

Oh, and last week I was talking about computer problems - well they're not resolved yet, but I *think* Ruben's computer is hanging on by a thread. Last night it wouldn't boot up at all at first, then it would slightly but freeze or go black. Today it has booted up, frozen, recovered, and is in the process of scans right now, that aren't going anywhere. However, if he stops the tasks, it does appear to be working! What really sucks is his warranty expired last month. I fear having to purchase another laptop, let alone two. He's especially hard on his as his first had problems just after a year - it's still running and our daughter uses it now, but the dvd drive died. So we'll see what happens - but keep your fingers crossed! If we have to go back to our desktops then neither of us will be spending much time online, otherwise we'll be overheated in there......have you seen the size of our desktop monitors? They are HUGE, and they put out so much heat!

Here's a little humor for ya if you've been following me. We got our humidor and the cigar cutter Friday - and then the "cigars" showed up. Well the Havana Honeys Ruben bought...some vanilla flavored cigars he's had in the past - well there was a little mis-understanding with what he was ordering - and I as an ex-smoker should have realized what was actually being bought. We ended up with 2 CARTONS of Havana Honey vanilla flavored cigarettes. 2 CARTONS! They aren't even cigars! I like them, but we both feel that it may be bad to have something like this around, cause I might smoke them more frequently than I should because of stress or something. So now we wonder how we're going to unload all these packs of cigarettes. Ugh. Maybe this whole thing was a bad idea....the vanilla tastes so good, but no matter how it's packaged or sold, it is still a cigarette and not a cigar. The difference being a cigar is something you smoke maybe once a month. Granted the cigarettes are filtered, but it's easier to smoke these bitty things cause they burn faster. Bad, bad, bad. If we can't unload them Ruben will be putting at least one carton in the trash!

Next week is going to be crazy! Tomorrow may be a holiday, but Tuesday I have an appointment with a dermatologist, plus my book review - which I'll post more on later. Wednesday I see my plastic surgeon and Natalie has a doctors appointment. Thursday I have an appointment waaayy too early over at the hospital for pain management. The problem here is that the bridge is closed to one lane, traffic is horrible, and I have NO MEDICAL RECORDS. My previous pain doctor closed his office here and never transferred over my records and no one has returned my call. I am PISSED off he's done this to me after being a patient of his for over a year. I'm hoping my rx bottles will help, but with no records I'm not sure if I'll be able to stay on the same treatment regimen. Friday the groomer is coming, thank goodness cause the dog stinks and Natalie has another doctor appointment. She's become excessively worried over the last year and we want her to talk with someone. It all started or progressed cause some kid on the bus told her I was going to die. We'll see if talking with someone other than us will help. The thought of doing all these things while my face is still healing kills me, but at least my face is still horribly scarred from whatever it is I have, for the dermatologist can see it. And if they tell me one more time to use Cetaphil, I think I might lose it!

Ok, so I know this has been a long post - but I want to say a little more about my upcoming book review. I'm very nervous going into this. As most of you have guessed by now, I'm no writer. My blogging lacks the proper use of grammar and punctuation.....and some time it includes lots of typo's. My education is a very faint memory. Chemo stole my mind, my thoughts and left me with this fog I just can't shake. My mind jumps from one topic to the next, and I forget things so easily causing me to always take notes and live life by a written list of things to do. I worry my review will be sub par - that it won't be worthy of the book for which it was written. I guess only time will tell. We'll see what kind of traffic I bring in on Tuesday, and if anyone shares their thoughts with me. This book review was a passion project for me, and is something close to my heart - cause it's supporting my cause - breast cancer. Bringing awareness to the disease - which thankfully I am free of at the time. But just cause I am in remission, it does not change things for me. Breast cancer will forever be a part of my life.

I think I have bored you enough for one day. You probably won't hear much from me next week cause it's so busy....unless I send a post from my phone. Then the following week is my 35th birthday on the 26th. I have court for my traffic accident on the 28th - fun....but at least I was let off a bit for my speeding ticket. No court, doesn't go on my record, but I paid a hefty fine - which is why Ruben bought me a radar/laser detector for my birthday. LOL. Then the 30th is my 9th anniversary - which is after my daughter's 9th birthday, but a month before the 10 year anniversary of our first "real" date. So we've got lots going on here. We're bombarded with birthdays till March.

Day 4 Tamoxifen....not 3 oops.

Okkkkkkkkkkk. The side effects seem to have kicked into high gear. Here it is freezing cold - at least for the south. We got the heater cranked up, the blankie on - I even have a coat on. But then those damn hot flashes hit overdrive and I start sweating - so I uncover and take the jacket off. I'll be damned if all the sudden I'm not cold again cause the sweat on my brow was hit by the chill in the air. How is it possible to be both hot and freaken cold? The ONE side effect I was hoping to gain with this new med was WEIGHT LOSS. Of course that would require me to get off my ass, sign off the computer and actually use that treadmill we bought last year. But I can't cause I don't like sweating and I hate hot flashes, but I don't like the cold and I hate snow - so I have to live somewhere warm, but for some god forsaken reason it's been unseasonably cold here this past week. So I just can't win and I worry that this new med is destined to make me miserable or if I will adjust to it sooner or later. I guess it doesn't matter as long as it works - but fact is my hot flashes haven't been this horrible since I had my hysterectomy.
Ok, now I'm cold again, so time to put the jacket back on.
Just remember - this rant was brought to you by Tamoxifen, the breast cancer med of choice for over 30 years.

Ya Gotta See This

This is just too hilarious. Watch!

New Blogs

Today I have added some new blogs to my Adore list. I think you will find them as entertaining as I do, so please check them out - I'm sure in no time they'll be your favorites too!

Bubba & Cooter's Pick Up Lines

Got this mail forwarded to me and I just HAD to share, especially for those of you looking to pick a girl up in a bar or something. Enjoy!

