Food, Friends & Fun

It's official, we are going to Disney World. I found an awesome 3 bedroom, 2 bath rental house with a private pool that accepts pets just minutes outside of WDW. We'll be there to celebrate 4th of July, and I'm sure it will be not only hot as hell, but freaken packed! I don't really care much cause our last trip to Disney was the best vacation Ruben has ever had. I think we'll be doing Disney for 4 days (a park each day) and some time at Seaworld and Universal. I'm so excited I can't wait!!! Every since we got our income tax return, I just been dying to book a vacation. So now the accommodations are all set, I just need to purchase park tickets. This will be Danny's first trip to Disney, and though he's not one for rides, I still think he will have a helluva good time.
It seems like time is just flying by. Summer break is right around the corner already. Ruben's mom will be here the weekend after school lets out. I'm really looking forward to the visit, and not just cause she cleans. In the years since my mom passed, I've really grown closer to my MIL.
This past weekend it seems like all we did is eat with our friends around the corner. Friday night Ruben played poker with Rene, while Arlene, I and the kids ate Mo's Pizza. They had never had Mo's before, but I'm pretty sure it lived up to the hype. Arlene and I sat out on the porch all night and had a few drinks. I'm reluctant to build a screened in porch here, yet for some reason I truly love sitting on Arlene's. It's so peaceful with the fountain, wind chimes and fans. I'm just not sure if I'll feel the same come the dead of summer though. Saturday Ruben cooked up some carne asada and once again we ate together. Ruben wanted to make something for them since Rene is always making enchiladas and feeding us. After dinner we sat and watched part of the NFL Draft. Sunday we were back over there again for food. Rene got 3 racks of ribs and cooked them up. By time I ate them and all the fixin's I felt sick cause all I did all weekend was feast. We keep it up and we'll all get fat! But can you really turn down good food and the company of friends? I think not.
Saturday afternoon we did a bit of running around, as we had to buy the meat for dinner and some other groceries. Along the way we stopped at Barnes & Noble to pick up some books. I purchased the first 7 Sookie Stackhouse novels - I've already completed book 1, I'm starting book 2, and I just ordered books 8, 9 & 10 (8 & 9 are pre-sales) from Amazon. The Sookie Stackhouse Series, or Southern Vampire Series is what HBO's TrueBlood is based off of. I've never really watched the series, but now that I am reading the books I think I may have to just as soon as season 2 starts up again. The books are more adult than Twilight, similar in several ways - and very good. My friend Heather recommended them to me. Besides, I figure reading is good exercise for my fogged up brain.
Lately I've been contemplating returning to work, though I'm not sure how that would work. I mean would the expenses really be worth it - and what would I do? I honestly don't know if I could return to accounting as I've been out of it for too long, and I'm much too stubborn to just be a drone. I'm a leader, not a follower. I don't know if I could find a job that's not bottom rung. I doubt I would qualify for much of anything as it's been 4 1/2 years since I worked. I just keep thinking how nice it would be if we had another income. I've got a bad burning desire to buy a new car, and what I want isn't cheap. I've been yearning for a new Camaro, Tahoe, Challenger, Charger or Durango, plus I'd like a new truck for Ruben - but I love not having a car payments. We're also toying with the idea of getting new windows; though I am not thrilled at the cost of replacing 30 windows! We have so many remodeling projects we'd like to do, but this economy just stinks. My kitchen needs updating bad, and every time I see those damn Electrolux commercials I want to rush out and buy the whole lot! I mean seriously - a washer & dryer that only takes 36 minutes, and a cooktop that boils water in 90 seconds? I want it all bad. I boiled eggs yesterday to make deviled eggs for dinner, and the water never really boiled, and I had them eggs on the stove for an hour!
I'd love to find some other freelance writing opportunities, but I'm not sure where to find them at....besides, I've been struggling a bit this month trying to write a piece for MBCN. On the upside, MBCN just recently named me as an expert. Something I've been trying to achieve for over a year now. I like helping women faced with breast cancer, I have a lot of knowledge to share - I just want more money, need more money. There's so much I want to do, but I don't want debt. I guess what I want is to have my cake and eat it too, which I know is not realistic. Why can't I just hit the lotto already? Of course you got to play to win, so that could be part of the problem as to why I'm not on my way to being a millionaire. LOL.

