And the punches just keep rolling on in.........

After I spoke with an Oncologist last week, I was starting to feel better about this whole "cancer" thing. I even saw my plastic surgeon this week who agreed on most points, and offered his services if assistance was needed moving the tissue expander out of the way.

Well after those appointments I felt like all was okay - apparently I was wrong! One doctor told me that I shouldn't have to radiation, only chemotherapy. The other doctor said there wasn't any medical reason that he knew of as to why I would have to remove my expanders in order to go through radiation. In fact I looked up several articles, and they all said it was okay to have them. But this was until the Surgical Oncologist......

We all knew eventually I'd be heading back into surgery, though it looks this time that it won't be till May 9th. I have to wait all this time just to go in, remove an expander, place a port-a-cath, and cut away a small area of muscle wall - small because he'd rather not cut a large section out of my muscle. Instead he'd rather radiate it. As much as I don't want to remove my expander, he claims that radiation can cause little hard areas to form around the expander - hard areas that would make it difficult in determining whether they were cancerous lumps or just hard areas. I don't mind having to remove the expander really. What I do mind is that a few weeks after I heal, I would undergo radiation daily for 7 weeks. After that would follow some term of chemotherapy. He couldn't guesstimate how long that would go on. He then said that it would be about a year before I would be able to undergo reconstruction again.

I'm NOT happy about any of it because I'm losing at least a year of my life, not to mention all the progress that has been made thus far - because not only will he be removing the expander, he will also be removing any extra skin and tissue from the area, so that there is no flap of loose skin in the area.
I'm at a loss because where do I go from here with my left breast reconstruction? I just feel that by time this is said and done with I will be nearing 40, and I say that based on the track record I have had.

I am just crushed over this whole thing and every time I think about it I have some horrible panic attack where I can't breathe and I just start crying all over again.
In one hand I honestly do believe that what they are doing or pushing for is a little bit excessive. They use scare tactics, so that you chose exactly what it is that they want you to have. I know they sold my husband on it, but all it did was make me feel even more conflicted. I don't know who to trust or if I can even trust a physician I've never seen. I really do have a lot of respect and belief in my plastic surgeon. I don't believe that he would EVER steer me wrong. A part of me really wants to talk with him and get his honest opinion of all of this, and see if we were both given the same story. For now I have the surgery on the books to include removal of the tissue expander, but may end up changing it as I believe that I am being pushed into an option that really isn't necessary. I will keep you posted as I get more info.

Tell me, do you ever feel like your doctor is pushing something upon you that's not really necessary?