1) Did you fart?
cuz you just blew me away.
2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.
3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea ..
I can't hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.
6) If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.
7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away.
8) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.
9) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
10) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.
AND.. the best for last!
11) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up

PC Problems

My computer has been acting weird lately and I fear it's on a downward spiral that will eventually lead to having to buy a new notebook. I've gotten that dreaded blue screen a few times and I'm not really sure what caused it. Plus I often get these error messages that will take me from whatever page I'm looking at to a blank white page, and I honestly can't tell you what either the message or white page says but if I go "back" the page loads fine - and then other times when I visit a page my computer freezes up and stops responding. Of course all those problems are happening in AOL. I'm no computer expert, so I haven't the slightest clue. I checked my log and supposedly I defrag every Wednesday morning. Maybe half the problem is just AOL. I don't know, but it's irritating me! Ruben knows quite a bit about computers - he builds all of our desktops - yet he doesn't have the time to sit around and diagnose a problem and repair them cause he spends too much time working lately, even when he's home he's often on the phone or Blackberry taking care of stuff because of the time difference between here and Nevada....not to mention in his job he's basically on 24/7 - and that's even when he's on vacation or takes days off to take me to appointments. The last time my notebook was acting up I think I fixed it by removing some music I downloaded. It was all I could come up with as to why it was fine one day and windows popping up the next - but I haven't downloaded anything recently that I know of. Even a McAfee scan doesn't detect anything. Maybe it's just ancient. After all it is more than 2 years old. Then again maybe it's just the user. Who knows. So it looks like today I will be trying to figure out what's wrong with it. Wish me luck that I don't end up making matters worse. LOL.

Felon Spy

I added a new link to my page over the weekend. Ruben got it from one of his friends, and I find it amazing that a resource like this is still free. On this site you can find out if any felons live near you - and depending on the address you enter, the results may vary as I think it only pulls info with a certain radius - so try it also using an address a block away as well. It's important to know if you have convicted rapists, felons, abusers, and robbers living in your area. this way if you know who's living near you, then you can take the necessary precautions to protect your family and child. I wish I had known about this info prior to someone trying to pick her up - I'm not sure if it would have made a difference, but it certainly proves that the neighborhood you life in isn't as safe as the people around you may think!

Check it out. Felon Spy.

Beautiful Sunset

Look at all the pretty colors.

The Results Are In....(drumroll)

This morning I had my appointment with my oncologist to get my PET scan results and ultimately find out if I will need to do chemo or not. I've been feeling pretty good about this - kinda like a new year, fresh start. I mean seriously - at some point your luck's gotta turn right?

My PET scan came back with the following findings:
Physiological activity is present within the brain, oropharynx, GI and GU tracts. Bilateral breast implants present. There is a 9mm lymph node adjacent to the posterior left lateral aspect of the breast implant demonstrating a mild FDG activity. Overall, no hypermetabolic findings within the head, neck, chest, abdomen, or pelvis.
Impression:
Mild FDG activity associated with a 9mm lymph node adjacent to the left breast implant. the CT portion of the exam demonstrates a normal fatty hilum within this nose and is felt to represent a benign lymph node. Overall, no hypermetabolic findings to suggest local or distant metastatic disease.

FDG has to do with the radioactive glucose they injected into me. My doctor isn't concerned with this lymph node finding - he also said my labs were great. He prescribed Tamoxifen and I go back in 4 months for blood work and another PET scan. We also talked about me moving forward with my breast reconstruction, which as soon as I see my PS I am hoping to be able to do just that. He suggested mentioning this lymph node to him, so when I go in to surgery to have the expanders replaced with implants he can take a look at what is there and see if it's a lymph node, scar tissue or possible tumor and either test it or remove it if needed. It's possible it could have been swollen or infected because of a recent cold or something and could be absolutely nothing at all. To be honest, I'm not really concerned with it. I am confident with my army of doctors and regular tests, that if it were anything to be worried about that it would be taken care of correctly and timely. So tomorrow I begin my Tamoxifen, today I just hope the side effects aren't all bad! Things are good! Tomorrow I'll call my PS and schedule an appointment and see when we can start my fills again now that I am finished with treatment. I'm anxious to get these boobs over with!

I want to thank everyone who has been praying for me or even keeping me in their thoughts. I appreciate all your concern! I'm positive this year is going to remain on a good course....besides, our luck is usually bad every other year - so this year should be good for us. I'm really hoping that now I can finally finish reconstruction and start a new chapter in my book of life...the one I've been waiting almost 4 years for - so fingers crossed that I get there.

Follow Me

I added some widgets recently - you can now follow my blog or follow me on Twitter - if you follow me, I'll follow you too =)
If you want you can also find me on Facebook. I do keep a MySpace account, but rarely use it....I should just delete it, but I like how you can customize the look. Wish Facebook would allow that.
Anyway, with the whole iPhone, I'm all into updating my status now. It's so convenient! Sometimes I wonder how I ever lived before that phone came along?

The Weekend Recap

Ruben and I decided to occasionally go ahead and indulge a bit in a shameful habit. A while back one of our neighbors brought out some small cigars which were supposedly Cuban. Personally, we both thought they tasted kind of crappy - worse than Swisher Sweets. However, every since we've both been wanting a cigar. Last night he bought an inexpensive, small humidor and a couple dozen vanilla cigars that he's had before. It's not something we plan to do all the time, but maybe only once in a while enjoy one while we're sitting around the fire pit, drinking beers. I think it's just kind of funny because I smoked for a good 10 years before I quit, and the man would knock me upside my head (figuratively speaking) if I dared to ever smoke a cigarette again - yet it's ok for me to enjoy an occasional cigar with him. Last night when we had one that he bought while out shopping, Natalie told us she was going to call the police on us for smoking. LMAO!

We spent last night catching up on some new movies we had - plus we re-watched The Dark Knight cause Ruben got a new receiver for the surround sound. Honestly I couldn't tell the difference - but then again I am deaf in one ear!
Speaking of The Dark Knight, Health Ledger won a Golden Globe for his performance in it. The director or producer accepting for him and the speech was truly tragic. He gave the performance of a lifetime. It's just so sad. If you haven't seen it I would recommend it. Ruben has become obsessed with Batman lately - buying collectible cars and bobbleheads.

Tomorrow morning I get my PET scan results. They didn't say anything one way or another, you know cause they can't give results like that over the phone. I do tend to think though if it were bad news they would have told me to bring my husband, but they did not. I'm trying not to get all worked up thinking about it. I do feel pretty positive about it, so let's hope I'm not wrong!

Birthday Pix

I just finally went through and posted 70+ pictures from Natalie's birthday weekend. We didn't get to go to the Insectarium or Children's Museum Sunday like we wanted to - we were just so exhausted from Saturday's events, but we will make it there another weekend. Check out the pix on Flickr. Ruben bought trick candles and I have over a dozen shots of Natalie attempting to blow out the candles and all the smoke filling the air. Too funny!