Flashbacks and Other Stuff

This past week Ruben and I learned that we were tagged in some photos someone posted on Facebook. For those of you that don't know the story of how Ruben and I came to be, we met through a group of friends; a local Vegas chat room on AOL that would get together twice a week for drinks and fun. We both had many friends within this group, but as time passed we lost touch with most of them. Some people from the group you could go your whole life without ever speaking to again, and others remain very good friends even a decade later. We always managed to have a good time, believe me the proof is in the pictures. An old friend from the group posted a large batch of photos from back in the day that got quite a few of us reconnecting and reminiscing. Ah, the good ol' days. It's hard to believe it's been about 12 years since we met. It was good to see where some of our old friends ended up. Surprisingly, most of them moved away from Vegas like we did. While I was online, I decided to check out some other photos from people I know. I came across a batch from my step-father's recent birthday. We no longer talk, and from the looks of it I don't see that changing anytime soon either. One of the pictures he had posted was of him and his new girlfriend, to which he labeled "the love of my life." Just seeing it made me sick. My mom passed away not even 3 years ago. They were approaching their 17th wedding anniversary when she died. So if this new woman is the love of his life, then what the fuck was my mom? Needless to say the photo was very upsetting to me. It brings back too many painful memories, and it makes me wonder if she is at peace. My friends around the corner are great believers in ghosts and spirits. We've had talks before about it all and she has asked me if I thought my mom was happy with things. I've never sensed otherwise, but I think if she was pissed off, I wouldn't be the one she'd be haunting. Then again, as the note on this picture suggests, it would seem that she knew she wouldn't be coming back and was okay with the thought of him dating again. I just don't think she'd like the way he went on to treat her kids.

It's been a busy weekend here. Yesterday morning we drove out to Slidell to eat at Cracker Barrel. It ended up being a horrible experience. From now on I think we'll stick to dining at the Gonzales location. The drive there was a sad reminder of Hurricane Katrina. There is still so much property damage along the Lakeside area. It's heart breaking. Our old Six Flags just sits there and rots. There was some talk with Disney to buy the lot, but so far no sale. It would be nice if the park could re-open, but that area of town is pretty much a ghost town. Not much has changed in the last 3 1/2 years. Needless to say we didn't do much following breakfast. There weren't a whole lot of places to stop at on the way back.

Last night we went out to eat with our friend around the corner. Went to the Chinese buffet up the street. They serve all kinds of seafood on the weekends. It was our first time there and I was impresses. It was really good. So good I can't wait to go back - but it will have to wait. For now we are planning on grilling up some carne asada next weekend, which we don't get to do nearly as often as we'd like.

Ruben just left for Shreveport. He'll be gone most of the week, which sucks. He'll be working a graveyard shift installing games cause all his techs are in a training class or something this week. It's been about 8 years since he played tech. I don't have much going on this next week except for a follow-up appointment with my plastic surgeon. I'm hoping to get some answers as to when the swelling will go down and when I'll smooth out. The left side has a few bumpy areas, and I'm having some tingling and pain across my chest and under my arms. I'm curious when I can go bra shopping. Since they are smaller than what I wanted, I need to buy a good push up bra to make the best of them. I just think I'm too swollen to be wearing one just yet. Overall I think I am becoming more satisfied with the implants. I feel like I have nothing, but it's because they are virtually weightless - and Ruben and I agree that they feel very natural. I'm surprised at how soft they feel. I still wish they were bigger, but I don't think I'd be willing to go through more surgery for that. My only other option would be a flap procedure and after this last surgery I just think I'm done. Nine breast surgeries are enough!

I'm glad Natalie goes back to school tomorrow. A week off school is too much to handle right after surgery! Thank goodness Danny is here to help! Now that he's planning on staying we have to work on teaching him to drive, getting him licensed (though I don't really know what vehicle he'll drive) and getting him a job so he can get into school and get his certification for computers or whatever it is he wants to do. I'm wondering if he lives here while he goes to school, if I can claim him on my taxes next year?

