whatsa been going on around here

Sorry I've been neglecting my blog lately. Did you miss me? It started out as necessity, as I had to send my laptop into HP for some repairs. I had other computers I coulda used, but the desktop screen in my studio generates so much freaken heat - and that's not really something you want to do when the weather's warmed up and the air is on. So basically I took a bit of a break, and amazingly enough I found that I could live without it. Does that mean that I'm quitting my blog? Hellfreaken no! I just took the time out to enjoy life, and to be honest every since I was struck with cancer in 2005, I think I had forgotten how to live and have fun.

For the past 4 years I've basically holed myself upstairs away from everyone and everything. I didn't have much family time except for maybe once a week and it was my own fault. Dealing with depression is hard. It's even harder when you eat your feelings, cause the fatter you get the more depressed you get. It's all a vicious cycle, and I'm ready to break free of it. I'm just not sure how to do it yet. Which is why I've already decided on Lap Band surgery. That way I can just start new. I'll be forced to develop new eating habits - and quite honestly working out alone just doesn't cut it. I've tried to eat good, I gave up soda, I walked and none of that shit worked. I have too many things working against it all. They don't perform gastric bypass really anymore, so my only other option is a gastric sleeve - but it's a relatively new procedure and the Lap Band just seems so less complicated. Plus I figure if I'm going to shell out my $750 out of pocket expense to get my one surgery done, I might as well get all the procedures I can that I need done this year. I just have to find out if the insurance will cover it, but I'm doubting they will deny it since I have had cancer twice, among other things.

Anyway, these last few weeks I have spent more time with my family - we've watched movies (Bolt, Twilight, Role Models, Zack & Miri, Step Brothers and a few others), we've played video games (Guitar Hero WT, Street Fighter 4, Resident Evil 5, Bolt), we started and finished our landscaping for now (we did our part stimulating the economy with our 2 trips to Home Depot), we attempted a nice Saturday at the zoo (but little did we know it was Earth Fest and the 27,000 people in attendance turned us away after a 2 hour drive to try to get there....traffic and parking were a complete mess.) I've enjoyed a bit of time to myself, meaning my schedule was pretty open compared to my 3 or 4 appointments a week. I've developed another new addiction in the form of fragrance lamps. I've bought 3 within a week, and have already been through 2 bottles of oil. I was skeptical at first, but a neighbor let me use her lamp and I found it's so much better than a regular candle. My favorite scent is Creme Brulee for Orleans Candles. I'm still rocking the glasses, but I'm hoping that will all change tomorrow. I've been sporting them for a month now! My head hurts every night....not to mention my neck, but I'm still not sure why I've had this neck problem. I still think it's cause my expanders are crushing everything and pinched a nerve. Speaking of my expanders, my right one hurts like hell! Ruben and I were throwing the football around Saturday and I missed the ball and it hit me in the chest. I know, it was completely stupid of me to do - and I am paying for it now, believe you me! It hurt so bad the first night I thought maybe I busted the expander or was developing a hematoma....but I never did bruise, so I guess all is okay. I see my plastic surgeon this week for my pre-op. Only two more weeks, yay! I'm hoping that my Vitamin D count is back up enough so it won't interfere with my surgery, as I've really been making an effort to get some time in the sun as of late - and so far it has not really affected my rosacea, though I still have some healing red marks. Yup, life has been pretty good these last few weeks, I'd even go as far as to say great except for the damn pain I've had. Oh and I've still got the insomnia. For some reason unknown to me, I can only fall sleep listening to my iPod now.....and going to bed with Skullcandy earbuds in is not exactly comfortable. I'm hoping that it's just the pain of everything and the stress of waiting for surgery that is giving me sleeping trouble.

Oh yeah, I was one of those crazy Twi-Moms that was standing in a line, winding around the floor of Wal-mart of 100 or more at midnight on Friday. I think just about all the tweens in my lil suburb town were there waiting for 12:01. The two girls in front of me were squealing so much I had to put my earbuds in and listen to music cause I just could take it anymore! I made Ruben and everyone watch it Saturday night, and as I expected Ruben not only disliked it, but he talked crap all through out it. Every time Edward would come in view he called him George and cracked jokes. Yea, I will admit the movie is a bit cheesy. I think the books are far better. Ruben just thought it was a real cheesy chick flick and totally failed to see the love story underneath it all. He just doesn't get that all girls want an Edward - not a vampire, but a man that is hopelessly and endlessly in love with them. I guess I'm a bit of a romantic at heart. There was no doubt that Natalie loved the movie and is officially Team Edward. Can't say that I blame her, though Jacob is cute too - but those boys are much too young for me, even though they are legal. But who doesn't like a lil eye candy from time to time?

We also got Natalie's hair cut this weekend, so here's a shot of her hamming it up, followed by some pix of the yard.....I just realized I've really been lagging on taking pix too. Now that it's spring maybe I can get some good ones outside this next weekend.

Another Day

Today I took another day off from radiation, extending my holiday weekend. It seems sometime during my weekend I got this damn awful head cold, and now I'm full blown sick and it sucks. I need to put a stop to this congestion before it gets any worse. What's weird is that I have been loading up on my vitamins and I still got sick! So now I'm loading up on Mucinex and Benedryl and am so tired from it. I think it's kind of like a sinus infection because not only does my forehead hurt, but my cheeks and teeth hurt as well. Luckily I had a refill on my antibiotics, and hopefully through a miracle I will fell better in time for tomorrow's radiation treatment! And though I have been in bed sick, I'm sure my Durango, as well as my pocketbook appreciated the rest!