On another note I still have not heard back about my PET scan results. Tomorrow I plan to call the doc and see when they'll have them. I'm also going to make an appointment to see a dermatologist again. I saw one in Vegas who told me to use Cetaphil, which obviously did not work - well since then I have been told twice that I could possibly have a form of Lupus. Lupus also cause miscarriages, as well as joint pain. Or I could have chronic Rosacea or Eczema instead of cystic acne. Who knows. All I know is that I am tired of hiding, so it's time I see another doctor and not let them brush me off with some over the counter soap - cause no acne medicine is working no matter what I do, Now if only I could get my ass up on that treadmill, then my new year would be off to the right start. LOL.

Book Giveaway

Wanna win book?
Well Clergygirl (Jennifer) will be having a book giveaway on January 22. She will be giving away a copy of Chad Moutray's book, My Life with Laura: A Love Story. Everyone who posts a comment on her site (or posting one on the site that she cross-posts on, Mothers with Cancer) will be entered in a drawing to win the book. The winner will be posted on Chad's site - The Moutray Chronicles on January 23, which is the last day of his blog book tour. You can find the schedule for his tour on his site.
Now go post a comment to win this amazing book! Good luck!

Breakfast at Cracker Barrel

This morning we got up early to drive to Baton Rouge to eat at Cracker
Barrel and kick off Natalie's big birthday weekend.
First we ate and now we shop!

365

Last night I enrolled in a Flickr Group called 365 of 2009. It's one "self portrait" for every day of the year. You can find my set here. My face doesn't have to really be in the pictures just as long as some part of me is showing - hands, feet, etc. I'm looking forward to seeing just how creative I can get with this - and if I can really so rawly expose myself. I know right now some pix are just gonna have to be photoshopped - but maybe by doing this I can stop the subconscious scratching and picking at my face, and be acne free again. Also maybe the repulsion from looking at my fat ass will make me want to use that treadmill daily! Let's hope so! Oh and don't forget to go check out the photos I'll be posting along with all the other group members of 365 of 2009.

Here's to what I hope to be a better New Year!

Hope you all had a wonderful NYE!
Last night we spent the evening sitting around a warm fire pit with some friends that live around the corner from us, we enjoyed many beers and some great fireworks. It was a bit chilly out, so the fire pit was nice - but man is the stink bad afterwards! We don't have a lot of friends around here, so it was nice being among the few we do have. The evening kicked off after we came over with a veggie platter and a bottle of Asti - they served us this nice homemade chicken lo mien type soup that was so reminiscent of something your mom would make....which is exactly what it was. Our friend's mom is here visiting, so she's the one who made this wonderful meal. As we sat around the pit and shot off artillery shell fireworks, some other neighbors came over with a dish of hummus and melba toast. At midnight Ruben popped the bottle of Asti and we traditionally rang in the New Year with a toast, hugs, and kisses and watched some serious firework show put on one street over. I mean this man had to be a professional cause they were definitely set off using electrical triggers - they went off one right after another, and none of it was anything you could buy from the tent at the parish line! I swear it was just like the 4th of July! By time we walked home it was nearly 2 am and the poor dog was scared shit less from all the noise, but we had a great time. Of course once the two girls got to playing together it wasn't long before they asked for a sleep over, so Ruben and I had the house to ourselves till nearly 3 pm today when I finally called over there and told them to send her home.
Once Natalie got home we all decided to go see a movie since we didn't get the chance to go on Christmas. On our way to the theater some asshole blazed through a red light, got hit by a car that was turning - the car spun around, came across the median and nearly hit the back end of my car. If Ruben hadn't pulled forward when he did we surely would have been hit. The whole thing scared the crap out of me, but luckily no one was injured - the only thing was this guy who caused the accident and had the side of his car smashed in, his rim bent - the tire rubbing on the car and his bumper hanging took off before anyone could do anything. At first he acted like he was going to stop, but he only stopped long enough for 2 female passengers to hop out of the car and take off running down the road - then like a complete dumb ass this guy hopped on a freeway that has no exits for 6 miles. So eventually he got caught and in the process he crossed into another parish. We stuck around to talk with the police and write a statement, which I'm sure Ruben will be subpoenaed for. I'm sure the idiot driving got several tickets as a hit and run is a felony - plus it all happening in two different parishes. I'm just curious if it was worth it. Seriously if he ran cause he had drugs or something, I truly hope he was still carrying when he got pulled over - cause I hate to think he passed it off to the girls that got out of his car. We just couldn't believe he drove away after such a serious accident. I mean I would be way too shaken up to even drive let alone think about it. The dude really had some set of balls on him to attempt to pull off what he did. I'm just glad he got caught, otherwise I would have been pissed off the rest of the night thinking he got away with what he did!
After that whole fiasco, we still got to the theater with plenty of time to spare. We went to see Marley & Me and I'll tell you I did not see that end coming at all. Half the theater was in tears. Natalie was so upset at the thought that someday that might be our dog who gets too old and sick to make it up the steps and has to be put down. Imagine explaining to your child in the theater what was going on when Marley gets put down? Man what a tear jerker - and I'll admit, I was balling cause I don't even want to think about my dog dying some day! I kinda regret not seeing Bedtime Stories - but don't get me wrong - it was a great movie. It had LOTS of funny parts. Ruben laughed so hard he had tears. We just did not know how it ended. I'm sorry I just blew the whole ending for you - but it's still worth seeing!
I'm hoping tomorrow I might hear something back on my PET scan, but I think realistically cause of the holiday I won't know anything till the following week....but you'll know when I know! I'm really hoping this will be a better year for us, as I hope it will be for everyone else!