Random Ramblings

Last week as I was laying down to sleep the iPod shuffled this song that sounded so familiar, yet I just couldn't place it. So I had to have Ruben take a listen just so I could find out who it was. He was shocked that I had never heard the song before, or that I couldn't place the singer. The song was "Next Contestant"by Nickelback, from the album All the Right Reasons that was released in 2005. We have just about everything from Nickelback - I'm a huge fan and I thought that I had heard it all. That Chad Kroeger is an amazing artist - just about every song of theirs is a hit! It makes me wish Ruben was the concert goer type, cause I would have loved to see them perform with Seether and Saving Abel - but he's not really into the whole crowded arena thing, though it's not much different than going to a Saints game. Ah well, maybe next time I'll just go alone.

This past week or so we've been experiencing a lot of severe weather, though we aren't quite flooding like Fargo. We've had many tornado watches and flood warnings - lots of rain, thunderstorms, and lighting; problems with the drainage and pumps. Luckily we have not flooded other than the pool we accumulate in the backyard - but still that water is a good 10 feet away from the house. All the tornado watches worry me cause Ruben has been traveling both last week and this week, and when I sleep, I sleep like a log. In the past the tornado siren did not wake me. So it scares me knowing that I have to hear it and wake Natalie up should it go off. We also purchased a severe weather radio that is supposed to let us know what's on radar, but we won't know how well it works till it actually goes off. This weather is both good and bad - the grass is growing like crazy, but I think it's been a bit too much water for some of the plants. We may have to replace a few. I confess, I do not have a green thumb even though my mother grew up on my grandfather's farm. I guess not all things are genetic.

This weekend we went to one of the neighborhood kid's birthday party. Natalie had lots of fun playing with all the kids. It was a nice site to see them all getting a long. Even Ruben joined in the fun. He's just one big kid, and at the end of the day he was wiped out. I even managed to have a drama free afternoon around some of the neighbors I have problems with, but it was mostly due to avoidance. I felt a bit miserable at first, but then I decided to say screw it. The haters can go to hell for all I care. After I loosened up, I ended up spending the evening unwinding by the fire with my friend. It's so great to have a real friend that I can confide in and trust after all the crap that has gone on around here. She's the first friend that I have had in years and I'd do just about anything for her. Hanging around her is pretty effortless, everything just comes naturally. Even our husbands are alike. We all get along so well, we ended up spending part of Sunday with them as well. We were invited over for dinner, which was so freaken yummy. I've finally found someone else's enchiladas that I like as much as my mother-in-laws. They are different, but every bit as good. Perhaps one day I'll learn how to make them. I cannot cook Mexican food - and I dare not try as I would probably insult my husband. When we have rice or beans he makes it, cause I don't know how. I can grill some Carne Asada, cause I do know how to season it, but that's about it. My steak fajitas comes straight out of the frozen food section. I can however make a mean meatloaf, spaghetti, pork & beef roast, along with some soups and chilis.....ya know, your regular "American" food, except I am a really good cook when I actually cook. I can't stand slaving over the stove and doing dishes 7 days a week!

These last few weeks have really flown by. In less than a week I will be having my surgery. As each day passes, I grow more excited. Sometimes I think knowing that the end is near has helped lift some of my depression. We have a busy weekend planned leading up to my surgery on Monday. First off I have some doctor appointments this week, and I need to remember to get with the hospital for the pre-op stuff - they have yet to call, so I need to make arrangements. Don't want any problems come Monday! Saturday we're heading up to the Baton Rouge area for a company picnic. I need to hit up a grocery store, cause I'm down for bringing sweets. I think I'm going to make this chocolate sheet cake that's a family recipe. It's been forever since I made it - which means I will have to put some hours in the kitchen Friday after my eye doctor appointment. I'm also hoping to get in a movie this weekend. I'm really stoked about Fast & Furious opening, but I know I will be laid up resting for the next few weeks following my surgery. I should have planned out some meals for the next week, but we're just going to have to wing it. Hopefully Danny and Ruben can handle the cooking for a bit. We still have taxes to be tended to before my surgery....which I should be working on now. I'm thinking about going back to doing our own taxes again now that we don't have the complication of moving expenses. I'm going to run the numbers and see, cause if I can do it myself I'd rather save the $300 instead of paying Jackson Hewitt. Cross your fingers for a big return!
I'll try to post some pix from the party just as soon as I can!