Yesterday Ruben's mom left after spending the last 3 weeks here. It was really hard for me, as she's all I have now that my mom is gone. I couldn't even tell her how I felt, I had to have Ruben do it. I'm hoping that by next year I will be able to open up more to her and let her know how much I love her and appreciate everything she does. It's just very hard for me during this time of year as day 730 is quickly approaching. Yes I am still counting days as I take it day by day. I miss her so much. I don't think I will ever get over her death.

Before she left, I had to burn 4 discs full of photos for her, which reminded me I have lots of pictures to upload - just wish I would have been feeling up to it this weekend cause I just don't have much time during the week. But I will try to get to them soon. Friday is the big day, that day I get my new iPhone. I so cannot wait. I got one of my paychecks today, just in time to pay for it and whatever accessories I need. I'm so excited!

This weekend aside from lying in bed being sick I also watched some of the new movies that are piling up. One of them was the Other Boleyn Girl. It was good, though I did not like Scarlett Johansson in it. I also found it odd that it differs so much from The Tudors. Unfortunately high school seemed to focus mostly on US history, so I don't know a whole lot about the history of England. So I'm curious which is more accurately displayed.
Oh and I think I've officially made my decision to start trying to put together a book on breast cancer and somehow shop it around for publishing. I've already got a title in mind and Ruben is very supportive on this as he knows that it has been my mission to try to help women with breast cancer, and more importantly educate younger women in the importance of self exams. Breast cancer is not an old lady disease anymore. Younger women are being diagnosed yearly, but at the same time women are living longer too!

So much on my plate to do and no time to be sick!

Can't sleep.......

Haven't much suffered from insomnia since the doc prescribed some good sleeping pills - not that Lunesta or Ambiem crap. The pills immediately put an end to a 3 year battle with extreme insomnia, and months later they are still working great......just not last night. I woke up around 3:30 and haven't been able to go back to bed. i'm thinking it might have something to do with the fact that it is pouring rain, but I'm not sure since I often knock out and sleep like a log on these things. Honestly I think it's because I'm wired, yet I've had no soda today. Hmm, weird. See I'm all kinda worked up about a movie we watched last night. OMFG, it was hilarious - and TOTALLY NSFW! If you haven't seen Good Luck Chuck, I would so recommend it - but don't watch it with the kiddies around as the unrated version I bought earlier this week has a whole lotta sex in it!!! You even get to see some very nice ass shots of Jessica Alba - I'm secure with my sexuality to give credit where credit is due. She's hot - and if you watch very carefully, you can even catch a glimpse of her nipple. This is a great couple's movie as the first half is filled with sex, so the men are interested, then the second half is the rom com (romantic comedy) part to satisfy the ladies. Like I said, great movie, great cast. I love the dude that plays Chuck's friend. He was in Balls of Fury, which is another NSFW funny as hell movie!

Here's the trailer for GLC & BoF, watch them for yourself and see........you'll love 'em!

Oh, I also gotta say that Melissa ROCKS!! I can't find these darling little $1 mailboxes Target has, and she's willing to be kind enough to look next time she's at Target to see if she can find me some. Check out her blog cause she has all kinds of awesome creations on it!

Holiday Weekend Update

Boy, it sure feels like it's been a while since my last post. I've been busy this past weekend. Friday I met with my new pain doctor. He's changing up my meds, starting me on a new regimen, and had someone come by today to give me a RS-4i Stimulator for my back & to fit me for a Spinal Orthosis lower back brace. The Stimulator is one of those machines with the sticky pads that deliver electrical pulses to the areas in which the pads are placed. It's a pretty cool machine, and it's mine thanks to my insurance. On Saturday, I woke up fairly early (7 am) which is rather odd for me. So I woke Ruben and we all got ready and spent the day at the movies. We had already seen Spiderman 3 on opening day while at Disney. So we checked out Shrek the 3rd and Pirates 3. Both good flicks, but all that theatre time was hard on the ass! Sunday we drove to Houma with the plan of going to Home Depot to stock up on brick pavers, weed block, and lava rock to re-do some of the yard, but decided to first get estimates for concrete curbing instead. At least that way it will take away half of the hard work. Besides, I need to get someone out here to lay concrete in the back yard to extend our patio. Instead we ended up at Office Depot and bought a new 37" LCD HD TV for our bedroom. Now Natalie's room is the only room (other than the guest room) that doesn't have a HD TV. Afterwards we continued on to Lowes were we finally found all the lights for the baths, once we start that remodeling project....of course that is one project the contractor will be doing - once I find one! For Memorial Day we just stayed at home indoors and chilled out. One of the new meds the pain doctor has me on causes drowsiness, so I ended up napping most of the day which spoiled our plans to work in the yard, which is fine by me! It's going to take me a few days to get used to this medication. Somehow it's supposed to help with the effects from chemo and the chemo agent I take daily (my Femara medication) but so far it seems like it only adds to the effects! Today was a big day. I saw my Plastic Surgeon this afternoon and we nailed down a date for my surgery. We set the date for July 23rd so I can fly my mother-in-law out here for the week to help out with Natalie. My little brother-in-law will also be coming out and staying for a month. Now aside from getting ready to have surgery (which I am having on both sides, as I am having my other breast removed), I need to find furniture for our guest room so Ruben's mom has somewhere to sleep. Of course I also need to get estimates for concrete, tree trimming, bathroom remodeling, and also go to another dozen doctor appointments. It's going to be a busy, crazy summer - just hope I have enough energy to stay awake to get it all done!