Holiday Recap

This year we attempted to have a low key Christmas - though we promise to scale things down each and every year and it never ever happens. We're at the point where Ruben and I no longer really buy gifts for one another. I mean seriously, we are adults and we pretty much just buy anything and everything we want within reason. Sure I want a new camera, I want the big Cricut, I want larger diamond earrings - but I know I don't really need them. This year Ruben and I bought a new mattress and box spring...that was our gift for each other. My guess is when you really have everything you really want or need, then you start buying the practical stuff as gifts instead. Since we don't really buy gifts for each other anymore, we allot an amount to be used for Natalie to buy us gifts. We don't allot much money, cause really Christmas is for kids and she's all that matters - though we do buy gifts for our family.
So this year I got the usual - lots and lots of perfume. His mom, 2 brothers, & my sister in law bought me huge bottles of CK Eternity and CK Obsession. These are yearly necessities for me. I'm a perfume addict and will go through a 3.4 oz bottle of Obsession in a year. His mom always keeps me stocked and I wouldn't have it any other way! Ruben used the allotted money to buy me 2 different large bottles of Gucci perfume, and a large bottle of Christina Aguilera Inspiration perfume. This made me very happy - I love having a dozen bottles or more of perfume to chose from! I took his allotted money and bought him a new PSP that came with a memory card, a game, a movie and a voucher to download a game. He needed a new PSP since his brother accidentally ran off with his after his summer visit here. His family sent him some gift cards to buy games or movies. My sister had sent us some Hawaiian shirts and stuff earlier in the year - so we only bought for the kids.
Natalie cleaned up with all kinds of toys, games, and books. My sister sent Natalie a $50 "credit card" for Build-a-Bear - which served as both a Christmas and birthday gift for her. She got lots of Indiana Jones figures, Clone Wars figures, a Ben 10 omni watch and figures, Bakagan figures, Pokemon Trainers, HSM & HM dolls. She got a Camp Rock keyboard, Nerf Dart Tag playset, Littlest Pet Shop Bratz Doctor playset, Bratz perfume, HSM make-up kit and case. I'm not even sure if I can tell you all the games she got, but here are the ones I do know - Nerf N-Strike w/guns, Wii Outdoor Challenge w/mat, Clone Wars w/sabers, Boom Blox, Viva Pinata, plus about 6 more. She got a Clone Wars build your own lightsaber kit, and a RC helicopter....the 2nd one she's had cause the last got run over by a neighbor. She also got these really awesome books on the human body, the frog body, and outer space.....they all had either pop out pages with sound, and the frog one was detailed layer by layer of the frog's body - the pages had little plastic parts of the legs, insides, skin, etc. The books were a huge hit - she's really into science or biology type stuff. I think one of the coolest gifts she got was an EyeClops BioniCam. It's like a microscope. You can take it anywhere and use it to look at all kinds of stuff. you can save the images on a thumb drive, it has a screen but also plugs into a TV for a bigger picture. I used it to look at my diamonds - wow, what you see is amazing compared to the naked eye. And to top things off, she also got a Razor E125 Electric Scooter. I didn't plan on buying her an electric scooter cause I had heard all the neighborhood kids were getting some kind electric bikes, but we had been out shopping and she saw it and called me on an unfulfilled promise I had made. I didn't want to get her one cause I thought she was too young - as most are for 12 and up, but this particular model was for 8 and up...so I couldn't argue she wasn't old enough - plus I knew I couldn't really put it off any longer as we intend to let her chose her own presents for her birthday and I really don't want her to waste it all on just a few gifts. So I figured why not - it was on sale, she wanted it, and she was old enough for it - but instead of letting her have it then when we bought it, I made her wait another week cause I knew it had potential for creating a commotion around the neighborhood with all the other kids. But looking back I see now it was kinda crappy to make it part of her Christmas gifts. It wasn't our original intention, but the gift we planned on buying her - D-Rex was sold out EVERYWHERE and couldn't be found at it's original price anywhere. The only places that did have it online had jacked up the price to some insanely high price, so we said screw it. So that's the just of our Christmas. There's lots of present I left out cause I honestly can't remember all the crap she got!
For Christmas Eve we had leftover spaghetti from the night before - I always make too much! Christmas Day I made a spiral glazed ham, candied yams, green bean casserole, rolls, and then we had a red velvet cake to top things off. We had hopes of going to see Marley & Me over the weekend, but I've been feeling kinda crappy with a head cold for the last week, so we just stayed home and watched some of the many new movies we have....we watched Step Brothers and it was AWESOME - but the good news is that the lump on my jawbone went away......so yay, I was right it likely was just a lymph node - and though it was just the 3 of us, we had an wonderful Christmas together anyway.

The Pictures Are Up

I posted nearly all the pix from Christmas on Flickr for all to see.....160+ pix. I planned on writing a post about all the gifts to go along with them, but the jacuzzi tub is calling my name right now, and my back hurts a bit - so needless to say the post will have to wait one more day!

Happy Holidays

I took lots of pix but they'll have to wait till tomorrow.

Merry Christmas

Ruben and his new PSP.

Lots 'o Presents

All of these except about 6 are for Natalie and trust me when I say
there's lots you can't see. Spoiled brat.

The Wrap Up

Here's what's been going on around here this past weekend.

Friday Natalie had half day of school to kick off her holiday school vacation that lasts till January 5th. She came home and immediately began playing with her friend that lives around the corner. It wasn't long before the girls asked for a sleepover. They played for a bit, then watched some movies - so the evening was pretty low-key.

Saturday was another chill day spent at home. This time of year we absolutely do not go anywhere unless it's a necessity - we HATE holiday traffic. We always have all our Christmas shopping done by mid November. We watched the Cowboys choke away another game. Then sometime after Natalie went to bed, Ruben pulled out all the gifts and we began the dreaded deed. I despise bulk gift wrapping! It's tedious and when done in bulk, it takes all the fun out of it! Ruben ended up wrapping the majority - I ended up doing all the boxes and bags. Once again it appears we over-bought for Natalie - and what makes it worse is that her birthday is just 10 days after Christmas, so she'll be getting even more stuff come the 4th! So we badly need to go through all her old toys - and clothes too, gather it all together and make a donation before the years end.
While wrapping gifts we caught The Bucket List while it was playing on HBO. Have you seen this movie? It is so good, yet incredibly sad! Of course you know the premise of it is about two men who are told they only have so long to live - so they make a list of things they would like to accomplish before they kick the bucket. What you probably don't know is that the two main characters (Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman) are dying from different types of cancer. After all this time I still cannot bear to watch movies about cancer and death. It just hits too close to home! At the end of the movie Ruben asked me what I thought and I was too choked up, with tears streaming down my face to even answer him. It took me several minutes before I could compose myself and speak. But despite the storyline/ending it was still an awesome movie - I would recommend watching it!
Also on Saturday, I found a lump on my face. Not a lump like the cystic acne I get, because of where it is located. It's right in front of my left ear, on my face where your cheek bone meets your ear. It's a good 1/4 inch in size - semi-hard (not too squishy), protrudes a bit, kinda wiggles though it seems like it's attached at one point - as I cannot pull and lift it off my face, only move it back and forth. It was quite scary to find - but from all my research online it seems like it may possibly be a lymph node or either a saliva or nasal gland. It seems reasonable to me - lymph nodes swell for various reason, and I have a bit of a head cold right now plus I've broke out with a rash and acne above my left eyebrow - it happened soon after Natalie and I went to the salon. My skin is uber sensitive, and I always break out following waxing or tweezing of my eyebrows. The rash resembled razor burn, and just got worse from there. My nervous, unconscious scratching habit probably caused it to get infected. I'm trying not to freak out about it, as stress always makes my acne worse! Aside from viewing the anatomy of the face, which shows 3 lymph nodes and a gland in that area - I think what is also helping me is that I read several questions from people who have found the same thing, and the answer that was posted to the questions was: as a general rule as far as lumps go - if it moves it's likely nothing, but if it doesn't then it should be checked out as it could be something, although I think generally speaking all lumps that stay longer than 2 weeks should be checked out by a doctor. I am tentatively scheduled to get a PET scan done on the 30th, so I will bring it up to the doctor then if I still have it. So I'm not worrying about it till someone tells me I should be - that's the plan!