Still Feeling Flu-Like

I've been feeling kinda ill the last few days. My whole body aches, I'm tired, I've been sick and I'm just drained both emotionally and physically.
First we'll start with the emotional stuff. I was feeling kinda down due to some problems with old and new friends. I think I was sort of getting worked up over nothing. I'm stressed as I wait for my test results to find out if I have to do chemo, plus I've had some sort of stomach bug twice in the last 5 days. So I may have over-reacted a bit, but I think that what it boils down to is that I'm just going to have to cut some of my losses. You can't make people want to be or stay your friend. It breaks my heart that they don't make time for an occasional phone call, or that they never really return my email or text. I understand they have families and lives and all, but I guess that either old friends just aren't that important to them anymore or over time you just grow apart. So for now, all I can do now is enjoy those few that do make time for me - like the ones that return my calls and my neighbors for starters, with all the block parties and occasional beers after work. For the most part I'm just gonna stop wasting time on those that have no time to spare for me - I'm also gonna stop putting myself out there so much. If people want to be my friend, they know where to find me. A friendship after all, is a two way street.
For now I'm just going to rest up, so I will be better in time for this weekend. Ruben scored some tickets to the Saints game on Sunday against the Raiders. Our new neighbors across the street are going with us. Ruben is so stoked cause prior to moving here he was a HUGE Raiders fan - which makes me wonder just who he'll root for to win. I'm hoping that he'll finish up the Halloween decorations tonight so I can get the rest of the photos taken and get them uploaded - it all depends cause the mosquitoes have been especially vicious lately and he's still working on trying to get the neighbors wi-fi to work. I'm not sure why he is having so many problems with it considering it's a new router and the same one we have! my only plan is to make dinner and cozy up in bed till I stop hurting. With all this being sick, I'm thinking my WBC count is down cause how do you get a stomach bug twice in one week, along with a head cold and flu-like aches & pains? Maybe a nice hot bath will help make me feel better!

Deep in a Funk

The last few weekends I have been feeling really great thanks to our new neighbors. I've finally acquired more energy since radiation ended and to top it off, I've even been venturing outside of my safety zone - which is a HUGE deal for me! BUT - I woke up this morning and realized I'm kinda sinking back into my old funk. Over the last few days or so some things have happened that have gotten me upset, and I find myself feeling depressed once again. I'm hoping it will pass - but I'm thinking that even if I do work myself out of this funk, the events that put me here will still remain - leaving me prone to easily fall back into the funk again should something happen again.
Ruben says I am just being sensitive - and he's partially right. My big thing is that I have really put myself out there and I have tried so hard to be nice, and to make friends. I have offered my help and whatnot to others - and what I have received in return is basically squat - some have blown me off, or turned their backs on me, and some even seemed to just reject me and my help. With some it's like I have to force a conversation with them - like they don't want to talk to me, others seem to run hot and cold....friendly one minute, not so much the next. Some act as though I am beneath them....which is silly, but it still hurts nonetheless. It's kinda like high school once again. But you know what? Regardless of how they "act" all superior to me, it doesn't matter to me if they don't see me as being fit or beautiful or that they think they are better cause I'm just a jeans and t-shirt kinda person. I must say I'm pretty damn comfortable with myself and my life. I went through that period when I bought all the expensive, nice clothes and I had to have lots of new beautiful jewelry - the mani's and pedi's and expensive highlighted beautiful hair. But then I came to a point in my life when those things just didn't matter that much to me anymore. My values changed, and so did I, I guess. It doesn't mean that I don't value or respect myself. It's just that I value my comfort more. I'm not totally vain (though I do have bouts where I am! LOL), and I surely don't need or want to come off as ostentatious, or pretentious - I'm trying to make friends or keep the ones I have, not offend everyone. I have nearly all I could ever want or need in my family and the many wonderful things we have- and there is no reason whatsoever for me to be parading it around for all to see. I'm just not that kind of person. I just happen to be a very down-to-earth, reserved person - who's very friendly and loyal once you get to know me - and this whole thing just has me feeling depressed, like I'm just not good enough for any of them - yet they don't even know *me*, and it hurts!!!!
Or maybe like Ruben says, I'm just being overly sensitive and I'm reading too much into things and blowing things out of proportion. He says to just give it time - that eventually my true friends will come forward, like they have in the past - and hopefully my neighbors will continue to come through for me to cheer me up in the meantime. What do you think? In the past I couldn't have cared less about this type of stuff - whether someone liked me or what others thought about me - but all my real friends live so far away so there's that time difference, plus they work during the day......I would like some other people in my life other than my family. But is it worth trying so hard? Or maybe I'm just picking the wrong type of people to be friends with....

