Thoughts on this mornings visit....

I just saw my oncologist this morning, hoping to hear my blood tests were ok and that I could skip chemo. Instead he pointed out some differences that suggest my recurrence was actually a secondary occurrence. The only real differences I saw were in my DNA Pliody and S Phase results - oh and my PR status was 0% instead of the original 5-10% I had back in 2005. I don't know what any of Bloom scores or what have ya, but I did note that somewhere in my original diagnosis back in '05 that they detected both invasive ductal carcinoma and in situ, though I was only told about the invasive. Is it possible to have both? Or is it just that you have one that grows to invasive? I don't know why I didn't think about these things earlier - but he also decided that he wants to see if he can get ALL my samples sent out for an Oncotype DX test. I guess it's good that I have a doctor willing to go back and look for all the answers, but I can't even imagine that they still have my samples from February let alone 3+ years ago! And let's hope my insurance covers the test cause it runs $3,000 a pop! I don't understand what an Oncotype test will tell him cause bottom line is that after 3 years I have cancer again despite a mastectomy and chemo. Isn't that test used to predict your need for chemo and if the cancer is likely to return? Also he pointed out that my pathology has two small but different words to describe my cancer - one was moderately well and the other poor though I don't recall reading that anywhere. That's another reason why he thinks this is a secondary. Then he also decided to do a BRCA I and II gene test and now my world is in panic. I was always told that since no one in may family ever had cancer I likely didn't carry the gene and that was that. But now it's possible I may have the gene and I worry about if I do have it, as that would affect my daughter. She's only 8 and has been affected by cancer enough. I mean having her was an accident, so knowing then wouldn't have mattered. But when I think about if I have it and passed it on to her and how that might affect her decision to have kids and generally her health overall, I'm just terrified of the aspect of it all. I always wanted to know why I had cancer, but the flip side is I'm not sure if either of us should know if she's a gene carrier. I was hoping for good news today, but as it stands I will have to wait another 2 weeks then maybe go from there depending on if they have the samples and can do the test. He changed his mind and said he'd recommend chemo now and I told him that if I have to do it then I will, I can't dispute science. I just don't understand why the results would even matter considering that bottom line I was diagnosed with cancer again 3 years after originally having it.

Random Thoughts

• Yesterday's game was AWESOME. When I posted the picture below, it had been during the 1st quarter when the Raiders were leading. By the 2nd quarter they had turned it around, intercepted the ball and kept the Raiders from scoring again. We won 34 to 3. I tell ya, I'm not a big fan of football, but I'm glad we went. I had a great time! Ruben was conflicted and regretted going at first, but once the Saints picked up their game he was glad to be there. Reggie Bush had a good game scoring two TD, and Deuce McAllister led with 65 yards. We had a guy sitting next to us that had flown out from Oakland to see the game and man was he in a pissy mood, though I can't say that I blame him cause he shelled out a chunk of change just to watch one big loss!
• By time we got home we were tired, but ran out to hit the store anyway. When we got home we watched some of the Cowboy/Cardinals game. I tell ya, from what I've seen Romo just sucks. They blame his performance on Jessica Simpson, but he choked when he dated Carrie Underwood too. The dude just can't hold his wad. I was surprised to learn they had made a comeback and tied it only choke again in overtime. Poor Lora!
• Once we finally settled in for the night my ankle was throbbing with pain. Something about my right knee and left ankle, still isn't right after injuring them over 4 months ago! Guess I will need to see the ortho doctor once again.
• I see my medical oncologist this Friday and I am on pins and needles! I so hope he did not change his mind and that my blood tests came back ok. I really do not want to do chemo and I'm hoping he sticks with his original idea. With October being National Breast Cancer Awareness month, our local news is featuring breast cancer stories all through-out the month. The one I saw today has me thinking about asking for genetic testing. I may be the first in my family to have breast cancer, but according to today's feature, women who are in their 30's that get breast cancer is often due to the mutated BRCA gene. I'm curious if I am a carrier as that will affect Natalie. So come Friday I just might have to ask my doctor about the blood test. Before I always thought that there was no way I could or would have it, but now I wonder as this story made it sound like it is a big possibility.
• Also, on the news was a story about how the New Orleans arena football Voodoo terminated their operations. That really bites cause we have lots of fun going to those games. Hmm, I wonder what the ol' perv's gonna do - he's always there taking pictures of the Doll cheerleaders.
• Oh, I woke up this morning feeling sick again. My nose was all stuffy and my throat hurt like hell. Though my throat coulda hurt from yelling yesterday. I'm going to have to check around to see where Nat & I can get our flu shots at this year. I've been so sick off and on over the last month that I want to make sure to I'm protected from the flu.....especially if I do have to do chemo, cause then I really can't afford to get sick! My throat hurting might have been avoided had we remembered to bring this loud horn thing we have with us. It's some thing you blow that has like 4 horns on it and it's one of those annoying things that's like super freaken loud. Other than a game, I can see no other use for it. The thing is so annoying we had to hide it from Natalie, so I guess that's why we always forget it! In any case, I think my throat is wishing we had remembered it yesterday!