Sunday was the usual - did some laundry, watched some football, relaxed at home. Nothing special, but it's just the way we like it!

Ruben's planned some time off for this week, but had to go to the office today to take care of a few things. We're hoping he won't have to go back till next week, but we'll play it by ear. It all depends what comes up at work. He'll have to take off for the 30th cause Natalie will still be on break and I'm supposed to have the PET scan done. I'm a big baby when it comes to these types of tests, so Ruben will have to go to hold my hand. It's just that I am an extremely hard stick and the test will require an IV so they can inject some radioactive glucose or something into my veins. With only having one usable arm for needle sticks, veins that collapse on a whim, and growing anxiety each time a stick fails. Yeah, these tests really aren't any fun - cause even after it's done, I still have the anxiety as I wait for the results and with the test being right before New Years, you know I won't get back any results till next year! Please cross your fingers and think positive thoughts for me. I really need this test to show no potential cancer clusters in my body so I won't have to do chemo. Other than that we don't really have much planned for the holiday - I plan on making dinner on Christmas Eve, a ham with all the sides. It's only right as we had turkey for Thanksgiving, and with it being just the 3 of us we really don't need both a bird and a ham! Besides, we don't want another possum in our back yard eating the oil from deep frying the bird!
After Thanksgiving Ruben drained the pot but left the container outside. the next day he noticed that half the oil was gone. Every day it disappeared even more. then one night we go to let Lexie outside before bed and here's this possum licking the bottom of the pot. At first we didn't see it till it raised it's paw to attack Lexie. I grabbed the broom and chased it out of the backyard.....there's a sizable gap under our fence so that's how it got in. Imagine that thing drinking oil for a week....ewww!
So other than a lonely holiday with just the 3 of us, our only other plans will be for Natalie's birthday. We plan on spending Saturday the 3rd at the Children's Museum and the Insectarium - then on the 4th we'll have a nice dinner out and will spend the day shopping. We don't plan on buying her anything in advance. We're going to let her pick all of her own gifts. So both days will be exhausting walking all over the place. She's not having a birthday party next year cause frankly the majority of the kids around here are treating her poorly. Besides it's not like anyone really buys her anything nice. We've spent some bucks on gifts for some kids, $80 on one....hell I've even gone as far as to buy things like shirts for the kids just cause I was getting Natalie one and I knew the other kids would like them......and what does she get in return? Re-gifted items, really cheap toys, and not even a second thought from the parents. So why bother, right?

Another Meme I got from Lora

I got this meme over at Lora’s place last week. I haven't done something like this in awhile, and thought it was cool that this one involved music! Though I've decided to do it, I am not tagging anyone else to do it.....but take it if you like.

RULES:1. Put your music player on shuffle (ALL MUSIC).
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 8 friends who might enjoy doing it or just post it on your blog for all to see.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OK" YOU SAY? Trip at the Brain – Suicidal Tendencies

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? Ride the Lightning - Metallica

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? Nothing Else Matters - Metallica

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? All For You – Sister Hazel

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? Saturday Night’s Alright - Nickelback

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? Thanks Fr Th Mmrs – Fall Out Boy

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? The Outsider – A Perfect Circle

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? My Hero - Paramore

WHAT IS 2 + 2? Don’t Let Me Get Me - Pink

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? How You Remind Me - Nickelback

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Photograph - Nickelback

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Dyers Eve - Metallica

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Rich Girl – Gwen Stephani

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? I’m Yours – Jason Mraz

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Somewhere I belong – Linkin Park

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Already had the wedding... but the iPod says I want Action - Poison

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? She Talks To Angels – The Black Crowes

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Complicated – Avril Lavigne

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Figured You Out - Nickelback

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? Stone Cold Crazy - Metallica

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? Welcome To My Life – Simple Plan

HOW WILL YOU DIE? Voodoo - Godsmack

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET? Wrong Way - Sublime

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH? Stink Finger – Limp Bizkit

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY? To Live is to Die - Metallica

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED? Already married, but the iPod says Someone That You’re With – Nickelback

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU? With Arms Wide Open - Creed

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE? Gimme More – Britney Spears

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW? Faith – Limp Bizkit

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS? Crazy Bitch – Buckcherry

A Blog Award From Lora

I was awarded by a fellow blogger with the Honest Scrap award!

Lora, an old friend and one of my favorite bloggers, was kind enough to send this my way.

So here are the rules:

1. List 10 honest things about yourself (TRUE and interesting things - not just the color of yours socks!)

2. Pass the award on to 7 bloggers.

Both lists are in no particular order. :)

10. When I was like 10 or so I shoplifted some silly little lip gloss necklace thing that my mom busted me with. She grounded me, took it away and told me that she was going to return it to the store. Years later I found it hiding in this ceramic egg thing she had. All those years she had kept it like it was some kind of keepsake. In fact she never got rid of it until it came time for her to downsize and move to Mexico fall of 2005. I never told her that I knew about her keeping it and I never knew why she had.

9. I've had to learn the hard way on multiple occasions that no one other than yourself or your immediate family can ever be fully trusted. There's always going to be one person that will sell you out, stab you in the back, or wreak some kind of havoc on your life if given the chance.....and sometimes it's your own brother that does it to you. I co-signed on a house for him back in 1996, he lapsed on payments, they foreclosed on the house and he ruined my credit.

8. I know, accept and totally embrace the fact that I am a royal bitch - and if you want to be my friend then you need to accept me for who I am.....I *think* this is why I don't really have any friends. LOL.

7. When I first moved to Hawaii, I was so mad for having to finish my senior year at a new school. I was miserable and hated school so much that I often wrote excuses, signing my mom's name so I could cut class. I never got caught.