We Had Crabs.......

Boiled ones - with crab boil seasoning, corn cobblets, and red potatoes......and these aren't your Alaskan Crab legs or even Snow Crabs. These crabs are regional, just like the crawfish. You go buy how ever many you want and get your 5 gallon pot ready - fill it with water, seasoning, corn, potatoes and bring it to a boil and toss in the crabs, crawfish, shrimp or all 3. That there is what you call a boil and often it's a party. Or you do like we did today - Ruben was drafting his Fantasy Football League and had a couple co-workers over. One was nice enough to stop at this lil' place called the Seafood Pot over in Destreham and picked up up a dozen and a half crabs and a couple bags each of corn cobblets and potatoes. The other provided the shell crackers and taught me just how you take them apart and eat them - Ruben had already had the experience at work, so he knew what he was doing. I needed to be taught, as I'm not one to eat the lungs and inards of a crab. Once you crack them open it's hard to tell what is what - so it's always best to have knowledgeable help the first time around. I ended up having to go through like 5 crabs as Natalie really liked them as well - and of course Lexie got herself some too. It's a lot of work for just a little meat, but they are sooooo good - oh and the corn and potatoes are very flavorful and full of spice from the boil seasoning. Mmm, mmm, mmm! Now I don't know about actually having a boil as we'd first have to buy the pot - and that alone is upwards of $90 - then there's all the prep work....like crawfish have to be cleaned (put them in salt water, then rinse and repeat until the water is clear and no more mud in them - and it can take several cycles to prep them for the boil.) I'd much rather just buy them already prepared, such as today - though having a boil is a big deal. You usually invite many friends, have some beers, lay out the newspaper, and go to town - though it's work to do, it's all about the experience and the friends. But I'd say that our experience was just as nice and we skipped some of the hard work! Other than family, they were the first guests we've had in our house. Even the neighbors have not seen the whole house - cause it's often a mess, LOL - but we straightened up our "lived" in house quite a bit before they came cause we wanted it to at least look presentable.

So now out bellies are all full, our hands stink of crab stench and we're too tired to get up and go to the store - but it can wait till tomorrow. We're waiting to see what Tropical Storm Fay is going to do....if it gets worse it's upgraded to a full fledge hurricane....if it dies down, it's downgraded to a tropical depression. Let's hope for the later, cause it's pretty much heading this way. Right now they are saying it could be here as early as tomorrow night - but you know how weather changes and the weatherman is wrong half the time. So let's hope that's the case here cause I don't want my house or possessions to get all effed up. Hello, remember Katrina? C'mon Mother Nature, cut us a break - I think this city deserves it!

In other news I spoke with my brother today - just wanted to check up on him and see how he's doing these days. Usually it's impossible to get a hold of him since he works 2 jobs, but I managed to reach him this morning without a problem and all is well - which makes me happy! He said he's in need of some socks, which is do-able. We usually send him a care package of some clothes or shoes at least once a year. He struggles at times, and is the reason he works 2 jobs just so he can make ends meet. It's not really the life I want for him - but he's just not ready to give up Vegas and come live with us - even though it would pretty much mean living rent free. All I can do is wait till he's tired of working 2 jobs and is ready to retire. I wish my other brother who also lives in Vegas wasn't as selfish as he is - the asshole refused to him a $4 gallon of milk. At least my sister in Hawaii is happy to help out as much as she can. To some people family actually means something.

Anyway, I'm tired, I need more cold medicine, need to wash my hands - again, and I wanna put my pj's on and get comfy - maybe even lay in bed and watch a movie......ah, that sounds so nice!

New Pix

Hey y'all - yesterday was our neighbor's birthday party. Natalie had a blast and actually tired out pretty quickly from all the swimming. Nina had lots of food and awesome punch. Seems everyone enjoyed themselves, including myself.
I was standing there as we were getting ready to sing Happy Birthday, and this woman approached me and asked are you Mrs. so and so. I said yeah, not quite sure who knew my last name. Turns out I know her from my fabulous plastic surgeon's office. She told me once she lived near the school my daughter attends, but I had NO idea that our kids ran in the same circle. It was great seeing her and talking with her. I'm sure she will pass along my good news to my plastic surgeon. It's funny bumping into each other like that. I made sure she had my phone number, so anytime she wants to get the kids together to play or even if she wants to run out and play bingo or grab a drink, she can get a hold of me. I'm one lucky person having all the support around here that I do. We have great neighbors/ friends who are actually there for me if I need something.
Anyway, I posted over 230 pictures from the party on Flickr. Enjoy!

Time to let go (or at least try!)

Ruben says that I have the tendency to dwell on the past too much, and he's right.
I can't help it that even after a few years I still have so much heart ache over a friendship that I put so much into, gave so much for, and after several years of being friends our friendship was turned into a nothing more than that of mere acquaintances - priorities changed, and I just wasn't one of them.
Or how about a case of acquaintances. A friend of a friend. Someone I knew and considered a friend, and tried to set up with a very good friend of mine, but found that his friend was actually a better fit for her. When I learned that she lost her job and was looking for another, I stuck my neck out on the line - as well as my job, so that she could gain employment. Later I found that she twisted words, made up stories to ruin my relationship with other office friends, stabbed me in the back, then basically copied my resume, interviewed for the same positions as I did, and talked badly about me during interviews. My heart may not ache over this one, but it surely taught me to never put my reputation on the line for others. But what does upset about this "friend" was all the other friends she cost me, not to mention the fact that she nearly cost me my current position, as well as the one I was later hired for. I still remember that she had everyone going, saying that the only reason I had my job was because of my husband. Sorry but my resume spoke for itself.
And let's not forget the bitch at work who went around spreading rumors based off of nothing, about me & my hubby's sex life. I always hated the fat bitch cause it seemed like she was hitting on my husband telling her details about her life, while he was her boss. But after the crap she pulled, I really hated the cat-piss smelling, ugly, fat bitch. Luckily she quit contacting my husband for non-work related items when he started ignoring her emails and phone calls. Even still though, I think I would take great pleasure in kicking her ass.
So how do I let go of this crap once and for all? I can't help the fact that I am a very emotional being - and that I can easily hold a grudge and never let go. I mean after all, these items here are just a few of the many scars I carry. I've tried to re-build lost friendships with a few, but they never really took off the ground. My guess is because it's an issue of trust now. How do you get past that and learn to trust again? How do you put your guard down? Especially when the one who twisted my words, lied, made up stories, and stabbed me in the back is still in the picture - they wonder who to believe, the person who seems like a friend because they have never hurt them, or the one who walked away hurt and angry, but did so without a fight?
What's really kind of funny to me is that chemo seemed to wipe away most of my memory. I only have few memories of being young, growing up, friends in high school, and names.....I can't seem to remember any names beyond the last decade. Yet through all this mind-wipe, I still remember a whole lots bad stuff and hardly any good stuff. Sucks, huh? Maybe one day I'll be lucky enough to forget all this too, and my scars will heal.

Scrap Haven Found

I finally located 2 scrap stores here in town, well actually across town. I'm so excited! It's actually a good thing that they are located across town from me, that way I won't be in them nearly as often as I would be if they were located just down the street! It's great because they both offer weekly crops and classes. I'm still in shock that the one has been located just across the street from the mall all this time. I mean hell, I've only lived here a year before finding anything other than a Jo's, Mike's, or the new Hobby Lobby out in Houma.
I was looking online at one of the class calendars and found some great classes I just had to sign up for. It's a double class so I will be making 2 mini albums - one is a Halloween accordion style album, and the other one is a Princess star shaped album. The class isn't until the 20th, so I have plenty of time to head over there before the class and check it out. Although I'm not sure if I will be cleared to drive before then, but either way I'm going! I'm tired of being couped up. I need some me time!
I also learned about an annual ScrapFest that will be held in February in Mandeville, which is about an hour and a half away from here. Hopefully, I will get the info soon so I can start saving for the weekend adventure. Finally I can meet some people from around here that have the same interests as me. My neighbors are great and all, but none of them scrap. Although I have talked to my friend Joanna and she may come visit when she gets a chance. I miss all my old friends in Nevada, so it would be awesome if she can come - we'd probably stay up all night scrapping together, that by time her trip would be over, she'd have to call in sick just to get some sleep.