6. Even though I used to work as an Accountant, I never actually had my degree. I worked in AR for 4 years, working my way up the ladder when one day I was promoted to fill an opening we had. Though I had taken all of my core classes, and had completed my certification in bookkeeping, once I was promoted I never bothered to go back to complete my remaining credits and get my degree.

5. Every since I saw The Blair Witch Project when I was pregnant with Natalie, I have been too freaked out to watch another scary movie - really. I know, I'm sure I've missed out on some really good ones - and I know Blair Witch wasn't even true or even that scary - but the scene at the end with all the little hand prints freaked me out and scared the shit out of me!

4. I'm a very aggressive, determined person. I always get what I want. It's one of the many traits I received from my mom - and it's not always a good thing!

3. Ruben never actually proposed to me. We found out I was pregnant and went to the store to look at rings. After picking one out and paying for it, I had it on my finger before we even made it to the door. He never got the chance to get down on one knee and ask.

2. Ruben and I had originally started off as friends, we met in an AOL chat room for Vegas locals that would meet twice a week. We had been friends for nearly a year and we had both been dating someone else, when one night in a drunken, jealous, rage I pulled some stupid bimbo I disliked off of him by her hair when she dared to kissed him in front of me. It was in that second that I realized I was in love with him, so I planted a big kiss on him. After that we both knew that things had forever changed. We left the bar and went to the neighboring IHOP where we ate breakfast, and talked about the future of our relationship. Upon leaving, I missed the step of the curb and ate it big time. I had fallen to my knees, ripped my jeans, and was bleeding. I felt like such a dumb ass!

1. When I was about 15, I had a key to my sister's place cause I used to stay over on the weekends and I had spent time there helping her after she had some surgical procedure done. When my sister decided to move in with her boyfriend she forgot to get the key back from me. One Friday night a couple friends and I were bored so we decided to drive out there. I knew she wouldn't be home. We found a bottle of Vodka and nearly drank it all. To make up the difference for what we drank I added water to the bottle. Upon leaving we took the back roads and my friend became car sick. We pulled over so she could throw up, but when we left we came across an icy patch at a stop sign and the car slid through the T intersection landing in a deep, deep ditch. We were miles away from anywhere so we had to walk to the main road, freezing our butts off the whole way. Once we got to the highway, we caught a cab and barely made it back to the mall before my friend's mom arrived to pick us up. No one ever knew what happened that night. I finally fessed up and told my sister about it last year. To this day I have no idea what happened to the car or the guy driving it, but I'm pretty sure his girlfriend broke up with him for wrecking her car!

I know I'm supposed to tag 7 fellow bloggers, but I'm only going to name the few listed below - but feel free to participate if you so desire!

Cynthia - i am a coconut

Heather - MMD

Deb - Perfection is Boring

Sonia's Place

Finally! The 3rd Time's a Charm...

I spent most of last night and all of my waiting time at the oncologists this morning sorting through medical records from multiple doctors. I finally weeded through them, sorted them, put them in order and destroyed the many, many dupes. My files ended up being reduced to nearly half of the original size - which made it way more easier to discuss the files with my new oncologist. I went in there with an open mind, hoping for reasonable treatment options. After all this was actually the 3rd oncologist I've seen, though I must say I had no issues with the original doctor - I was just told they had an office closer to my house so I switched offices. It was the doctor in that office that told me 6 months.

We reviewed my cancer history, pathology, and treatments. I explained to him what my last oncologist recommended, and why I disagreed. I told him what I was hoping to achieve and that I had no issues with doing chemo if it was really necessary - but that I could not see any reason why it would be. After listening and looking through my records he performed an exam, during which he asked me if I happened to be a nurse. I said no and asked why. He told me that I was very knowledgeable on the subject and asked how I came to be so. I explained to him how I work with some breast cancer communities writing, answering questions, and helping women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer. He applauded my efforts for educating myself and helping others. I guess he doesn't get a lot of patients like me. I know all the ins and outs of my disease, but I tried real hard to make sure I didn't come off too strong. I didn't want him to think I was hard headed or would only do things my way. When I pointed out how Femara failed to do it's job of preventing my estrogen from binding with my cancer cells, he pointed out that it wasn't just the hormone therapy that failed me - chemo failed me as well. He told me that since chemo failed me and because I've already had a recurrence I am at a higher risk for it to return elsewhere in my body, but he agreed that doing chemo at this point is not the answer. Before he puts me on Tamoxifen he wants me to get another PET scan, which will show if I have any suspicious activity going on anywhere in my body. My last PET scan was clear but it had taken place back in April - a lot could have happened since then as I have not been on any AI meds. So providing that this next scan they are scheduling for the end of the month is clean and that my blood test is ok, he's totally in agreement with skipping chemo and going straight to hormone therapy. He even said that even if I hadn't requested this course of treatment, he still would have recommended it for me. If this scan comes back clean - and lets hope it does - all I would need to do is start a daily regimen of Tamoxifen, have my blood drawn quarterly to check the cancer markers, and get scans done every 6 months....and by scans I mean PET, Chest, Bone and/or Dexa scans. It looks like I just may have finally found the right doctor - how about that?

Coming Jan. 20th - My Life with Laura: A love Story blog book tour

On January 20th I will be participating in a blog book tour with Chad Moutray, the author of My Life with Laura: A Love Story.

The book can be downloaded from Lulu (linked above) for $5.00 or ordered as a paperback. It is described as a love story, albeit a tragic one. Chad and Laura dated and married. Shortly thereafter, they gave birth to a beautiful daughter, Charlotte. Life was perfect...until they learned that Laura had breast cancer. This book describes the exciting experiences of courtship, the beauty of their wedding, the joy of family, and the struggles of dealing with illness. Laura remained a beacon of strength to many throughout her battle with breast cancer. She was strongly rooted in her faith. This memoir tells an inspirational story, even for those who did not know her. It is dedicated to Charlotte, so that she will better know her mother.

On January 20th I will be featuring a review of this tragic love story on my blog, Cancer is NOT a DEATH sentence, though such was the case in Laura's battle with triple negative breast cancer. My review will include favorite passages of the book as well as Q&A's with Chad about the book, and Laura's battle with breast cancer. Please help show your support and order your copy today!

Prepping for another opinion

Tomorrow morning I have an appointment with a new oncologist to get another opinion regarding chemotherapy. I'm really opposed to doing chemo and could not agree with the 6 month treatment recommended by my prior doctor. I see no medical reason for 6 months. Hopefully he will agree with me. As I see it chemo only rids my body of any cancer cells that are growing or have spread - which had been ruled out by my previous PET scan. If there is no trace of cancer anywhere within your body, why would 6 months of hell be needed? my cancer is estrogen receptor positive - chemo cannot stop it indefinitely. Even though my ovaries have been removed, my body still produces bits of estrogen - and without some type of medicine like Tamoxifen, there's nothing to stop my estrogen from binding with cancer cells, allowing it to grow. I think it's reasonable to skip chemo and go straight to the hormone therapy or at the very least do only a minimal bit of chemo, like 2 - 4 sessions. I'm not even sure yet if this will be "the" doctor, as I am still awaiting appointments with 2 other practices. Also in the meantime of trying to acquire another opinion I am seeing my plastic surgeon to see if we can move forward with my breast reconstruction. The discomfort is killing me! When I first made a follow up appointment with my PS I wasn't expecting to get in to see another oncologist for at least a month, but this place could schedule me the very next day proving I had my records. I put off the appointment for a week just to make certain I got everything I needed. Now looking at this huge stack of files, I see I have more than I need and I now must find a way to weed through it all and remove the many duplicates and somehow organize it all by tomorrow morning! I wanted to make the doctor copies, but there is just way too much paperwork here - I would need my own actual copier in order to do it and there is no Kinko's around - and I fear what it would cost to do such!

So wish me luck that all goes well! I'll keep you posted!

Winter School Pix

The finished product

I'll post more pix on Flickr later.

Waxing's not so bad

Natalie got her unibrow waxed for the first time. She was nervous but
agreed it wasn't that bad.

A Day at the Salon

Natalie's ready to be rinsed. I'm still under the dryer waiting. I
can't wait to see the finished hair. I'll post more later.

The Last of the Snow

The snow's all but gone. All that remains are a few melted, ice
packed, balls of snow. This snowman is a testament of how deep our
fans go. We bleed black and gold regardless of last nights loss
against the Bears.

Cheap Gas

Prices finally hit the $1.40s. I can't recall the last time gas was
this low!

Today it Snowed!

This morning was routine as always. Ruben listened to the news while he got ready for work. I helped Natalie get ready for the bus - then suddenly the phone rang. It was the emergency office for our parish, saying there was a winter weather advisory in effect till noon. I told Ruben that and he just laughed. Sure it got cold last night - and it was cold this morning, but this is Southern Louisiana it doesn't snow here. But sure enough shortly after hearing the advisory it began to snow. At first it was more like a sleet - more rain than snow. It didn't take long for it to become full on snow. Big, white, fluffy snow flakes coming down hard and fast. The grass, roofs, and cars all got a nice little blanket of fluff, however the roads just remained wet and slick looking. Sure the snow is melting from the grass - after all it did stop snowing 2 hours ago, but the roofs are still coated. I tried to get some good pictures, but it's almost impossible to get a perfect picture of snow flurries. I posted all the pictures on Flickr if you want to see them all.

I think it's quite funny considering how much I hate snow. It's not supposed to snow here and it's been 4 years since it has. Just like it never snows in Vegas but I can recall at least 2 times of it happening. I'm not saying a want warmer weather back, but I really do hate snow and living in Elko for 2 years only made my hatred for it worse.

Tomorrow is Natalie's meeting with the school board for talented and gifted children regarding her art. According to the request I received I'm not even allowed to go in with her. It says to either wait or to return after an hour. I think participating in this program would be a good outlet for her. Some of the kids around here haven't been too nice to her and it's total BS. So since none of them are genuinely her friend (expect a rare few) we won't even be holding a birthday party for her in January. Instead the two of us will be going to a salon on Saturday for cuts, color, highlights & waxing. She wants both blonde and red chunks in her hair - I'd do it, but I can only do the blonde ones as that's what I did to her hair last year. Besides it will be a bonding day for us. Then for her actual birthday, which is on the 4th, we will spend the weekend celebrating. We're going to go to the Insectarium, Children's Museum, and shopping wherever she wants. I think she'd have more fun picking out her own things to buy, then us getting her gifts. Originally I thought about maybe giving her one of those $500 pre-paid visa cards, but Ruben doesn't want to really put a limit on it - he just wants to buy her what she wants. We'll deal with the money part as we shop. Obviously we won't let her get too overboard, but we do want her to think that she can get anything her heart desires.....and unless it's something extremely ridiculous, too mature or immature for her or way over priced, we will get her whatever she wants. She's had a rough year so she deserves to be spoiled!

Tuesday I am meeting with a new oncologist out in Houma. It's about 35 miles away, but they could schedule me right away.....unlike Ochsner or Tulane who are booked solid for months! I'm still trying to get in to see them cause I figure it won't hurt to get more than one 2nd opinion. I'll let you know how that goes. As a back up plan, I scheduled an appointment with my plastic surgeon for the 22nd cause I'm hoping we can finish my reconstruction surgery before I start chemo. My one expander is so uncomfortably painful. I want it out, but we've come so far for me to just give up. We'll see how things pan out. Cross your fingers for me!

Lexie likes corn

Stopped to get some crab boil for dinner - crabs, potatoes, and corn
coblets. Lexie loves anything I am eating. Who knew dogs like corn?

Recent Ramblings

So much to share I don't know where to start.....

• First off it appears my holidays are safe from the awful chemo treatment. My search for a new doctor will take a while as for one place I am on a waiting list to be called and assigned an appointment - and the other place needs my medical records first which I am trying to gather from the many doctors who have been involved on this case. So a big sigh of releif there!
• We are done with all our Christmas shopping - however it all still needs to be wrapped, packages sent and of course I still need to stuff the envelopes so that I can get the cards out this week. Blah! But at least all the rope light wrapping is soon to be done for this year at least. Yay!
• Friday Natalie has an appointment to meet with a board from the Arts Program for Gifted and Talented Children. I've had a few request to post her work, but I have yet to get her drawings back that were used in their decision. I swear though, I will post some work just as soon as I can!
• In case you were wondering - yes we still have major drama issue going around over here. We are totally fed up with the situation and say to hell with them all cause it's not just the kids saying mean things to Natalie like "all of you are fat, stupid and ugly", or one coming to our house though he's not allowed by his parents to come play here, he still comes just to ask her friend that is over playing to come play with him and not invite Natalie. It's become such a rude, ridiculous intrusion that we no longer allow it to happen after the 3 attempts he made this weekend. Oh and then after a whole day and a half, when it came time to go home - these so called friends gave Natalie's friend a hard time for staying the night and didn't want to play with her anymore. It's ridiculous and I'm tired of it. The parents are just as bad as their rotten kids are. They gossip and cause drama just as much as any high school student does. We were labeled as outcasts before anyone ever even attempted to get to know us - that's how small minded and immature these people are. They're all trying to one up the others, they all act like best friends yet the second one of them walks away the other is all bad mouthing them. It's insane. But you know what? I don't give a fuck what these morons think of me or my family. They don't know us in even the slightest bit - but whatever. Ruben and I will just stick to the general pleasantries if we must, and remain friends with the few who truly deserve it. We've learned to keep our mouths shut cause each time we say something, someone twists our words and tells all the neighbors some screwed up version of what used to be the truth! Neither of us will waste one more second dealing with their hypocritical double standard bullshit.....ya know what really ticks me off? I expected this kind of crap in Vegas, but not here. What the hell happened to southern hospitality and charm? I expected them all to have manners, not act like some hillbilly white trash inbreeds. Yeah, see, I can be judgemental too.....ok, time for a new subject.
• I finished reading the 4th and final novel in the Twilight Series. I really liked the series, though it got a bit strange in some parts. For the most part though, it did stay true to the whole forbidden love story that drew you in in the first place. Oh I think I forgot to mention that I also saw the movie on opening night at twilight amidst a bunch of oohing and aahing tween girls. The movie stuck mostly to the book, though I did find some areas particularly cheesy. You can tell they did it on a low budget. Speaking of low budget movies - I caught The Lost Boys The Tribe on TNT last week. Oh man, straight to DVD then it's shown on cable in the middle of the night. Ugh. Let me just say it deserved it too cause it was pretty crappy. Shoulda just been a made for TV piece. They tried to keep Corey Feldman looking young and playing the same role he did in the first 20 years ago. However Corey Haim outgrew his baby face and ability to look so young. I think they cut all his scenes but the last one which made you wonder what the hell has happened in the last 20 years. The original was such a cult classic and the 2nd was just a piece of crap that should never have been made. I'm glad Ruben talked me out of buying the DVD when it came out - but I'm sure a bunch of Corey fans bought it.

Choo-choo

Our five piece train that took for.e.ver. to wrap in lights. We still
have 4 deers left to wrap in rope lights and lots more lights to hang
up till we're done for this year.

Even though this was a huge pain I think we may buy more frames and
rope lights next year now that I have sources to buy discounted
supplies myself. We just need to decide what other kinds of décor that
we want.

Toy Soldier

The trumpet boy.

Lil Drummer Boy

One of the two toy soldiers.

Frosty says hi

Our big snowman and the two lamp posts in the background.

Harley Santa

The completed lit piece.

Greetings

Here's a peek at my rope light wrapping handiwork. Notice the mis-
spelling of the wire frame.

Time Flies By

I can't believe that the last week went right by in the blink of an eye! So much for a Thanksgiving vacation. Ruben and I spent about 90% of last weeks waking hours wrapping rope lights on all of our wire frame Christmas decorations. We finished a 5 pc. 3D train, one large 3D Frosty, two 3D lampposts, two 3D toy soldiers, one Santa on a motorcycle, and wording that says Season Greetings - which contains a typo....notice I said Season instead of Seasons. Wrapping all of those pieces using zip ties was tedious and sucked ass each time the ties would break and you'd end up scraping your knuckles. I have scrapes and bruises up and down my arms and hands.....and the fun's not yet over. Today I got 3 more rolls of 150' clear rope lights in so we can also wrap the 4 animated deers we have. Next year we'll probably add more wired decor but after wrapping the deer we will be done for this year. Ruben will likely be putting out the decorations this weekend. I will surely take pictures and post them just as soon as he's done. Usually he has everything done the day after Thanksgiving, but we weren't done yet......and because we had so many items to wrap I had no time to blog or finish reading the 4th book in the Twilight series - Breaking Dawn. I've slowed down a bit on the reading mostly because of the decorations - also because I have nothing to read once I'm finished. I've begun searching for a new oncologist. It may take me over a month to get an appointment, but I'd rather not go through treatment during the holidays anyway. I hope everyone else enjoyed their Thanksgiving vacation. Before you know it Christmas will be here!

Gearing up for Christmas

This is how we've been spending our week. Ripping off old string lights and putting new rope lights on all our Christmas displays. Looks fun huh?

Last Minute T-Day Plans

Well it looks like we won't be alone tomorrow, which is awesome. One of the neighbors living in the cul-de-sac behind us had talked with Ruben this weekend about getting together for the holiday. Originally we planned for their house, but their dining room didn't get painted in time - so we're doing it here, which helps me in justifying the purchase of my dining room set! When the subject was originally brought up we were still under the impression that I would be doing chemo this week, and had concerns that I would be too ill to go all out - plus with just the 3 of us, cooking a huge holiday dinner is a bit over the top. Though I must admit Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It holds a lot of nostalgia and sentimental value to me - it really makes me miss my mama and my family. We're still going to deep frying a turkey, but I'm not cooking all the sides. I bought a pie (cause I don't make pies!), I made an ambrosia salad and plan on making rolls - maybe even my mama's fried green beans. They're bringing an apple pie, potatoes, peas, and other sides - so we'll have a nice spread. Plus it sure beats being lonely and wasting all that time in the kitchen cooking and having leftovers for a week!
Ruben and I have been working on re-doing all our Christmas displays in rope lights, which totally sucks ass! Not enough splices were ordered to do the job, but luckily my hubby is pretty crafty and came up with a way to make his own. We have 8 displays we're re-wiring - plus we bought the frame for a 3-d train set that we'll have to string in LED lights for now as we won't have enough rope lights to do the 5 piece set in for this year. In fact we may not have enough rope lights to finish the 2 toy soldiers we have left to do. Cross your fingers we'll have enough to make it work. As it already is, we realized that 2 of the pieces we did were wrong - well only one part really. We bought a huge 2 piece word set and after wrapping it we noticed that it says "Season" instead of "Seasons"....ugh! I swear I think we can both agree that buying and doing all this work turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes we've ever made, and Ruben loves to decorate for the holidays, but like I said this sucks ass. It's just this crap's not cheap, and re-lighting them takes a lot of time and effort - aside from all the money we spent on the frames and lights. Never again! I'll post pix once we have it all done and the house is decorated. The tree is already up, and aside from decorating it, all the inside decor is done.
Anyway, I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving! I'm just thankful that chemo was a no go after all, though I do not look forward to searching for a new doc for a 2nd opinion!